All comics by DoktorSeven

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by DoktorSeven
7-10-05
Braaaaaains
I'm tired of doing your homework for you, Larry.
Aww! But Mom...!

 

by DoktorSeven
7-10-05
Please help me! I am a slave to Windows! Install Linux and I shall be free!
Um... okay, I...
*HACK* I AM THE ALL-POWERFUL WILLIAM GATES. YOU MUST CONTINUE USING WINDOWS OR DIE... ACK! BLUESCREEN!
Um...
I'm getting a Mac.

 

by DoktorSeven
7-10-05
...goddamn hurricane.

 

by DoktorSeven
7-10-05
GodDAMN, FPS controls on consoles suck.

 

by DoktorSeven
7-10-05
Umm...
Will you be my girlfriend?
Well, you do have those tentacles...

 

by DoktorSeven
7-10-05
So you're finally ready for our date?
Yeah... where are we going again?
I hope it's somewhere romantic.
It's a special place where we can be completely alone.

 

by DoktorSeven
7-10-05
Are we sure we want to do this? I've never done it before, and I'm nervous...
Don't worry, babe. I'll take it easy on you. Now take off your clothes and get comfortable.
Okay... I'm... ready...
Excellent.
Wouldn't the bed be more comfortable?
All the Monopoly pieces roll around on the bed, babe. All RIGHT! Pass Go, collect $200!

 

by DoktorSeven
7-10-05
I'm sorry, Cthulhu, but it's just not working out. I'm breaking up with you.
WHAT?
DIIIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!
You missed me! That means you must love me more than I knew! We're back together!!!
Aw, fuck.

 

by DoktorSeven
7-11-05
...so I know he's evil and everything, and we haven't even had sex, but there's just something about Cthulhu I...
I am Xr, ruler of the galaxy! Prepare to become my queen, Earth girl!
Well, this just got complicated.

 

by DoktorSeven
7-11-05
Cthulhu, Xr, I brought you both here because I have decided what I want to do. Cthulhu, you're nice and all but I want someone to.. satisfy my needs.
I satisfy you! Remember the game of Chinese Checkers we played? Was that not enough?
See, you just don't get it! And Xr, the sex is great but... you're an ass.
But I'm the PRESIDENT, babe! Of the WHOLE GALAXY! You are my queen! And who else do you have. NOBODY!
I love you.

 

by DoktorSeven
7-11-05
Yay, we blew up this technological city to save the planet! We're eco-terrorists! Now I wonder which hot babe I just met will be my girlfriend? Wait for me, token black guy that speaks in ebonics!
Yo, shit, hurry up, mothafucka! We gon' blow up evrythin' fo da planet!
NO! The evil guy killed Aeris! ...well, at least this makes my love life less complicated.
*Gak*... use.. resurrect... potion...
Wait, so you're saying I never existed?
I dunno, this game sucks. Let's play Mario Kart.

 

by DoktorSeven
7-12-05
Hmm, apparently you can make GTA: San Andreas have sex scenes now. What the hell, I'll try...
CRAP! That was my Legend of Zelda ROM, not GTA:SA... hmm, I wonder...
"You've saved me, Link. Do me, right here in Ganon's Lair!"
What's Link doing with that Triforc...WHOAH!

 

by DoktorSeven
7-14-05
Why must I feel remorse for killing her?
It's not fair. I'm supposed to be a killer, no remorse, evil to the core. But she... she was special to me. She said she... loved me. I ... I LOVE YOU TOO, MARY!!!
FLOWERS UGLY! AAAAAARRRGHHH!!!
Nag, nag, nag.

 

by DoktorSeven
7-15-05
THE CHAIR!
AAAAHHH!!!
SOMEONE HAS TIED IT TO MY LEG! REVENGE WILL BE MINE!

 

by DoktorSeven
7-15-05
Aahahahahah! You will all die in a horrible plane crash!
*zip*
At least I'm part of the Mile High Club now.
IT DOESN'T COUNT IF YOU DO IT ALONE!

 

by DoktorSeven
7-15-05
Sit down, you bastard!
I said SIT DOWN! You inconsiderate moron!
...but the movie hasn't even started.
Yes, we KNOW! But we can't eat our popcorn with you just STANDING there! It makes us nervous! Jerk!
Wait till they find out that's not melted butter on their popcorn...

