All comics by WTFMAO

Profile

 

by WTFMAO
3-23-03
Going to need some help feeding the baby here.
Oh, uh...would you look at the time?
Going to need some help feeding the baby here.
Oh, uh...would you look at the time?
Going to need some help feeding the baby here.
Oh, uh...would you look at the time?

 

by WTFMAO
3-23-03
I'm a dog! A goddamned dog! On a ball, no less!
Damn your eyes, the lot of you!
YOU DID THIS! YOU DID THIS TO ME!!

 

by WTFMAO
3-23-03
I say, everyone! Let's create some "rap" music!
Why, what a capital idea!
Oh, I quite agree. "Hip-hop is tip-top," or so they told me at Oxford!
Yes, let's begin, post-haste!
Then it's agreed! We shall make the jolliest "rap" music that anyone has ever heard! Who'd like to begin?

 

by WTFMAO
3-23-03
Howdy folks. I'd like to talk to you today about cowboys, and how a cowboy's life ain't always what it's cracked up to be.
Now, for instance, just take this here canyon, or what you city-slickers would call a "ravine."
Wait...what was I going to say?

 

by WTFMAO
3-23-03
What the hell? What are you even supposed to be??
I'm your worst nightmare.
No, seriously. What are you supposed to be?

 

by WTFMAO
3-23-03
Whistle, whistle.
Now wait just a damn second, here. Have you been following me around?
No.
Damn right, you haven't!

 

by WTFMAO
3-23-03
Ah, the undersea version of the American Civil War. How goes it, soldier?
This bizzle be off the hizzle.
So...you're saying that things are going...well?
That's fo' shizzle, my nizzle.
What's the matter, soldier?
I can't brizzle, 'cause ain't no oxyzzle.

 

by WTFMAO
3-23-03
Here I am, on the roof of this extremely tall building, looking down at the pavement below.
An exceedingly tall building. A "skyscraper," if you will.
Don't mock me, you goddamned simian!

 

by WTFMAO
3-23-03
I, uh...I, I don't normally do this sort of thing, but you have...I mean, what I'm trying to say here is that, that you've got such lovely, such lovely eyes...
I mean, I don't want to seem like some kind of jerk, or anything. I totally, you know, I mean, I totally respect you, and everything. But you smell so nice, tonight.
Wait, no. Not smell. Can I...ha ha! Can I take that over again? I mean, what I meant to say was that you're special. And no, you know, not the sappy "special" way, but I mean, really special to

 

by WTFMAO
3-23-03
Hi folks, "TV's" Marie Swenson here to tell you about this fabulous new orange-oil-based cleaning agent, Orange-It-Clean-2000! It's a miracle product endorsed by mothers, baptists, and even monkeys!
Orange-It-Clean 2000's stain-fighting power is unmatched. And I'm not just paying this monkey in oranges and sex to endorse the product either. I ask you: is this the face of a monkey that would lie?

 

by WTFMAO
3-23-03
Yo, whassup kid, whassup, yeah, it's all good, kid, yeah, it's all good, whassup kid, yeah, it's all good, kid, all good.
Got me my cell phone, here. Gonna talk all up in this to my boy here, yo kid, yo player, it's all good, kid, it's all good!
That's not a cell phone, that's (insert something hilarious here).

 

by WTFMAO
3-23-03
You ever notice how toilet paper and tissue paper are thinner than regular paper? I mean, what's the deal with that?
You're not funny.
And observational humor? It's like, funny because it's true, right? I mean, what's up there, huh?
Not in the least.
I mean, I could stand here all day, describing things that are true in unnecessary detail...
I'm out of here.

 

by WTFMAO
3-23-03
Oooooo! Well, look at us! Aren't we into the Christmas spirit! Did your mommy make you that costume? What a precious little bundle of Christmas joy! Oooo!!
Did everyone see that? Did you all see how I "owned" this poor little fellow? "Owned," I say! Oh dear me, but I'm so very clever!

 

by WTFMAO
3-23-03
As part of a nationwide promotion, this freakish squirrel-thing is running cross-country to benefit colon-cancer victims in Bosnia.
Go squirrel, go!

 

by WTFMAO
3-23-03
Girl, I want to provide for you-woo, and do all the things you want me to, but
OH! OH, NO! DON'T BRING ME DOWN! OH, NO NO NO!
OH! OH NO, DON'T BRING ME DOWN!

 

by WTFMAO
3-23-03
I'll buy you a Cadillac...buy you a Cadillac...I'll buy YOU a Cadillac, if you just gimme some of your love.
PLEASE gimme some of your love!
I...uh, BOUGHT you a Cadillac...bought you a Cadillac...bought YOU a Cadillac, now I'm gonna TAKE my Cadillac back...!

 

by WTFMAO
3-25-03
And so, neither Chester the Polite Cat nor Egg-bert, the Courteous Robot wishes to begin the conversation, each fearing that the other might consider the interruption to be rude.
An uncomfortable silence ensues. A Mexican standoff of repressed behavior!
To mitigate the awkward situation, Egg-bert the robot feigns not being there anymore.

