All comics by Cute_Little_Manda

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Jesus once told me that I had no reason to feel like an outcast from society.
I thought about that. How what he said could change my life completely. For days I contemplated his wise words.
And then I realized that Jesus was really Mexican. How the hell would he know anything? Trust in Moof. He is the TRUE god.

 

Sometimes I get to thinking just how damn ugly I am. So in order to make myself feel better I go for a stroll in the park.
I'll look around and take in my surroundings...beautiful trees, children playing, picnics. And then I think to myself.....
..."This place would be nice if it weren't for all the damn niggers."

 

There was a time...a short time...in my life when I thought you could actually trust people.
I'd let people borrow my car, my clothes, hell even my bitch. But then I began to wonder....
...does allowing a stranger to use your toilet then finding out they masturbated all over the wall, give a person reason enough to kill them?

 
Got Felch?

 

Hey Sean..............
Hey Sean..................
Hey Sean....................................................... Shut the fuck up Sean.

 

It was a beautiful day in the neighborhood....
When all of a sudden....
Damn those Jellied Jesus candies.

 

It so happened once that, on a beautiful summer's day, just when the flowers were coming into bloom and all the birds were singing....along came Bonk.
Now Bonk, being the man and successful German porn star that he is, decided to begin a journey....
And for the next few strips you will be his loyal and ever so lovely followers.....

 

Scene: In the hallway of White Knoll High School, where the smells of fresh meat...I mean...um...the youth of America walk to and fro.
Unsuspecting, sweet little Bobosheena walks to Calculus class...little does she know what lurks behind her....
Needless to say Bonk's manly charms work wonders on the naive young.
Hey bitch. Come suck me. I'll give you Jellied Jesus candies.......
um.....I don't see anything wrong with that.....

 

One day in the lab....
Now it says here...insert plug there, turn that button, line with rubber....um, okay. So I did all that. What's wrong with this thing?
Poor Mildred is having a hard time with his new toy. Let's see how he fixes this problem.
I could call the company but they might think I'm stupid. I could get little Jimmy from next door to help me...damn. Blast this infernal contraption.
Let's leave Mildred be for a while and see what he comes up with...these Robot Making machines are very tricky....
hmmm......

 

Well since we last saw Mildred, he was racking his brain to find a way to fix his Robot Machine. During all that time I wonder if he has succeeded. Let's have a look.
Okay so that didn't work. I wonder what made me think that I could do such a thing. I don't have the power to take over the world. I can't even build this fucking machine and it came preassembled.
Oh. What's this? Has Mildred come to his last resort? Wait...what's that?.....
I am doomed. All my plans, my hopes my dreams...ruined. I can't handle all this failure...I must end it, here and now.
It's little Susie from down the street. And she's brought him a letter...how sweet.....What could it say? Read on for the last installment.....
oh..? What is this....
Here you go Mr. Mildred. The mailman put it in the wrong mailbox.

 

As Mildred reads the letter a startling fact comes to light....
...'We regret to inform you dear Acme consumer but it has come to our attention that in our Robot Machine model 2341 a specific part was left out of the design...Enclosed is the missing item..."
Well, what a good bit of fortune. And so our..hero...puts the last piece in place..a small coin sized sticker on the door. All his labour is now going to pay off....
Ta-da! It is finished....And so ends our tale of Mildred. Or has it????..............................
I am here to do your bidding, Master.
Great Moof! I have succeeded!! Now ....let the killing begin. Come little Bobosheena, let's wreek havoc.

 

Hi there. My name is Amanda. You may be wondering why I make such stupid, boring and downright lame comics.
Well I thought about it while I was making Mildred's Plan to Destroy the World..and I just couldn't figure it out. So I decided to talk to some of my friends about it. Here's one now..let's ask him.
((I should have known better.))
It's my cool friend Sliver. Hey Sliver, why do my comics suck?
........um..........I hate my mom??

 

A small apartment in New Orleans.
So you want to know the story of my life?
Well, yes. That's what I do. I'm a collector of lives, if you will.
Intriguing middle scene.
I'm a vampire. I was watching you this evening.
You were waiting for me in that alley way, weren't you?
The pathetic ending.
Yes I was. Drink from me and live forever.
Maybe I should get a day job.

 

In the park one day Bonk, on a pleasant stroll, decides to announce his Almighty Presence.
Yes. I am Bonk. Master of the World. All young children shall give me head.
Um, sir? What is head?
Little does young Jenny know that Bonk has telekenetic powers.
Head is good. Give it to me bitch.
ooooooo you said a bad word...I'm tellin my mommy.
And so he continues along his merry way...
Sorry faggot...no head for you!!!!!!!!

