All comics by Serandite

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by Serandite
4-07-04
Warflag declared war on Fighters.
ARR! I declare WAR on ye scurvy dogs!
War, ye say? I'll need to negotiate that.
Negotiations are in process...
Of course. We promise not to attack your trade, pillage, solo, packed, business, or pleasure ships.
Naturally not.
War has begun!
And at all times, we will treat you like our BEST mates!
HARR! Yer on!

 

by Serandite
4-07-04
I made the Carpentry Top 10 list!
Amazing! How'd you do it?
It's easy! I just made an alt and rocketed to the top!
!
Your standing in Self-Promotion has gone up and is now Ultimate in the entire ocean!
And the best part is, I can stay there forever now!
Awesome!

 

by Serandite
4-07-04
Another fine greenie washes ashore...
Arr! Welcome t' Puzzle Pirates, how may I help ye, mate?
omg i will so PWNZ0R u lololol
and is /complained...
I guess I'll tell Cleaver to have a word with you...on Olivia.
olivia wtf? hahahaha u suk OWNED
Another one bites the dust.
What do you have to say for yourself?
! JEEZ I HATE THIS

 

by Serandite
4-07-04
Abandon hope, all ye who come here...
Welcome to Puzzle Pirates Hell. Here you shall meet such notorious pirates as Stabbles...
Shoppe owners are GREEDY! GREEDY I SAY!
...and Redsonic...
Speical pirate swordfights signup here tourney friday train!
And finally... Those Who Shall Not Be Named.
I can act like a barrelstopper... BECAUSE I'M A SCUPPERING PIRATE!

 

by Serandite
4-07-04
Ahoy! From which port do you hail, and how many years are upon ye?
...
meet me in the spice market right now!
.....
DOES THIS WORK FOR YOU?!
Darn greenies.

 

by Serandite
4-07-04
I see CHALCOCITE!!
Finally I can stock my shoppe...HEY!
Damn campers.

 

by Serandite
4-07-04
Why do you keep following me?
Bah.
Answer me!
Bah.
Don't you ever say anything but Bah?
Bah....humbug.

 

by Serandite
4-08-04
A marooned player on Ostreum...
It's ye skellies of ancient lore! PUT UP YER DUKES!
Avast! Ye haven't the pieces of eight to challenge me. Come back later, kiddo.
...?
HARR! You will succumb to my CLEAVER!
Darn skellie hunters!
Shiver me timbers and shake me bones! This lubber has ousted me from my throne!

 

by Serandite
4-08-04
What in Cleaver's name are you reading?
It's my permission statement allowing me to engage in PvP off the first league Alpha-Cnossos, signed by three OMs.
lame.
...eek!
Here's MY permission form! Now have at it!

 

by Serandite
4-09-04
Attention Greenies! I am Russel, your Greeter du jour and the newest donner of the pink name.
Let me remind you all that I have reformed. I won't laugh at you as you randomly request a swordfight...
I'll save the jeering for after I beat you soundly. If you have any questions, just press ALT-F4 to reply.

 

by Serandite
4-11-04
What are you doing?
Rebelling against the cruel greenie slave trade, of course.
The greenie slave trade?
You know, abducting naive, innocent greenies from the docks and forcing them to obey your every command.
But isn't that just recruiting?
Quiet, you! I need SOME excuse for why I'm soloing!

 

by Serandite
4-13-04
I won't be able to help you guys out much for the next few months.
But...blockades are coming! Wars! Colonization! We *need* you!
You see, I'm moving to MA.
...TRAITOR! SPY! How dare you desert us! I'm telling the captain!
...what's wrong with Massachusetts?

 

by Serandite
4-17-04
Wh...where am I?
Alpha.
This isn't Alpha! It's under the sea!
Yeah, water levels rose and swamped the island because of too many sunken ships.
Then how do I get off? It's my home!
Don't worry, I just memmed the island.

 

by Serandite
4-22-04
Sir, our shop got booched.
Let me guess, you forgot to set the costs to 0?
How many times did I tell you NOT to forget??? YOU'RE FIR-
- Wait! It's not that...
Then what??
Someone let a nest of termites at our wood!

 

by Serandite
5-13-04
Citizens of Lora Bora! I have taken over your island!
But do not fear, for I will not raise taxes!
No! I will leave them at the same exorbitant rates!

 

by Serandite
5-21-04
A quiet moment.
Come take a job at my stall! I pay well for ALL your labor!
I've got a great new cleaver just for you, at a bargain price!
Behold...
You know you want to job for my crew, I'm always winning fights!
...the age of the /tell-e-marketer.

