All comics by NowhereMan

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by NowhereMan
11-17-02
Two people meet in an not crowded place
Hey u r a little girl???
Duh no look at my boobs they are big
They both realize their planet got owned
OMG we are the only people left!!!
The world got owned by aliums.
...owned by the blue dress whore
Let's have sex and make the new population you medieval HORR
Why are we reading each others' minds?

 

by NowhereMan
11-17-02
Oh snaps! The dolt from Penny Arcade is gonna own her!!!
I will rape u
OMG NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He'll try again...on an airplane. But he gets shot down again by the AZN.
plz???
OMG NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now he is a goat, and they have somehow moved underwater
I will rape u
GOAT!

 

by NowhereMan
11-17-02
Awkward silences know no language...
...
...
Awkward silences know no species...
...
...
But in Israel, awkward silence quickly turns to verbal warfare
I WILL EAT U
DIE

 

by NowhereMan
11-17-02
Shh...this is totally serious...
I have something to tell you...
????
Oh my...here it is. The climax...
I'm gay, and I forgot where the portal back to your dimension was...
Well...since we're being honest, I have something to tell you...
¡ !
You're...actually a black kid named Jamal?
I'm so sorry I never told you...

 

by NowhereMan
11-17-02
Attention humans! Prepare to get owned!
!!!
...
Well, here it goes...
Owned.
HE DIDN'T MEAN SELF-OWNAGE, DOLT!!
Oh snaps!

 

by NowhereMan
11-17-02
Attention humans! Prepare to get owned!
You idiot. I'm a chicken, not a human.
You ar—I mean...I knew that! Fool!
Yeah, well explain this: why are you saying "prepare to get owned" when you've fucking destroyed our airplane?
Yeah, he did get owned.
Erm...
That's what I thought. You fucking loser of a robot. You got owned by a chicken.

 

by NowhereMan
11-17-02
When I was staring into his big...beautiful eyes...I knew we were in love.
It's funny...when you're surrounded by death and destruction, and you're a part of the US Army Elite Penis Puppet Soldiers...love happens for the first time...
I love you.
We shall now sex...
Ouch.
Well, you told me to tell you how you were conceived!!
Fuck you, Dad.

 

by NowhereMan
11-17-02
So...should we play the game?
Hey man, it's up to you.
Well, let's do it. Read the rules to me while I sit in this trash can.
Let's see..."Take one hammer...*muffled words*"
Okay, I've got the hammer. What kind of a game needs a hammer? Anyway...how do you play the rest of the g--HOLY CRAP!!
We're playing "Pound the Nail Into Your Skull," right?

 

by NowhereMan
11-17-02
One of the SEALS players, hotdude4u, is hiding in the bushes.
Cool shit...since I'm hiding in these bushes, he won't find me.
I am totally unaware of my surroundings.
Little does he know, his gun is sticking out of the bushes because of his damn long silencer.
Hmm, he's turning around. Okay, but since I'm in these bushes, he probably can't see me.
....
*You were killed by ObservantMan with DE .50*
SHIT!
Fucking newbie.

 

by NowhereMan
11-18-02
Hi everybody. I'm Nowhere Man, the brainchild of two songwriters, Paul McCartney and John Lennon. I was in the movie Yellow Submarine.
But lately, I haven't gotten much work. Or press. I've had a damned boring career, and tonight I'm breaking the mold on washed-up-star comebacks. Ladies and gentlemen...check this shit.
Oh snaps that hurts blahalhsd.nakv.;bxz
Can I have your penis after you die completely?

