All comics by AlbertsNewFriend

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Come children, gather round. Let me tell you a story about a kid named Charles Miller. Charles was a special boy, so special he was in "Special Ed". He also was in the Special Olympics and kicked this kid with Down Syndrom's Ass in the 400x relay. Now Charles refers to himself as "Albert Toomy" because he thinks it sounds more sophisticated, but really he's still just a retard. Now I've never talked to "Albert", no sir, I'm much to good to talk to retards.

Albert goes to hell.

by AlbertsNewFriend
5-31-02

He swears his name is Albert Toomy, but is it?


	It's alright Charles, come back to the Lord. You know, retards sin too.


	Buuu Buuu I dooon siiinnn! Mesa gooed. AND MAH NAMMMSS ALLLLBBBEEERRRTTT!!!!


	Well Charles, Let me show you a demonstration.


	Ummm Uhhhhh allrights.


	This is what it would be like in hell.


	AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Charles or "Albert" decides to share.

by AlbertsNewFriend
5-31-02

Pathetic Charles


	Hey CHARLES! Your really fat.


	Mee NO FAATT!!! MAH NAMMMES ALLLBERRRT!!!


	Yeah, shut up Charles, we all know thats your real name. Fatass.


	IMMM ALLLBEERRTT ANN I AMM HAAVEE A SLLIMM ASSES.


	Your damn right you have asses, you've got about 20!


	Mommmy, Mommy sayys shhe llikes mah asses and shes alllways spaanking meee.

Tormented Charles

by AlbertsNewFriend
5-31-02

Albert has no friends....


	That Charles really is a dumbass...


	Watch this.


	Hey Charles, you know where retards go when they die? They go to hell, cause God doesnt want retards in heaven.


	UHHH HUHHH!! NOOOOEHHH! MAH NAMMMES ALLBBBERTTT!!!!!

Mocked again....


	HAHAHAHAHA


	HAHAHAHAHA, What a freakin RETARD.

One way or another...

by AlbertsNewFriend
5-31-02


	Charles, It is me Jesus. Come! Embrace me!


	Buu MAH nammes ALLBERTt. GIIIMMMEEE A KISSSSS!!


	I AM Jesus and all....should I? I'm supposed to love everyone, even the retards...


	....


	I just knew I would be betrayed by a kiss. Dammit Charles....


	MAH NAMES ALLLLBBBERRRT!!! ALLBERT ALBERTT ALLLBBBEEERTT!!!!!

What was once a nice evening...

by AlbertsNewFriend
6-01-02

True Story


	This is so romantic. I love you Bob. I want your body.


	This is the best night of my life! Nothing could go wrong.


	HEAY! Immm ALLBEERTT annn mee wills be urss gayy wait-wait-waittter tooday. Oh Heay theres litttlle boyyee. Hoow oold are yas? 12!? haHurhahahU


	DAMMIT CHARLES!!!


	DAMMIT CHARLES!!!

Hard to Kill

by AlbertsNewFriend
6-01-02

A secret meeting is taking place. A strange man drinking beer in his underwear seems distressed.


	I need your help in a very important matter. See, theres this kid, named Charles Miller and I need him taken care of right away. Hes caused me alot of trouble and pain.


	I will see what I can do...

2 weeks later....


	WHAT HAPPENED!? I gave you strict directions to kill the boy!


	HE WON'T DIE!!! He kept raving about his name being "Albert Toomy" but in reality, MY names Albert Toomy!!!

Somewhere in the middle of nowhere stands Charles Miller...


	OUUUU!!! Prettie prrety fiarre!! GEUSS WHA FIRRE! Mah namss ALLLBBERRRTT!!

Close Encounter

by AlbertsNewFriend
6-01-02

Oh look Charles! A thing that would like to be your friend. HAHAHAHAHA. I almost forgot...your retarded. You don't ever have to worry about making friends, cause you'll never have any.


	Greetings Earth-retard Charles. I have come in peace, and I seek knowledge of your plantet.


	Mah...Mah...Mah nammes ALLBERRT.


	If you don't help me I will kill you, I know I said that I came in peace but that was just, what you people like to call, a pantload. Now show me to your tile grout.


	Buu, MAH NAMMES ALLLBBBERRRTT!!!!

After attempting to kill Charles...


	Damn....would you look at that. A retard that can't die.


	Huh HUh HAR HA, Yur Fuuny Ablien.

Homework assignment

by AlbertsNewFriend
6-01-02

...Oh....look....its Charles...I hope Brad Pitt comes into the scene and jumps Charles when hes not looking and kicks his ass!


	Duuuhh Duuurrr....Mah ALlberrtt!

Holy Bejeezs!!!!

Was I thinking out loud!?


	Ahhh...there is nothing more satisfying than getting in a fight with a retard, unless ofcourse its your first time hitting a retard in the face with a knee sock full of pennies...


	OOOOWWWW!!! ...mah nammes alllbeerrtt...

BE an example.

by AlbertsNewFriend
6-01-02

Smokings bad...


	Hi kids. Today were going to learn about smoking and what it can do for your body. First we're going to show the effects that smoking has on the body.


	This is Charles. Charles has smoked for a very long time. Now doesn't he look cool!?


	MAH MAH nammes ALLBBERRTT!!!

I think Charles' mom smoked crack...


	Don't worry kids, he was retarded before he started smoking.


	Iii'm ALLLBBBERRT the TOOOMYY

I think its about that time...

by AlbertsNewFriend
6-11-02


	Oh, bloody fuckin hell.


	Whoa. Herion ROCKS!


	Undies are funny and how would you like salad all over your face!?


	If it makes you happy.


	Drinkin and drivin is so much fun!


	Want me to get all naked?

C(k)ops with a little bit of Albert in the mix.

by AlbertsNewFriend
6-11-02

Example A: This is a Cop.


	Damn I'd like some donuts right about now...

Example B: This is also a Kop.


	When I was your age we walked fifteen miles in the snow backwards to get where we were going...

To all the Kooky Old People of the world, I salute you. Live long, prosper, and kick some Down Syndrom Ass!


	MAH NAAMMMESS ALLLBBBERRRTTT!!!!

Fire at will!

by AlbertsNewFriend
6-11-02


	I'm gonna kick your ass HOMO!


	Eat my dust BIOTCH!!


	You just wait till I unleash the power, your ass is grass!


	I think that its me who is kicking your ass, lezbo fuck!

Wheelchair races can be intense.


	..son of a bitch...


	Whos the homo now!? SHITTY WHEELCHAIR GIRL! You freakin cripple.

Do you see a pattern here?

by AlbertsNewFriend
6-11-02

One day...

Albert's life flashed before his eyes...

and THIS is what he saw!

Can't Hardly Wait in a Nutshell!

by AlbertsNewFriend
6-11-02


	Must find that girl I stalk and harass her!


	Whoa...so this is a party...I wonder if their will be any drug substance here tonight. UP WITH HOPE DOWN WITH DOPE!


	I JUST DRANK ALOT OF BEER AND NOW I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!!! I HAVE NO LEGS!


	I'm NOT wearing pants right now!


	I'm really creepy and I stalk you and stuff, wanna go out?


	YEAH, SURE!

A little bit of advice from my good friend Forrest...

by AlbertsNewFriend
6-11-02


	How do I dump this piece of shit robot...


	...


	Raise your hand if your dating me.


	WHOA! Not so fast buddy.

Jebus! 24 HOURS A DAY!

by AlbertsNewFriend
6-11-02

JEBUS, I LOVE THIS GUY!

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