All comics by kelly_midnight

Profile

 

by kelly_midnight
1-17-02
I always hated New Media geeks.
afirmative kelly::: Yogi is unbearable.
I hope he leaves after the Bears lose.
afirmative Kelly::: the Bears will be the sole home upset.
What a relief. Didja wanna watch that Flash movie made by the Buc fan again?
afirmative Kelly:::: New Media Buc fan's labia remains sore.

 

by kelly_midnight
1-18-02
Hey Duracell, you think that Yogi character is still awake?
affirmative Kelly:::: Bears fans must see Carson Daly at 1:30 CST
Hmmmpf... You figure he would stay up just to share his knowledge with an Eagles babe.
commencing mocking::: bears allowed 0.3 fewer points:::: Jim Miller gets the job done:::: the Ravens had no playoff experience:::: Urlacher is quicker than Brooks:::: Donovan is distracted by Chicago:
O please, O please... chain him to the Edmund Fitzgerald
:::: the Bears secondary has more interceptions::: Ted Washington is quick:::: Deep Dish was invented in Chicago:::Mike Brown got the shaft::: Dick Juron is as smart as Dom Capers::: shuffle is cool::

 

by kelly_midnight
1-18-02
AT THE ELLSWORTH STOP...
Dang, another late night subway ride.
point of information::: we are in safest metro in nation:::security is at highest:::there is no need to fear::::
O, I'm not afraid of the muggers. It's the solicitous tortured artists.
point of information:::: artists are the very fiber of this city::: you should be flattered to be approached by the talented and creative::::
The last Beret-head puked on my Sketchers.
commencing sentimental awe::::: an exquistie expression of affection

 

by kelly_midnight
1-18-02
STILL AT THE ELLSWORTH STOP....
reminder reminder:::: every personality you meet in the subway is opportunity to expand your network and your life experience:::: now exiting::: bye bye
Yeah, whatever you say.
I suppose the real interesting fellas are here this late.
Escuse, please. Want to cudle with an under-employed kazoo player with boundlessly mad ambition?
O shit, did I record Ally tonight?

 

by kelly_midnight
1-18-02
STILL AT THE ELLSWORTH STOP....
Mastering my instrument has extended my intospective reach. By embracing my sensations, I have imbued my art with a sense of sensitvity. Henceforth, I am sensitive and empathic to the needs of my--
Ew, ew, ew. .. scram!
Mmmmm... I'm impressed. Do you wanna exchange celestial maps? Our lunar intersects and asymptotal indices might just herald a life-long bond!

 

by kelly_midnight
1-19-02
STILL LATE NIGHT AT THE ELLSWORTH STOP...
Where is that dang train? Happy thoughts... mmmm .... how about soccer players....
...soccer players... soccer players... bronze shoulders... tousled locks... rippled abs... pulsating quads... defined calves... SOCCER PLAYERS...
>burrrp
soccer players... doing the decapitated head dribble drill... soccer players... mmm.. soccer players......

 

by kelly_midnight
1-19-02
STILL LATE NIGHT AT THE ELLSWORTH STOP...
>burrrrrrp
He's harmless. The subway is teeming with drunks who are just trying to get home...
... and if he has no home, he's just trying to stay warm and make it through the night. Perfectly harmless.
You realize, of course, that I have half a bottle of Chateau Laffite Chambourcin, vintage '96, with "comely coquette" scribed on the brown bag?
...c'mon train...

 

by kelly_midnight
1-22-02
I have a raging double-day hangover from Saturday's party.
::: you do realize that it is Tuesday, don't you?:::
:::Kel?::::

 

by kelly_midnight
1-22-02
I'm so happy to return to the The City where I am near culture and advanced thought. What'd I miss?
::::.... well, we did keg stands and the neighbor downstairs complained with only his boxers on at 2 AM::::
::: Kel? :::

 

by kelly_midnight
1-23-02
::: Kel, I know you are there. Check out these JPEGs of Yogie's new tattoo :::
O, awright.
~*
:::: He planned to put your full name on it but there wasn't much room after the "This cock reserved for..." part. ::::

 

by kelly_midnight
2-02-02
::: .... that concludes the Democrats' rebuttal of the President's State of the Union ::::::::
:::: we will now go to the focus group for some reaction... :::::
:::: ... as you can see, this accurate representation of America paid close attention to the President's tie selection...

