All comics by cheap_ass

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by cheap_ass
1-08-10
British troops were sent to the Iraq Iran border after the five British hostages including Peter Moore were kidnapped in May 2007, in a failed attempt to stop them being taken across the border.
The Nigerian terrorist suspect accused of trying to blow up a Detroit-bound flight on Christmas Day will make his first court appearance in Detroit today.
And in Stripcreator today an all-out war has been declared between Shimmmmee1871 and AppleFlitterPlumbCake13 after Beyonce91/3 made a tenth back-at-ya comment on both their toons.

 

by cheap_ass
1-08-10
Undercover reporter, 28 year old Candy Furphree, poses as a 13 year old in order to catch tonight's featured perv. As soon as Candy receives an email confirming a "date" with 48 year old Buff Stud
As soon as you get the email our crew will set up the sting in the den
I'd love some sweet candy for free! Will meet you there in an hour when Mom's watching Jerry Springer. You rock! "Buff"

 

by cheap_ass
1-08-10
Tonight on Top Chef- our contending chefs travel to exotic Tahiti to prepare a dinner using only local culinary ingredients.
The two winners will be taken to a remote district where they will be introduced to cannibal, Chef Eatsuswanna, who will show them how to cook human flesh using only a pit fire and naked serving girls
Now that we have your attention, Bravo takes you live to Washington for a Presidential news conference.

 

H&R Block
I'm sorry, Miss, but even if you do work at Hot Topic, seeing 'Twilight' 40 times can't be counted as a business expense.
by cheap_ass, 1-08-10

 

by cheap_ass
1-08-10
Not having a smoking section in a restaurant is like...
How dare you subject my rights to a smoke-free meal! Wait until I tell my lawyer, sonny boy!
having to sleep with a wet blanket
Grandma, why can't you ever wear a Depends when I sleep over?
Waah kid. It's always about you, isn't it?

 

"Dear Andy: How have you been? Your mother and I are fine. We miss you. Please sign off your computer and come downstairs for something to eat. Love, Dad."
by cheap_ass, 1-10-10

 

No food, no love, no birth, no death... I suspect we're living in a screensaver..
by cheap_ass, 1-10-10

 

by cheap_ass
1-10-10
Stop the killing! Stop the killing! We demand ACME stops the killing!
We must stop the senseless slaughter of poor innocent creatures! We MUST have compassion!
Spare some change, good sir?
Piss off loser!

 

by cheap_ass
1-11-10
1976
Scientists predict that by 1988 the world population will exceed all available food supplies!!
Oh my poor parents! I'll never live to see 30!
2005
The Scientific community says global warming will bring on major climatic catastrophe by 2008!!
Oh my poor children, we are all doomed!
2048
Scientific experts vow that by this time next year the over abundance of human waste will mutate into zombie-like creatures who feast on the environment and the brains of helpless dolphins.
Oh, my poor last freak'n nerve!!!

 

by cheap_ass
4-23-10
Heh..heh...umm...sir? Do you suppose you could go in and get me a six pack of beer?
Sure. If you go in and pick up some adult diapers for me
Yep. Didn't think so.

 

by cheap_ass
4-23-10
We need to make some cuts around here Betty, so guess who's fired? That's right you... Pack your stuff and beat it. Pronto!
What? You got fired? Too bad, because it gets worse. I've been seeing your sister and she's moving in with me. You need to pack your stuff and beat it. Pronto!
What? Did I come at a bad time?

 

In order to keep his cool image, Justin always sought out new and more illiterate ways to distastefully insult fellow Stripcreators.
Sorry, dude, I just can't find a shorter way to spell "gay".
by cheap_ass, 4-29-10

 

by cheap_ass
4-29-10
Aw.. Man. Says in the paper that the Kellogg company fired Michael Phelps over him smoking the bong.
I guess Kellogg's feels that represents a dangerous ideology.
Considering their cornflakes were invented by a guy who advocated mutilating children so they wouldn't masturbate, the irony there is a gold medal winner in itself.

