All comics by MaxPayne

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by MaxPayne
1-03-03
10 Million B.C.
Man...how am I supposed to get these dinosaurs to start smoking?
!
Did you know that smoking cigarettes will make you live forever?!?
Really?
Uh-oh.......

 

by MaxPayne
1-03-03
Robot Argument
01101011010 00101101010 10010100100
1100101101 1010110101 1101001101
1101010010 1000110101 1001001011
1101101001
1001011010
1001010011 0111010010 0010101101

 

by MaxPayne
1-03-03
Who wants to marry a Robot?
ManBot v. 2.0, I have something to tell you...
Yes, WomanBot v 1.0 Beta?
All my partitions are full!
You don't mean.....?
Yes....
I'll get Dr. Watson on the phone...

 

by MaxPayne
1-03-03
Due to downsizing, Good and Evil are no longer able to be based out of seperate offices. Costs had to be cut, although everyone knew it would lead to no good sooner or later...
All souls shall be mine!
No, all souls shall be MINE!
?
?
So, are we still on for that Raquetball game after work?
Yeah, I'll try and get God to round out our teams. Satan's still coming, right?

 

by MaxPayne
1-03-03
Come on, Granny, don't fear the Reaper!
Come on, lady I haven't got all day...

 

by MaxPayne
1-03-03
Thank you.
Satan, I LOVE what you've done with the place. Crazy, man.
Say, have you seen Dean around anywhere?
Are you joking? His alcohol-soaked corpse went up like a matchhead the second he got here!
Wild.

 

by MaxPayne
1-03-03
Going...
You'll pay for that, MechAssaultGod26, I'm gonna pwn you!
You never spend any time with me any more!
Going...
Well , I got this new thing called xBox Live!, and I just...
Just what? Decided you didn't need me any more?
Gone!
Hey come on, it's not like that....
I want a divorce!

 

by MaxPayne
1-03-03
Good
Slide down my chimney?
Bad
Stuff my stocking?
Worse
Guide my sleigh tonight?

 

by MaxPayne
1-06-03
"..so I said to the guy, 'GOTO20? I hardly know her!'"
"But seriously, folks, I just got it from Denver. I didn't have enough money for a plane ticket so I had to take the RAMBUS."
*cough*

 

by MaxPayne
1-06-03
Oh wise and powerful Goat, what is the meaning of life?
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Ooooh.......

 

by MaxPayne
1-06-03
Why birds shouldn't be taught to talk
Goddamn, you kids are ugly! I haven't seen such ugly offspring since I was at the Pet Store.!!
If had babies as ugly as you, I would have pushed you out of the nest a long time ago!
Suddenly I'm in the mood for wings.
Not saying quite so much now, are we?

 

by MaxPayne
1-08-03
Take this, J. Edgar Hoover!
Just Say No!
Like, say no to what, man?
What?
Whoa.....

 

by MaxPayne
1-08-03
Size Does Matter
Pfffffft....Mine's bigger...

 

by MaxPayne
1-08-03
Marijuana affects the memory...
Whoa, you should, like, chill out a little on the whole "Death" thing, man.
You should, like, chill out on the whoe "Drug" thing, man.
HeHeHeHe....you're wearing a robe...

 

by MaxPayne
1-08-03
There comes a time...
ComicDude82: Do you ever think about, like, you know, other guys?
QuakeMasta126 has logged off.

 

by MaxPayne
1-08-03
NBC CBS ABC CNN MSNBC ATF FBI
Today, U.S. sources confirmed that tesnions on both sides of the US/Iraq conflict are continuing to escalate.
U.S. officials also speculate that, had Saddam been removed from power the first time, none of this would be happeneing.
In other news...

 

by MaxPayne
1-08-03
Baghdad, Iraq
Those Capatilist pigs! I'm going to nuke them a new asshole!
You really shouldn't say stuff like that, Saddam, it'll jinx our whole operation!
Well, I hope you're satisfied with yourself!
Oh, shut up and help me find my other arm.

 

by MaxPayne
1-09-03
Only for a moment, then the moment's gone...
All we are is dust in the wind
Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbt
*SNIFF*
What's that?
Something in the wind...

