All comics by agentdiesel

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by agentdiesel
10-01-01
The little, plastic castle is a surprise every time.
Excuse me?
I am 32 flavors and then some.
Why do you keep spouting random Ani DiFranco lyrics?
She's the voice of our sapphic grrl generation. She embodies what all womyn should be. We can be soft, we can be hard, but we are womyn with womyn. It's grrls for grrls here.
"L" might stand for lesbian, but it can also stand for loser.

 

by agentdiesel
10-02-01
So, what do you think of the sudden shortage of gas masks throughout the nation?
Well, gas masks are pretty impractical, seeing that you have to have specialized training in order for them to be effective.
Not to mention that you'd have to be psychic because you need to put the mask on before any gas is released.
Yes. I find that most of America is, well, a little "slow" on the uptake.
Well then, if another country does utilize this type of warfare, we have determined that there will be many dead Americans.
Indeed. And in times like these, I'm really glad that I'm a psychic goat with a spare gas mask.

 

by agentdiesel
10-02-01
It's the end. The time I just spent in the bathroom allowed me enough time to realize that my life is meaningless.
Insanity. Why did spend so long in the bathroom, then?
I drank too much Jack Daniels AppleJack and ate too many french fries. I was constipated, damn it! And I didn't even think to grab the new Reader's Digest. I had nothing to do but think!
If I were you, I'd just stop moping about and get on with life. Everyone poops, you know? And while you're at it, stop buying expensive party drinks. They're a rip-off, you know.
You know come to think of it, I did get to take my toenail polish off. And I've never read the back panel of my mouthwash before. Maybe the time wasn't wasted.
. . .

 

by agentdiesel
10-03-01
You have to be out of your apartment by Halloween, you know.
Yeah, I know. I think I'll miss the freedom. Not to mention being in close proximity to everything.
Do your parents keep close tabs on your or something?
No, they trust me. It's just sort of sad... having to move back home and all. But I will save a lot of money and be able to move to Columbus according to plan.
So then...
Yeah. Time for bed.

 

by agentdiesel
10-04-01
I'm going to fail my Human Origins and Prehistory Test, you know.
Why is that?
Because I fell asleep during the videos, I didn't read my notes or the chapters, and I generally skipped too much class due to lack of interest in school as a whole.
It's your own fault, you know.
True. But it's a hell of an excuse to booze up and riot.
Verily!

 

by agentdiesel
10-05-01
Guess who
You had too many Coronas, man.
I suppose.
I'm really
Did you drive home like that? You better say that you didn't.
I really didn't. I ran out of the bar quick like a bunny. I got home before they even had time to kick in.
talking about.
And you call that a social life?
Call it what you want! I say the night was a success. I took the most satisfying pee I've taken in quite some time. A night well spent.

 

by agentdiesel
10-16-01
2AM Wednesday morning.
I am up way past my bedtime.
I never said it was funny.
I know that my life's purpose it to rock out. And I have done that all day. Verily. But I have to work tomorrow morning.
It's just the sad, sad truth.
God damn, how do I find a polite way to tell work to piss off so that I can sleep because I stayed up too late playing Tekken 3?

 

by agentdiesel
10-21-01
It is okay
Why do you have to be so narcissistic?
Because I'm totally cool.
to like
Don't you care about current events?
I keep well abreast of current events. I'm heavily involved in activism. I try to keep a global perspective. I volunteer my time to worthy liberal causes. I fight for my American rights.
yourself.
You seem like you're pretty level-headed. So why the over-abundance of self-love?
Because I'm totally cool.

 

by agentdiesel
11-20-01
I'm not ready
So I heard that you thought that you were pregnant.
Yes I did, actually. I was very late. I took a pregancy test and it was negative.
but my kid
Do you think you could actally be a good mother to an illegitimate child?
Well, I don't think it would be easy in the least. But if I were to have been pregnant, it would be very true that it was conceived in love. It would have had a big, loving family.
would rock.
So are you glad that you aren't going to have a baby now?
My biological instincts say, "No," but my head says, "More time to play Tony Hawk and drink beer."

 

by agentdiesel
9-14-02
A query...
Have you ever developed feelings for someone that you thought was "just a friend?"
I can't say that I have.
a ponderance...
Well, would you think that two very good friend could have a chance at something more than mere friendship?
I suppose. If you were like-minded, knew where you stood, and got along well.
looking for an escape route.
Right. Now... what if that friend was a squirrel?
...