 

by NowhereMan
11-18-02
Blink, you bitch. This staring contest can't go on all day.
omfg

 

by NowhereMan
11-18-02
Vegetaboy, flaming a newbie
*keystroke* OMFG die u prepube n00b!!! omg i am flaming u
The newbie takes the flame literally
w/e i'll do wut he says 'cause im kewl liek that
The n00b gets owned.
hello??? n00b? omfg he's prolly crying into his moms vagina

 

by NowhereMan
11-18-02
Hey Steve, is that a knife in your hand?
die n00b
15 minutes later...
Holy shit! Look at this letter that somehow came to me! STEVE STABBED SOMEBODY!!
OH FUCK! I've lost all faith in this world!!
After 30 minutes of not really caring...
And that's how you successfully pound a nail into your head.
Cool.

 

by NowhereMan
11-18-02
I can't wait to tell everybody the good news!
YOU GO, GIRL
Watch carefully as he begins to go insane.
I thought you knew I was a man...?
*cluck*
Fat woman named Phillip comes into the picture.
THE TEST RESULTS CAME IN EVERYBODY! I'M NOT OBESE!!
But I am. So stop looking at my quesadillas, whore.

 

by NowhereMan
11-18-02
Paaaaasssssssmaseelnat...
YOU HAVE NO BREASTS
Look at my belt. ¡You can kinda see some of my pubes!!
GIMME FIVE, MAN!! LET MY MASTA THAT BATE!!!
I am a coke addict.
That's what makes you special.

 

by NowhereMan
11-18-02
Greetings, human scum. I am Red the Communist Robot, and this is Little Lesbo.
I like boobs. Give me pussy.
Today we have a special guest. This is IntellectualBot5.
Greetings, Red.
So, IB5, what do you like above all things? Besides oil, curvy gears *chuckle* and my homosexual companion, what do you "dig?"
Owning pitiful humans, of course.

 

by NowhereMan
11-18-02
Whew, I'm wiped. I've owned five humans today...
Five, you say? Ha! I owned triple of TRIPLE your amount.
You mean to tell me you owned 45 humans!? I feel my robotic winky shrinking...
45...? Umm...look over there!
What? What is it? I don't see anything!

 

by NowhereMan
11-18-02
First, I try to find a guy who is near suicidal. He knows he is worthless, and my prodding will push him over the edge!
This one seems sorrowful and stupid enough. Now commencing ownage...
Woe am I...
Then, I make him KNOW he is worthless, and I convince him that he should just stop wasting space.
You are only fit to wipe my robotic anal sphincter, which is seldom wiped because I AM A ROBOT AND I DO NOT MAKE WASTE. END YOURSELF!!!
You're totally right, dude. Also, I'm gay and ugly and have no penis so nobody loves me.
Then, they hopefully own themselves while I get away quickly. To mark my ownage, I leave goats in my place.r
Baahhhh.

 

by NowhereMan
11-18-02
Hi, I'm Kwik. WHOA! You kinda caught me off guard there. I didn't know you were looking at my crotch. You might have noticed that uh...some bits and pieces were...um...missing....
Hi Kwik. I'm a girl. Bye Kwik, I have a kindergarten class to get to!
*jack jack jack*
OH SHIT I'M COMING!!!!!!!!!

 

by NowhereMan
11-19-02
Hey, did you hear Nintendo's big announcement? They made some cool adapted for the GameCube that lets you play all Game Boy games on your TV!
Cool! Like the Super Game Boy!
. . .
. . .
Ta da!
This is so much cooler than playing GBA on my TV!

 

by NowhereMan
11-19-02
Hey man, is that a hammer in your hand?
YUO R NEXT!!!!!!
SOMEBODY HELP! STEVE IS GONNA KILL ME!!!
Fifteen minutes later...
Hmm...what a long alley...what's that? OMFG TAHT GUY IS DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!
*dead*

 

by NowhereMan
11-20-02
Hey Kryp, I just owned you.
fucking nutz
Go eat some apple pie, you cumdumpster.
how bout i just bake you an icecream instead...
Accept it, Kryp. You just got owned like Celine Dion owns blowjobs.
owned...

 

by NowhereMan
11-20-02
hey click this link...
U FUCKER U LINKED ME TO SHITCITY
OWNED

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