All comics by brycekain

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by brycekain
8-18-14
Well this is new. I think I pulled something in my groin. It's all sore and stiff.
Score.

 

Welcome to God's asshole.
Why are there only black people in here?
by brycekain, 8-19-14

 

by brycekain
8-21-14
I can't believe you'd want to kill yourself.
Um, sir...?
With a knife, no less!
Sir, I can let go of the fact that you cut off my hand so you could jerk off with it for this weird little fetish you got here...
*spooge*
BUT I'M NOT FUCKING OTHELLO!

 

My god. What the hell happened here last night?
I don't know, sir. She just kept screaming "IT'S MILLER TIME, BITCHES!!"
by brycekain, 8-22-14

 

by brycekain
8-22-14
And then he says to me, he says "Do you swallow?" Do I swallow? DO I SWALLOW.
Any questions?

 

by brycekain
8-22-14
I wanted to put a bullet between the HAWW of every panda who wouldn't HEE-HAWW to save his species,
I wanted to HAWW all those French beaches I'd never see, I wanted to breath smoke...
Where'd you go, donkey boy?
ROADHOUSE!

 

by brycekain
8-23-14
Look, I agreed to do this movie to help Mr. Kain's readership, but Fight Club 2?? I have standards, you know!
Right. And how's that working out for you?
What?
Having standards.
Great...?
OK, PEOPLE! WE'RE DOING THE SCENE WHERE MARLA CORNHOLES RAGU WITH A SPORK! DID ANYONE BRING THE LIPOSUCTION FAT??

 

by brycekain
8-27-14
The dice are loaded. The war is over. The good guys lost. The fight was fixed. The poor stay poor. The rich get rich. That's how it goes.
Everybody knows that.
Well, did you know that I used to bang Rebecca De Mornay?
NPH ain't got shit on me.

 

by brycekain
8-27-14
The dice are loaded. The war is over. The good guys lost. The fight was fixed. The poor stay poor. The rich get rich. That's how it goes.
Everybody knows that.
Well, did you know that I used to bang Rebecca De Mornay?
You're welcome for the image that is now stuck in your head.
Give me crack... anal sex....
Now that's quick, Leonard. Have you always been this quick or is this something new?

 

by brycekain
8-29-14
Did you know that thatsnotfunny isn't really that funny?
Everybody knows that.
Well did you know that this comic was made specifically to point out that fact?
Just wanted to be clear about that.
Gay.

 

by brycekain
9-04-14
Oh FUCK THAT! Go to heaven!
Not even I am willing to put up with Joan Rivers.

 

by brycekain
9-07-14
A random thought pops into my head, so I create a game show.
Welcome to our game. You know the rules: The Kain will make a random, one panel comic. From this comic, you must determine whether he is drunk, stoned, or freebasing Twizzlers.
What?
Fanny fucking is a right proper idea, Ms. Boobly. Care to take out my "White Oppressor" so that he may inspect your "Underground Railroad"...?
I whole heartedly believe, in my heart of hearts, that you will stop calling me "Porch Monkey"after today's ravagement. I see the sentiment in your eyes. The sentiment of white on dark chocolate love.
SO..... is he drunk? stoned? or freebasing Twizzlers....?
Motherfucker gunna be dead when I see him.

 

by brycekain
9-08-14
Ok, in round 2: The Kain will make a random, one panel comic. From this comic, you must determine ... is he racist? Feminist? Or freebasing Twizzlers?
But I can already answer that...
OK, MR. CHING CHANG CHO! THE NEXT TIME YOU GET A MATH PROBLEM WRONG, I WILL DRIVE SIDEWAYS INTO YOUR MOTHER'S VAGINA USING A CAR MADE OUT OF CHOPSTICKS!!!
Your final answer...?
How is this asshole still alive?

 

by brycekain
9-10-14
Ok, folks. We're in the third and final round. So far Paul has answered both of the major questions correctly. Let's see if he can win the game in Round 3 with our super secret word of the evening...
Let me stop you for a second.
I don't know who this The Kain asshole is but he is RACIST, SEXIST, and downright VILE. If I ever see that son of a bitch, I'm going to string his cracker ass up and...
That's right! "CRACKER" is tonight's secret word!
Did that motherfucker just turn me into a monkey?

