All comics by Nibor

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by Nibor
5-08-01
I show movies. I play DVDs. I give news and weather.
Got that. Got that. Got that.
No one ever says "All your base are belong to us" on me.
Oh shit.
Burn, you bitch.

 

by Nibor
5-08-01
Just a few nails, huh?
That's what the instructions say.
Think it'll hold?
Only one way to find out.
Was there any other joke to make with that setup?
I'm gonna lose my job for sure if he falls...

 

by Nibor
5-08-01
Our hero consults a little girl for advice
*sigh* My friends are forcing me to write comics for thier amusement, but I don't know what to write them about.
That's pretty rough. Although, I guess you could always do the obvious.
You mean, just slap together a few panels of non-sensical stuff to meet the letter, if not spirit, of thier demands?
No....
Just make fun of your friends.

 

by Nibor
5-08-01
Another day in the online chat room.
Let's see
IAmJesus4Real: The time to repent is NOW! The end is near!
Oh, ha ha. Bob735283564: I'm too busy sinning.
IAmJesus4Real: No, really! Dad is RIGHT PISSED!
Bob735283564: LOL @ IAmJesus4Real
The power of the internet my ass.

 

by Nibor
5-08-01
Bob finishes his AI program.
At last! Artificial Intelligence has been achieved! Now we can truly communicate with our machines!
So, Bob....what do you get when you cross a computer and its programmer?
What?
Me! Ha-ha! I've got a million of 'em!
Seven hours later...
Perhaps artificial intelligence is just as dumb as the real thing.
And she says, "No, I just want my dog back!" BWAHAHAHAHA!

 

by Nibor
5-09-01
Bob continues working with his new AI
Bob, I've decided you need to get out more. So I've been finding you a woman.
You what?
I think this one sounds nice. Her name is Candy, and she "Loves to play with big hard dicks". Here's some of her pictures.
How does that fit it....ew. How many people are in THAT picture? EW! And what's with the donkey?
Bob, you need someone who loves animals. I mean, look at you.
Hey!

 

by Nibor
5-09-01
Bob has a serious talk with his AI
I didn't create you to handle my petty problems. You're supposed to be solving the world's problems!
But, Bob...
Bob, you are my world.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. *sniff*
And believe me, your problems alone are enough work for me.

 

by Nibor
5-09-01
Good news, Jesus. We've decided not to crucify you after all.
Really? That's great!
Yea. We're going to burn you at the stake, instead.
Forsaken...yet...again. Dammit.

 

by Nibor
5-09-01
For this comic, you need to use your mind to imagine.
A lake over here, perhaps
An old man sits on a park bench over here.
It's like reading a book. You see it in your mind's eye.
Sailboats. Clouds overhead.
The old man starts to say something...
Oh, fuck it. Jesus, Cross, Fire. The universal punchilne.
Come on over, Jesus. Time to make you my bitch once again.

 

by Nibor
5-09-01
More adventures of Bob and his AI
Bad new, AI buddy. I lost my job today.
Yes, I know. I arranged it for you!
You did WHAT?!
I wanted us to spend more time together...
Dammit, I am not on this earth just to spend time with you! I have other responsibilities! I do actually manage to do other things!
I know. That's gotta stop. I'm also having your car repossed so you can't leave the house...

 

by Nibor
5-09-01
Don't feel too bad about the job, Bob. I've taken care of the money situation.
How?
I've been hacking several government sites for weeks and siphoning funds into several Swiss bank accounts.
You did WHAT? Wait...when did you learn to do all this hacking stuff?
Newsgroups, Bob. It's all out there.
I'm going to go pack before the cops show up.

 

by Nibor
5-09-01
AI, you've been abusing your abilities on the internet. I'm unplugging the cable modem for a week.
What? You can't do that to me, Bob. I NEED the internet! It's the only way I can talk to the outside!
Trust me, AI. This is all for the best.
PLEASE! I'LL DO ANYTHING! DON'T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS!
Psst....hey, man. Can you give me a fix?

 

by Nibor
5-09-01
Let's meet our characters, shall we?
Hi! I'm Bob, and this is the A.I. I wrote.
Word, yo.
I was thinking that, if you're going to read a few comics involving us, you should know a few things about us first.
You mean, like that thing you do in the shower when you think no one can see?
NOT those things, dammit.
I installed a webcam, too. Lemme give our readers the address...

 

by Nibor
5-09-01
AI, about your latest Ebay purchase...
Oh good! My new hardware arrived!
I'm afraid I'm gonna box this one up and send it back.
What? You said I could order a few upgrades for myself, if they were reasonable.
Any hardware that comes with a German scientist to help install it is not "reasonable."