 

by Serandite
5-24-04
Presenting...the Three Most Maligned Pirate Professions...
The Chainsaw Brigand!
I will move your ship into my broadside using nothing but THE POWER OF MY MIND!
Presenting...the Three Most Maligned Pirate Professions...
The Market Cornerer!
50 poe per rum? Far too low for an opportunist like me!
Presenting...the Three Most Maligned Pirate Professions...
And... THE TAX MAN!
Show me the money.

 

by Serandite
5-26-04
I can't take it anymore. First all those sinking ships...
They make cozy homes...
The sudden traffic around the waters...
It's a nice change in routine...
And that blasted stone that they dump on our heads!
At least it's not Old Man's Beard!

 

by Serandite
6-01-04
Your last day as a greenie! Ah, it is time for your initiation into the yellow-named ranks.
...Initiation?
Nothing much, just erasing all your memories.
My memories? But why?
So you don't expose our greeters, naturally.
~~~!

 

by Serandite
6-07-04
They call me a witch...
BURN HER!!!
But my powers go beyond their simple minds.
BURN HER!!!
For lo! I am the only one who can blockade without people tarting on the forums!

 

by Serandite
6-07-04
Your stall labor days are over. Go take a job at our shop.
But why can't I work at my stall?!
Because I am your superior and you will do what I say, slave.
Alright already!
Now GET TO WORK!
Maybe this isn't a good time to tell him I foraged all my hours away...

 

by Serandite
6-13-04
Help! My outfit's old and we're all out of madder!
Everyone's out of madder...
...but we're now buying at 260, and I found a-
260?! I'd rather camp it myself!
Wait! I found a new way to produce red dye!
Just one more drop and I'll have a full unit of Pirate's Blood.

 

by Serandite
6-18-04
When are you going to sell nettle?
We have market bidding now, you'll have to put in a bid.
Oh, ok, I bid this cowslip.
You can't bid with that! Besides, you need to pay a 150 poe fee.
I bought it for 300, does that count?

 

by Serandite
6-21-04
4001 for leushite!
You've got to stop raising prices by 1!
...
It's preposterous! It's pointless! It's penny-pinching!
4003 for leushite!
!

 

by Serandite
6-23-04
Save Sheepish Rocky! Fight for us!
No, you must honor Sheepish Ryan, so fight for US!
What are they going on about?
The upcoming Guava blockade.
But what's with the sheep?
Only safe way to talk about these things anymore. Bah.

 

by Serandite
7-04-04
Behold! I shall now become the Defender of the Seas!
Isn't that the black ship's job?
Do you seriously trust skellies to defend you? No!
Okay, okay. Where's your ship?
Uh...sunk in the last blockade!
...

 

by Serandite
7-07-04
Attacking Navy ships is wretched, I say!
It confuses the greenies, annoys the players looking for transport, and pays little to nothing!
...Oh! Excuse me, the Epsilon navy is heading my way. Free stuff!

 

by Serandite
7-09-04
My clothes! NEMO! You booched my clothes!
No.
Yes you did! Look!! The colors don't match!
But you see...
Not even my best art can make up for bad taste.

 

by Serandite
8-20-04
Turtle Island has gone to Hell.
Because of all the tarting, I, Hades, have claimed it.
And by the same logic, I shall win all blockades! Yarr!

 

by Serandite
12-06-04
Postcount++. Postcount++.
Say, what are you doing?
Gotta break 20000. Just feed me easy-to-answer questions so I can answer them succinctly with one-word posts.
...Huh?
Perfect! Now that's 19853. Now remember, it's the quality that counts and not the quality.
Have I even seen this guy in-game before?

 

by Serandite
12-06-04
What's the matter MrClaus?
I'm afraid Christmas won't have the same spirit this year...
Why's that?
Cleaver's on my naughty list. BECAUSE HE RAN OFF WITH MY WIFE!
...Christmas will still be the same won't it?
Ho ho ho, of course! Just expect a little more red, and a little less green.

 

by Serandite
12-06-04
Hello. My name is Scurvyscupperbeard, and I am a gambling addict.
Hello, Scurvyscupperbeard.
I lost my clothes, my sword, and my ships to feed my addiction to 2500 entry fee tourneys. Whenever I hear a broadcast-
Avast me hearties! Richswordguy's Swordfighting tournament at The Salty Dog on the isle of Alpha Island will be starting in 5 minutes. The prize pool is worth at least 5000 pieces of eight!
