All comics by Carlos

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by Carlos
9-13-01
Hi Kate.
Hi Karl
You want a hot dog?
Sure.
What the hell? Is she some kind of pervert?
WHAT THE HELL, THIS IS YOUR PENIS!!!

 

by Carlos
9-13-01
Kate... That's a hot dog.
THIS IS YOUR MOTHERFUCKING PENIS!!!
How can it be my penis? It's in your hand.
Oh god!!!
Aww, you dropped it, now the floor is messy.
I can't believe I did that with your penis!

 

by Carlos
9-13-01
I can't believe he's making me clean up his semen!!
I TOLD YOU, THAT'S MUSTARD!
DON'T TRY AND TELL ME YOU EJACULATE MUSTARD YOU SICK FREAK!
THAT WAS A FUCKING HOT DOG!!
THAT'S IT, I'M LEAVING!
HEY, GET BACK HERE. SEMEN IS NOT YELLOW!!

 

by Carlos
9-13-01
*insert door opening sound here*
......up next, Crocodile Hunter...
I still can't believe she thought I would put my penis in a bun just to get her to put it in her mouth. She could've at least licked the mustard off first.
...and I got away with that with only a broken arm and a shattered left testicle...
Oh hey man, hurry up, Crocodile Hunter is on!
*insert falling sound here*
Fuck man, I just slipped on some jizz or something.
Goddamit, that's mustard!!!

 

by Carlos
9-13-01
Goddammit, I can't believe I actually grabbed his penis.
That would be defined as a pervert.
Goddammit!! Stupid robot!!
Robot only want friend.. :(
Holy crap, I've never seen a robot cry like that before.
ROBOT ONLY WANT FRIEND!!!!

 

by Carlos
9-13-01
I always enjoy a good episode of Crocodile Hunter.
Hmm, I wonder if Kate is still mad at me?
Yah, she still greatly mad.
Holy shit, did that creepy Asian girl talk!?!?
Uhh, no...

 

by Carlos
9-13-01
What the hell is happening to me??
You are going crazy.
You cannot live with yourself anymore....
You cannot live with fact that you put your penis in Kate's hand....
Goddammit!! I gave her a fucking hot dog!!!
Whoa, easy big fella, or I have to get tough with you.

 

by Carlos
9-13-01
Hah, what are you gonna do you pint-sized hallucination?
You right. I am hallucination. Hallucination can do anything!
Aw fuck, that's no fair!
Bring it mothafucka.
Damn, you beat him up good.
Why was I supposed to again?

 

by Carlos
9-13-01
I think he have enough.
You really think so.
YES, I SWEAR, IT HURTS SO MUCH!
Well, ok then, you can get up.
AHHHHH, NOOOOO, I HAVE BEEN SUCKER PUNCHED!!!
Teaches you to mess with a crazy fictional character based on one who can use a computer, tough guy!

 

by Carlos
9-13-01
What the hell is happening now??
OMG!! I'm normal now!! I'm back to...
Where the hell am I?

 

by Carlos
9-13-01
You are no longa crazy, but you in place you never been before.
If I'm not crazy anymore, than why can I still see you?
Hey, shut up moron! Don't make storyline any more confusing than already is!!!!
But, how do I get home?
You need to be found and brought home by angry girl with firey hair...

 

by Carlos
9-13-01
Oh no, you mean Kate?
Holy crap. I not have thought of that. I just say some myth thingy, but it fits.
Oh God. I'm screwed, aren't I?
Hey, you must have faith. Here, take these jawbreakers.
Alright, Kate loves jawbreakers. She'll forgive me now.
That the spirit.

 

by Carlos
9-13-01
So what do I do now?
Ahh, now you wait and hope she show up.
But, I need her now! I'm hungry, tired, and I smell funny.
Whoo, you not kidding. I'm getting hell out of here
NO!! NO CREEPY ASIAN KID! PLEASE DON'T GO!!! DON'T LEAVE ME!!!!!

 

by Carlos
9-13-01
DAMMIT SMARTERCHILD, I WON'T APOLOGIZE!!! FUCK YOU!!!!
Please don't yell, robot want to be friend.
Hey, I broke it or something.
AHHHH, ALL ROBOT WANTED WAS FRIEND.
Hell, I no able to take robot shit either.
Where the hell is that voice coming from?!?!?
OH DEAR GOD IT HURTS!!! WHY WAS I PROGRAMMED TO FEEL PAIN, OH GOD WHY?!?! WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME OH GOD!!!