 

It's Wednesday and Mildred has received a letter from the United States Government.
'.........regret to inform you...hostile acts of terrorism.....Robots of Death.....crimes against humanity...please cease and desist or you will suffer....'
Well guess that plan's shot. Forget taking over America, Bobosheena. They are on to us. Where should we go next?
Go to Nicaragua. The stupid spics won't know, Master.
That just might work, Bobosheena. It just might.
I'll get the camel ready, Master.

 

Whoa......

 

Whoa......
Whoa..........
Wh........
SAY IT ONE MORE TIME, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!! SAY WHOA ONE MORE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

It occured to me that it must be quite hard for Mexicans to be considered human beings by white people.
I mean, the blacks at least speak english, well partially, but the poor spics just can't seem to master the language.
Maybe the best thing to do is to just ship them all back to their greasy nasty homelands and hire white trash to pick our onions for us.

 

Somewhere in a bomb shelter in Nicaragua...(nice glass viewing windows and all))...
What is the matter, Master? Is this not how you thought it would be?
I don't know Bobosheena. The sounds of many Nicaraguans dying in the gutters is pleasing and all, but I fear it is taking too long. These small missiles just aren't doing the job.
Oh. Well that must be disappointing. Hold on, master. Let me see if this will help.
I have destroyed ALL of Nicaragua for you, Master, with this 15megaton H-bomb.
Very clever, Bobosheena, very very clever.....

 

Jimmy
Hey Sean....
is
Hey Sean...
Gay.
Hey S...
ONLY FAGGOTS SAY hey Sean, JIMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

One fine day in Lexington, SC....
(singing) I'M GONNA DRIVE A TRACTOR, A TRACTOR, TRACTOR, TRACT...what the fuck?
Hi Mr. Big Squirrel Man. What ya doin'?
MUST KILL KEANU REEVES....MUST KILL JOLLY'S DAD...must, must...kill...TRACTOR TRACTOR...
That's not very nice, Mr. Big Squirrel Man. Why you wanna go do all that?
Well in the last words of Jolly's Dad...CAN'T GO NOW JOHNNIE GOTTA WATER THE FLOWERS!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Don't ask me why I'm sitting here in clouds above Chicago...
Or why I am now sitting here on some planet...
I think this is all a lame excuse for the creator of this comic, Amanda, to use the new backgrounds. I hate Lowpass humour.

 

Yep. Just sittin' here. Nothin' to do, but sit. La da da da dee da da.
Waitin' for something weird to happen...just gonna sit here...just gonna sit...
Goddammit. I shouldn't have opened my big mouth.
(singing) Welcome to the WAFFLE...We got fun and WAFFLES...

 

Yep. Got myself one hot date tonight. Gonna score!
So you mean, you won't stay with me tonight and bake these oysters?
Um....well...I..uh.
Oh...well that's okay. I'll just bake them myself and watch reruns of Oprah that we had taped for nights like this.
I never thought being bisexual was going to cause so much misery.
And maybe that bottle of Tequila and half full bottle of Xanax will find it's way into my hands. Have fun, honey...

 

You know. This shit's gettin old, Amanda.
Well I could always do this, Goat...
You're a bitch.
(singing) Oops! I did it again! I played with your WAFFLE...got lost in the WAFFLE..oo baby baby, Oops! You think I'm in WAFFLE...that I'm sent from a WAFFLE..I'm not that innocent!!!

 

Hmm. Wonder what I'm in for now.
Come on..just give it to me, Amanda.
Oh dear god....
Well hello, Clarisse....

 

Hi there again! It's me, Manda. I just wanted to actually be nice for once and thank all the people on Lowpass who are actually funny.
To my favourite Lowpass friends...I love Gabe Billings, Bunnerabb and Wirthling whose comics are the funniest things I have ever read.
I just wanted you guys to know. I really do love your comics and I hope you keep making tons of them. Love ya'll. Later. (By the way, I'm not chinese...just thought this character was cute.))

 

You know, Chester. I think I just had a great idea. One that might revolutionize the world as we know it.
What's that, Sam?
You've noticed how everyone thinks monkeys are cute? Well what if we had chimps on tv instead of humans? They could do commercials and sell us everything from cheese to enemas.
I don't know, Sam. Wouldn't that offend people?
Who would it offend? Everyone likes monkeys. Everyone.
Um..yeah, Sam. Sure thing.