 

by brycekain
9-10-14
Meanwhile... deep in the dreaded, yet life-sustaining core of Planet WTF?
HALT! You are trespassing! State your business!
The trespasser is going to blow up the planet's core??
I am Captain Patriotic! And I am here to blow up the planet's... hey I was just about to say that!
You have no business here! I'm afraid we must do battle!
He has no business here! Battles will ensue! Will the diabolical Captain Unitard destroy our beloved Planet WTF? Is this the end?????
UNITARD?
Fuck it. Blow it up.

 

by brycekain
9-11-14
Ow. Ow. Ow.
thatsnotfunny...
Maybe if I insult people and be a smart ass without donating a penny to StripCreator?
thatsnotfunny...
Wiat a second! I get the username now. Thatsnotfunny is a tongue-in-cheek juxtaposition to my really funny comics.
No, I'm trying to tell you that you're really not that funny. Also, move out of your parents house. They hate you, too, loser.

 

by brycekain
9-12-14
We interrupt your normal comic strip reading to bring you the following announcement:
We've just gotten word that the Creator of Planet WTF will be holding a press conference momentarily.
In mere moments we will be hearing from The Kain himself as he addresses a few key issues facing him.
What issues are those? How about being called a racist for using racial humor? Or how about sexist? He does seem to have some issues with portraying women as strong figures in his comic strips.
Yes and the latest from the grapevine says that he purposely singles out new comic strippers that he does not find funny and makes fun of them in his own comics. I wonder how he will respond?
Eat shit and die, Marty McFly. Cause I don't give a fuuuuuuuuuuck. :)

 

by brycekain
9-12-14
July 13, 1937: waiting outside the first Krispy Kreme store.
I heard it's better than crack.

 

by brycekain
9-13-14
♫ We've only just beguuuun..... ♫
LOSER!

 

by brycekain
9-14-14
Go on...
As part of 12 Step Program, Tobor must apologize to people Tobor has wronged.
Tobor sorry for all cornhole-related activities and shenanigans.
And?
Tobor bought last Justin Beiber cd. And cornholed it.

 

by brycekain
9-19-14
My farts wonder freely, filled with the scrumptiousness that is human hands and feet and stars.
In Australia farts come back to haunt you.

 

by brycekain
9-21-14
Excuse me, sir. Are there any libations in this establishment?
Groovy.
Fine, I'll ask the next gentleman who crosses my path.
Excuse me, sir?
Nine Eleven.

 

by brycekain
9-21-14
I can see your butt.
I fuck pigeons like you for breakfast.

 

by brycekain
9-21-14
Neo?
Did you take the blue pill?
It was exlax.
Never seen someone shit themselves to death.

 

by brycekain
9-21-14
An ode to a bench.
Oh wooden bench. With your ass-splintering magnificence. Your fart-catching grains. The way you bend to the will of the overweight buttock.
Stop helping the homeless, hippy!

 

by brycekain
9-21-14
Why did you lock yourself in that crate, Mister Pananastein?
Who said that?
Me, sir. I'm just wondering...
Who? What? What do you want??
Justice.
Toilet paper.

 

by brycekain
9-21-14
That one looks like Ben Franklin laying on his back smiling.
That one looks like a head of lettuce.
What a FA
GET outta here with that shit.

 

by brycekain
9-21-14
Sir, why are your comics regressing back to an abysmally low intellectual level?
PFFFFFFFT!
Ah. That would explain the smell and all the Bob Marley music.

 

by brycekain
9-21-14
President Duece, call a doctor for me right away!
Why? What's wrong, sir?
Wow. With your massive BBC cut in half, you're STILL bigger than me.
I can't.... stop... making... comics...
Dr. Feelgood or Dr. Kevorkian, sir?

 

by brycekain
9-21-14
Give it to me straight, doc. Is he going to make it?
He's much better now. He is getting the finest treatment our planet has to offer and you can pay at any time before you leave.
Shit.
What?
I forgot your planet's currency was date rape.
Don't worry. I have drugs for that!

 

by brycekain
9-23-14
What-n-you want?
Ragu told me to punish my sausage! So where's the pig?? I'll ride that bitch like nobody's business!
Son, I dun no what yer talkin bout. only pig we got in back is named Cannibal Jack. And I wouldn't go recommendin riding him bare back!
WEEE! WEEE! WEEE!
Worth it.

 

by brycekain
9-23-14
These walls are keeping us from leaving the room!
You bacon-hating bastards!
Well, this is it, old friend. Any last words before we both die?
Besides the fact that you are a squirrel that is edible to most carnivores? And the fact that I am a piece of bacon you could eat to survive?
Yes.
I fucking hate Honey Boo Boo!