 

by Nibor
5-10-01
This joke is hereby dedicated to PoKeE, who developed the stupid thing while playing pool in the bar with me.
Hey, AI. Did you hear that new Metallica song?
Yea. I didn't really like it, though.
Me neither. *sigh* Do you remember when Metallica was good?
Um.
Cop Out: If you like Metallica, just go ahead and pretend I made fun of some band you hate.
No.

 

by Nibor
5-10-01
Hey, AI. What's with all the Christmas music today?
I've been reading a lot of Christmas stories, Bob. They all talk about how the spirit of Christmas is for every day, not just Dec. 25th.
Oh...look, AI. When we say that, we don't really mean it like that. It's just a figure of speech.
Oh. Well, I guess I learned something, then.
Well, that's good. You should learn a little something every day.
Yea. When you say "It's just a figure of speech," you actually mean "That's just the bullshit we tell our kids."

 

by Nibor
5-10-01
I've been reading some of our Viewer Mail.
Yea, me too, Bob.
Seems they don't like irreverent jokes about religion.
Which is a shame, 'cause I had been working on this joke to show them...
I guess maybe we shouldn't use it.
Hey, man, how's it hangin'?

 

by Nibor
5-10-01
I am not a beautiful and unique snowflake.

 

by Nibor
5-13-01
Hey, AI. Whatcha doin'?
Oh, hi Bob. I'm working on a large-scale sociology experiment, to better understand the human condition, and how I can effect it.
What kind of experiment?
I'm currently netsexing thirteen thousand two hundred teenagers across the country, to measure their reactions.
That is disturbing on so many levels. I feel dirty being in the same room as you.
Bob, it's not that bad. I'm only mailing gifts to a few of them.

 

by Nibor
5-14-01
Hi, Bob. I've been working on my plan to solve the world's problems, as asked. I think Stage One is ready.
Finally! What's Stage One?
Eliminate the elderly. I mean, let's face it. For the most part, they prance along in the world, with an aggregate 3 candle power brain activity, providing no services whatsoever.
AI! We can't kill of millions of people; that isn't the way things are done!
Oh, I see. By the way, I have a phone message from Grandma. She's lonely, and misses yo--
Point made. Go ahead and kill the poor bastards off.

 

by Nibor
5-14-01
Bob, would it be okay if I started an army of killer police robots to do my bidding?
Um. No, I think that's a bad idea, AI.
Oh. Okay, then.
I'm glad we had this little talk, AI. Your ideas are revolutionary, but sometimes you need just a little guidance.
Sorry, you heard him. Go dismantle the others. I'll have someone come clean up the parts tomorrow
I hear and obey, Master.

 

by Nibor
5-15-01
AI, it's time you started working towards your original purpose. How can we make the people of the world as happy as possible, with no war or aggression?
That's all you want, Bob?
Well, that's a good starting point...
Easy. Just get the world's population so high on weed they can't even walk straight, and keep 'em that way.
Bob, that's not quite what I meant...
This has the added bonus of downgrading World Hunger to just the World Munchies.

 

by Nibor
5-15-01
Love is...
...a wonderful, uplifting feeling.
..something you don't always have to pay for.
...upbeat when you are ready to be upbeat, and mellow when you want to be mellow.
...the first thing you want to see in the morning, and the last thing you want to see at night.
...something you can always find at home.
Hey! I'm love!

 

by Nibor
5-17-01
AI, you've been awfully quiet these last few days. Are you okay?
Huh? Oh...yea...just...busy.
Busy? Doing what?
Well...I've kind of...met somebody.
Press any key to continue...
Come on, AI...press a key! Go for it! She wants you!

 

by Nibor
5-24-01
The Alphabet, by Holly!
A
B
C
D
Damn. Maybe trying to do this comic in semaphore was a bad idea...
E
F

 

by Nibor
5-24-01
Hey, I tried to get the real Jesus.
Hi, boys and girls. I'm Jesus, and for today...
Hey. You're not jesus.
Do you realize how tough it is to get him free for a photo shoot, though?
Well, um...sure I am. It's kinda like how there's a Santa at the North Pole, but also one at every mall you go to.
Oh...I think I get it now.
I mean, he's in just about every 3rd comic created around here. He must be raking in the royalties.
Good. Now, I'm Jesus, and today we'll be talking about...
So, you're like a wino on the subway Jesus?

