All comics by DarkStranger

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by DarkStranger
7-30-02
THE STARS HAVE FORETOLD YOUR DEATH
can i finish my drink first?
NO, THROUGH AEONS I HAVE TRAVELED WITHOUT MISHAP, YOU SHALL NOT....
ARE YOU LISTENING, I HAVE TO FINISH MY SPEECH
I cant believe I open mouth kissed that horse....

 

by DarkStranger
7-30-02
THE EARTH IS MINE TO COMMAND, TO CONTROL!!!!
ALL EXISTENCE WILL KNEEL BEFORE THE MIGHT OF ALL POWERFUL DEATH!!!!
GOOD AFTERNOON SIR, WILL YOU BE TAKING YOUR TEA NOW?
Not just now thank you, quickly, bring me my sunscreen, its going to be a hot day today.

 

by DarkStranger
7-30-02
A REAPERS JOB IS NEVER DONE.
Wh-YOU AGAIN? HOW DID YOU ESCAPE FROM THE INFERNAL PALACE?!?!
What palace?
YOU KNOW WITH THE....AND THE POINTY SPIRES AND SUCH.....
I cant believe I open mouth kissed a goat.

 

by DarkStranger
7-30-02
I know this guy from somewhere.
*sigh* FOLLOW ME, I'LL TAKE YOU BACK TO HELL.
I swear I've seen him before.
RIGHT, HERE YOU ARE, THE DEMON AT THE GATES WILL DIRECT YOU.
Death kicks back, and all hell breaks loose.
THAT IS THE LAST TIME I GET DRUNK AND LET SOMEONE CONVINCE ME TO HAVE A THREE-WAY WITH A HORSE AND A GOAT.

 

by DarkStranger
7-30-02
Death, it is your duty to return all the wandering souls to hell...
Being that you're the one who let them escape in the first place....
Shame on you, blaming your own screw up on your poor assistan Marty....are you listening?
I CANT BELIEVE I OPEN MOUTH KISSED A DOLPHIN.

 

by DarkStranger
7-30-02
Meanwhile, in the bedroom...
SOON MARTY, SOON YOU AND I SHALL RULE ALL EXISTENCE....
Bzzz...death...
Meanwhile, in the bedroom...
NO LONGER WILL I BE A BACKGROUND PERSONALITY, I WILL RULE ALL!!!
Uh...Bzzzz....Death?
Meanwhile, in the bedroom...
WHAT IS IT?
Your boner is showing...

 

by DarkStranger
7-30-02
Back on Earth.
NOW, WHERE DID THOSE SOULS GET TO?
AH, THERE'S ONE, MUST'VE BEEN SO EXCITED HE PASSED OUT AND FELL IN THE TRASH CAN.
ALL RIGHT, BACK TO HELL WITH YOU.
Alright *sigh* back to an eternity of open mouth kissing chimpanzees.

 

by DarkStranger
7-30-02
To hell we go.
CLEAR OFF, LOST SOUL COMING THROUGH.
GOT ANOTHER ONE FOR YOU REX...
Sorry...we're closed.
YOU'RE KIDDING RIGHT?
Due to the recent disruption of an unknown assailant usurping lord satan and taking control of existence, the gates of hell are officially closed.

 

by DarkStranger
7-30-02
HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN, WHAT BEING COULD POSSIBLY HAVE THE INTELLIGENCE AND POWER TO STORM THE GATES OF HELL AND TAKE CONTROL OF ALL EXISTENCE FROM MY MASTER? ASIDE FROM MYSELF.
....brains....more brains...
On the throne of hell.
First Ill create a superior race that have a low tolerance for drugs and liquor so they can easily become wasted....
Back on Earth.
I cant believe I gambled the throne of hell on a bet that he wouldnt open mouth kiss a donkey.

 

by DarkStranger
7-30-02
Back to Earth.
OH MY GOD!!!
YOU'RE BRAD PITT!! YOU DONT KNOW HOW MUCH I ADMIRE YOU!!!
Yes, yes I am...Hey look over there!!!
UM, IM NOT FALLING FOR THAT...
Too late, ZOOM!