 

by DoktorSeven
7-15-05
PEACE IS SILLY!
No way, man. Peace is the ultimate form of expression, of non-violent love and message of unity with our fellow man!
PEACE IS STUPID!
You're not getting it. Peace is the way of our ultimate survival, to join together and be one, to fight our fate on this planet.
This is not a commentary on anything, just random silliness.
YOU ARE STUPID FOR WANTING PEACE, TREE-HUGGING HIPPY!
Shut the hell up or I'll blow your fucking head off with a shotgun!

 

by DoktorSeven
7-15-05
The "Random Comic Layout" button is fun; forcing yourself to make a comic out of the first thing you get can be hard...
What was tha...
Crap! THREE "cadabras" and FOUR "abras", not the other way around!

 

by DoktorSeven
7-16-05
Thank you, God, for finally smiting my little brother!

 

by DoktorSeven
7-16-05
Holy crap, this guy sucks.
I mean, it doesn't even sound like music. It sounds like a train colliding with a spaceship colliding with a gigantic ass farting, and then the planet explodes.
YEAAAAAAAAAA BABY I WANNA KISS YOUR LOVIN ALL NIGHT OF THE DAYYYYYYYYY!!
I think I'd rather be on that train than here.

 

by DoktorSeven
7-16-05
Hi.
Um...
What?
Your ass... it's... missing.
Cow bit it off.
I would have thought there would be more blood.

 

by DoktorSeven
7-16-05
Hey, kid.
...kid... GODDAMN IT, you BETTER not be ignoring me, you little snot. I am a DEMON, and I am here to STEAL YOUR SOUL!!!
You can't fool me, Father MacPharnicus.
Damn.

 

by DoktorSeven
7-16-05
Come on, I need more heroin, little dude. Hook me up.
*squeak*
And the "Random Comic Layout" series gets harder to do...
Yeah, I got the cheese, dude! I ain't holdin' out on ya.
Bitchin'.

 

by DoktorSeven
7-17-05
*squish*
You killed my friend, giant bitch!
Sorry...
Hey! She's not wearing panties!! Check it out!!!

 

by DoktorSeven
7-17-05
So I'm going to kill you now.
...just get it over with quickly.
...unless... can I have sex wi--
God, no! Just kill me!
The worst Random Comic Layout Theater yet.
Well, if I kill you first, you won't know the difference afterwards...
Ew.

 

by DoktorSeven
7-17-05
I know you're back there, and I know what you're thinking.
...
I know there isn't any candy in that house. I already fell for that trick once.
No, I have ice cream this time. Really.
I don't want ice cream in winter. You're a bad liar.
Damn.

 

by DoktorSeven
7-17-05
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
GRAAA...
I took the one less travelled by,
GRAAAHHH!!
and that has made all the difference
GRAAAHHHH!

 

by DoktorSeven
7-18-05
*tic tic tic*
Trick or Treat, Mr. President... eh.. ehehe... AHAHAHAHAH!!!!

 

by DoktorSeven
7-18-05
Hi, I'm DoktorSeven, and I'd like to comment on the previous comic, "Homeland Security Will Be At My Door Tomorrow".
It's a joke. I'm not a terrorist. I have no desire to harm anyone. It's just silly crap.
Get in the car. You're our bitch now.
Damn this country to hell.

 

by DoktorSeven
7-20-05
Jesus, why do people believe in god when there's absolutely no evidence to support it?
Because people are fucking sheep.
They believe everything that is told to them, and they cannot think for themselves.
So you're not the son of god?
Fuck no. Just some crazy guy that for some reason a gang of jackasses idolize. They said they're gonna write a book about me or something. They need to lay off the pot.

 

by DoktorSeven
7-22-05
Harry Potter:
Harry, you're really a wizard and your parents were killed by That Evil Dude long ago!
OMG REALLY?!?!
Books for ADD Children
Now we're in a magical bank 2 bajillion miles under the ground!
N337!!!1
....worst book I've ever tried to read.
Now we're travelling to Hogsanus, the magical school that's just as irritating as normal school, but with MAGIC!
OMG That's SOO COOL

 

by DoktorSeven
7-25-05
So what happened to Squirrel? I thought you two had something going.
Divorced.
DIVORCED? You MARRIED him?
Yeah, I know. It was a mistake. But I was so desperate... sigh. And now I'm so alone again...
I don't know about this...
Shut up and take off your clothes.