 

by Carlos
9-13-01
Voice come from behind you.
Oh God, this better not be another fucking cop posing as a 7-year old Asian prostitute.
No, I not. I come with message.
Did you break the big stupid robot.
Oh yah, that was all me baby.
Wow, I love you already. You have any marshmallows?
OH DEAR GOD NO!!! SOMEBODY GET SOME MOTHERFUCKING WATER!!!!! ROBOT CAN'T TAKE THE HEAT!!!!!!

 

by Carlos
9-13-01
No time for fat fatting. You need to help friend.
I AM NOT GETTING ANY WATER FOR THE FUCKING ROBOT!!!!!
You need to help friend Karl. He starving and lost in forest. Only you can save him!
HOLY SHIT, THE END IS NIGH!!!!! IT'S THE FIREY END OF SMARTERCHILD!! WHY, ANYBODY COULD TYPE 'HOME' TO SEE WHAT I DO!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry, did you say something?

 

by Carlos
9-13-01
Dammit, you listen up. Friend Karl is trapped in woods, confused and starving to death!! You need to bring him back to civilisation.
You mean he's in serious trouble and needs help soon from me or else he'll die?
Yah, that pretty much it.
Well it fucking serves him right. I mean, I grabbed his penis for Christ's sake!!
That not even make sense.
Yah, well, well, well, YOUR MOM!!!!!

 

by Carlos
9-13-01
Dammit, you listen up. Friend Karl is trapped in woods, confused and starving to death!! You need to bring him back to civilisation.
You mean he's in serious trouble and needs help soon from me or else he'll die?
Yah, that pretty much it.
Well it fucking serves him right. I mean, I grabbed his penis for Christ's sake!!
That not even make sense.
Yah, well, well, well, YOUR MOM!!!!!

 

by Carlos
9-14-01
*BEEP, BEEP* *vibrate, vibrate*
Oh crap, that my pager.
Wow, that campfire takes me back to my days as a girl scout.
Oh shit, I late for an appointment. Some sick kid supposed to have me in nightmare.
All the other girl scouts were mean to me.
THEY TOOK MY FUCKING MARSHMALLOWS AND PICKED ON ME!!!!!!!!
Holy crap, this nightmare for ME!

 

by Carlos
9-14-01
THE MOTHERFUCKING DIPSHITS THEN TOOK MY SASH!!! I EARNED 3 FUCKING BADGES ALREADY!!!!!
THEN THEY FUCKING PUT THE SASH IN THE CAMPFIRE!!!!!!! I SWEAR IF I HAD PMS THAT DAY I WOULD'VE FUCKING KILLED THEM ALL!!!!!!
OH DEAR GOD IT HURTS!!!!!*drowned out by Kate's screaming*
GOD DAMN SONSOFABITCHS!!!!*drowned out by SmarterChild's screaming*

 

by Carlos
9-14-01
I think I'll be ok. I can probably eat that little squirrel over there.
Hey little squirrel, would you taste good if I cooked you with a lighter?
Taste good?!?! Cooked?!?!?!
Hey big brother, this guy wants to eat me!!!!
WHERE!! LEMME AT 'IM!!! MEAT!!!!!!

 

by Carlos
9-14-01
What kinda fucking forest is this!! I'm getting chased by a huge squirrel with an axe wearing a diaper!!!
Come on, I won't hurt you!!!!!!
*HUFF HUFF HUFF HUFF* Phew, I think I lost him. CREEPY ASIAN KID, COME BACK, I NEEEED YOU!!!!!!!!!
Hi, this is Felicia, you've reached my voicemail. Leave a message and I'll get back to you. *BEEEP*
WHAT THE FUCKING HELL WAS THAT?!?!?!?!

 

by Carlos
9-14-01
*bitch bitch bitch*
*complain complain complain*
NO NO!! I SWEAR, IF YOU EAT ME YOU'LL GET REALLY SICK!!!!
MEEEEAAAAATTT!!!!!!!
I really think that if you consider the symbolic value we discussed earlier, then our product which still remains nameless would have a purpose and therefore would make us money. And money is good.
I like money maaaaaaaan.....

