All comics by pukebreath

 

Approaching Earth by pukebreath 4-01-09
Approaching planet Earth, Sir! Good. Bring us in slow. Nice and slow and sexy.	Sir! There seems to be a problem with the rear thrust booster pod staition controller modulation manifold switch rod hammer face! Damn it! We're going to have to rip our dicks off and smash our ass's together. It's our only hope.	Roger that! I'll start licking your butt crack untill you fart all over my face. Oh Fuck! I just ate all of my farts for breakfast. I'll have to burn all my ass hairs off and glue some condoms to my scrotum.

 

Gay Stuff by pukebreath 4-01-09
Hey Fuck Brains! Make me a coconut sandwhich before I make you jack me off! I don't believe I'm familiar with that recipe. How do you make a coconut sandwhich?	Well, first you need to preheat your oven to 350 degrees then you get your fucking head out of your ass and make me a God Damn coconut sandwhich! Couldn't we just do a bunch of gay stuff instead?	Gay stuff, eh? Let me think about it. Sure, gay stuff. You want some gay stuff? I got all the gay stuff you could ever need. I invented gay stuff. Me too. I'm so gay, I can't even stand to be in the same room as a naked man without at least jacking him off or sucking on his ass.

 

fish talk by pukebreath 4-02-09
Have you heard about Sally in the finance department? The one who shits her pants all day long?	Yeah, that's her. Well, she finally got that promotion. You mean she's going to be in charge of dick licking and boob glueing togethers.	Yep. And you know where that leaves up don't you? Oh fuck, you're right. We'll be chewing up hot dogs and spitting them all over each other's balls from now on.

 

Sales Rocket by pukebreath 4-03-09
Welcome to Clothes Store. Would you like to try on some sexy underwear? Do you have anything with dog shit all over it?	Of course we do, sir. Step right over here and we'll start getting you all horney. Sounds good to me but I'm pretty horned up as it is.	Hahaha. Yes you are. And that's why you are our #1 customer in the whole world! Take it easy Mr. Rocket Salesperson. If this pirate don't get some dog shit on his ass soon I'm ripping my butt cheacks in half.

 

New Job by pukebreath 4-03-09
As soon as you start to feel comfortable you can get to work. We have a lot of boogers that need eaten today. I'm going to finish this cup of piss and maybe go out back and beat the shit out of my ball sac first.	That's no problem at all. We encourage our employees to fuck themselves up as often as necessary. If I weren't so fucking stupid I'd strip naked and let you take pictures of the inside of my asshole.	And if a condom was a chair you could sit down on something that also goes on you dick that you cum inside. And if my turds were werewolves then I could hunt them with silver bullets and they'd come out of my ass.

 

I'm liking that idea by pukebreath 4-05-09
I hear that you got you dogs lick enlarged. That's right. He's a full 14" now. You should see it. It's sooo fucking nice.	Yeah, maybe later. I've been pretty busy lately fucking canned hams and shitting in the bath tub. Well, the offers on the table. Say, have you ever thought about getting naked in front of your grandparents?	Every now and again I do. I'm more interested in wipping my butt with my bare hand and eating ice cream. Sure, sure. I'm liking that idea. I like it. Really like it. Man, you made me really like that bunches. Whole bunches. Like it.

 

Office talk by pukebreath 4-05-09
I'm going to tell you this because I'm your friend. Please don't take offense. Sure. What is it?	Okay. I've been watching you wipe and I don't feel like you're getting all poop off of you butt cheeks. That's it? Of course I'm not wipping well enough. The crap tracks in my underwear tells me that much.	There's more. At night I disguise myself as your penis and you've been peeing out of my mouth. Thank you. I love you now. French kiss me please.

 

Go Getter by pukebreath 6-05-09
...and this is the storage closet. I like to fuck myself in here on Wendsdays. Do any stray animals ever get in here and shit?	That's a good question. I have seen shit in here before but I can't say what kind of shit it was. When I find shit I always shove it up my ass and pretend it's my own shit.	I like that. You're what I like to call a 'Smart Person'. I'm sure you get compliments like that all the time though. Of course. My last boss said I was a 'Go Getter' because I drank my pee and puked in his underwear.

 

Dog Tits by pukebreath 6-05-09
I hear you're going to ask the boss for a raise. You are one stupid fuck, you know that. Well, I've been jacking him and all his friends off and I gave his dog a blow job and licked motor oil off his nipples and...	Take it easy Shit Head. I know you've been working your fucking ass off. Yeah?	Oh Yeah! I wish I had your kind of dedication to this job. Hell, I'd titty fuck a fat dog for more money. Titty fuck a fat dog! How in the fuck! Don't you know that dogs have like 100 titties! Mother of all Dicks and Boners! Titty fucking dog tits! Hoooray!!!

 

Frozen hotdog by pukebreath 6-05-09
Have you ever wondered what it's like to be a frozen hot dog? Sure I have. I bet it sucks pretty bad. I mean, you know that your going in a gay dudes ass any minute.	Stop right there Dr. Booger Face! My best friend is a gays dudes ass and he's allergic to anything frozen! Oh yeah? Well I'm allergic to anything frozen or not frozen.	Oh yeah? I'm so allergic to anything between the temp of 0 to 10000 that I cant make love or be in love or even say the word love! I have that too. And I also can't eat rusty dick holders or shake hands with anyone or my dick jumps in their mouth.