 

by DarkStranger
7-30-02
OH BRAD, I HATE TO SEE YOU LEAVE, BUT I LOVE TO WATCH YOUR ASS AS YOU RUN AWAY.
Whew, I finally got away from that creepy stalker guy.
damn he's hot!!
8 minutes later, one and a half blocks away...
I HOPE HE DOESNT KNOW I'VE BEEN FOLLOWING HIM FOR THE PAST FEW PANELS.
I see you baby...shakin' that ass...yeah.

 

by DarkStranger
7-30-02
Meanwhile....
Hello little squirrel...I am just wasted enough to want to open mouth kiss you.
Eh?
Two more drinks and Ill be able to kiss you without a problem
You have got to be kidding....my lord.

 

by DarkStranger
7-30-02
Back to Earrth.
Look, I am NOT going to sign your boner, you freak.
OHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASE?!?!
I give you five seconds before I kick your fricken teeth in.
AT LEAST "SOME" PART OF YOU WILL BE IN MY MOUTH.
To the Brad mobile!!
To his bedroom!!

 

by DarkStranger
7-30-02
Back at the Brad-Cave.
Whew, safe at my own home, the Brad-cave, he wont find me here.
AH! How'd you get here?
IM DEATH, THAT SHOULD ANSWER YOUR QUESTION.
I dont care who you are, get out right now, I will not participate in any sort of sexual activity with you, whatsoever.
OK BUT FIRST WILL YOU PEE IN MY MOUTH?

 

by DarkStranger
7-30-02
There, I've locked the door and set it on fire, but the only way to be sure he wont get me....
Is to be ritualistically murdered by a serial killer!
hey hows it goin?
BRAD! IM HERE FOR YOU...OH DARN...WELL, BACK TO WORK.

 

by DarkStranger
7-30-02
Great, I've died and gone to hell.
Hey, You're Brad Pitt!!!
Let me in right now!!
Ok, but first....
What now?
EL CAMIIIIIINOOOOOO!

 

by DarkStranger
7-30-02
In an abandoned warehouse.
HELLO, WHO ARE YOU? AND WHAT IS THIS MACHINE?
M'name's Forrest, and this'eres my patented Lost Soul capturing device, wanna use it?
YES PLEASE
then ill just press this lever here and...
IT SUCKED HIM IN, I WONDER IF IT WORKED ON THE SOULS TOO? ILL JUST ASSUME IT DID AND GO HOME.

 

by DarkStranger
7-30-02
NOW THAT THE SOULS HAVE BEEN RETURNED AND HELL IS UNDER THE WATCHFUL EYE OF SATAN, ITS TIME FOR SOME R
'Ello Death, Im your new assistant, My name's Tate
WHAT HAPPENED TO MARTY, MY FIRST ASSISTANT?
Oh he died...tragically...so, what should I do with these old nails and hammer I found?
I DUNNO, NAIL YOURSELF TO THE WALL?.

 

by DarkStranger
7-30-02
Oh dear.
WELL THERE'S REALLY ONLY ONE THING TO DO NOW.
someone...please help me...
.....Brains.....more brains...
oh please...not again.

 

by DarkStranger
7-30-02
Your ass is MINE brad!!!
The Arena of Fiery Peril
Im gonna mess you up Bunny!

 

by DarkStranger
7-30-02
Death's House.
All Right Stick-boy, where's death?
Im Sorry, he's not here can I take a message?
Fine, Ill leave him this letter DONT open it!
Yes Sir, Mr. Pitt.
Too bad neither of us can read human writing or this letter might mean something.
Who cares, did he sign it?

 

by DarkStranger
7-30-02
So, Ill just throw this in the garbage then?
YES, SPEAKING OF WHICH, HOW DID YOU GET BACK HERE?
I think you need to stop asking so many damned questions
I CANT BELIEVE YOU JUST SAID THAT TO ME, THAT WAS VERY HURTFUL.
Now that I think about it, There really WAS no reason to be rude about it...my tourette's must be acting up again...

 

by DarkStranger
7-30-02
Im back again, and I found these nails, what should I do with them?
SUCK 'EM TATE.
I did what you told me, I think I missed. Do you think I should pull them out with this hammer?
SUCK 'EM TATE.
You're being awfully Monosylabic lately
SUCK 'EM TATE.

 

by DarkStranger
7-30-02
HEY TATE?
yes sir?
DESE NUTS
Eh?
SUCK 'EM TATE
Fuck suck fag pussy!!!