 

by WTFMAO
3-25-03
Now Timmy, I'll invade your dreams and turn them all into nightmares! You'll never be rid of me, and your hunky lifeguard dad and sexy waitress mom can't do a thing to protect you! HA HA HA HA!!
It's me, Derange-O, the Clown! Fear me, worship me, for you are my slave for the next thirty minutes or so, until 9/8 Central and Mountain, followed by your local news program!!
YOU WILL KNEEL BEFORE MY WRATH!!!
I had to pick today to go and get paralyzed from the forehead down.

 

by WTFMAO
3-25-03
"Me and what army," you ask? Me and THIS army! Your school-bullying days are over, Clint Toughguy!

 

by WTFMAO
3-25-03
Good afternoon, ma'am! I'm here on behalf of Drug Co., LLC, a proud subsidiary of...say, are you going to finish eating that?
Eating what? You mean...my baby??
Yes, don't you also consume your young? Or at least, the iron-rich placenta in which they're birthed? It's a delicious and nutritious way to...wait, don't close THAT...
Well, I never! Or at least, almost never.
...door.

 

by WTFMAO
3-29-03
Yo, I'm a baller. Holla!
...and that's when the whole room started to go dim. I could feel my life ebbing away. The smell of my own blood filled my nostrils...
...my whole life, as I knew it, was ending. Something warm brushed my cheek, gently. I knew it was my own entrails...
Holla back atcha boy!

 

by WTFMAO
3-29-03
wtf omg its a skeleton, im gonna pwnz it and get phat lewt
lol wtf my fireball only did 164 dmg

 

by WTFMAO
3-29-03
That these usurpers be destroyed, I, King Aeetes, sow the cursed teeth of the fallen hydra in the soil, thereby raising an unholy army of the undead!
Foul minion of Hades! You'll not stand between my stalwart crew and the miraculous Golden Fleece!
In the name of my ancestors!!

 

by WTFMAO
3-29-03
So I'm at the party, right? And this skeleton comes up and tries to start talking to me. You believe that? A skeleton.
Yeah, right! Like I'd ever give a skeleton the time of day! God, they are such a turn-off! No woman in her right mind would ever be with a skeleton!

 

by WTFMAO
3-29-03
AAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

by WTFMAO
3-29-03
Well, of course I'm being careful with this ancient Egyptian relic, Watkins. You think I don't know how much this priceless antique is worth?
Listen Watkins, this museum exhibit isn't going to build itself, so why don't you stop worrying and starting moving your own............. OOPS!!
Now, what did I just knock over? Well, I'm sure it wasn't valuable.

 

by WTFMAO
3-29-03
Come to me my darling...enjoy the moonlight's last kiss on your skin, for your life is MINE! Welcome to the embrace of that coldest and most undiscriminating void!
No...no it can't be my time yet. I'm too young. I'm too young!!
And who next? The damned accept even the vilest, lowliest, and most malformed among their ranks! Soon, you will...wait, a skeleton?? Oh, hell no!! No, I don't think so!!

 

by WTFMAO
3-29-03
Oh yeah. Yeah, this is totally perfect. OK, you go first.
I don't know...you sure we're supposed to be doing this? Well, what the hell. I'll give it a shot. I'll just take this one here...
Jenga!

 

by WTFMAO
4-16-03
Oh, snap! It's one of those internet monkeys! If I punch the monkey, I win $10, just like I saw on the internet!
You don't want none of this.
Yeah, I didn't think so.

 

by WTFMAO
1-13-04
Electric tie rack, it's so fine, moves the ties from side to side,
Electric tie rack, baby loves it, rackin' up electric ties,
Thank you!

 

by WTFMAO
1-13-04
Here I am! Rock you like a hurricane! Here I am! Rock you like a hurricane!

 

by WTFMAO
1-13-04
The introduction, in which we meet our protagonists.
I'm on fire! Yeah baby, whatcha think about that? I'm burnin' up! "What a lovely way to burn! You give me fever," am I right?
The dramatic buildup, followed by the climax.
So, uh...you want to maybe...go out some time?
Fin.

 

by WTFMAO
1-13-04
Welcome, everyone, to the guided tour of the Adam West's Batman Museum. Here, we have a vintage "splat" used in episode #357.
This "zap" was re-used in numerous fist-fights against the henchmen of the Joker and the Penguin. True story!
And over here...well, would you look at this, folks! We've got a rare treat for you: an actual Batman fistfight, already in progress!

 

by WTFMAO
2-04-05
Boom! Boom! Thump! Thump!
Let's get this party started, let's get this party started! Uh! Uh!
Repetitive synth chord looped over and over.
Yeah, you know what I like! Yeah, just like that, on the dance floor!
Grating snare drum, nonsensical vocal bit (also looped).
Uh! Shake it, shake it! Get down with yourself! What? I can't hear you!...Are you still there?

 

by WTFMAO
4-06-05
And now, I shall entertain you with the sound of my ululation. It's a bit of an acquired taste, but I'm huge in Europe.
(however you would phonetically spell out the sound of ululation)

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