 

by cheap_ass
5-30-10
Zadok. Return immediately to our planet and report your Earth findings.
General. The Earthlings are selecting a new ruler. I observed one of their meetings and in walked a black man, a baptist preacher, a Morman, and a female of the species.
Enough with the Ethnic Earth jokes! What's really going on down there?

 

by cheap_ass
5-30-10
In Revelations $9.99 John writes, "And the angel, Hollywoodiel, spread forth her hands and the 18th Seal was broken. Low and behold a rider on a purple horse approached.
The rider poured out the next plague and the people saw that the Twilight movie tie-in products were all sold out, and a great lament was heard throughout the land.
For all sold-out were the "Edward the Vampire" posters. And so all the women between the ages of 15-99 threw themselves in the great burning pit called Despair.
Avoid the fulfillment of the prophecy! Come to HOT TOPIC today for ALL your Twilight needs.
As crass as it is, at least merchandising originality is alive and well.

 

by cheap_ass
5-31-10
Class, I know by now all of you should be familiar with Charles Dickens', "A Christmas Carol." Now I want you to tell me what life lessons you've learned from this timeless classic tale?
It's better to give than to receive!
Christmas should always be in your heart instead of celebrated just one day a year.
Greed won't get you into heaven!
He was a verbose, mannerist who pandered staunch, moralizing melodrama to appease sanctimonious Victorian tastes, enabling him to validate his inflated ego the callous way he abandoned his own family.
Okaaaay... from here on let's only hear from the kids who haven't actually read any Dickens...

 

by cheap_ass
6-08-10
I bet this comic pis­ses Brad off
Why?
It seems to not have a title.
So begins my dream of publishing solid black rectangles.

 

by cheap_ass
8-14-10
♫ She had the sightless eyes telling me no lies. Knockin me out with those American thighs.. She had me fighting for air she told me to....♪
Amazing Grace. How sweet the sound.. ♫

 

by cheap_ass
8-23-10
Hey Dad, Mom isn't acting real happy and when I ask what's wrong she said she's expecting a visit from Aunt Flow. Just who is Aunt Flow and why does she have Mom so upset?
Ah. Well, Aunt Flow is a grouchy old harpy whose every visit brings your Mom mental anguish and makes her life a bloody nightmare.
Oh gosh. You must dread her visits too.
Definitely. But without Aunt Flow's short monthly visits I'd have to put up with Uncle Stork's nine long visits.
What a shame they come troubling you all with their marital problems.
It could be worse. I could be stuck with visits from Cousin Frigid.

 

by cheap_ass
8-23-10
Obtuse to the seemingly friendly predators capable and eager to destroy it, the spineless Jellyfish often ventures into unsafe waters..
completely oblivious to how its most deceptive enemies size up its weakness as it swims carefree, proud and tragically blinded by its own luminous presence.
Well this is definitely the most unique TV biography I've seen so far on President Obama

 

by cheap_ass
10-17-10
If you have experienced symptoms such as energy, restful sleep, proper appetite, a sense of well-being, a healthy skin condition, adequate vision, normal cholesterol level, a tolerance for fatty foods
normal digestion, steady heart rate and unhindered bowel movements and urinary function call the law firm of Leech, Sux and Bloodsukker NOW to schedule a free legal consultation!
Childhood.
So, what dastardly re-called product are they going after now?

 

by cheap_ass
9-30-11
Could've been better!
How was your holiday with your brother and sister?
Ask about the recent conflicts in Libya, and you'll get a barren vacuum instead of an opinion!
Ask about which is more painful out of childbirth and a kick in the balls, and you'll spend the next three days enduring an obnoxious holy war!

 

by cheap_ass
9-30-11
Hey! What does that cloud look like to you?
Hmm... Looks to me like a pig with one leg!
What the hell? That looks nothing like a pig with one leg!
Okay then, it looks like a cloud! Are you happy now?!

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