All comics by Sevastra

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by Sevastra
1-06-03
At a park somewhere in America...
When's the damn bus going to get here? I hate being out in public. The masses and their ignorant offspring truly do rule here.
Hi. I'm a squirrel.
... You speak. What do you want?
I'm going into hibernation soon, and I'm gathering food for the winter. Can you spare any nuts?
Come near my nuts and I'll kill you. I need these things.

 

by Sevastra
1-06-03
In the distant past...
I'm not entirely sure how they want me to do this. I suppose I'll just have to improvise and do my best.
FLASH! BANG! LENS FLARE! Okay, so this was just an excuse to skip ahead in the story.
Not bad if I do say so myself. Shut up and die.
My death shall be avenged! A religion will be started in honor of me and its followers will persecute you! I AM NOT KIDDING! GET ME THE %@$# DOWN FROM HERE!!!

 

by Sevastra
1-06-03
Secret laboratory in an undisclosed location...
So what do the instructions say?
"Operating instructions: Place object firmly on forehead. Proceed to strike object with as sizable an amount of force as can be mustered." Sounds painful, but here goes.
Ouch. Pain radiating from cranial area. I believe these instructions are incorrect.
It must suck to be you right about now.
Some days earlier, in a Middle Eastern hardware factory...
I have noticed that the majority of our products are purchased by Americans, so I want you to replace the instructions we provide with doctored ones that will be hazardous to them.
You got it, Binny.

 

by Sevastra
1-07-03
Dammit. Out of provisions again. Time to go raid the local 7-Eleven.
I hope those bastards didn't break the Slurpee machine again...
Greetings. I am Father Ostrowski. I have come to sodomize little boys. God commands it. Do you have any little boys to donate to the church?
I want my damn Slurpee, dude. Move.

 

by Sevastra
1-07-03
Our, erm... "heroes" receive a surprise visit...
You have a visitor.
Who could be coming here at this hour? No matter... send them in.
Allo. I am Shishka Baba. I am an ambassador from Afghanistan. I would like to inform you that your country is filled with swine and shall perish.
Oh well. Your country is filled with terrorists who wear diapers on their heads. We call you diaperheads 'cause you have shit for brains. Now there's someone I'd like you to meet.
Allo, Jesus. You realize you are a symbol of the one thing we hate most, yes?
I died for your sins and this is how you people repay me? By worshipping some chode named "Allah"?! Fuck you all! Go to hell!!! BURN!!!

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