 

by MaxPayne
1-09-03
Thank you for calling GeneriCom, how can I help you this evening?
Yeah, hi, I seem to be having a problem with my PC. It won't seem to turn on...
Ok, ma'am, are all the cables hooked up snugly?
Hang on...OH, there it goes. Thanks! *CLICK*
Kill me...

 

by MaxPayne
1-09-03
F&!^ S!@^ A(@HOLE C&@#
...Sir, if you keep using language like that I'm going to have to disconnect the call.
Disconnect this! How 'bout I come down there and kick your scrawny little ass!
I'd love to see you try, you don't even know where...
Shit
Hey, watch your language!

 

by MaxPayne
1-09-03
So easy to use, no wonder it's #1!
I wish just once a chick would talk to me...
Sexy_Princess129: I told you, stud, if you want me to talk to you you just have to enter a credit card # first.
Mom!!!

 

by MaxPayne
1-09-03
Bob Dylan wasn't kidding...
I wonder where the light switch is?
*GIGGLE* It's dark...

 

by MaxPayne
1-09-03
How you doin' tonight, folks? We got a great audience! I just flew in from Phoenix, and BOY are my sticks tired!
*CRICKET*
Seriously, though, I've been having a rough couple of days. I walked in on my girlfriend the other night, she was cheating on me with an exclimation point.
*COUGH*
And now, for the grande finale, I will kill myself for making this comic!
*APPLAUSE*

 

by MaxPayne
1-09-03
And now, the Amazing Explodo Man!
*AHEM*
BOO!!!!!

 

by MaxPayne
1-09-03
This is the end...
Hello, I love you, won't you tell me your name?
Once for tommorow, and once just for today.
my only friend...
I am the Lizard King, I can do anything!
The blue bus......is calling us......
the end...
I know, why don't we move to France?
I think I'm having a heart attack.

 

by MaxPayne
1-09-03
Boy, am I glad we got to the bomb shelter in time! It sure is dark in here, though.
Dude, stop touching my ass.

 

by MaxPayne
1-09-03
So, like, the dude said to, like, put the tab under your tongue and wait five minutes. It's been ten freakin' minutes already! Are you seeing anything?
Not a thing, bro.
Me either, man.

 

by MaxPayne
1-09-03
I'm going to kill you!!
On second thought....
No, I'M going to kill YOU!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

 

by MaxPayne
1-09-03
Thank you for calling Genericom, what can I do for you this evening?
Yeah, like, my tv thingy won't turn on and the box thingy just keeps making this...Oh, I have to hit THAT button. Thanks! *CLICK*

 

by MaxPayne
1-11-03
Hello, sir, this is Joe calling from Genericom, we were calling today to...
No, no, sir, I'm calling from Genericom.
Genericom. The company you have an account with?
So I guess this Visa in your name that we charge $49.95 a month to doesn't exist, then?
!
You know what, sir it is you who doesn't exist. On the list of people that fucking understand English. On behalf of Genericom, fuck off and die!! (oh, and have a nice day.)

 

by MaxPayne
1-11-03
1m 50 1337. 1 pwn y0U! y0u c@|\|T h@|\|6 \/\/|th t|-|e$e h@x0r 5k|11z!!
Dude, get a fucking life. Oh, that and go back to high school to learn English.

 

by MaxPayne
1-12-03
You know that's bad for you, right?
You know that's bad for you, right?
?
?
I can quit any time I want!!!!!
I can quit any time I want!!!!!

 

by MaxPayne
1-13-03
When I think of S.A.M.S. ...
... it makes me want to do this...

 

by MaxPayne
1-13-03
Did you know that today the average fish contains more mercury than a rectal thermometer?
Mmmmm.....mercury...

 

by MaxPayne
1-14-03
Fuck you.

 

by MaxPayne
1-15-03
So, uh.....
.... what's your sign?

 

by MaxPayne
1-16-03
Go to hell, Jesus!
Go to heaven, Lucifer!
Damnit! You win this round...

 

by MaxPayne
1-16-03
Man, I should have had all those soda's...
Why does the basement smell like piss??