 

by brycekain
9-23-14
Robot go BOOM!
Why?
Why do I do anything. I am here and I survived the birth of Sean Penn. There is nothing more for me to do.
That's not true.
You mean I am more than I imagine?
Yeah, you're ugly, too.

 

by brycekain
9-23-14
JUST WANTED TO GIVE YOU THE NEWS! BRYCE KAIN HAS DECIDED TO CHALLENGE HIMSELF TO LIVE A WEEK IN THE LIFE OF RCLG!
SO THE REST OF THIS WEEK BRYCE KAIN WILL HIT THE RANDOM BUTTON UP TO FIVE TIMES AND MAKE ONE OF THOSE COMICS WORK. NO EXCEPTIONS.
* with the exception of contest entries.
YEAH, WITH THE EXCEPTION OF ORIFICE ENTRIES!

 

by brycekain
9-23-14
...and as this graph shows, two out of three workers from tech support wind up jacking it over the weekend.

 

by brycekain
9-23-14
Keep walking.
But... but I don't know what I did wrong!
Keep walking. We're almost upwind.
Upwind?
Yeah, the smell of your cooch was blurring my vision. Any last words, Lindsey?

 

by brycekain
9-23-14
I have two fingers!
I have two arms! And we're inside Roseanne Barr's asshole.
LET'S JUST STAND HERE
AND PRETEND TO BE RABBIT EARS ON A TV SET!

 

by brycekain
9-23-14
You want to slug it out?
Puns are funny.

 

by brycekain
9-23-14
God. WHY??
Because no one else will do it.
But... but... BUT! BUT! BUT!
That's the spirit! Get on up there!
But it smells like ASS!
Don't worry. Just introduce yourself to the donkey on the way in.

 

by brycekain
9-23-14
I'm sorry, but I refuse to believe it.
No, no, I'm pretty sure this is how it works.
But it's not moving.
Maybe if you tickle it a little bit.
This is the last time you talk me into riding a man-eating fly trap from Super Mario Bros.
Ooh! Looks like he's yawning!

 

by brycekain
9-24-14
There is a contest going on right now dedicated to the idea of Bryce Kain's Planet WTF comic series.
Since the contest's creation, Bryce has been wanting to create many comics to show his deep appreciation for the tribute. Unfortunately he is also confined to the RCLG Challenge he is doing this week.
In a moment of brain-snappage, Mr. Kain told me to write down everytime he gets pissed off this week. I may be looking for new employment soon.

 

by brycekain
9-25-14
You hammer a nail into your skull while I take this crowbar and ram it into my throat.
Ok.
ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ...
ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ...
Did it work?
Nope. I'm still a Scientologist.

 

by brycekain
9-25-14
TOBOR SEE SKY OF BLUE! AND CLOUD OF WHITE!
TOBOR CORNHOLE THE DAY! AND CORNHOLE THE NIGHT! TOBOR THINK TO TOBOR...
WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD...
Porch monkey.

 

by brycekain
9-25-14
Is that going where I think it's going?
Where do you think it's going?
In that big blue hole?
Well, no and yes.
No and yes?
No, it's not. And yes you may pick the safe word.

 

Deuce gets his picture taken with his favorite wrestler The French Tickler.
by brycekain, 9-25-14

 

by brycekain
9-25-14
Why? You want to know WHY?? I'll tell you. You crash the car into a tree, you throw up all over my favorite pair of pants...
You somehow manage to get us deported to Canada, you decapitate three nuns while farting, and then you called me FAT!
So, of course, I cut your throat and pulled your pecker through the opening. I hope you understand.
*GURGLE FLURP*

 

by brycekain
9-25-14
Yo, homey! Can I ask you a question?
Can I fuck you on this bench first?
Um, no?
Gay.

 

by brycekain
9-25-14
Gay.
You shouldn't say that word when you mean something is dumb. It's disparaging to homosexuals. Like calling a mentally handicapped person retard. Or a woman the "C" word.
Are you a lesbian?
Me? Oh no. No no no no no no. Did I give off that impression? I'm sorry. No I'm with men all the way! Yes sirree!
Then shut the fuck up, you gay-assed retarded cunt.

 

by brycekain
9-25-14
Could this be the end...
of the tidal beginnings of...
um...
uh...
He's stoned again, isn't he?
PLANETWTF?!?

 

Day 4
So how's that RCLG challenge going for you?
You mean you can't tell by the way that I'm holding my own severed penis?
by brycekain, 9-26-14

Showing page 9.

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