 

Yes, here we are again. Yet another wonderful day in the life of our hero Bonk. Off we go.
Must find female. Must get head. Bonk needs head.
For hours he stands there, outside this lone cafe, waiting. Waiting. Until....
Good evening, woman. I am Bonk. Master of the Earth. Bow down and give me head.
Um...no?
Little does Bonk know that his days are numbered. For he has finally met his match...to be continued of course.
Woman! I say...give me head or die!!!
Alright, little man. Bring it on....

 

Yep it's me. The Goat. Now I hate Manda as much as the rest of you guys, but come on. It's kinda cute that you want to make comics about her, but then again it's not.
For you see, she is a frail creature with many many mental problems. Who knows? She might just freak out and kill ME. That's not a good thing, fellow Lowpass friends.
Goat, I'm gonna kill you. If they wanna pick on me let em. I'll love em just the same...now get to steppin.
Dammit.

 

Hey Chester. I think I might have met the man of my dreams last night. The one who will sweep me off my feet and make love to me for years to come.
Wow Sam! Did you catch his name?
Well I don't think I heard it right, it was really loud at that NSync concert, but I think it was Wirthling. My god, can he dance!
Um..Sam? Was he, by chance, wearing a Paul Simon Rocks t-shirt and reek of the newest fragrance by Elizabeth Arden?
Actually....he was Chester! How did you know?
Well Sam....it's a loooong story....

 

Hey Chester. I think I might have met the man of my dreams last night. The one who will sweep me off my feet and make love to me for years to come.
Wow Sam! Did you catch his name?
Well I don't think I heard it right, it was really loud at that NSync concert, but I think it was Wirthling. My god, can he dance!
Um..Sam? Was he, by chance, wearing a Paul Simon Rocks t-shirt and reek of the newest fragrance by Elizabeth Arden?
Actually....he was Chester! How did you know?
Well Sam....it's a loooong story....

 

To be nice and get in with the Lowpass people who are actually funny, Cute Little Manda decided to throw Big Evil Dan a birthday party.
Gee, I hope he likes it. It sure does take a lot of time to set up the perfect birthday party.
Well, hours passed and not a single person showed. Manda wasn't really that surprised.
And to think..I actually thought he would show up...What am I going to do with a years subscription to the Victoria's Secret catalog and an economy sized jar of Afro-Sheen?
Needless to say, Manda cried herself to sleep that night and spent all of the next day waxing her floors.
Oh well. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIG EVIL DAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

High above the city....
Hey Chester.
What is it, Sam?
I was just thinking. What if for some reason Keanu Reeves just..disappeared. I mean...just gone. Never to be seen again. Do you think anybody would notice?
Actually I don't think anybody would notice, Sam. Maybe some people from Cleveland...lousy fuckers. They'll watch anything....
Chester? I'm from Cleveland.....
....Whoa....

 

Hi there Asiangirl2!! Since neither of us will ever achieve the perfect female archetype (blonde hair, blue eyes, big breast) I think we should tell some Dumb Blonde jokes.
I think that is a great idea Asiangirl1. You go first.
OK. Why was the blonde girl's belly button sore?
I don't know, Asiangirl1. Why?
Because her boyfriend was blonde too.
Ha ha, Asiangirl1! You so very funny.

 

A hall in Microsoft.....
What ya holdin, Mista?
Um...nothing....You boss in this joint?
Uh-huh. You lookin for job, Mista?
Um...I think. Wait...you actually boss? I thought I would talk to Bill G., you know..'da main man.' I brought him muffins for crying out loud.
My daddy is busy, Mista. Can't talk to all da guys lookin for a job.....just walk this way..
But...but...oh, why not? Not what I thought it was, but I'll go for it.

 

I AM RRRRRROBOSHEENA!!!!!!!!!!!!Not to be mistaken with my identical twin, Bobosheena.
I have come for your children!! Their brains will fester inside my solid titanium stomach for ETERNITY!!!!!!!!.
..........um...I....I am RRRRRRROBOSHEENA!!!!!!!!!!!...yeah...

 

Sean tells Jimmy Hawks about his interesting AOL conversation....
Yeah so I was talking to this cheerleader last night and I said..'YOU DONE DONE IT NOW BITCH'....I was wondering, Jimmy. Do you think I came on too strong?
Uh. I don't know Sean...But do you want to know what me and Kevin Brown did last night?
What follows next is much too vulgar for a regular audience. Sounds of anal rape and loud guzzling sounds are the only things audible.
What the FUCK is your problem Jimmy? Too much hot anal sex from the Moof Meister???? YOU WANT SOME???? I thought so....faggot.

 

I am not in the mood for this, Manda.
Really...I'm serious. Stop it.
Dear god...what in the hell do you want from me? Huh?? Money?! Drugs?!! Sex??

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