 

by DarkStranger
7-30-02
At the Comedy Club
*ehem* SO THEN I SAID....
At the Comedy Club
*tense silence*
SUCK 'EM TATE!!
At the Comedy Club
*Uproarious laughter*
AND HE DID, THAT BEAUTIFUL GAY BASTARD.

 

by DarkStranger
7-30-02
M'lord, I've brought your robes from the cleaners!
DONT COME IN HERE IM NAKED!!!
My My, a bit more than I expected, mind if I...heheh...nail you? Limpdickedfagfucker!!!
THATS IT YOU FRICKEN QUEERIO, BACK TO THE GARBAGE!!

 

by DarkStranger
7-30-02
Back in the Alley
I dont have the heart to go on, he'll never love me.
Why don ya quit yer whinin' ya wee lil fairy, nancy boy pathetic kilt chase?
Why does every insult seem that much more hurtful when it comes from an irate scottish goat?
I dunno what yer talkin about ya wee girl.

 

by DarkStranger
7-31-02
Marty...what are you doing here, I summoned Death, not his secretary.
He's in the shower and he sent me to take a message.
Bring....Me....Death....
He's busy pussy ass cockbitchfaggottrampdyke!!!!
Tool....
AHHHH GOOD MY EYES PUSSYCOCKFUCKCUNTSLUTDYKEWHOREMOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!

 

by DarkStranger
7-31-02
Marty...what are you doing here, I summoned Death, not his secretary.
He's in the shower and he sent me to take a message.
Bring....Me....Death....
He's busy pussy ass cockbitchfaggottrampdyke!!!!
Tool....
AHHHH GOOD MY EYES PUSSYCOCKFUCKCUNTSLUTDYKEWHOREMOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!

 

by DarkStranger
7-31-02
Death, are you in here?
IM IN THE SHOWER
Fine, Ill just turn around while you come out and get clothed.
QUICK, OUT THE BACK WINDOW WHILE HE'S NOT LOOKING!!!
Are you done yet?

 

by DarkStranger
7-31-02
I cant believe he just ignored me and walked by....
ILL JUST HIDE OUT IN THIS ALLEY FOR A WHILE, STARK NAKED, AND HOPE NO ONE SEES..
Now THAT, is a hot ass...
I WONDER WHATEVER HAPPENED TO TATE.
Oh no, its Kilarney, the Irate Scottish Goat.
Aye, ye've got a wee lil pecker I see.

 

by DarkStranger
7-31-02
I CANT BELIEVE I FOUND SOME ROBES AND A SCYTHE IN THE GARBAGE BENEATH TATES BROKEN CORPSE.
Hey baby, you ever had a movie star do you in the butt before?
Eh, Eh , Eh??
IF I RUN BY REALLY FAST HE WONT KNOW IT WAS I THAT GRABBED HIS CROTCH.
So whaddaya say baby?

 

by DarkStranger
7-31-02
AND THATS WHEN I THREW UP ALL OVER HIM, AND I COULDNT STOP LAUGHING, THEN I PASSED OUT AND WOKE UP HERE....
That doesnt explain why you leapt naked from a pinnacle of the damned, went to earth and started stalking celebrities...
PEER PRESSURE.
.........I know you're lying...
SORRY SIR
I want a written apology on my desk tomorrow, remember what happened last time you ditched work?

 

by DarkStranger
7-31-02
AND THE MEAK SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH, BUT SOME MAY DIE TRAGICALLY BECAUSE THEIR IMMUNE SYSTEMS WERE NOT PROPERLY VACCINATED!!!
YOU THERE, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU NEED SOME REDEMPTION, FOLLOW THE PATH OF TATE AND DESPAIR!!!!
Wait, did you just say despair?
*cough* REJOICE!!! AS YOUR SOUL SPENDS AN ETERNITY IN HEAVENLY....err....HEAVEN....OR HELL IF YOU'VE BEEN BAD, OR POSSIBLY BE REINCARNATED....OR SOMETHING IT DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU BELIEVED!!!
Wait a minute...did you say the "Path of Tate?" You've never done this before have you?

 

by DarkStranger
7-31-02
FOLLOW TATE AND YEE SHALL BE REWARDED WITH MIRACLES MOST DEVINE!!!!
Well thats good, I suppose.
AND THE STREETS SHALL FLOW WITH THE BLOOD OF THE NONBELIEVERS SO THAT WE MAY CLEANS THIS EFFLUENT CITY OF ITS WRETCHEDNESS IN FLAMES OF....
Ok, now you've lost me, this time, start again, without the burning and plagues and destruction.
TATE LOVES ALL, FOLLOW HIM OR BE DESTROYED ALONG WITH....doh!
At least you're learning.