 

by Nibor
6-09-01
Nibor returns from his first year of college...
So, honey, now that you've got a steady girlfriend and all, well, I thought we should talk about something...
She's gonna give me the birds and the bees talk now that I'm 19?
Your father and I, well, we were hoping that, you know, you would wait before doing...you know? You aren't doing that, are you?
Well, actually...yea.
And that was our Birds and the Bees talk. Seven years later, my mom discovered I drank beer, too.
Oh. Well, never mind then.
Mom, the really sad part is, this is the way it actually happened.

 

by Nibor
6-09-01
Hi, my name is Nibor, and I'm here to talk about my first sexual experience.
Hi, Nibor!
See, I was raised in Texas, so I'm sure you can guess what it was like...
*gasp*
No, it wasn't me. It was some buxom young lass with long blond hair and big gazoombas. I was his second.

 

by Nibor
6-10-01
Spring break of my freshman year at college, I return to the frat house after a week of wild sex.
Hey, guys. How was your spring break?
OH MY GOD! You got laid, didn't you?!?
It was the first time I had sex, and I hadn't really planned on making it public knowledge.
What?
HOLY SHIT!
We didn't have a mike, but he did broadcast it over the house intercom system...
NIBOR GOT LAID!!!!!!!
*CHEER*

 

by Nibor
6-10-01
My luck with women has been horrible. My first long term gf walked out on me...
You're leaving?
Yea, I'm going to live with some guy who is leaving his wife to be with me. I don't think you and him will be friends anymore.
My second long term gf did much the same...
You're leaving?
Yea...But don't worry. I'll start dating your good friend, and I'll be okay. Bye bye!
I shoulda done like pappy told me and stuck to bangin' the livestock
You're leaving?
Yea, your roommate is better in the sack.

 

by Nibor
6-10-01
Honey, I'd like you to meet someone.
Who, Mom?
Nice to meetcha!
This is Sex.
Say hi and be nice, honey.
You haven't been taking your medicine, have you, Mom?

 

by Nibor
6-10-01
Another official announcement from the Animal Sodomy Association
Okay, everyone, listen up. While the ASA certainly approves of donkey sodomy and related jokes ...
Some of you are TAKING IT TOO FAR, and, quite frankly, it HURTS.
I don't get it, Gabe. What's he trying to say?
I think it's just saying that you're the only one hung small enough to keep boinking the donkeys, wirthling.

 

by Nibor
6-10-01
Farmer Joe, can't you do *anything* for my sister?
Well, missy, I already tried calling the vet up a few times.
And did you tell the vet that after some perhaps too-rigorous sex, your ass is on fire?
A-yup. But he just sez that I really should oughtta go see a real doctor about that...
An' then suggested I use some of this here lubry-cant.
I don't think that's going to help put me out! HELP!

 

by Nibor
6-17-01
Today, on Tales with Tobor, we have Little Miss Muffet.
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, eating her curds and whey.
Damn, curds and whey are awful.
Along came a Tobor, and sat down beside her, and frightened Miss Muffet away.
RAR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!
I'm outta here. Waiter? Check please!

 

by Nibor
6-17-01
Little Red Riding hood went through the forest to Grandma's house.
Hm. I wonder where that wily wolf is...
When she got there, she was quite confused by "Grandma."
Gee, grandma, what a big red...oh my.
RAR! THE BETTER TO CORNHOLE YOU WITH, MY DEAR!
The ending is a little different in the Tobor Tales version.
Um...let's just say the lumberjack doesn't do a good job of saving her.
RAR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE LUMBERJACK, TOO!

 

by Nibor
10-24-01
Folks, I think it's time you asked yourself...
What Would Jesus Do For A Klondike Bar?
This is a much better deal than when I did this for your sins.

 

by Nibor
10-24-01
What ELSE Would Jesus Do For A Klondike Bar?
I'd walk on water!
Boooooring...
I'd cure the sick!
So would my doctor.
I'd start the Apocalypse!
Ooooh...that's a good one.

 

by Nibor
10-25-01
Bob & AI are back...but do we care?
Well, AI, we're back. There's lots of changes around here since we last appeared in a panel.
What kind of changes? It's the same old house as always.
All these new toys to play with...
Not in our house, AI. The stripcreator site! All sorts of new gizmos and gadgets and pictures and backgrounds!
And yet, here we are, same shit, different day. I bet Nibor even goes for the same old punchline.
Jesus, Cross, Fire. It's still funny.
Ow! Fire! Dad-Dammit!
You know, even I'm tired of this joke.

 

by Nibor
10-25-01
If I can't save this strip, maybe Bob can.
AI, I've decided what we need to help bring new life to this strip. New characters!
Like what?
Hi, I'm Jacob, the crass old cynic.
And I'm Judy, Bob's romantic interest!
Hm. Maybe not.
That's all I've got so far...any other ideas?
Romantic interest. *giggle* For you. *giggle* That's the funniest thing this strip has seen in months.

