All comics by assinipples

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by assinipples
8-20-02
This just in...
gee, schwubs, me sowwy.
go away, you no love me
She treats him like a cunt
me SEVERAL yovey!
blow it out yer asshole!
That's gotta hurt!
schwubby hates I!
got that right, a-hole

 

by assinipples
3-31-03
The first wish...
Well, partner, we're sure teaching them Iraqi camel scratchers a thing or two!
You got that right, dang me! and Yeah har! We're gonna git them critters. Boy I sure wish...
Then suddenly...
Christ on a crumpet! What the snatch did you wish fer?
Yoiks. we's gittin all shot up. I wish we'd get some air support up in here abouts.
That's more likes it. Yeehaw, I love the smell of collateral damage in the morning.
Dance you camel scratchers! I loves me my George Bush. I sure wish...

 

by assinipples
3-31-03
what the shit are you lookin at?
blow it out yer poopshoot dog, I got worries of my own
Well, aren't you the shit? I was gonna show you my new trick called the "bouncing brown eye" but screw you
who gives a shit? don't let the screen door slam you in the ass.
Hey kid, you gotta light?
Blow it out your ass, clown

 

by assinipples
3-31-03
I don't know about this "new world order" shit
What the frick dude, I can't stand your belly achin'
If we left it up to you lefties, we'd be in some serious shite indeed. Saddam would be raping your mom, we'd all have towels on our heads and nuclear bombs up our asses. ... you fucking stupid lefties
Geez, now that you put it that way...but still, I miss my home and my job, I miss my car. When I visit my friends at their trashcans, there's never enough room to sit and chat, you know?
Nothing wrong with livin in a trash can dude.

 

by assinipples
3-31-03
I don't know about this "new world order" shit
What the frick dude, I can't stand your belly achin'
If we left it up to you lefties, we'd be in some serious shite indeed. Saddam would be raping your mom, we'd all have towels on our heads and nuclear bombs up our asses. ... you fucking stupid lefties
Geez, now that you put it that way...but still, I miss my home and my job, I miss my car. When I visit my friends at their trashcans, there's never enough room to sit and chat, you know?
Nothing wrong with livin in a trash can dude.

 

by assinipples
4-01-03
well now partner, war in the sam hell is that camel scratcher Sadam got his chicken shit ass off to?
must be round these parts somewheres abouts
Shhh! shut yer yappy pie hole! ah heard some low moanin:' maybe he's grievously wounded yonder.
I believe ah see some rusltin' bout under yon rubble up the round apiece.
Naw sir, pears muchly to be a family of four mistook by a tomahawk what has lost his way.
Pitty to waste a million dollar me-sile on such feeble stuff. Still, the only good Iraqi family of four, is a dead Iraqi family of four. Les roll out some boot party on they ass..

 

by assinipples
4-01-03
Hi, I'mDonny, and I'vegot aproblem
Hi, I'mDonny, and I'vegot aproblem
Hi, I'mDonny, and I'vegot aproblem

 

by assinipples
4-03-03
Well Mr. Iraqi, how does it feel to be liberated?
It kinda stings.
Um, I think this is the part where you throw flowers and kiss my boots.

 

by assinipples
4-03-03
Hey asshole! I know for a fucking fact that you've been spying on my wife
Dude, that's your WIFE? She's fucking hot!
Yeah, well...uh. Fuck man! you better knock that shit off. It's fucking creepy.
No worries dude, It's all good.
Don't worry about tubby, baby. Sonofabitch thinks he owns me.
I'm not even sure that shits legal: fucking child-bride shit. Still, you are smokin' hot!

 

by assinipples
4-03-03
5:00 PM
Whew! what a tough day. Whatsay you and I have a beer, and..you know...just talk.
Sorry, Linda. You KNOW that I'm spoken for. See you later.
Later
Dee Dee, I got a dollar!
Hey, who the fuck? Get the fuck away from my house you fucking hippy!
OK lil' mama's ready! put your dollar in the can and...OH! Tiger, you're home early!
Lil' Dee Dee -- you've got some 'splainin' to do.

 

by assinipples
4-03-03
Beat it dude. I'm next
What the fuck...? You snot nosed little dick! You beat it: this is MY house!
Thanks Dee Dee! I'll see if my mom will give me another dollar tomorrow.
What the fuck? I thought I asked you to stay the hell away from my wife you shitty looking hippy. She's not interested!
Oh, uh, hi baby! Randy was just helping me, uh, zip my dress!
You lying little bitch! After all I've done for you! I kept the catalogue I ordered you from, you know.

