All comics by conkerfiend

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by conkerfiend
7-26-07
You BITCH! You should of shot him after he payed! Cops are crawling around everywhere! Stupid HO!
YO YO YO NIGGA! I didn't do SHIT! It was you that said quote" WASTE HIM LIKE A DRUNK HOBO" end quote. SO FUCK YOU!
Yo man i created you don't give me lip. Listen if we just stay silent the popo won't know it was us. Capeice! Hey where the FUCK you goin!
SHIT! Here come the boys in blue! SCRAMBLE!!!!!!
Sorry "pal" but your under arrest! You been screamin' across the god DAMN parking lot for like 20 minutes! Now you must give me one blow...
Oh...my...god....Sweet

 

by conkerfiend
7-27-07
Frank, You idiot! I told you to ask for directions now we're stuck on this forbidden island!Guuuuuur!!!!
Boss,boss,boss!Just chill please when a helicopter or something comes will just shoot up fire from out our mighty ASSES. That should catch their attention.
20 minutes later
Frank...Frank...i can't go on anymore help me please (cough) ooooooooo...
He,he,he I knew this would happen just as i planed. Good thing he never noticed that we're not on an island. We're actually on a greenscreen. He,he
20 more minutes later

 

by conkerfiend
7-27-07
Oh CRAP he got out again. This is not good I still have nightmares about what he did to that hooker last time he got out...I gotta find him!
There you are. Listen Bailey, I know you don't like being cooped up in that cage all day but it's for your safety and our safety. Understand.
Phillip,Phillip,Phillip... I understand completely. I want YOU to understand. I run this place and im afraid i must annilhate you. HA,HA,HAAAAAAA!!! No hard feelings Phillip!
See Phillip? This is what you get when you mess with Bailey. To be completely honest I felt bad when i ripped off both testacles independitley...God that was funny...so i decided to visit. Bye Phillip

 

by conkerfiend
7-27-07
My new workout system has been going great. I feel ripped! I have 2 big guns, a six-pack, and a bunch of hair on my peaches! It's awesome!
The Darklord shall consume you when he gets the chance. You won't even see it coming. It will be painful and the Darklord will play in your blood and make sculptures with your guts.
I also got my new Xbox 360. It's pretty sweet. I've been crushing people online. They talk loads of SHIT but I put them in their place and they have no room to talk what so ever.
I feel the Darklord's precense in this room. Someone is going to die a miserable and unexpected. The Darklord's usual targets are people with jeans, a light blue shirt, goatee and frilly hair.
Oh my god. That blue dude just burst in to flames. I wonder what it was he was talking about when said " the Darklord shall consume you when he gets the chance"?
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

 

by conkerfiend
7-27-07
Hey are you like the bird version of Barney. I love Barney. I just want to give that big purple FUCK a hug.
Me no dinosaur. I is a walrus VAGINA. oooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh
Hey cool a mummy! I love mummy's. FUCKIN HOMOSEXUALS.
I no mummy, i is a wooly mammoth wang. Please shave and pamper me everday.
That was some dream...
Just go back to sleep. It's all over.

 

by conkerfiend
7-27-07
Ha Ha Ha! I've finally cornered you Slappy! You think you can go around telling SHITTY jokes and making balloon animals (that suck by the way) so now your time has come!
B-b-but i didn't do anything. Im's just a clown.wwwwwwaaaaaaaa!!!
Stop crying you Deep fried PUSSY! Are you ready to kiss your jolly wang goodbye Ha ha ha!!!
Not Billy he hasn't stopped growing yet! He only a couple of inches! He's so young and in his prime!Pleassse don't do it!
Oh shut up already!the wang thing was a figure of speach! I'm just gonna rip off each toe indivisually and shove 'em up your hairy butthole while while t-bagging you into submission
Oh that's ok then...

 

by conkerfiend
7-27-07
I have a dream, that hookers and prostitutes may come together as one! They can form a legiance and FUCK everyone with in a 47 mile radius and not get Herpies!
I say payment will be a thing of the past! Credit cards will be allowed! The hooker and the recipient will have to bang for at least 3 hours!
What the HELL is this guy talking about?
VIAGRA will be permitted! As well as natural male enhancment...

 

by conkerfiend
7-27-07
Alright Santa It's the end of the line. Give me all your presents now or I'll shoot ya in da face!Ho FUCKITY Ho BITCH!
Oh no you didn't insult Santa, Santa get PISSED Time to get screwed buddy! TRANSFORM!!!
Whoa Whoa Whoa j-j-just stay calm Santa I'll (gulp) just t-take the presents and be on my way.
Oh FUCK you! What makes you think I'm gonna let you leave with my presents or alive for that matter. I'm gonna make you look like you belong in Dawn of the Dead!
Don't FUCK with Santa Clause BITCHES! Ho Ho Ho!

 

by conkerfiend
7-27-07
Whoa Greg I didn't expect to see you here. What are you doin at the morgue?
Oh Sam, My grandfather froze to death last week and I just needed to see his body one last time. He was murdered. What you doin here?
I just came to make sure there was no evidence---I mean,uh, Wrong address!See ya!
Sam...
1 day earlier
Oh SHIT...that freeze ray does the trick.

 

by conkerfiend
7-27-07
So I've been put in charge of you for the day. The people at the mental institution told me to sleep with one eye open and not to take you anywhere.
Oh is that so Mr. Hood. But if you let me go I can give you whatever your heart desires. Money, Fame, Immortality...
Well...I do have this key...NO! I won't do it. I am a kind soul! So shut-up
Oh come on Robin. I have balloons...many balloons. And cake I have lots of cake...with icing too...
I'm sure in the end this will have been worth it. Now that I've freed you what are you going to do.
Oh nothing bad or evil or wrong. Just gonna get a job. You know, one that'll really "crack someone up"...

 

by conkerfiend
7-27-07
You'll never win you stupid fish! I'm the fastest of the fast!
Sorry loser but you ain't got SHIT. You just a slow fruitcup!!!
Oh you FAG come back here! You might trip and get a boo boo and cry like a little baby. Ha, ha, ha, haa!!
Whose the loser now jerk! You can't touch this! It too hot and fast for you! Hee,hee,hee!
Ahhhhh!! too fast, too fast, too fast! Oh that burns Help me momma!
Oh my god my skin is melting! My eye balls just leaked on to the floor! Help!!!

 

by conkerfiend
7-28-07
Hello everone and thank-you for tuning into Brunette FM. If you call right now you have the chance to win a trip to Sadi Arabia.
If you call you can see my boobs...
Ring-Ring!

 

The Super Hero committee is now in session! Does anyone have any business to state?
No, but villains are cunts! They should all die! I've murdered many of them! Ha,ha,ha bitches! I will chop off their nuts and mount them on the wall! Oh yeah, and the snack machine is out of order.
by conkerfiend, 7-28-07

 

by conkerfiend
7-28-07
You vere sveeding you avro mutha fucka! Give ve 200$ and Milkshake mixed with sverm and blooooood!!! Yummy Yummy! I vill suck your scrumptious testis!
Uhhhh, What the fuck? I don't have a milkshake with sperm and testis.Listen I Know I was going 80 in a 50 M.P.H lane but I say again...WHAT THE FUCK?
You dair challenge ME? Vell in that case I challenge vou to a XAOLIN SHOWDOWN! HOOOOOO!!!
Whoah whats happening!!!
HOOOOOOO!!!
OH I'M BONED!!!

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