All comics by _wicked_

 

The Hell Is This? by _wicked_ 1-01-03
Excuse me young man, could you assist me in driving this nail into my skull? The fuck is in it for me?	According to my lawyer..... nothing. Just the satisfaction you will derive from driving a spike into my tortured brain. I have spontaneously turned into a squirrel.	The dillusions are coming back to me... I must end my tortured existance immediately! You're a fucked up person... you know that right?

 

Why Squirrels Are Sexually Frustrated. by _wicked_ 1-01-03
I would really enjoy partaking in the sultry tones of a phone sex service, but I don't think I could reach that phone to save my life.	I would really like to change this television set from Teletubbies to the Playboy channel, but alas... again I find myself physically unable to do so.	WHERE IS A DAMN SQUIRREL SUPPOSED TO FIND SEXUAL SATISFACITON IN THIS WORLD GEARED TOWARD THE PHYSICALLY... TALLER??? *sob*

 

Huh? by _wicked_ 1-01-03
Excuse me, is that spot taken? It depends. What kind of underwear are you wearing?	I have spontaneously turned into Satan! What an interesting plot twist. You, my friend, are a sick, sick squirrel. How dare you hit on old women? I'm really, really sexually frustrated.	Why didn't you say so! Fortunately I moonlight as a pimp, so I can hook you up! I shouldn't have eaten the contents of that baggie that I found under this bench.

 

Canadian Charm by _wicked_ 1-01-03
Things just wouldn't work out between us. I mean... I'm a badly drawn yet cute stick boy, and you're... a hell beast. My mother warned me about hell beasts. I'm not a hell beast.	Alas, although I'm sure you could pleasure me in ways that would make my genitals sing, I cannot take up your generous sexual offer. I'm from Canada, that's why I look like this.	Hmmm Canadian... I don't think my mother said a word about them. It just kind of goes without saying. Let's get it on. I knew you couldn't resist my hellish---erm... Canadian charm.

 

Why I Shouldn't Do Comics Late At Night by _wicked_ 1-01-03
This squirrel has been staring at me for about six hours straight now without blinking. I'm not quite sure what to make of this. This lame loser has been sitting here for six hours straight now. Fortunately my eyelids were torn away in a freak soccer accident, so I may closely observe him.	If he thinks he's getting my nuts, he's so very wrong. I suspect that he was born a woman.	What? Oh sorry, was that out loud?

 

The Truth Comes Out by _wicked_ 1-02-03
For some reason people don't really find my comics all that funny. They are just being polite and trying not to crush my delicate spirit when they say they liked them. Actually it's a conspiracy. They are using your shitty comics as justification for your impending murder.	.... Murder? I have said too much.	That is SO cool! So they do love me after all!! How much HAVE you had to drink tonight anyway? And where did your eye go?

 

SNÄLL TAND! by _wicked_ 1-02-03
SNÄLL TAND! ?	SNÄLL TAND!!!! .....	Dedicated to Fnedric. :P SNÄLL TAND! Riiiiiiiiight.

 

Sometimes You Just Don't Want To Know. by _wicked_ 1-02-03
Could you please help me? The pigmented part of my eyes fell off and got stuck on my shirt. I could, but it will cost you.	Well, unfortunately due to my lack of vision, I cannot locate my wallet to pay you... you'll just have to trust me. You don't need eyes for the payment I want for my services. *suggestive wink*	... I think I should be really, really glad I'm blind right now. Oh come on, I'm not that bad!

 

A Birthday Strip by _wicked_ 1-03-03
It is my lover's birthday, and so this is for him. I am the one in the trash can. I am so damn old. I am merely a teenager.	He will be 23 on January 4. Very, very soon it will no longer be socially acceptable for me to be with teenagers.... This is true.	Happy Birthday! Let's get it on! Climb into my trash can and say that dirty... you know how I like it!

 

Getting Worse and Worse by _wicked_ 1-04-03
Excuse me, sir.... you cannot weild weapons such as hooks and swords in public areas. Arrr! I'm a pirate!	Erm... yes, so I gathered from the hook, sword, eyepatch and pirate hat. The high heels threw me off for a moment but I thank you for confirming my suspicions that you are, indeed, a pirate. Arrrrrr!!! Shiver me timbers!	... You haven't been a pirate for very long, have you? I soiled my other costume. It was either a pirate or fairy princess today. I combined the two by wearing the heels.

 

Painkillers Make Everything Fun by _wicked_ 1-04-03
Do you notice how my cheekbones mimic my breasts? Uuuh...	I had cheek implants. I mean, I have to hide my breast implants under ill-fitting and badly matched clothing all day, so something has to show. And people find this sexy?	I'm lactating out my cheeks now, does that turn you on? I have to go be violently ill... bye.

 

Not Even Trying To Be Funny by _wicked_ 1-04-03
Cheep! Poor little bird. Society has caged you. It cages us all in a way... we are born into a system and we die in a system.	Cheep! I would set you free, but then what would your life be? Living outside society is a lonely thing my friend. You must conform to acheive the greater good.	Cheep! Yeah you wish buddy.

 

Snowman by _wicked_ 1-04-03
I have created a man of snow.	Such is my life. All the men in my life are cold and distant... ones I cannot obtain or keep. This snowman is here for now, but as soon as the sun comes up he is gone. Just like a man.	... But in some ways he's better. His snowballs are huge.

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