 

100 Foot Dick by pukebreath 6-07-09
I'd sure like to lick shit off his ass right now.... You betcha chief. My wifes vigina is nasty as hell!	I bet his dick is huge. I mean really big. Probably 100 feet long.... Wow! You snuck righ up on me. You're looking extra sexy today. How would like to pretend my finger is a dogs dick?	I don't know. What do think I'd do to a dogs dick? I don't konw. Suck on it for awhile and then maybe jack it off. You could always pretend it's lipstick and smear it on your ass or something.

 

Turd Rocket by pukebreath 6-08-09
Hey Kid, ever been jacked off by someone with monster hands? Yeah, sometimes I pay my dog to act like a monster and bite at my weiner.	Your dog sounds like a real SOB. I'd like cage fight him. With my ding dong. He doesn't ding dong fight anymore. His wang dang got all mashed up in boating accident last summer.	That don't scare me. I'll stick my whole head up his and whistle dixie. Oh you'll be scared alright. I taught him to shoot milk out of his nipples and fire turd rockets out his booty hole.

 

Tuna Salad by pukebreath 6-16-09
You seem upset about something. Is it because I took a shit on your tuna salad? I said I was sorry. It looked like a toilet. No, it's not that. My mother is visiting and she's been watching me jack off every night.	That's all. Hell, I'd love it if my mom watched me fuck myself. Does she finger bang herself while she watches? Yeah, sometimes. She usually too busy licking my ass and rubbing oil all over her huge juicey boobies.	Did you eat all of that tuna salad that I shit in? If not, can I eat the rest. I love to eat my own shit. Sorry pal. I finished that tasty dish about a hundred years ago. You could try sucking my nipples if you want. I hear they taste just like your shit.

 

Selling Drugs by pukebreath 6-22-09
Sell me some drugs! Take it easy pal, I got your drugs hid up my butt.	Great. Now all we need to do is mash our butts together and you shit the drugs into my asshole. I'm way ahead of you bud. This sexy bra I'm wearing is made of drugs any you can smash your cock all over it and then lick the drugs out of my ass.	I don't think so. Take off your underwear and let me eat them. Man, you are one drug loving S.O.B.! I bet you'd slap your own mother and then do drugs and make her tie her boobs together with drugs.

 

Growing Corn by pukebreath 6-23-09
I am so fucking pissed off at you right now. Fuck! Fuck you! Fuck my ass! Rub your dick on my dick! Oh yeah! I'm pissed at you! Fucker! Make me have sex with a toilet!	You will never change will you. I've been standing here and rubbing my balls and smelling your farts all day long. It's a free country ain't it? Why don't you drive to the nearest farm and grow corn on your dick!	I'd love to. I've been dreaming of that since my dicks been sucked off. I don't think this farm really want's my cum all over it. Sure it does. Farms love to have cock mess shit all over them. Pull down my pants and stare directly into my butthole. You might see some poop hanging out.

 

It's a Deal by pukebreath 6-25-09
We're all really impressed with your work. I'm going to give you a million dollars. If you make it two million I'll put on one of your wifes bras and throw frozen hot dogs at your car.	I'll make it three million if you'll crush your weiner against my weiner in a fit of rage. What if we glued our weiners together and played tug of war.	What if we tied our pubic hair to our ass hair and let a couple of stray dogs fuck the hell out of each other right in front of us. Throw in some naked pictures of your dad and a subscription to 'Huge Pile's of Dog Shit Monthly' and you got yourself a deally-o!

 

Boating License by pukebreath 6-26-09
Let's go out bac and see who's pee comes out the hardest. No thanks, I just peed a hundred years ago.	Alright, let's go sniff girls crotches and guess who's on thier period. No. I hate the smell of periods.	Then let's go rent a boat and shoot fireworks at our faces and let some shit blow up in our hands. You know I don't have a boating license! Let's just give each other funny haircuts and suck off some dogs.

 

Doctors Orders by pukebreath 6-29-09
You had some really great ideas today. Let's go fart on each other to celebrate. I can't fart anymore. My fart sac was removed last night. Doctors orders.	Well that just sucks a shit ton man! Hey, I know a guy who's selling his fart sac. It's a real steal at $6,000,000,000. Forget you! I could buy a golden fart bag and a couple of those fancy strap on dildos for that kind of bread.	Suit yourself. Did I mention that the guys name is Mr. Huge Boner Rider Guy? Mr. Huge Boner Rider Guy!? It's always been my dream to fart in his mouth and have him pee all over my butt.

 

No Flop to the Dong by pukebreath 7-09-09
I wish I had X-ray vision. I'd be staring at your huge floppy dong right now. It's huge alright but it doesn't flop anymore.	No flop to the dong? How you gonna have a dong that don't flop. The flop and my ass crack got married and their baby started pissing all over my face.	So you were all like 'I'm a Wizard! Let's fly to Lick My Buttsville!' No it was more like 'Hey, I love it when my butt get's all itchy and I wipe my ding dong in the garbage!'

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