 

by MaxPayne
1-21-03
W-w-w-what should I do, Mr. Rumsfeld?
You could always try bombing them, George.
Gee, thanks Mr. Rumsfeld! Gosh, you sure are a swell Secretary of Defense!
Just so long as you PROMISE to kill plenty of defenseless women and children.

 

by MaxPayne
1-21-03
Could life possibly get any worse?
Please report to Comic County Courthouse, Monday Feb. 3 to begin jury selection.

 

by MaxPayne
2-08-03
Fuck! We missed the movie!

 

by MaxPayne
2-08-03
The Clone Wars
Human cloning shouldn't be taken lightly, who knows if the clones will even have a soul? And what about their brains? They might come out of the oven will all kinds of wierd powers or something.
That's a good point. Let's test it.
Wow! Other me was right! I don't feel a bit of remorse! Now, what's for lunch...

 

by MaxPayne
2-08-03
Boy, Professor, it sure is nice being a comic character. I don't know how all those people out there at their keyboards can deal with all that making-sense bullshit.
You're telling me!
You're telling me!
You're telling me!
You're telling me!
You're telling me!

 

by MaxPayne
3-26-03
Unless anyone out there doesn't already know, we in Customer Service don't really give a fuck about anything you might have going on. Anything.
Kill me now....
RRRRRRRRRRING!
*sigh* Thank you for calling Genericom, how can I help you this evening?
Yeah listen you've gotta help me, my wife's just been shot and the guy is still inside the house. You've got to call the-
Hmm, must have been a wrong number....Oh well.
*CLICK*

 

by MaxPayne
3-26-03
We only ask if we can put you on hold because we're required to. If it was up to us we'd just hang up on your annoying ass...
...ok, Sir? Can I place you on hold for one moment while I look up some more information on this problem?
I've already been on hold for 2 hours and I still haven't-
..although that would get us in trouble. But...
And now for e-mail
*CLICK*
...we do have our ways.
Sweet, Penis Enlargement! Guaranteed in 30 days or my money back!
*Barry Mannilow hold music*

 

by MaxPayne
3-27-03
If you want something bad enough....
I'd give anything not to have to answer that phone. I know, I'll use my pyrokenesis on this annoying customer!!
RRRRRRRRRRRING!
....you might just get it, but....
God Damnit!!!!!!
RRRRRRRRRRRING!
....be careful what you wish for!
*COUGH* Thank you for calling Genericom, we are currently experiencing a heavy call volume. But your call is important to us, so please hold for the next available representative. *COUGH*
...what the?

 

by MaxPayne
3-27-03
I won the "Most Likely To Frequent Pointless Websites" award when I was in school
...and the winner of this year's "Most Likely to get Blown Up" award is.... Osama Bin Laden!
*APPLAUSE*
Thank you, thank you. I'd just like to thank Allah, and I'd also like to say-

 

by MaxPayne
3-27-03
At a recent U.N. conference, President Bush & Prime Minister Blair....
Oh, you look so cute in your little vest. I hereby award you the "Sexiest Foreign Official of the Millenia" award.
Now now, Georgey, we're in public!
What I'd love to do to YOU in public, you big hunk of.....
What I'd love to do to YOU in public, you big hunk of.....
*COUGH* Sorry, ladies and gentlemen of the council, I've just discovered that I must go home to take care of...something...
Yes, I also must....go to President Bush's house.....on a completely unrelated issue....

 

by MaxPayne
3-27-03
duckass's brain hard at work, that would explain that burning tire smell...
My comics are funny and don't need to rely on childish name-calling and foul language!
Uh oh, they all hate them!
Fuck, shit, cock, motherfucker, titty, balls, asshole, cunt, dogfucker, fuckwit, Santa Claus
Good save!

 

by MaxPayne
3-28-03
We join our doomed comic already in progress...
Well, Jacques Chirac, other than those burrito demons it's been a pretty normal day, wouldn't you say?
I zurrendair, mon amis! Pleaze do not hurt me! Oh, I mean, I zuppose...
Wait a minute? What's that?
Ze sound of zomeone not bathzing?
It sounds like there's trouble down at the U.N. !!!! We'd better investigate!!!
To ze Horrible Mistmatch-Mobile!

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