All comics by TrueAbomination

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by TrueAbomination
2-08-01
Once Upon A Petri Dish.. Far, Far Away.....
Alas! I have Created A masterpiece! A DNA fix of profound magnetude..
In just MOMENTS I will be transformed into the PERFECT man.. I will be desired by ALL WOMEN.. Based on EACH woman's preference in the world!!!! I have arrived!
Stupid Stupid STUPID!! Proper Planning Prevents Piss poor Performance! I SHOULD have reviewed those answers and created a time machine first!!....

 

by TrueAbomination
2-08-01
I am so nervous! I realize that tecnology has greatly advanced since I was a teen..sitting on my bed.. tissue and lotion at hand.. But what if the dating service screws up?
Ugh I am pacing! I cannot believe this..... So I asked for someone who doesn't mind cold weather..likes the outdoors..isn't scared to confront a spider...like wate..*Oh* that must be her now!
Oh Great! EVERYONE wants to be a comedian these days!
Terrific! How divine!!...The appearance of crimson red on pale, ashen skin... mmmmm

 

by TrueAbomination
2-08-01
*sings* Once....there was this boyyyy who didn't know what race he was and he dealt in Hos and sales and whennn he met Queen Lee...
He... Could.... not move he was breath takennn... he couldn't quite explainn it he'd always been a playyyahh
MMMMmmmmmMMmmMM mMMmmMMMMmm
WHAT everrr... go to hell
*whimper*

 

by TrueAbomination
2-08-01
Nope
ok... now? ..*blink*
Nope. STILL Not impressed!
OK THEN! How about THIS!!! *blink*
ok.. OK! Dinner.. 8:00 Wednesday!.. Please!
Must have been my charm.

 

by TrueAbomination
2-08-01
*sings* I see fieldss of greeeen.. monters of white..
Fat clowns dancing... into the night...and I think to myself....
I miss NAM.... what a girllll

 

by TrueAbomination
2-08-01
WHat in the ????
Ok... This has GOT to be a dream .. Wake.. WAKE...
HAHA! What an ODD dream! ..Shew... hahaha.. Wow Either I need to do away with some of this sexual frustration.. or.. I need to stop eating cabbage before bed. I'm just glad that I woke up.

 

by TrueAbomination
2-08-01
The worst part about being me isn't my color...
Has nothing to do with having tentacles for lips.. HELPS most of the time... Know what I'm sayin'? hehehe
*ahem* ...No.. the worst part about being me is having a tucan permanently nested on my head.. just YOU try to be FEARSOME with a bird chirping away on YOUR head....

 

by TrueAbomination
2-09-01
Ughh!! What do you WANT?!?!?! You have been following me since I left the coffee shop! NOT a nice thing to do to a BLIND girl at NIGHT on a deserted SIDEWALK, pal!
*Card Reads* "I am deaf."
Would you like to make a contribution to the deaf of America in exchange for this card with printed hand signals, ma'am?
I KNEW you people were con artists!! You filthy little CREEP! Not nice to LIE about your disabilities. Yeah.. I see you sulking and walking away! I SEE YOU! You SHOULD be ashamed!

 

by TrueAbomination
2-09-01
Lewk enters the club...
HAH BAYBY! I SAW YEW CHECKIN ME OUT FROM OVER THAR! WANNA BAH ME A DRANK?
No this hooker did NOT just hit on me. I might be a bit inebriated but.. HELLO? This chick has less teeth than a 50 year old comb and more ink than a full year playboy subscrition.
Can't be beer goggles.. he's having whiskey...
Well? You going to buy me a drinky drink or NOT, sugar pants? A girl gets thirsty after doing the worm so many times in one night. Besides.. I think someone intentionally kicked me while I was down.
Ma'am? I can't tellya where and where not *hiccup* you can stand. But, please. Don't talk to me.
That's going to hurt in the morning...
So why the change of heart all of a sudden? What topic would you best like to discuss? I am a Rhodes Scholar, a Gormet Chef AND a world renowned masseuse.
Wow. *hiccccccup* Something is different somehow.Did this girl change her shirt while I wasn't looking?

 

by TrueAbomination
2-09-01
What an AWFUL night! Man? How did we end up in JAIL? The last thing I remember was being pulled from my bed, sound asleep ..by policemen?
Yo? That wasn't your BED, dude! You were behind the wheel of a car.. PASSED OUT. Hell I was too. You were coasting at 2 MPH with only a guard rail steering us. Weaaaak!
Benny? I am scared. The big fellow over there with a pack of Pall Malls rolled up in his forehead skin keeps winking at me. Benny? I am a delicate man. I am petrified.
Don't sweat, yo. Lemme handle dis...
Benny? I appreciate you helping me out man.. But DAMN that is GROSS! How are you getting all of it IN there like that? What? do you gargle with summer sausage?
*Ehmt* I said *Ehmt* I'll handle *Ehmt* dis. And hey *Ehmt* I needed the cash..

 

by TrueAbomination
2-12-01
Hey baby! You lookin' for uh good time?
Boy howdy! Ya bet'cha! How much for that canine position sex you youngin's like so much these days?
Depends, sugar! Use'ully twenny five. I get fifty to play extras in movies. I'm an actress too, baby. Tell ya what. Why don'tya tell me how BIG your love muscle is.
I'd say it's bout this big, love muffin'.
Then in this sit-chi-ation, it's gonna have to be fifty. For the acting, o'carse.

 

by TrueAbomination
2-12-01
But honey.. Just look at him. And where he's coming from. He obviously lost someone recently. Can't we please offer him a ride atleast?
You KNOW how I feel about giving strange people rides, honey. It just isn't a good idea these days. You never know about people these days.... Ohhh alRIGHT! OK I will ask. ...Happy?
Sir. You seem to be a little distressed. Is there anything we can do for you? Call you a ca....... um er.. anything? We'd like to help you with anything you need..
Did you say ANYTHING I need? *poof*
Uh Oh. A hairy situation that requires leverage on my behalf.. and me, without my low-cut blouse.
I can hear your thoughts, oh fleshy one. And milk bags affect me none. Now on to anything.....

 

by TrueAbomination
2-12-01
I have summoned you. I rubbed this lamp and released you and now you must do my bidding...
I-am-Clango-Genie-2000. I-have-replaced-immortal-mortal-genies. What-is-it-that-you-wish?
Clango I demand that you grant me ass for a lifetime, that you place me in a location that I will forever be the most handsome around.. and I would like a relentless boner.
Your-wish-is-my-command. *poof*
Oh! HA-HA-HA! Very Funny. Now get your metal based ass back here and change me back!
*swoon*

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