Wasn't there some spare shot on our flagship???

 

by Serandite
1-30-05
Fear us, for we are the Notorious Fandango!
We will blockade and crush your islands out of pure unadulterated EVIL!
Of course, we're not EVIL enough to actually win...

 

by Serandite
1-30-05
C'mon, I need something good to pay rent...
Merchantstallpirate went foraging and found a Cedric!
?
...Hello?

 

by Serandite
3-05-05
Alright mate. We can't have a boring blockade...
Arr. Nay.
so we will match your attacking fleet with a defending fleet of the same amount of ships...
YARR. I'll see ye there then scurvy dogs! Fair winds!
...and then some.

 

by Serandite
3-05-05
omg omg omg i sword u
lolol u r lame
my mommys credit card is right there
im not paying 4 dis
Why did they have to add this ocean?

 

by Serandite
7-11-05
ALWAYS STALL! ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS! EVEN WHEN NOBODY IS ON YOU!
EVERYONE TEAM ON THE SAME SKELLY! OH, AND SEND TINY SPRINKLE ATTACKS!
STOP SHOUTING ALREADY!
No, keep shouting! Seriously, we like it!

 

by Serandite
7-11-05
ARR! I'll pay ye back in SPADES!
...you bid nil.
AVAST! I will plunder yer HEARTS!
Go ahead, I don't want 'em...
FINE! I'll make all these cards WALK THE PLANK!
Okay, why did you knock the table over? Sore loser.

 

by Serandite
7-15-05
I am Historian. I am not any player; I am merely Historian.
Today I will pore through my extensive NOT first-hand research and present...THE COMPLETE (UN)BIASED HISTORY OF MIDNIGHT!
Every flag sucks but mine....I mean, the hypothetical flag I do not belong to. Now go away.

 

by Serandite
7-20-05
Being the Generous(tm) pirates we are, we are pleased to offer the FANDANGO BLOCKADE PACKAGE!
Now featuring: More "Rockstar" elitists than you can fire a shot at! (Except that you can't, of course!)
And enough manufactured cool to SINK THE ENTIRE MIDNIGHT OCEAN'S FLEETS TWICE OVER!
WE LOVE YOU FANDANGO!

 

by Serandite
8-10-05
Whatever shall we call those fine pirates of Viridian?
Viridianites? ... Viridianese!
Nah and nope.
...Viridian..ians?
AHA!
NO! I've got it! STUPID ANNOYING TWELVE-YEAR-OLDS!

 

by Serandite
8-10-05
MAN! This housing stuff sure is neat! I can almost picture myself sleeping in that bed!
And this lamp feature sure will be great after the next 10 times!
And what about that poe chest which is empty from buying all this furniture?

 

by Serandite
8-23-05
Things That Make Anything Sound Like FUN: Sheep!
Baaaaa! Baaaaa! I am FUN! I pass the ultimate judgement on all actions! BAAAAH.
Fruit!
AAAAAARGH JEEZ I HATE THIS ! I HAND WAVE FREAKOUT ABOUT YOU!
I will rectify the situation by adding FRUIT!
Events!
Check out my cool event idea! Check it out! Come! Now! We have prizes and all!
Just make sure to job for us while doing it - on a blockading ship!

 

by Serandite
9-17-05
Welcome to U.P.A.M.
Over the course of using UPAM, you will run across exceptional puzzlers and high-quality mates to hang out with.
These two categories of players are mutually exclusive.

 

by Serandite
9-20-05
Why is Fandango blockading Xi? Simple.
It's not for any imaginable reason. Oh, no! We're FANDANGO! We are BEYOND reason!
We are at the mercy of a thinly veiled reference to our politicos - errrrrrrr MAD PROFESSOR!
Good, good. For your next post, I would like a Swahili translation of "Puff The Magic Dragon." You will do this because I told you to! Oh, and forget that entire "fun" spiel. We've moved on from that.

 

by Serandite
12-04-05
Ho Ho Ho and Merry Chri - uhhhh HAPPY HOLIDAYS. For this holiday season, we have a special treat.
Special holiday trinkets, distributed in frequent tourneys, for everyone!
Oh look, here comes Everyone.
Wherever shall I keep all these things?

 

by Serandite
12-08-05
Three Rings
ARR! Two years, over 1.3 million pirates, and 20,000 paying customers! *hic*
Wait. That's only 1 percent...
Viridian
2 years wtf wow thats like umm one sixth my age!
bring it noob I got one year off mom's credit card!
Serandite
Whoowee. Two years. I need some cannon fodder.

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