 

by assinipples
4-03-03
Dude, whatsup with that little girl you adopted?.
Dee Dee? I didn't adopt her exactly. And she not little -- she'll be 10 in June
What the fuck, guy. You screwing that little kid? That's fucking sick dude.
That little kid is my wife, I hope you know! If you ever talk about her again I'll break your fucking neck!
Later that evening at Ray's...
Long time no see! Did you bring a dollar?
Let's make this quick, I think your old man's on to us.

 

by assinipples
4-04-03
Awright you Iraqi motherfucker! Throw down your gun or I'll blow your fucking head off!
No! Fuck! Infidel bastard fuck!
C'mon dude: I'll give you a samwhich...
Ok, Ok. But...no fucking peanut butter jelly fuck.
How bout ham and swiss?
How bout sheeps bladder and donkey assholes, American dream boy fuck?

 

by assinipples
4-04-03
Not today Randy, go away now.
But Dee Dee, my mom gave me another dollar, cause I'm gonna wash her car later.
I tell you, not today. My pee-pee stings.
Whoa! Don't look at me, man: my shit's clean. I'm gonna go do some porn. Later.
Who was that, baby?
Nobody...just Randy, want pokey-pokey. Now, put your dollar in the can and we do it quick before Tiger come home.

 

by assinipples
4-04-03
I'm sensitive and weird, but deeply romantic.
Jes my type.
Your just saying that 'cause your drunk...
Bitch, I'm a pirate on two day leave. I don't have time for this shit. Does I gits to pound yer snatch or wot?
my bottom hurts.
Aach! Tis hard enuff to find the right hole when you're drunk: try findin' it wif one eye. You're lucky I didn't stick it in your ear, bitch.

 

by assinipples
4-09-03
Well, my fine sir, a pleasanter meeting I do not recall! G'd health sir?
Very gracious of you to inquire sir., m'lord. How's m'lord's health?
Aach! T'is good, though not overly.
Fie! What ails, ye, goodly sir?
My balls itch fiercely.
A pox upon your balls then, m'lord.

 

by assinipples
4-09-03
Awright you scury Iraqi dog, throw down yer fucking weapon, its over. You fuckers lost.
Infidel dog! American imperialist murderers will die horribly in the desserts of Iraq! Your bodies will be raped by jackals and invalids. Their sperm will rot in your mouths
I said throw down your fucking gun or I'll blow yer fucking guts outa yer ass.
Insolent mercenary dog! Son of prositutes! Your mothers will cringe at the sight of your bloated corpses being dry humped by leppers in the cleansing dessert storm. Their ovaries will dry like the..
my mom passed away when I was a kid...
Oh.... Sorry to hear that....I hope it wasn't painful for her...I'll trade you my gun for a sandwhich.

 

by assinipples
4-09-03
I'm chris cornell, get it?
I'm jesus, and I need help
but I'm chris cornell, and I feel like singing.
C'mon, lend a hand
I'm a stupid fucking gimp, and I'm cris cornell, and all that. I sing songs. I'm chris cornell, get it?
Yeah. I'm Jesus, get it? wouldn't it be funny if we met, and I asked for help and you just sang?

 

by assinipples
4-11-03
Hail, conquering heroes come home.
Goddam! I hate these fucking parades! Oh yeah, big shittin' deal. You killed a bunch of camel fuckers. Welcome home heroes
Oh yeah! We're all fucking impressed. Tell me soldier, how many camel humping, rock slinging sand devils did you kill? Right honey?...Honey? Where the fuck?
You know, mam: I've been away killin Iraqis -- Itgives me a powerful thirst for a women, if you know what I mean...
In that case GI, you put TWO dollars in can. Last time I go with GI I no walk straight for three days. Pee Pee burned real bad.

 

by assinipples
4-11-03
G'day there fellow! What news, praythee?
Verily, M'Lord all is well with me and mine. How's M'Lord's health?
I say my good man, I am not at all well...."amidships", as goes the saying.
Damn, and blast sir! Are you not well? I entreat you M'lord, how goes it with you?
T'is my scrotum, good sir. It itcheth madly. I want to tear it from myself and hurl it to the constellations! I vouchsafe sir, I may do it yet!
Fie sir! Verily! A pox upon your vile and scurvy scrotum. A curse upon my goodly lords wretched sack, I say!

 

by assinipples
4-14-03
...which places it, I think, somewhere in between the enui of French existentialists, and the pragmatism of the American pedagogical...
What a fucking blow-hard! Blah, blah, fucking blah. Man, what the fuck are you talking about?
...of a branch of human sciences known as "hermenuetics" among the French, championed by...
Yo bitch!!!
Excuse me?
Your fly is down dumb ass. I can see both flaps of your labia.

 

by assinipples
4-21-03
That Mike Mason is kinda cute
I heard he was gay.
No, not gay exactly.
Still he is creepy.
Creepy and bald.
word

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