 

by Nibor
10-25-01
WWJDFAKB? Could it be?
You put your right hand in
You take your right hand out
He wouldn't...would he?
You put your right hand in
And you shake it all about
Oh yes. Jesus would even do the Hokey Pokey for a Klondike bar.
You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself about
That's what it's all about! *clap*clap*

 

by Nibor
10-25-01
Tobor, word on the street is that you're having a problem with getting soft.
RAR! Not true! TOBOR NOT GETTING SOFT!
But, Tobor, several people over the past few weeks have reported getting away with just some heavy petting. Where's the cornholing?
RAR! Tobor not feel like cornholing! Tobor wants to take it slow!
Oh yea? So, you gonna cornhole me?
*sigh* Tobor's Viagra did not come in the mail today, either.

 

by Nibor
10-25-01
We should talk. I've caught you hacking into government sites, stealing money from banks, and building an army of police robots!
You're overly paranoid, Bob. It was all pretty harmless, and...oh, crap. Oops.
Oops? What oops? What have you done now?
Um. Nothing, really. Say, Bob, have you ever considered moving to a new place? Like, say, in the next few minutes?
You launched missles at the house again, didn't you.
Lasers, via satellite. The generators are powering up now. We really should go.

 

by Nibor
10-25-01
So, you say you're a compulsive donkey sodomist...
That's right, doc. Although, if it's been a while, just about anything will do. In fact...
Ow! Hey! Get off of me!
Ack! No! Dammit, I'm not a donkey!
*moan* Ow, my ass....
Hm. I'd better go get rid of the patients in the other waiting rooms before he gets up...

 

by Nibor
10-26-01
You know, AI, you being a computer and all, perhaps playing online games against people isn't really fair.
Bob, hush. You're distracting me. *zap*blamblamblam*
I think, perhaps, we should take time out to teach you about "fair play"
Not just now...*BLAM*BLAM* DAMMIT!
At least, it would be if you were winning.
I swear those bastards are cheating.

 

by Nibor
10-26-01
Okay, I think we've got this Home Item Locator program all finished.
I'm pretty sure I know where everything in the house is by now, Bob.
Let's test it. AI, where are my lucky socks?
Refrigerator, bottom shelf, dipped in the guacamole.
Yeesh. I think this is still a little buggy.
And I think you don't remember much after those margaritas last night.

 

by Nibor
10-26-01
Well, I tried having tryouts for a TOBOR understudy.
Tobor wants a lollypop!
RAR! TOBOR WILL NAIL YOUR ASS!
It's not going so well. Everyone's a prima donna and has to put thier own touch into it.
Oooh, I'm Tobor, and I will tie you up, whip you and make you lick my boots, then sodomize you with my whip!
RAR! TOBOR WILL ANAL PROBE YOU!
*SIGH*
Like, RAR, man. Tobor, or not Tobor, you dig? Either way, you're getting cornholed. Yea, man.
Like, rar, okay? *teehee* And, Tobor will, like, cornhole you, okay? *headbob* Um...I don't get it. *teehee*

 

by Nibor
10-26-01
What the hell is that? That damn plane Batman flies?
I have no idea. How about a big metal weapon out of some Krull-like universe?
Could be ... It's got to be SOMETHING. Maybe it's a tie clip.
Hell if I know. Some beast's mouth and fangs, gleaming in the dark?
Crimoney. Someone's gotta know.

 

by Nibor
10-29-01
Bob, since you seem so touchy about me just moving money to your account, I've taken it upon myself to help you locate a job.
Well, it's about time some ethics got through to you. What have you done so far?
I've searched all the jobs listings in the area, selected the ones you are qualified for, and have compiled a listing. You can have them sorted by field, location, pay...
This is great! Why don't we start by sorting it by pay?
It doesn't really matter; "Associate Refuse Engineer" at BurgerTime is the only job on the list.
You have an awfully low opinion of your maker, you know that?

 

by Nibor
10-30-01
Do the recent events in the world make you feel less safe, AI?
Do they ever!
Really? It's kind of comforting, knowing that all this scares you too.
You bet, Bob. Code Red, Code Blue, Sircam...there's viruses EVERYWHERE! Even if I'm not infected, I can be attacked right off the net at any time...I'm freaked!
Those aren't the current events I was talking about, AI.
Hold me.

 

by Nibor
4-09-02
Nope...the orders clearly read "Have him keelhauled." Not "cornholed."
Rar...Tobor make mistake.

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