All comics by Haights

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by Haights
6-09-01
Photography, Spring semester 2001
I'm gonna give you cancer.
...
...what are you, a cellphone?

 

by Haights
6-09-01
He gets a letter.
Newsweek says Xiaoxiao's gonna be the next new thing...hey, they need stick figures to audition!
He auditions. But he forgets the most important thing about fads.
QUIET ON THE SET! Lights, camera...action.
ALL YOU NUNCHUCKS ARE BELONG --
NEVER quote the previous fad.
GYAAAAAAA IT BURNS! GyaaAaAAAAAAAAAAH!
That's what happened the last time CATS quoted "eat my balls."

 

by Haights
6-09-01
Blasphemous Jesus Christ graphic . . . check.
It's not fair, to deny me, of the cross I bear that you gave to me, you-ou-ou oughta know...
Obscure reference . . . check.
hi i'm baddude13 and ihave beter pkmn thn all u i win
STOP BEING GEE.
Two Asian Girls from Three Reasons frame with no background . . . double check.
Now all we need is one frame of PURE RAUNCHY PEDO-LESBO SEX.
Don't even think about it.

 

by Haights
6-09-01
Disclaimer: this strip does not express the thoughts of Low Pass or its affliliates.
A religion based on sycophancy, not motives? No way in hell am I gonna --
Ow.
Depart from me, ye cursed -- aw, you know the rest. Mt. 25:41. Just go. And get me my robes on the way out.
Damn.

 

by Haights
6-10-01
BBB Headquarters
Novaa Valias Starr, you stand convicted for fifty trillions counts of heresy against Magnallah. How do you plead?
Guilty.
Are you aware that the punishment is death by burning?
Yes -- wha? Burning? Nobody told me about burning. I'm outta here.
LIGHT THE FIRE! Before he gets away-- oh, damnit. The author hid the stake. And the matches. He's been overusing the fire in his strips.
I'M STILL LEAVING! I'M opening the door, I'm walking away...

 

by Haights
6-10-01
Macbeth in three frames.
Dude, these three weird bi-yatches told me I'm gonna be king.
Sweet! ...but isn't Malcolm next in line?
No prob! I'll just kill Duncan to shoo 'im away! And then Banquo! And Macduff's family...
See? Easy-peasy.
4 acts later
Damn. I didn't think this out very well, did I?
Nonsense. Now if you'll excuse me, I must develop OCD and kill myself now.

 

by Haights
6-16-01
BBB HQ, Second Attempt
Novaa Valias Starr, you stand guilty of over fifty trillion counts of -- oh, you know. How do you plead?
No burning this time, right?
Nope, the author's still avoiding the fire graphic. But don't worry. We have something else ready for YOU...
And that would be?
"Donkey sodomy."
What did you expect? It's a Low Pass.
Right. I'll be going now.

 

by Haights
6-19-01
Based on High School Graduation, Class of 2001. Imagine they're wearing gowns.
Damn, Ben, you got a lot on you...
Yeah, I know.
The funny part is, Ben's hair looks kinda like that.
Treasurer sash, NHS sash, Top 20 cord, baton...
Impressive, huh?
Yeah...well, you don't have this FLASHING "I MADE IT" BUTTON, DO YOU?
A winner is you. :-p

 

by Haights
6-20-01
"Really, this box's art would make for a great dadaist play." --Animejump.com, regarding the flying Son Goku bootleg toy
The Low Pass Players present...
VOLITATION.
Winding finger have got bloodstream not wallk.
Throagh of peril!
Tad disport of time grown man tatelage.
Till the cowcomes home!

 

by Haights
6-24-01
Initiation.
So, whose ass am I gonna hafta kiss to get in here?
That would be wirthling's.
...
You really *don't* want me around, do you?

 

by Haights
6-24-01
Move outta the way, bitch. I'm God now.
*sigh* Damn God-For-A-Day deal...how much did it cost you?
A lot more than $29.00 and an alligator purse, I'll tell ya that.
Well, I'm still God for another half hour, so you best be getting outta my heavenly throne lest I get biblical on your ass.
Or what? You're -- you're gonna fist me or something?
Yeah, just bring it, bitch. I'm gonna smoke you faster than Monica in a cigar store.

 

by Haights
6-26-01
Hey, look over there, it's a squirrel. Hehe, squirrels are cool.
Why don't you give him some of your cashews? Squirrels love cashews.
What are you talking about? Squirrels don't like cashews.
Hey, wait, the squirrel is making something...
It's a sign. "Fuck you, assholes, and give me the goddamn cashews."
What'd I tell you?

 

by Haights
6-26-01
Hey, look over there, it's a squirrel! I wish I were a squirrel.
Wha...? Why the hell would you want to be a squirrel?
I dunno. The fur, I guess. Just imagine...a perpetual fur coat...I've always wanted one.
Anti-fur-slaughter activists aside, wouldn't you think it'd get a mite warm in the summer? They can't take those things off, you know.
Well, they *must* have some sort of central cooling mechanism thingie somewhere in there....
...for the love of god, give me an air conditioner...

 

by Haights
6-27-01
Must-be-funny-must-fear-Tobor-must-be-funny-must-fear-Tobor--
Hey, Bongo! . . . what's up?
GAH! Oh, it's just you, Clango. For a minute there I thought you were Tobor. He says he's gonna cornhole me if I don't come up with something funny.
Heh, I wouldn't worry about that, Haights. With that ear, you could probably do some sort of holin' yourself.
Aw, fuck you, Clango. *ahem* Must fear funny -- must be Tobor -- Aw damnit, you made me screw it up. Asshole.