 

by kelly_midnight
2-25-02
Somewhere, out in The City, my Mr. Everything is getting totally mind-fucked by some manipulative and greedy bitch. And we will find each other someday... (sigh)...

 

by kelly_midnight
2-27-02
Where has Romance gone in this fuckin' City?
Dear lord, Kel. Gallantry and sacrifice abounds. Its essence is atmospheric, shimmering off of cold steel and glass and pervading all that is mundane.
You wear that outlook well, Sport. So who is this "mundane" fella that you are "pervading?"
Show some reverence, girl. This is love, Love, certifiable LOVE!
The li'l sucker fell for a verse I stole from a Poetry in Motion subway ad. Hee hee.

 

by kelly_midnight
2-27-02
Where has Romance gone in this fuckin' City?
Dear lord, Kel. Gallantry and sacrifice abounds. Its essence is atmospheric, shimmering off of cold steel and glass and pervading all that is mundane.
You wear that outlook well, Sport. So who is this "mundane" fella that you are "pervading?"
Show some reverence, girl. This is love, Love, certifiable LOVE!
The li'l sucker fell for a verse I stole from a Poetry in Motion subway ad. Hee hee.

 

by kelly_midnight
2-28-02
So you have a last minute date with the nice one?
Yes, the most precious of all. I had no chance to craft grandiose plans so the gusts of whim will just have to wisk us off to somewhere enchanting...
... Perhaps a waggish traipse on wet coblestone or even some heedful auditioning of wharfside concerti.
So how much did you throw at the model to get him to mack on you last night?
I left the club with just enough for cab fare... without a tip.

 

by kelly_midnight
3-01-02
Maybe you can take the nice guy in your stable on a safe date... like a movie.
The cinema? High heavens, no. One can not adequately commune with another when both are mesmerized by the two dimensional happenings on a refulgent silver screen...
... My spirit is quenched by the delectable mead of intimate colloquy. Film can neither stir my intellect or my libido. Can not swoop in for the kill when we are facing the same direction, right?
O, just join folk and take Mr. Nice-n-Normal to a movie.
Loan me $40 to spend on him and I'll tell you it's a great date idea.

 

by kelly_midnight
3-02-02
How was your "delectable colloquy" with Mr. Nice-n-Normal?
Well, he was fond of your suggestion to conform and attend a movie, all of his treat...
...He covered everything else: the cosmos at 32, a carriage ride over to late dinner at L2 and then dancing at the 2-4 club...
....Needless to say, it aches me to number two.

 

by kelly_midnight
3-02-02
Seeeee... dinner and a movie doesn't always have to be an unfulfilling waste of a date. You had a killer time!
I suppose the two vacuous hours in the theater's darkness did serve to heighten the sexual tension. When was the last time you delighted in a film date?
erm... last year, I saw The Adventures of Stuart Little...
How dear! Which impromptu-sario impressed you so charmingly?
Jen's son... I was babysitting.

 

by kelly_midnight
3-02-02
Are you tellin' me that by paying for everything on this date, Mr. Nice-n-Normal earns exclusivity AND a AAA bond rating?!
Precisely. He was every bit my triple 'A' man!
He was ATTENTIVE to my every need and petty concern. He does not shy away from exhibiting AFFECTION...
...AND he bestowed a soreness that will avert me from the rest of the stable for the better part of a month.

 

by kelly_midnight
3-02-02
Hey, Mr Everything: If you do exist and you hear me, I want our first date to be a nice dinner and a movie and I want you to treat for a change!

 

by kelly_midnight
3-03-02
Kel, I know you're busy but I have some dark tidbits you just have to know.
Um.... can it wait?
Why, is that lazy-assed lice colony looking over your shoulder at your computer screen again?
She's so close that "my skin is crawling" approaches understatement.

