All comics by SteveOregano

 

by SteveOregano
2-08-03
This is God speaking and the sin in this scene is: greed.
... and even though the bag doesn't inflate, oxygen is still reaching the mask.
I would like million dollars.
This is God speaking and the sin in this scene is: adultery.
oral oral oral...
Stewardess is good at oral.
This is God speaking and the sin in this scene is: Jewish.
Hello, I would like kosher meal.

 

by SteveOregano
2-08-03
Strip creator is like Pokemon
Gotta catch 'em all!
I call.....
...Erasermon!
Pimp school didn't teach me nuthin' bout this shit.

 

by SteveOregano
2-08-03
Frankie says "relax"
That shan't be a problem.
RING RING!
Will someone get that phone!?
The Recidivism rate is high in this part of the country.
I'll get it.
?

 

by SteveOregano
2-08-03
LAST TIME THIS HAPPENED.
I'll get it.
!
Now, THIS happens.
Who is it?
This is Frankie.
And then these events concluded the action.
I just smoked a brick of hash, so I'm good.
Don't make me go all "Ghost Dad" on your ass.

 

by SteveOregano
2-08-03
My psyche is a Molotov cocktail. My soul is a napalm bomb. My heart is at critical mass.
Um...
What did you say?
I said "Um..."
I've lost my train of thought...
Am I 65 yet?

 

by SteveOregano
2-08-03
I SAW THAT I THINK STEVE IS LIKE A FUNDAMENTALIST OR SOMETHING
Let's investigate your theory, LondonArbuckkle.
SteveOregano, do you believe in me?
Um.
What did you say?
I said "Um."

 

by SteveOregano
2-08-03
http://pub158.ezboard.com/steveoreganoisafuckingasswholikestolickhisownassandhealsosucks.com
haha
Believe it or not
Although, I guess, in theory you could still call the character Bill Cosby. Hmmm... tough question.
Good times.
404 Error: Page not found

 

by SteveOregano
2-08-03
It's important that you give the church ten percent of your income. You don't want to end up in Hell.
It's called a tithe.
...I'll give you ten percent of my fingers, you stupid pirate smoker.
ZING!

 

by SteveOregano
2-09-03
I summon...
I'm getting to old for this shit.
...Rashomon!
Pimp shoes don't fail me now!

 

by SteveOregano
2-09-03
London Arbuckkle, today you will learn the lesson of "crime doesn't pay"
UH-oh!
My friends call me London, but you can call me Mr. Arbuckkle.
What are you in for, Mr. London Arbuckkle?
Income tax evasion! What about you?
Impersonating a police officer.

 

by SteveOregano
2-09-03
Hi Santa! Time for Christmas!
Christmas doesn't exist London Arbuckkle!
That's better.
Back to the Future!
A present...for me? You shouldn't have.
It's a quarter, so you can buy yourself a clue.

 

by SteveOregano
2-09-03
Hello. Do you know where London Arbuckkle is? I wish to frighten him into a lower level of intelligence.
Yeah...he went thattaway! ---->
Thank you.
That was TOO close.

 

by SteveOregano
2-09-03
Hooray for the first day of camp!
Hello, London Arbuckkle, welcome to Fat Camp.
Fat Camp?
Later...
I sure did lose some weight at Fat Camp. Time for Christmas Adventures.

 

by SteveOregano
2-09-03
I am Sgt. Kargoman and I am the Drill Instructor. What is your name, recruit?
Sir, Private London Arbuckkle, Sir!
Bullshit, I think I'll call you Private Twinkle-toe Judy McVaginakins. How do you like that, recruit?
Frankly, I am hurt. Why must you be so mean?
We need to make you dehuman so that you will kill Charlie Gookenheim with out fear and without passion. War IS hell. Private, you WILL become a robotic killing machine.
...whatEVER!

 

by SteveOregano
2-09-03
Now that I have lost all this weight it's time for Basketball Adventure Hijinks.
London Arbuckkle! You will be Number 17 on this team. I am Number 28, as you can plain well see.
Hold on, I, London Arbuckkle, just remembered a semi-popular Wesley Snipes/Woody Harrelson sports movie that might apply to this situation.
Haha, I think I know what movie you are talking about and I agree with you, you crazy cracker.
For answers to this joke go here: (http://us.imdb.com/Title?0105812)
Oh, you saw Wildcats (1986), too?
Oh... I thought you were talking about Play It to The Bone (1999)

 

by SteveOregano
2-09-03
God damn, this movie has alot of water in it.
Hello, I am jaded mermaid princess Ariel. Oh no, it is the Squid Wizard!
Won't these stupid hippies ever shut up?..... Edith, get the orange pills.
Under the sea...!
Under the sea...!
We had fish like that in the war. We called them French people.
Oh no, Ariel, it is a shark!
Shark; shark, shark. Shark? Shark!

 

by SteveOregano
2-10-03
Hello, London Arbuckkle, welcome to Africa. I will sing you African song: From the day we arrive on this planet, And blinkings step into the sun...the Circle of Life!
HOLY FUCK, ARE YOU DOING A RAP SONG RIGHT NOW??
Hahahaha
A good subtitle for this is: "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery of Jixby Phillips."
I get it

 

by SteveOregano
2-10-03
Time for report cards, London Arbuckkle. You received excellent "marks."
Hot damn!
Hey, Mom! Let me read you my grades: Math A Plus, Science A+ English A- Social Studies A+ Basketball Hijinks B and a half
Excellent work, son! Don't tell your good-for-nothing, alcoholic father, but I think you get it from my side of the family.
Hey Sis! Guess what! The Arbuckkles are moving up in the world!
You're telling me!