 

by DoktorSeven
7-28-05
So you're...
Cthulhu's dad. Yep.
What say you come back to the ocean depths and we'll play a little Naked Twister?
Ew, no way. Besides, you'd always win.
Damn straight, baby.

 

by DoktorSeven
7-30-05
Oh, yesssss!
Okay, I give up. You're sensitive, caring, a good listener, and the sex is great. What's the deal? What horrible secret are you keeping from me?
Oh, goddamn it.
Me cut off boobies now?

 

by DoktorSeven
8-02-05
Okay, why am I in this suit aga...
I'm out of condoms.

 

by DoktorSeven
8-03-05
Hello?
So how the FUCK am I supposed to sit on this thing?

 

by DoktorSeven
8-03-05
Enough sex, damn it. Back to school so I can get on with my...
Oh, for fuck's sake.
I'm your new teacher, babe!

 

by DoktorSeven
8-03-05
What is this place?
Everything's so... nice here. What is this I am feeling? Some kind of tree, or pole... or...
Huh?
Damn you and your metabolism; I guess you need more drugs. Now, work those tentacles!

 

by DoktorSeven
8-03-05
Well, he couldn't live headless forever, could he?

 

by DoktorSeven
8-05-05
Hold still while I remove my pants, my child!
Oooooh...

 

by DoktorSeven
8-07-05
Ah, this is nice. No one here... I can just be alone and...
God, I miss Cthulhu.

 

by DoktorSeven
8-08-05
So, you wanna come in for a nice hot cup of coffee?
Awww yeah, bitch.
I'm Jack Thompson and THIS CARTOON IS OFFENSIVE! IT IS RATED ADULTS ONLY!
DoktorSeven must change this cartoon or BURN IN HELL!
Due to political pressure, this cartoon is now rated G and will only contain wholesome, family entertainment.
Violence and sexual conduct make Baby Jesus cry.
Let's all bake cookies!

 

by DoktorSeven
8-09-05
The new G-rated Comic
Howdy, y'all! Today we're a-gonna learn how much doing bad things hurts everyone.
...HOLY FUCK OF GOD IT BURNS!!! AAAAHHHHH!! MOTHERFUCKER!!!
OH, GOD, CTHULHU!!! MORE!!!
Aww yeah. Hey, did you hear someone scream?

 

by DoktorSeven
8-09-05
Um... I...
I'm ignoring you, Pac-Man boy!

 

by DoktorSeven
8-16-05
Goddamn it.
He just left me. The bastard left me when he found out.
Wan eat uman flesh
He's Cthulhu's, all right.

 

by DoktorSeven
8-16-05
So you're a single mom, huh? Wow, cool. I'd really like to get to know you.
Yeah, you're cute. Maybe..
That the little guy right there? I'll go say hi, he's cute.
No, wait, that's not a good idea...
OH GOD! MAKE HIM STOP! HOLY FUCK, HE'S EATING MY SPLEEN!!!
mm speen good!

 

by DoktorSeven
8-22-05
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Terrists, 9/11, Terrists, War on Terr, 9/11, Terrists, Weapons of Mass Destruction
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
But what do you say to those who argue that we've been in Iraq too long, our young soldiers are dying at an alarming rate, oil prices are skyrocketing...
TERRISTS!
Does this look like fucking "mission accomplished" to you?
You misunderstood: Bush's mission was to fuck America over. Mission Accomplished, dude.

 

by DoktorSeven
8-24-05
So I heard you gave up Cthulu-spawn for adoption. Who in the world would take him?
Chinese government.
"Chinese government? Why?"
< Aww, what a cute baby... >
"Population control."
mmm asan fod
< OH FUCK NO!!! NOT MY LIVER!!! >

 

by DoktorSeven
8-24-05
So I heard you gave up Cthulu-spawn for adoption. Who in the world would take him?
Chinese government.
"Chinese government? Why?"
Aww, what a cute baby...
"Population control."
mmm asan fod
OH FUCK NO!!! NOT MY LIVER!!!

 

by DoktorSeven
8-27-05
Father, my attempt to destroy the population of the United States has failed.
Indeed it has. Your failure has complicated our mission.
Never fear -- for there is another.
Another? Whom do you speak of?
Hey, baby, I-
No fucking way.

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