 

by kelly_midnight
3-09-02
::: Kel- is that canker-ridden idiot still hovering behind you? I really have to tell you about last night.::::
Hell yes... she is forever looking at my computer to get in my business.... willya holdasec?
Listen Tomi; I am quite sure that you can appear more busy by snooping around YOUR work area.
I was working good until my computer crashed. I think it was the seven IM chat windows I had open.

 

by kelly_midnight
3-09-02
::: Remember when you imagined slugging Tomi in her beer pooch the next time she snoops at your e-mail screen?... :::
::: ... just "accidentally" roll your office chair back violently and take her out! :::
Did it once before... got Monistat 7 cream splurted all over my hair.

 

by kelly_midnight
3-09-02
O Mr. Everything... could you tap into your extensive network and get my resume into a company WITHOUT the unprofessional nosy co-workers? I'm sick of not being able to gossip freely on my computer!

 

by kelly_midnight
3-09-02
If you guys can make it through that pool of blood, I think I found the entrance to the after-hours club!

 

by kelly_midnight
3-09-02
Let's get up in this club now! There's only 7 minutes and 31 seconds left in this Shakira extended remix that's playing!

 

by kelly_midnight
3-09-02
I dig these exclusive after-hours clubs! The bouncer will put us on the guest list if we could get a $40 tip together!
You notice that he's the only one cued in front of the velvet rope?

 

by kelly_midnight
3-10-02
::: Here is the scene tonight as the University of Pennsylvania upends Yale for the Ivy League hoops championship... :::
:::...The_Quakers_await tonight's NCAA tournament committee's bracketing which will most likely place Penn as a 15th or 16th seed.:::
:::...And_now_to_the_University_City campus for some fan reaction... (student celebrating in a commons area): "YEAAHH! THIS GOES TO SHOW YAH THAT WEST PHILLY BALLERS ARE DA BOMB, YO! WOO-HOO!!!"::

 

by kelly_midnight
3-11-02
Named after a steak at a suburban Philadelphia restaurant Kobe...
... was raised in a cosmopolitan household by former 76er Joe "Jelly Bean" Bryant.
Siete il mio adidas?
Why yes, son, I am your daddy.
The elder Bryant had to turn to basketball abroad to extend his flagging career.
Dove siete, adidas?
I'ma gone-a ballin' with the Italians, son.

 

by kelly_midnight
3-11-02
After travelling extensively with his father, the multi-lingual Kobe Bryant...
...settled into a prolific career at Lower Marion where he dominated all comers in Pennsylvania prep hoops.
Chi è il vostro adidas?!!
You're our daddy, Kobe!
Kobe then had a difficult choice between a college education and the lucre of an early NBA start..
Siete il mio adidas?
Sure, I'm your daddy and my love is in dollari. This way, superstar.

 

by kelly_midnight
3-11-02
Once in Los Angeles, young Kobe was often at odds with the other Laker star, Shaquille O'Neal...
Odio Shaq-adidas. Mi amo.
I hate Kobe. I love myself.
... However, many league victories and an NBA Championship...
... endeared Kobe to Shaq and the rest of the world.
Mi amo.
I love you too, little guy.

 

by kelly_midnight
3-11-02
The well-publicized jeering by his former hometown set Kobe Bryant on a downward spiral through the late winter of 2002.
Fuck_those_Philadelphians,_you are a proud Los Angelina now. Shaq-daddy will get you focused on what matters, little guy. I'll even wear your jersey.
*sob* Mille grazie, Shaq-adidas. *sob*
Shaquille O'Neal's on-court mentorship could not right Bryant's ship. Kobe, as the clean-cut, articulate and affable product endorser, suffered a most tragic death....
(Shaq) I'll kill you, Brad Miller!!!
(Kobe) Li ucciderò, Reggie Miller!!!
...Thanks_for_watching The Life of Kobe. We will return you to more of NBC's continuous coverage of the Lakers after a word from ADIDAS!
BOOOOOOOOOOO! I hate your Somali Afro and your ugly-ass shoes, Kobe! BOOOOOOOOOO!

