All comics by Pump_Jockey

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by Pump_Jockey
1-07-01
Hey, kid, get me off this fucking cross.
I'm afraid I can't do that, Jesus.
What the fuck?
Why the fuck is that? C'mon, I'll give you blessings and shit.
Well, because I'm the one who put you there. And now I'm the one who's going to eat your fucking brains.
Well isn't this fucking great?
Why me? I'm fucking Jesus for Christ's sake. I'm supposed to be a fucking savior.
What? I can't hear you. I've got these mother fucking feet stuck in my ears.

 

by Pump_Jockey
1-07-01
Little Jimmy finally figures out how to get into the girls locker room...Dress as a girl!
So, when do you ladies get naked? I'd like to know so I can see how it's done.
But the girls know that other girls don't get wood. This must be Jimmy.
Oh, sorry Jimmy. We don't really do that.
Fuck! They found me out! Abort! Abort!

 

by Pump_Jockey
1-09-01
Bored, Billy and Robot decide to go outside and have some fun.
So, what do I do now?
Well, it's great! You just stick the nail to your forhead and hit it with the hammer! Man this'll be cool!
But something was wrong.
Wow. This sucks. Everything is all weird. I think this was a bad idea...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I'm not really Robot. I'm an evil spawn of Satan. Now to send you straight to Hell where you belong!
In Hell he met Jesus.
So, what brings you here?
Well that's a long story. It starts with the election of Justin of 'NSYNC as president...

 

by Pump_Jockey
1-09-01
During a plane crash...
Quick, Donkey, staring contest!
Okay. First person to budge loses.
Ha! I win! You blinked!
Oh, come on. That baby flew by and hit me in the face. What did you expect me to do?

 

by Pump_Jockey
1-09-01
I'm sorry Cindy Lou. It was a real purty horse though.
Get away from me. I never want to see you again!
Billy Bob heads to the pub to get some advice.
So what do you think I should do?
Well, just give her a good reason to stay. I'm sure Cindy Lou will forgive you.
Back home...
So, I been thinkin' and I decided that I ain't losin' you. I'll tell everybody about that time when you were really drunk and let that cat have sex with you.
I could never stay mad at you. Get on top of me you big handsome stud.

 

by Pump_Jockey
1-09-01
So, seriously, Dog on a Ball, what is your obsession with that ball? Most dogs love tennis balls or something they can hold in their mouths.
I don't have to tell you. I'm a dog on a ball. I'm an enigma.
It's true that you are mysterious. Perhaps you'd like to tell us why you are the only dog who wears underwear.
For the same reason I'm obsessed with big balls.
You know, sometimes you just wish for more panels.
What is that?
Do you have any idea what it's like to be neutered? *sob* Are you happy now? You've ruined my secret! You've ruined my life!

 

by Pump_Jockey
1-11-01
Well, isn't this stupid?
Tonight on NBC....
Ring! Ring!
I'm going to eat your brains.
I have no brains man.
Aren't you glad you wasted your fucking time on this?
You are sentenced to death for writing that very horrible comic. What do you have to say for yourself?
It was a momentary lapse of sanity. If I had been thinking, I surely would have known that phones don't talk when hung up. My bad. Sorry.

 

by Pump_Jockey
1-12-01
Pump Jockey has an apology.
Well, that last comic was totally uncalled for. I won't ever make one that bad again.
Yeah. It was shittier than that first one with Jesus swearing like fucking crazy.
So, as compensation I offer you a touching scene of two parents and their reaction to their newborn boy.
Thank you for your patience.
Touching, no?
What the fuck did you just give birth to?
Don't look at me. It's your damn sperm.

 

by Pump_Jockey
1-13-01
Look how stupid all of these comics are. I'm way funnier with the way I poke fun at these people.
Look how retarded they are. Nothing but toilet humor and bad spelling. And the usual overuse of Jesus and Bongo.
lOOk I am haveing a boner on my head!!! dOOderz!
I m Jesus. I like to fuck!!!! Cock shit cunt damn eat ass and fuck your sister!
Despite the fact that I often use the same kind of jokes and characters, I feel superior to them because I can spell.
Go eat a dick. I'm tired of all this shit. Just make your own damn comics and worry about your own shit. Goddamn critics these days....

 

by Pump_Jockey
1-13-01
Well, I'm sorry again. This time for making fun of the people who obviously run this thing.
I don't know what we were thinking.
It seems that you people are just smarter than me. I mean, I can't even go one strip without the word fuck. Or a picture of Jesus.
But this time it'll work out. No Jesus this time.
Well, nevermind. Fuck it if you can't take a joke.
Shit! Who the fuck let him in here? Where is the donkey? This doesn't make any sense!
I am the light. And you are lost. Come with me to the Heavens.

 

by Pump_Jockey
1-14-01
Well, fuck.
I hope God forgives me for being such an asshole. And if he doesn't, eh, Hell can't be THAT bad.

 

by Pump_Jockey
7-21-01
Pump Jockey returns in yet another lackluster adventure!
Would I lie to you?

 

by Pump_Jockey
7-21-01
For whole story, read Hecker's comics, arguably funnier than mine. Here's the addy: http://www.lowpass.net/stripcreator/view.php?ID=2254
Pump Jockey! You've returned! How did you get out of jail?
Well, I remember it like it was yesterday...
Yesterday...
Hey, did you know that door over there is open?
You mean that one that says, "Please do not use this door to escape"?
Oh. Well welcome back. By the way, I sold all of your stuff.
That's alright, I fucked your mom. And got your sister addicted to crack.

 

by Pump_Jockey
7-21-01
Back at Pink Donkey's house...
Good God, look at all this porn on Pink Donkey's computer! If only I hadn't been turned off to women by prison...
hecker_roolz has just signed on.
Hey, Hecker! What the hell are you up to?
Well, I'm having "computer time" here at prison. Where are you? I didn't see you at lunch today.
To be continued on Hecker's page!!!
I pointed out that door for you didn't I? The one that says, "Please do not use this door to escape." I figured you would've taken the cue and left.
The door said not to use it to escape. I'm still looking for another way to escape.

 

by Pump_Jockey
11-23-01
Pump Jockey gets his very own show!!!
We're proud to bring you Big Evil Dan!!!
Thank you. Thank you. No applause, please.
You are a steaming pile of cow feces. Next guest please!
Hey, man, that's not very nice. You're only jealous because I'm funnier than you.
You are a steaming pile of cow feces! Next guest please!
Aww, c'mon, I got feelings too. Why are you so mean to all of us?

 

by Pump_Jockey
11-23-01
You are a steaming pile of cow feces! Now time for Donkey Talk! But first, let me explain something:
That's right, just keep smiling! Don't let anyone know how much that hurt! Hold back the tears.
DONKEY TALK!!!
I just want to clarify that I'm not singling anybody out here. You are all steaming piles of cow feces. I don't care who you are. Now, it's time to hear from Donkey.
We just got cancelled.
And thus ends the eventful event that was this event.
Well shit, that lasted, what, twelve minutes? Damn, guess I'll have to get another job now. Wanna go get a beer?
Who are you talking to here? Of course I want to get a beer. You paying?

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