All comics by Johnny_Jenkins

 

by Johnny_Jenkins
6-05-04
I think I asked Nicola to sleep with me last night. I can act like such a moron sometimes.
First Kurt, and now this. Life sucks.
Things couldn't get any worse.
Excuse me, could you direct me to a pharmacy? I get keep getting this rash, and I agitate it into these sores. Look at those. Say, do you use Colgate? I'm on my way to do voiceovers for their ads.

 

by Johnny_Jenkins
6-08-04
Look at this! The image of Christ is in my burrito!
Hmm. That looks more like some kind of weird Bill Oddie.
Heh, you think? Or maybe that guy with the flamethrower from Alien.
Praise be unto the guy from Alien!
May Bill Oddie smite thee down.

 

by Johnny_Jenkins
6-13-04
What did the solifidian say to the existentialist?
I do not frustrate the grace of God - for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain.
Tell us a joke!
Tough crowd.

 

by Johnny_Jenkins
1-09-05
We join our hero, Rainbowbright6, in the dangerous Valley of Trolls...
Well, isn't this fun!
Halt! I am Aa'gruk, guardian of the Forge of Arak-Gnnaagh'dun.
In order to pass, you must possess the Wrath of Sckurrud-Vinghhk, or take a dodge test with -3 celerity penalty.
But the sentinel was not prepared for such a burst of illogic
Um, I've got this healing crystal and +10 homeopathy. Will that do?
Uuurgh

 

by Johnny_Jenkins
1-10-05
...maybe if I carried the 2 and regenerated the flux capacitor. Then the world shall be mine!
A lasso made of slow worm. Now that'd be useful.
STAB THEM! STAB THEM IN THE EYES!
Why is he staring at me?
Nice face. It'd look good on my mantelpiece.
I hope they have meatloaf.

 

by Johnny_Jenkins
1-10-05

 

by Johnny_Jenkins
1-11-05
Bake him away, toys.
The clamps!
Now. How much for a good hard shag?
Karl Marx hadn't seen anything yet
Dubba dubba dubba duddur-dada:
Errrrrrrrrrrgh
Dey tk rrr jrrrbs!

 

by Johnny_Jenkins
1-13-05
DJ Kev accepts a wager to play exactly the same songs 74 weeks running. But club-goers ain't stupid, and soon all hell breaks loose...
The Kombucha! mushroom! people!
Sitting aaaaround all day!
WHOOO can believe you
WHOOOOO can believe you
Let your mother praaaaaaay
Hold on. Have I heard this before?

 

by Johnny_Jenkins
1-16-05
During my studies on human behaviour, I have discovered a surefire way to provoke a response...
Hey Paul, what's wrong?
Eh? Nothing.
Later...
You look happy.
I am.
Optimal inter-interrogation time: 28 minutes
Look. Fuck off!
Excellent

 

by Johnny_Jenkins
1-16-05
Three blokes walk into a pub
But the inherent limitations of the medium allow space for only two characters in each frame
Thus proceeding to an aborted punchline and implosion to a singularity

 

by Johnny_Jenkins
1-16-05
From the people that brought you: TELEVISION, and FIRE....
...comes an all-together deadlier and theologically challenging foe
This summer, don't miss: SCIENCE'S THE THEORY OF EVOLUTION
Good day. We share a common ancestor.
Cripes!

 

by Johnny_Jenkins
1-16-05
Did you hear that they're thinking of banning images of the Swastika throughout Europe?
Yeah. What the hell is that supposed to achieve?
Such counterproductive measures are symptomatic of the regimes they seek to suppress.
They'll be censoring the internet next.
Return to your homes
So. Want to go skipping through the Happy Forest?
Yes. Yes I do.

 

by Johnny_Jenkins
1-16-05
Maybe we should go outside.
OK.
This sucks.
'cause you always pick Zerg.

 

by Johnny_Jenkins
1-17-05
Based on a true story
"Dear Sir, I should be grateful if you'd provide some maths tuition for my innocent and naïve 21-year old daughter."
What a wonderful chance to develop a valuable and platonic teacher-student bond. Uh huh huh huh huh.
Fantasy
Hey. Wanna discuss being misunderstood, go and see Shellac and then take it from there?
If you insist...
Reality
Hello! I'm an ugly Christian!

 

by Johnny_Jenkins
1-18-05
Meanwhile, StarKitten_2003 performs a perilous errand...
Kind Sir - I must see the king! The entire realm is in danger!
I cannot authorize your entry to the palace. Now run along, flower.
You treat me most disrespectfully.
So what are you going to do about it, petal?
According to my Sorceress' Handbook, I must now be your girlfriend for three or more years.
In that case go on in.

 

by Johnny_Jenkins
1-19-05
Apparently, language is more than aesthetics...
Every week, two languages die out on this planet! It's an insult!
I can't understand a word this guy's saying.
Language is a fundamental part of my culture! It's time everything should be printed bilingually!
If only I could communicate with him somehow.
Why should I have to make the effort? In schools they should replace maths with lessons on my language!
I'll just assume he's being aggressive - that's sure to work.

 

by Johnny_Jenkins
1-19-05
Excuse me. I couldn't help noticing that you appear to represent the cultural imperialists that are threatening my language.
If you say so.
Hundreds of years of culture down the drain! Rant rant rant!
I hear what you're saying. The need for effective communication must be balanced with the ability to fully appreciate the likes of Robert Burns.
Who?
Although in your case I wouldn't worry about either.

 

by Johnny_Jenkins
2-01-05
Our naive hero shows you how not to act, with plenty of dramatic irony and hilarious consequences. Step 1. Make eye contect: -3 scene points.
Hi !
Get away from me.
Step 2. Smile: -5 scene points. Reference to emo: -8 scene points.
Is this Funeral for a Friend?
Close. It's Nirvana.
Step 3. Inadvertently quote Scratch Acid, or something: off the hook!
Excuse me Ma'am - I'm not using my body now, so you can play with it if you want to!
Swoon

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