 

by kelly_midnight
3-11-02
2001 saw Kobe Bryant's return to vanquish his hometown Sixers for another NBA championship...
Strappo i vostri cuori verso l'esterno. Chi è il vostro adidas?!!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Just try and rip our hearts out you arrogant spoiled suburban shit! You ain't nobody's daddy. No one turns their back on Philly! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
... His stock as a product endorser rose into the stratosphere...
"Comprerete i miei Adidas!"
...2002: Kobe's on-court exploits earns an All-Star MVP trophy which was greeted, again, by the City of Brotherly Love.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! You have a ring but we will rip out YOUR heart! Go find your daddy, you crybaby brat showoff dick. Philly turns its back on you!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Sono danneggiato. *sob* Dove è il mio adidas? *sob*

 

by kelly_midnight
3-13-02
I am SO psyched! My Wolfpack are in the Tournament for the first time since I left Raleigh! We State grads aren't the smartest of alumni in North Carolina...
...hell, we ain't even the best basketball team in the state when you consider Duke and Chapel Hill, but we do passionately support our team. Yee-hew!
Basketball? Sounds to me like you resent working for Ivy League attorneys.
hmmpf...elitist bastards...

 

by kelly_midnight
3-13-02
It is nettlesome enough that you excessively occupy our exchanges with this inane topic of collegiate athletics...
...yet now, sanctioned wagering sheets are circulating around our graphics studio, of all places!
Those brackets for the basketball tournament are nothing. Most of today's "widespread" workplace gambling is in the form of a little ol' xerox and a fiver risked. Just fun.
Honey, an age bypast when fun gambling in this workplace transpired ON the xerox machine.

 

by kelly_midnight
9-07-02
1985...
1985...
1985...
Sweetheart...it_is_plausible that you are stripcreating with accomplished people who were born when you graduated high school. Now then, can we get on with the nitty gritty of your life story?

 

by kelly_midnight
9-08-02
Where's the harm in sharing your past with these stripcreators?
If I wanted to fudge a life story for near strangers I would rather do it over a nice dinner date.
Ha ha, hee hee hee! Oh dear me! Haaar haar ha ha!...
*giggle*
Ha ha, a "nice dinner date" Hee... you certaily covered the fanciful-hope-for-the-future segment of the contest rules! Heh heh!

 

by kelly_midnight
9-08-02
Well, then. You enter a biographic comic contest by divulging nada?! Have you nothing to proudly reveal??
Shush... Birds kick off in eight hours.

 

by kelly_midnight
9-16-02
... and there were dogs that like cats, girls in short short skirts, burritos at three AM, and, and twins!
You're retreating to your beer commercial fantasy again. Was that non-web event in Austria that traumatic?
*nonplus*
A-Hah! Amway!
b-b-but, network marketing will revolutionize our lives...
And you Redskins fans claim to grasp reality?

 

by kelly_midnight
9-17-02
The Amway seminar in Austria was surprisingly entertaining. There was this arcade and someone asked "I wonder what the wait is for that shuffleboard table"...
... a guy holding a cat said "About 800 pounds."
Hey? You're supposed to groan after a suitable pause. ...It's been, like, fifteen minutes.... um... hello?

 

by kelly_midnight
9-18-02
Both the Post and Times are reporting that the combative nature of you Eagles fans precipitated the brawl which had to be quelled with pepper spray.
Spare me. You don't subject a stadium crowd to a chemical agent especially in Washington DC in these times.
Well, I still think you Philly people are all thugs. F you.
- AGAIN, - I'm sorry for chucking that D-cell at your stuffed animal Hogettes. Geez. Let it go already.

 

by kelly_midnight
9-28-02
Somebody else
Round everyone else
Watchin your back
Like you can't relax
You tryin to be cool
You look like a fool to me

 

by kelly_midnight
10-10-02
Hey Stripcreators. First off, I'd like to thank BeNN_MAkk for an innovative and well-run contest. Are you all ready for the rules?.... First, use one character from the "forumuser" set.
Next, use only the left hand character position and the "background" background. You will write a single comic based on a headline from today. The actual headline will go in the "title" field.
You may use any real news source you'd like. I will accept multiple entries, but each joke must occur in one strip. Sunday, 23:00 EDT is when I will start to judge. Have fun!

Showing page 1.