 

by Carlos
9-14-01
Later, in the HalluciAgent break room
And then she started screaming some crazy shit about girl scouts.
Damn, these humans are weird as hell.
Well, I better go check on her. She probably not even started looking for him yet.
Yah. I better check my voicemail.
YOU HAVE 1 NEW MESSAGE: *beep* WHAT THE FUCKING HELL WAS THAT?!?!??!!? *beep*
What the hell.......

 

by Carlos
9-14-01
Uhmmm... Kate?
GOD DAMN MOTHERFUCKING BITCHES!!!!
WHAT!!!!!!!!
Uhmmmm..... nothing.

 

by Carlos
9-14-01
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GET BACK HERE YOU TASTY LOOKING CREATURE!!!!!
Whoa, what the hell happened?
CREEPY ASIAN KID!!!!!
I leave for two minutes and you running for life?!?!

 

by Carlos
9-14-01
Aww, it's done.
SsSsSsSsSsSsSssss
Now you gotta save friend Karl.
Who?

 

by Carlos
9-14-01
Come on, let's get serious.
But how do I get to him?
Oh, you can't get there from here. You need to go on acid trip.
I don't wanna take acid.....
Buahahahah!!!!! She isn't willing to rescue him!!
Looks like the cat's in the bag, daddyo!

 

by Carlos
9-15-01
Things are catastrophic. The author of this comic is the only one who can defeat screaming mask man, and he's lost in a forest!!!!
Sir, it entirely necessary, I swear!!! He needed to learn lesson!! He shouldn't make innocent girls hold his penis like that.
I thought that was a hot dog?
I thought it was penis....

 

by Carlos
9-15-01
BUAHAHAHAH!!!!! THE WORLD WILL BE OURS!!!!
Hell yah, daddyo!!
Would you stop talking like that?!?!?!?
Hey man, can't you dig it?!?
0mFgZ eYe r0
OH DEAR GOD DON'T DO THAT AGAIN!!!!!!

 

by Carlos
9-15-01
BUAHAHAHAH!!!!! THE WORLD WILL BE OURS!!!!
Hell yah, daddyo!!
Would you stop talking like that?!?!?!?
Hey man, can't you dig it?!?
0mFgZ eYe r0x0rZ j0oR b0x0rZ
OH DEAR GOD DON'T DO THAT AGAIN!!!!!!

 

by Carlos
9-15-01
Hey Shawna, I just talk to boss, we need to bring loud red-head and crazy author together.
What?! But that all the way in Switzerland.
No, the OTHER loud red-head and crazy author.
The ones in Finland?
No! The OTHER other ones dammit!
I don't wanna head back to France, the French are assholes!

 

by Carlos
9-15-01
No goddammit! Kate needs to save Karl!
But I thought those were the sexaholic and the bitch with the foot fetish?
Nononononononono!! These are subjects in North America!
The retard and Bill Gates?
And in other news, what appears to be bongo drums are falling from the sky and hitting people on their heads.
This isn't good....

 

by Carlos
9-15-01
HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! You got them RIGHT on the head!!!
Things are going exactly as planned, your beautifulness.
I told you, only call me your hatefullness, or your loudness!
But "your beautifulness" sounds more like suck-up quality material, maaan.
Just shut up and throw more bongo drums!
:(.. Ok your hatefullness.

 

by Carlos
9-15-01
And so, if we adjust the c++ just a little, it will resemble php soo much that coders won't know the difference and will be unable to alter index.html.
But, like, isn't that file done in HTML???
Uhhh, well....
Oh God maaaaaaan, you just got hit in the head with a bongo maaaaaan, are you ok maaaaan?

 

by Carlos
9-15-01
.. So you mean author need to save world, and red-head need to save him?
Yah, that pretty much it.
Well, how much time we have left?
Who knows....
OMG!!! FELICIA!!! OH GOD SHE'S BEEN HIT BY BONGO!!!!!
uuuuugggghhhhh.....

 

by Carlos
9-15-01
Well, it all up to me. I gotta find red-head and bring her to crazy author so he can save world.
Hurry Kate, you must go to Karl!
*hic* Wanna have sex?
She hit by bongo. Well, her hair more green than red anyway.
Uugghhh *hic* seX0rz?

 

by Carlos
9-15-01
I swear to God there was something I was supposed to do today.
I mean, besides staring at these ashes of that annoying robot.
.... And talking to myself.....