 

by SteveOregano
2-10-03
Hello, this is Vern.
Hey, Vern, it's London Arbuckkle!
Hello...?
Uh-oh, I fell down.
Man, I'm tired of your games.
Know what I mean?

 

by SteveOregano
2-10-03
Today is mail bag day. Let's take a look: Tommy Valance of Anytown, Utah writes "Deer Steve Oregno, is London Arbukel reel? Sincerly, Tomi Valanc"
I am the bird.
That's a good question. London Arbuckkle is not real, per se. He's more of an everyman, a Johnny Mainstream if you will. His quirks are our own. My hope is that we can all see ourselves in him.
I can certainly see myself in London Arbuckkle.
The name "London Arbuckkle" comes from a bar I once went to in the Pacific Northwest. It was the name of a drink there, sort of a tangy vodka/Ocean Spray CranRaspberry concoction.
Steve Oregano is a flamingly gay alcoholic. Somebody call social services.

 

by SteveOregano
2-12-03
Hello, my son, the Arbuckkle family is moving to Grandpa Arbuckkle's farm down south.
Woe is me. My adventures are over. I now must say goodbye to all the friends I've met over the course of my many adventures.
Can it be true? Our hapless hero...says his goodbyes.
Goodbye, Owlman, from "London Arbuckkle and the case of Owlman's missing video rental card."
It turned out to be in my other pair of pants.
Goodbye, Dog on a ball, from "London Arbuckkle and the case of the Lycanthropic purse snatcher."
Roar!

 

by SteveOregano
2-12-03
Goodbye, surly pool cleaner from "London Arbuckkle and the case of the unsurly pool cleaner."
Adios!
Goodbye, elderly woman from "London Arbuckkle and the case of gout."
Let's go for one last foxtrot, eh sonny?
Goodbye, evil clone from "London Arbuckkle and the case of the evil London clone that burgled and then in the end Sandra didn't know which one of us to shoot."
Haha, she shot YOU, you ass.

 

by SteveOregano
2-12-03
Goodbye, Mark Curry of Television's "Hangin' with Mr. Cooper" from "London Arbuckkle and the case of why "Don't Forget your Toothbrush" was canceled."
No mystery there, London.
Goodbye, nubile bisexual from "Bonin' Bonanza 18: London Arbuckkle and the case of the missing penis."
It turned out that it was in my vagina. Bow-chica-wa-wa.
Later, London retires to a quiet life on his Grandpa's farm...or does he?
Hey London, I am a member of your grandfather's livestock here on your grandfather's farm. I just found a portal to Dimension X! Let's go check it out!
Here we go again...

 

by SteveOregano
2-12-03
An interesting proposal...
First, there was Full House, then Two of a Kind. Now I have an idea for a third Olsen twins show named after a poker hand. It's called Royal Flush. So, the Olsen twins are princesses, ok?...
But their constant squabbling over the throne causes the Queen to disown them. The only place they can then find work is as plumbers. We periodically show tasteful buttcrack shots to keep up ratings.
Network Executives!
I like the idea. I'll give you $5 million.
I am ambivilant. On one hand, I don't like the exploitation of these youthful twins. On the otherhand, this will undoubtably result in two of my three favorite things: money and money.
Next...on an all new episode of Royal Flush.
Garcon, bring me my Evian!
Mary Kate, you have to face facts. We can't live the high life anymore... we're PLUMBERS, not PRINCESSES.

 

by SteveOregano
4-27-03
The opinions expressed in this commentary do not reflect those of INANIMATE_OBJECT_COMICS or it's subsidiaries.
Hello! This is London Arbuckkle, creator, writer, producer, director, editor, etc of TELEPHONE_COMICS!
Spike Lee came to the set when we were filming this scene and said, "What makes you think you can use the N-word, whitey?" I was all like, "Security!"

 

by SteveOregano
4-27-03
Thiz phone iz dog. I kill thiz phone. I smash thiz phone with hammer.
We tried to get Philip Seymour Hoffman for this scene but he said he was busy washing his hair.
*pause*

 

by SteveOregano
4-27-03
In a world...
Ring ring!
Oh no! It's loose!
NOOOOOOOO!!!
When TERROR calls, will you accept the charges?
Dialing your number this fall!

 

by SteveOregano
4-27-03
Ok, try it like one of those Chinamen like I've seen on TV.
Um...ok. Herro! Time for Terephones!
Ok, try it like a fop!
What's a fop?
Ok, now try it like ME!
[Affects pretentious, cockney accent] 'Alo. Time for Telephones, govna!

 

by SteveOregano
4-27-03
RING RING!
RING RING!
BEEP BEEP!
Sorry! That's my cel.
You could cut the irony with a butter knife. Are we doing another? Oh...ok. Fine. Someone bring me my Evian.
RING RING!
I can't work like this. I was in a Julia Roberts movie.

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