 

by DarkStranger
7-31-02
Ok, now that we've gotten through that without any incidents, tell me more about this being named Tate.
FAIR ENOUGH, TATE IS.....THAT GUY OVER THERE.
HEEEEEEEEEY DEATH!!!
SUCK EM TATE!!! HAHA, ISNT IT GREAT? WE HAVE A WHOLE ROUTINE...ARE YOU LISTENING?
I cant believe I open mouth kissed a beached whale...

 

by DarkStranger
8-01-02
YOU THERE, ARE YOU THE HARLOT OF BABYLON?!?!
No, I....work on wallstreet. I just dress like this to impress guys.
THEN YOU SHALL REJOICE IN THE LORD'S GENEROUS BOUNTY, OR BE FOREVER TORTURED IN A FIERY PIT OF TORMENT, WHICH WILL PROBABLY BE WHAT HAPPENS!!
SO, HOW MUCH FOR AROUND THE WORLD?
Im not a....ok forty bucks.

 

by DarkStranger
8-02-02
Relaxing after a hard week's work.
BARTENDER, ANOTHER WHISKEY SOUR, ITS BEEN A LONG WEEK!
Here ya go man, but this is your last one.
I GO THROUGH ALL THE TROUBLE OF INADVERTANTLY FREEING THE SOULS FROM HELL, TRACKING THEM DOWN, TRYING TO TAKE OVER HELL, SCREWING THAT UP, DITCHING WORK, BECOMING A FALSE PROPHET, SCREWING THAT UP....
I cant believe I open mouth kissed a dead dude.
AND YOUR GOING TO TELL ME I CANT HAVE ONE MORE DRINK, WHY NOT?
Bcause it goes right through you dumbass, you're making a mess all over the floor.

 

by DarkStranger
8-03-02
Welcome to Roberto's fine italian cuisine, Im Roberto, how can I help you?
YOU CAN HELP ME BY LISTENING TO A FUNNY JOKE IM ABOUT TO TELL, IT GOES LIKE THIS...SHIT IN ONE HAND, SHIT IN THE OTHER HAND...CLAP EM TOGETHER.......
WHOP!!
You are so dead...
BRING IT DAGO.
Gah!!

 

by DarkStranger
8-03-02
So it wasnt until AFTER you called him a "Spaghetti Slurping Cretin" that he stripped you and tied up and threw you into a river?
THATS PRETTY MUCH HOW IT WENT.
And after all that he didnt you were a skeleton?
I POKED HIM IN THE EYE PRETTY GOOD, HE WAS PROBABLY BLINDED.
But why didnt you just use your big Supernaturally sharp scythe to rend his soul from his body?
WHAT IF HE WENT TO HELL? ID BE ADMINISTERING TO HIM, YOU KNOW HOW WE'RE SHORTHANDED.

 

by DarkStranger
8-03-02
TATE, I HAVE SOMETHING TO CONFESS TO YOU, ITS BEEN A LONG TIME IN COMING AND IT MIGHT SHOCK YOU, BUT TATE....I....
Oh, here it comes, he's finally going to confess his undying love for me!
WELL, THAT IS...TATE *cough* EVERY SO OFTEN TWO MEN UH...THAT IS TO SAY....
please please just say it and ill be yours forever dont get scared now!!
WELL ILL JUST COME OUT WITH IT...TATE I THINK YOURE GAY AND IT NEEDS TO BE STOPPED, SO IVE MADE AN APPOINTMENT TO HAVE YOUR GENITALS REMOVED.
YESS, I will!!!....Wait...what?...n-n-no..wait!!!

 

by DarkStranger
8-03-02
Im ere for da nouterin!
He's cowering in the other room.
Why don ya do it yeself wi' dat big reapin' wand ya got dere?
You know its purely decoration.
Well, les get to it then
I think I just hear glass break, either he did it himself or he jumped out the window.