 

by agentdiesel
9-14-02
True story.
My cousin's girlfriend was on America's Most Wanted.
Oh dear. What did she do?
Raped a squirrel.
Erm...
Nah. She's a cop and she took a bullet from a guy that was featured on America's Most Wanted. She was interviewed on the show.
Right, then.

 

by agentdiesel
9-15-02
Life. It seems to go on...
Do you ever wish you could read minds?
Sometimes. But... I don't think I'd want to know everything a person thought about me.
and on...
Why not? Then you could tell what was wrong with yourself, fix it, and be able to win friends and influence people.
I suppose... but... there's just one thing.
until it stops.
And what is that?
It's not a good idea for me to be able to read peoples' thoughts because I like to pretend that there isn't anything wrong with me.

 

by agentdiesel
9-15-02
One year later...
So you've been out of your apartment and back home for a year now?
Yes. It's been freeing and restrictive all at the same time. I am virtually financially free here, but my independence has a hard time living with my parents.
You only have eight months before you are out of school and can move out again, you know.
It's daunting to imagine another eight months here, and just as daunting to imagine having to move out again.
So then...
Yeah. Time for bed.

 

by agentdiesel
9-16-02
This is the true story of seven people...
I don't understand why people sign onto AOL Instant Messenger and immediately set their 'away' message.
picked to sign on to AIM...
It is befuddling. If you are 'away' or busy, shouldn't you just log on later?
and set their away messages.
Beh...

 

by agentdiesel
9-24-02
(True AIM Conversation: Part I)
"I think I can install that RAM for you. You'd have 128 mb."
"Coolio. Rock on."
Talking technology
"Do you have a screw driver and a vacuum cleaner? Has nothing to do with the computer. It's a sex thing."
"Yea. I do. But the sex thing is interesting. I can't wait for Friday."
and biology.
...
"Those were unrelated thoughts, by the way."

 

by agentdiesel
9-26-02
Meaningless banter
So you will be over tomorrow then?
Sure.
which will never
I'll make it worth the detour. Thanks. You're a peach.
Well I like seeing you. It's not like it's a chore.
amount to anything. Fuck.
Yeah, you're pretty okay to chill with too I suppose.
Heh. Whateva.

 

by agentdiesel
9-26-02
(True AIM Conversation III)
"My heart hurts like an old, beat-up shoe."
I express myself, but...
I don't quite get the solace I'm hoping for.
.
"I'm sorry to hear that but I also have to say that was a great line."

 

by agentdiesel
9-30-02
(True AIM conversation, part IV.)
"...cause I'm a weasel?"
"Yes you are."
The truth comes out
"So what kind of animal am I?"
"Weasel. Bastard weasel."
in clips and phrases.
"Do I seem weaselish?"
"Not really."

 

by agentdiesel
10-05-02
(True AIM conversation, part V.)
...."'now i'm limpin all over when i feel your touch. oh yeah.'"
This is how my legs feel
"i like beck..."
the next day.
"...when my body feels like a big, numb rock that is happy."
"coolio"

 

by agentdiesel
10-08-02
There isn't anything else to say... It's just the truth.
Yep. After careful consideration, I have determined that hugs are, indeed, warmer than kittens. Indeed. Indeed.

 

by agentdiesel
10-21-02
Maybe it's not so scary.
Hm...
Or, on second thought...
...marriage.
well, let's see...
I'll have to think about this a little more.

 

by agentdiesel
11-01-02
God's honest truth...
Hmm. What do you do when people are being bastards to you?
...this is how it goes these days.
Well, I'd say first you curse them out in your head... and then forget about them.
And I'm for serious about the hugs.
Then you go hug some shit because hugs just make you fucking happy.

 

by agentdiesel
11-18-02
I was thinking...
I spent a lot of years calling out fence riders and rebelling against standard protocol.
Neutrality is a very adult concept. And...
actions really do speak louder than words.
I still do it from time to time, but my mouth is usually silent. You find new channels through the benefits of experience.

 

by agentdiesel
12-04-02
I used to see going to University as a blessing. The potential for higher learning was nearly infinite.
I think I've gotten past that.

 

by agentdiesel
12-24-02
So. Christmas. It's sort of white outside.
Not so much snow. It doesn't take away from the overall effect or anything.
I mostly just wish that it was over.

 

by agentdiesel
2-02-03
Sigh.
War?
Sigh.

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