 

by Haights
6-30-01
Look, I'll be glad to field questions about the Babble-on Universal Translator, if you'll just ask them ONE AT A TIME.
John Smith, W-CSC Kansas. Is there any truth to the rumor that you are simply ripping off yet another Douglas Adams joke and simply, oh, changing the name to avoid any sort of copyright infringement?
Uhm, no comment. Next question.
Diane Jones, W-THL Sheboygan. What about the rumors that you are using no original technology and simply stealing all the technology from two Japanese guys?
"Nonsense. If you'll simply let me try a demonstration...oh dear..."
geebu_biringusu wa sugoi desu! Roo Passuu yon ju ni hoshi GETTO!

 

by Haights
7-22-01
We really like jeef berky, we rink that it's thall ight...
Jom Flim Srim to Oberto, we bove to take a lite.
Balted seef's so theat grat we don't know bere to whegin...
...but we'll tive a gon to Jady Lay if she'll just let us win.

 

by Haights
7-22-01
o/` Kizusuite momegenai, asu o mezasu... o/`
Dude, what are you listening to -- aww, not one of those anime songs again! What is it this time?
Aw, you don't wanna know...
o/` Yuuki, mieru yo TO BE... o/`
Damnit, Jon, just tell me, you pansy -- What's this? Martian... Succes -- oh, damnit. Don't tell me you bought this.
Yeah, that's right.... I'm listening to...
o/` GOING YOUR DAYS, GROW UP...o/`
GAAAAAA-A-A-A-A-AAAAAAH!
..."You Get To Burning"....

 

by Haights
8-13-01
Celebrity Corpse played by Muffy the Vampire Baker
Ohh, sweet love...if only that you were alive that we might savor this moment together...*squick-squick* -- uh-oh... damnit, I'm stuck.
_
Man, I never noticed how big this staff room is...hey, Cyril, I can't tell, you're too far away...but is that a dead body stuck to your...?
Uh...no! It's...uh...a training dummy. I'm practicing artificial respiration...? I'm - er - clearing out it's airway?
Roger: "Aw, Cyr, you didn't have to keep this secret from me! You don't have to be ashamed among us, your coworkers!"
Aw, Rog....thanks, I love ya, man.
Hey, I'm not dead yet! Hahaha...

 

by Haights
8-13-01
Finally, Ashleigh! The Giant Tub O' Discount Embalmer has arrived!
Are you sure that using cheap embalmer is a good idea?
Erin, you look weird. You look and sound *just* like that celebrity...uh, Kithoolie? Choo-loo...?
And I know you've been depressed lately, but you're looking bluer lately than usual...I just hope someone figures out how we got this way and how to get us back before --
We interrupt "Unlucky Stiffs" for this late breaking Channel 3 News.
I like peanut butter.
I like chocolate.

 

by Haights
8-16-01
AAAH! EVIL ALIEN BUGS FROM JUPITER! Keep your stinkin' orange, kid.
Don't worry, everybody, I'll hold 'em off...AAAAAAAAAAAA
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
AAAAAaawww damn, I burned it.
*groan*

 

by Haights
8-16-01
*huff* *puff* Damnit...why did I hafta get fired...can't I just be a fucking cook?
*HOOOOOOOOOONK*
GAH! Watch it, y'damn jerk!
*dislatch* *thunk* *thunk* *SMASH*
*groan* Why me, God...why always me?

 

by Haights
8-21-01
Maura loved the carnival.
She always went to the fun house first, because it was her favorite.
But she never liked the wise guy behind the last mirror.

 

by Haights
8-24-01
Tonight, on BELIEVE IT OR BITE ME! The cast of Budweiser commercials are disgruntled animals!
...watchin' the game, havin' a bud...
You say that ****ING WORD just ONE more time, I swear to god I'll...
A man in Wyoming declares that video games cause school violence.
A-yup. It's that damn Mario Party, that's what it is.
All online comic strips are designed and maintained by the corpse of Isaac Newton!
And I did your mom last night. On the kitchen table. With olive oil.

 

by Haights
8-27-01
*Hic* G'job Punch-Drunk! I'm doin' g'eat o'er 'ere, as wel' . . . G've up?
N'ver! Ya can't beat Questor the Ma'nificent, Dojo scum! At ANY'HING!
Jus' g've up! No one can d'ink the G'eat Solon un'er da table!
Ugh... *thud*
"Y'shee? Wha'd I te'ya? NOB'DY can d'ink me unna da tabl'! HAHAHAHAhawhoa" *thud*
Now, you see why you shouldn't drink, Andrew?
Yes, mom.

 

by Haights
8-29-01
Service!
You know, this'd be easier for us if we had 3 people too.
Wheeeee!
It'd also be easier if we had a net.

 

by Haights
10-06-01
Rocket Air
SLOPPY Pop Shove-It
Oopsy.
Boneless + Stalefish
I'm getting out of here before he makes any more stupid puns.

 

by Haights
6-11-02
Bomb Ball Bashers
2000 A.D. - 2002 A.D.

 

by Haights
6-11-02
Yo, dude, what's wrong?
*huff* *puff* afro *gasp* nova *cough* *wheeze* maniac *puff* double *cough* hidden *wheeeeze* shuffle *cough*
...
*thud*
omg wallhack wtf u fgt cheatr bastard u kno i 0wn u
THAT is why I don't play DDR.

 

by Haights
7-09-02
...why do I always have to be in the tail end?

 

by Haights
3-17-03
Hrrg...grrah...
*rrrrrip*
*THUD*
...fucking FINALLY. 2000 years, I NEEDED a -- what the? These aren't my robes!
Worst. Stripcreator. Ever.

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