 

by Carlos
9-15-01
Kate! Oh thank God I find you. You must find Karl before things get worse!!
............
Kate?
............
KATE!!!!!
WHAT!! WHAT DID I DO!!!!

 

by Carlos
9-15-01
So you say this forest has only been here for 57354743685645794685854834609453569856 years and 10 days?
Yeshiree Bob. I remember when they firsht put it up. I wash jusht entering my adoleshent yearsh.
Why, in thoshe daysh, I had two earsh. And I wash coloured. I guesh when the life shpan of your particular shpeciesh ish outlived by 5 daysh, shtrange thingsh can happen.
So you were normal last week?
Oh hell no, when I wash 19 I banged the wrong female. Her boyfriend chopped off my weewee right then and there. My left ear had to replace it, and it hurt sho much I am shtill pale.

 

by Carlos
9-15-01
Listen, you need to save Karl or world may end.
But, I grabbed his penis....
Oh come on, that was probably hot dog.
THAT WAS HIS MOTHERFUCKING PENIS!!!!
We're doomed!
IF I SEE HIM I'LL FUCKING GRAB HIS PENIS ALRIGHT! THEN I'LL RIP IT RIGHT OUT!!!!!

 

by Carlos
9-15-01
Oh for crying out loud, just lick this paper!
FINE!!!!
Uhhh.... what's happening to me?
GODDAMIT!!! THAT THING IN THE MIDDLE LOOKS LIKE KARL'S PENIS!!!

 

by Carlos
9-15-01
It about fucking time. Just relax and we head to forest where crazy author is lost.
Wow, crazy author, that guy is so HOT!!
No, I mean Karl.
Awwwwwwwww, FUCK! How disappointing!!!!
Uhm, we almost there now.
God, it would have been SO COOL to meet crazy author!

 

by Carlos
9-15-01
Ahh, here we are.
I wonder if I can go back in time through that thing and watch SmarterChild burn again?
Ahh, we have more vishitorsh!
Aww crap, this must be wrong forest!
WAIT! COME BACK!! I'M RIGHT HERE!!!!!
Shay, that red-head wash kinda cute. You think she goesh for more "mature" men like me?

 

by Carlos
9-15-01
FUCK!! They're gone!! Now I'm trapped here forever!!
Well..... not neshesharily...
YOU MEAN THERE'S ANOTHER WAY OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!
Yesh, jusht let me bend over firsht.
Oh God, you can't be serious!!!!
Jusht shut up and come closher.

 

by Carlos
9-15-01
Oh fuck, there HAS to be another way out!!!
No there ishn't, now get the fuck over here, it won't be THAT bad!
Aww what the hell, he's probably right..

 

by Carlos
9-15-01
I can't believe I'm doing this...
Well, you're doing it jusht fine, now keep going...
I think I'm going to puke!
I hope by "puke" you mean "cum."
What kind of a fucking sick guy are you anyway?!?!?

 

by Carlos
9-15-01
How the fuck will this get me out of here?!?!
Ugh, fine, if you're going to be sho God damn pershishtent. Jusht shay to yourshelf, "There ish no rabbit that hash my penish in hish ash-hole that I am fucking right now."
Hell yah, that's a great thought!!! There is no rabbit that has my penis in his asshole that I am fucking right now!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU FUCKING LIER, THAT DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, YOU TRICKED ME!!!!!

 

by Carlos
9-15-01
No no, you have to shay it like I shay it!
Oh, ok. Uhm, There ish no rabbit that hash my penish in hish ash-hole that I am fucking right now.
YES!! I AM FINALLY OUT OF THERE!!!!
There, you shee, becaushe none of that WUSH really real.
If that was the case, then couldn't you have just given me a spoon and told me to say, "There is no spoon?"
WHERE THE FUCK WUSH I SHUPPOSHED TO FIND A FUCKING SHPOON!?!?!

 

by Carlos
9-15-01
Hmm, we search ever fucking forest and he not in any of them. We screwed now.
I WANNA GO BACK IN TIME!!!!!!!
No Kate! Not now! We can't go back in time while world in chaos!! Wait, maybe...
I WANNA WATCH SMARTERCHILD BURN AGAIN!!!!!!!!!
Maybe we can go back in time and change everything so the world will never go into chaos.
BUUUUUURRRNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!! BUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRNN!!!!!!!!!!!!

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