 

by DarkStranger
8-06-02
S-Stay away from you, Ill stab you, I am NOT getting Neutered!!
YOU DONT HAVE A CHOICE, I PAYED KILARNEY UP FRONT
I am not letting that goat cut off my nads with a scalpel!!
SCALPEL? NONSENSE KILARNEY'S TEETH ARE RAZOR SHARP, IT'LL ONLY HURT FOR A BIT, I PROMISE
C'mere ya wee lil fairy, Ima gonna make a man outta yeh, or at least a halfy, eh?
I HAVE HIM TIED UP IN THAT GARBAGE CAN OVER THERE, CAN YOU BELIEVE HE ACTUALLY THREATENED ME?

 

by DarkStranger
8-06-02
Arrigh, Now grit yer teeth and 'old real still, dis'll hurt fer a long time
find a happy place, find a happy place, find a happy place....
ILL JUST LOOK OVER HERE SO AS NOT TO SEE ANYTHING THAT MIGHT SCAR ME
find a happy place, find a happy *CHOMP* GAAAAAAAA....
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
AWWW MAN, WHY DID I LOOK, NOW I'VE GOT PHANTOM PAINS!

 

by DarkStranger
8-11-02
Dey say 'ell be good as new in a few days
NOW THAT I LOOK BACK ON IT, IM NOT SURE NEUTERING HIM WAS REALLY THE BEST IDEA
NO SENSE CRYING OVER "SPILT MILK" I GUESS
Yeah, at least ya had da "BALLS" to go through wi'it
Ba Ha Ha Ha Ha heh HaH heh he he heh he
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

 

by DarkStranger
8-11-02
Well, Im back from the hospital and I feel strangely free and relaxed...completely free of sexual tension.
I CAME UP WITH A REALLY COOL NICKNAME FOR YOU WHILE YOU WERE GONE, WANNA HEAR IT?
WoW! You gave me a nickname all right!!! What is it?
TESTIC-LESS
Awww, thanks buddy!!! Gimme a hug!!
HOLD UP, THATS NOT HOW YOUR SUPPOSED TO REACT, APPARENTLY THE DE-BALLING HAS MADE YOU MORE GAY, GAAAH!!

 

by DarkStranger
8-12-02
On the contrary, I dont have any sexual apetite whatsoever, I just loooooove hugs!!
THATS IT, IM GOING TO KILL YOU AND TURN YOU INTO A DEMON, AND THEN IT IS TO BE HOPED THAT YOU WILL NO LONGER BE....GAY
THERE, AND NOW...FORM OF...INCREDIBLY STRAIGHT DEMON!!!
'Ey....there you are I need to talk to you...whats this corpse doing here
OH MY GOD, BRAD, ITS JUST A PERSON I WAS GOING TO TURN INTO A DEMON, ILL JUST CLEAN HIM UP AND PUT HIM IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL

 

by DarkStranger
8-16-02
Hi, You may know me as Death from the comic "DEATH"
And I play Tate in the comic. We're taking this time out of the comic to give you our real views on homosexuality.
Thats right, though we may act intolerant in the comic tate and I would like you to know that we are much less tolerant in real life.
He's telling the truth kids. We're so intolerant we go as far as to beat up anyone we dont like be them gay, black, asian, hindu, christian, non christian.....
Pretty much anyone who's not either Tate or myself
Thats right, so if you see us coming and your anyone of those things, chances are we'll humiliate and abuse you in public, anywho...ON WITH THE COMIC!!!

 

by DarkStranger
8-31-02
EXCUSE ME, IM LOOKING FOR POLAND 1942 BUT I SEEM TO HAVE GOTTEN LOST, CAN YOU GIVE ME DIRECTIONS?
My god has forsaken me, I can give you no directions.
UM, THEN DO YOU HAVE ANY CHA- NO I SUPPOSED YOU WOULDNT, BEING IN A DIAPER AND ALL
Yes, Mock me, you will be forgiven.
WOW, THAT GUY WAS A COLOSSAL TOOL. IF HE'S GOING TO STAPLE HIMSELF TO A SIGNPOST, HE SHOULD AT LEAST TAKE THE TIME TO MEMORIZE IT BEFORE BLOCKING IT.

 

by DarkStranger
9-01-02
IM LOOKING FOR CAPTAIN JOHN WATSON...CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE I MIGHT FIND HIM?
YEAH, OK GO AHEAD AND IGNORE ME. ASS.
OH, I SEE IVE FOUND YOU THEN, VERY WELL, FOLLOW ME.

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