All comics by breakdancingrobot

Profile

 

Hello, is anybody there? I'm here to inform you of a life of fulfillment through Jesus Christ.
Ooh, I want to learn about Christ!
Thank you Jesus.

 

So anyway, I just got back from 5 years in prison for hosting a child pornography ring, and the food was SO BAD that I had to give it two cartons of cigs just so it wouldn't violently rape me.
Ahem. Violently rape me.
Is this thing on?

 

**** **** **** **** **** ****....
Weird, it's like he's speaking some kind of alien language or something.
No, I just have the filter on. I'll turn it off real quick.
So anyway, I was watching Oprah last night and Suzie Orman was on and she was giving all of this great advice...
TURN IT BACK ON! TURN IT BACK ON!!!
I'M TRYING!!!

 

One fateful day in 1985...
Look, your music is alright, but I think you need a better look. Something... original. Something... spectacular.
Hmmm... I'll see what I can do.
YEOW! I'm a rock stereotype!
You're gonna be big, kid.
ALRIGHT!

 
What the hell was that?
A running joke.
...
Yeah, I didn't get it either.

 

So...
How long have we been on this bloody island?
Please don't let him talk about politics. Please, anything but politics.
Politics.
I'm going to gore you.

 

Okay, Shelia's a nun, and Lucifer is the prince of darkness. Alright, so they get an apartment in upstate New York.
Sheila keeps wanting to raise a family, but Lucifer insists that torturing souls in Hell is enough work as is. Oh, and he leaves the toilet seat up all the time.
Okay, stop right there. This is just the kind of program we want here at Fox.
Score.

 

Cartoon Celebrity Weight Loss Stories: Garfield
So, how did you do it? How did you manage to lose all of that extra Garfield?
Hahaha. Well, Chris, I just got myself onto a high protein Atkins diet. The pounds practically slid off.
High protein diet? So you ate lots of meat I gather?
Of course, Chris; meat is an invaluable source of protein.
But I thought Jon would only give you crummy cat food and lasagna. He wouldn't dream of giving you meat. Come to think of it, where is Jon? I haven't seen him in weeks.
This interview is over.

 

Sorry for that last outburst; we need to learn to get along since we're going to be stranded here for a while.
Yeah, let's just stick to discussion about popular entertainment or something.
That Jessica Simpson is pretty hot.
Yeah, I'd tap it.
Not me. I heard that she had an abortion.
My lawyer is going to gore you.

 

THE SKY IS FALLING! THE SKY IS FALLING!
What a drama queen.
He's probably just pissed 'cause you ate most of his family.

 

That's it Dark Lord Monimuro! I have trained 15 years since my father's death, and now I will defeat you! Here it comes... Secret technique: Hyper Super Neo Atta-
You know, these battles would be a lot harder if these chumps weren't so damn wordy.

 

Hey, the new Star Wars trailer is going to be shown in 5 minutes on NBC.
Meh. The last two were a total dissappointment. I don't even think I'll see this one.
5 minutes later...
KABOOM!
What the flying fuck was that?!
The sound of 10 million nerds simultaneously busting a nut.

 

At the first showing of Star Wars Episode III...
Hey, I thought you said you weren't going to go to see the new Star Wars Movie.
It's not my fault; George Lucas has been using light grade hypnosis since 1971.
That's ridiculous.
Have you seen THX?
Yeah, good movie.
No, no, no. Have you REALLY seen THX?

 

A- Annakin... you're evil now?!
Yeah. But, to be fair, I've always liked to think of myself as evil, but I've always been more of an annoying evil. Now I'm going for full-blown evil.
As leader of the Jedi Council, I will defeat you with the good side of the force!
Haha, foolish- wait a minute, isn't Yoda the head of the Jedi Council?
Lucas spent most of the budget on animating that 50 minute scene of Jar Jar talking; he couldn't afford to animate Yoda. So he cast me after I won a contest.
Let me guess... Something on the internet, right?

 

Luke... I am your father.
Goo?
Did I spring that one a bit to soon?

 

Well, that was dissappointing, as expected.
Yep, worst four and a half hours of my life.
I don't think I can ever trust George Lucas again, not after he ruined such a great series.
Me neither; Lucas has broken my heart for the last time.
So... want to go watch the trailer for Indiana Jones 4 again?
HELL YES!

 

Somewhere where time doesn't exist...
W-where am I?
You are at the axis of time. Here nothing exists and nothing doesn't exist. There is only here and here is nowhere.
Who are you? Where is this voice coming from?
I am one with the void. I am the void, and yet I am not. And I'm standing like 3 feet behind you.
Why can't I turn around and look at you?
Don't blame me, blame the stupid random comic generator. Oh... and I'm someone else now apparantly.

 

Alright! Finally, my Sexbot 5000 has arrived!
HELLO MASTER. HOW MAY I SERVICE YOU?
Hold on a minute. First of all, you don't even look partially human. Second of all, I'm pretty sure you're a dude.
WOULD YOU PREFER TO DEPOSIT SPERM INTO MY VOCAL ORIFICE OR MY EXHAUST HOLE?
...Exhaust hole.

 

Ok, so a horse walks into a bar...
I'm a cow.
Err... right... I've always been so bad at this...
*sigh*
Screw the icebreaker, I'm just going to come out and say it. Do you want to go back to my place or what?
Sure, but you better not be thinking about a horse when we're going at it.

 

I've got the flag! Cover me! COVER ME!
HOLD ON! I HAVE TO GET THE FLAK CANNON!
Outside...
Man, those guys are nerds.
You know, to them, we're the nerds.
Freaky.
I know; I feel like I'm in an episode of the Twilight Zone.

 

*Squeak* Virgin.
*Squeak* Virgin.
*Squeak* Virgin.
*BRRRRAAAAPPP* Whoops.
Haha, who took your virginity?
Sorry, I was raped by El Chico.

 

Steve, Billy's getting older, and I think it's about time we potty trained him.
Oh, you mean it's about time I potty trained him, ice queen.
But I don wanna go in da potty...
Now, Billy, if you don't go in the potty and flush REAL good, then the potty monster will come out of the toilet and rape and murder us. You wouldn't want that, would you Billy?
30 years later...
So, you flush over 100 times everytime you use the bathroom? That's a classic sign of obsessive compulsive disorder. Let me prescribe some medication to avert the behavior-
No! NO! I WON'T LET YOU TAKE THEM!

 

Wow, this guy sucks! Time for some mocking. LOL I own you!
What the fuck is this cracka talking about?
Knock knock cracka ass bitch!
Just a minute
These liquid potato chips taste like humble pie.
Well, you're in luck! After 15 shots in the spine, you'll get to feel humble pie, too.

 

Friday at the Hiroshi Happy Yellow Sweatshirt Concern
Ugh, I'm tired of working for dat srave driva.
Yeah, if onry we could find a gurribre repracement dat doesn't know de meaning of de dorrar.
This country frightens me.
Herro tourist... Can I borrow you fo a moment?
Monday at the Hiroshi Happy Yellow Sweatshirt Concern
My fingers hurt.

 

No, no, no! Chairs do not match table.
Herman, that's a toaster.

 

...And there would be palm trees and the weather would always be nice and there would be an open bar, of course.
Sounds nice.
What about you, Blind Andy, what would your dream vacation spot look like?
Oh yeah...

 

Oh, God, the agony!
WIll someone end this infernal torture?!
It burns... IT BURNS!
It's not so bad once you get used to it. OW! Oh shit! Nevermind, it's much much worse.
It's good to finally be able to talk about things that I like.
At least he has a steady income.

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