All comics by ryutsuba

 

by ryutsuba
9-17-01
Dave shares his insights with Nathan...
The beach, the moon... it's times like this when I'm reminded of... her.
...well, everything might just work out right eventually...
...
...
...or maybe you're just a whiny bitch.
Where oh where did I put that shotgun...

 

by ryutsuba
9-17-01
Dave and Cross meet at the local arcade...
Oh heya Cross. I'm about to go perfect my Lee game in TTT!
Nice... I think I'm gonna try to learn a new character...
You're no match for the Mist Trap! Gwa ha ha!
Bah... I'm just bored... might as well try Panda out though.
10 minutes and 7 games later...
Go away.
DUDE! Did you see that combo I did? How'd I do that... I gotta try new people more often!

 

by ryutsuba
9-17-01
At the local comic shop...
Heya man. What's up?
Well... I was gonna buy some new dice, but the store owner keeps looking at me funny..
Excuse me... why do you keep staring at my friend?
...you're completely retarded aren't you?
Maybe, but that doesn't change the fact that he's got shifty eyes...

 

by ryutsuba
9-17-01
Dave shares his new campaign with the first victim!
I've finally finished it! My masterwork campaign! The one you'll all remember for years!
Oh joy. I'm ecstatic. You running it?
Well, that's the point, now isn't it?
THEN IT'LL SUCK! GWAR HAR! HAR!
AIEEE!
One day he's gonna have to learn that I'm kidding when I say these things...

 

by ryutsuba
9-17-01
Dave catches up with Dray at -where else- his computer!
Hey Dray, you hear about my campaign that's gonna breathe life back into our dying AD&D spirit?
No Dave.
No, really, it's gonna change everything! The game will never be the same!
That's great Dave.
...burn in eternal torment.
Sure Dave.

 

by ryutsuba
9-17-01
Dave plays a harmless little game called Ultima Online...
I find it rather unfair that so many people associate gaming with the devil. It's a perfectly harmless, acceptable, educational hobby.
Crackle.
Hrrm?
G I V E M E Y O U R S O U L . . .
Maybe if I don't believe in it, it'll go away...

 

by ryutsuba
9-17-01
Dave recruits his party to kill the robot... Nathan...
You gotta help me! There's a goddamn... devil... robot... thing... infesting my house!
Hook me up with your mom and we got a deal.
Cross...
Cross! Ya gotta help me kill the... devil... robot... thing...
Hook me up with the Hypnotic Specters and I'm yours.
...and Dray.
Dray... there's a devil... robot... thing in my house and... this is futile isn't it?
Yeah Dave.

 

by ryutsuba
9-17-01
The party rushes to confront devil robot...
I, Sebastion, the supreme devil robot, proclaim myself ruler of this household!
Now wait just a damn second! I'm here with reinforcements! You're in deep buddy!
YAY! I killed it by force of will alone!
...and the unexpected... happens.
You wouldn't hit a lovable little Chinese orphan, would you?
God, somebody kill this plot arc, and quick.

 

by ryutsuba
9-17-01
In the morning, in the traditional place...
Heya Kaylan!
Hey Dave.
God... please... think of something nice to say... you have beautiful eyes... uhh... you're so incredibly wonderful... ahh...
Something wrong? Hehe...
Oof! BITCH!
You're killin me here Davey.

 

by ryutsuba
9-17-01
In Dray's basement...
The Confederacy rides again! Weehaw!
What in the sweet ever-loving hell is going on?!
General Jackson gave me orders to march on this here town, and I aim to do it!
...the Civil War ended over a century ago. You lost.
Oh... hellfar... really...?
Really. Oh, and you're made of pewter. That's not normal.

 

by ryutsuba
9-17-01
In a friendly, wooded glen...
Chitter chitter.
Chatter chatter.
Chitter chitter.
Chitter chitter.

 

by ryutsuba
9-17-01
In the comic shop...
I miss the good old days of AD&D, back before we knew what kits were or how to figure THAC0.
Well... I do to a degree... then again, there's a satisfaction that comes from knowing the ins and outs of a game.
True... the range of character skills and unique traits available...
Yeah, and the ability to keep from looking up rules during play...
Oh yeah. Bladesingers.
To arms! Fetch me my blowtorch minion, we have a revolution to start! We'll smoke those bastards right out of their lairs! Let them try and take me alive!

 

by ryutsuba
9-17-01
It's "nutty dream world" time, where anything can happen!
Marry me.
Ok!
Hey, what's that?
My own Tekken Tag Tournament cabinet! And you can stay and play as long as you like!
Dray, wanna have deep spritual conversations about life, the nature of man, and your personal views on the ways of the world, both social and philosophical?
No Dave.

 

by ryutsuba
9-17-01
Dave interviews Jesus for the paper...
So, when did you learn you were the son of God eh?
Well, it's just sort of... one of those things you know. Like how to breathe, or how to duct tape a fish to a piece of bubblewrap without damaging either object.
...what?
You're making fun of me aren't you? AREN'T YOU?
No... uhh... I... gotta go... Jesus... sir...
Watch your back funny man!

 

by ryutsuba
9-18-01
A public restroom...
What the hell are you doing in there anyway?
Well... I started thinking about trout... so you know...
What does trout have to do with anything...?
Well you see, Kelly was holding a trout in th...
Say no more. I understand.
Back to work we go!

 

by ryutsuba
9-18-01
Dave runs into an old friend!
Rob! You heard about Xenosaga yet?
Is that... wait... it can't be... ANOTHER XENOGEARS GAME?!
Uhh yeah, a prequel in fact... hey where'd you...
Imagine, if you will, the frenzied sound of very lightly clapping hands.
Rob? Rob? ...hey Rob?

 

by ryutsuba
9-18-01
In a peaceful Vietnamese village...
Chitter chitter.
Chatter chatter.
Chitter chitter.
Chitter chitter.

 

by ryutsuba
9-18-01
Dave's room...
Television these days really sucks...
And now, the Donkey and Donkey show!
Hello Donkey #2. You know what I hate? Impertinent little twits who think they're better than the American television watching public! What a bunch of idiots.
Much agreed, Donkey #1. Why don't those computer wielding, art-fag twerps go out and get laid? Oh I know. Because they can't!
...
Now let's sing the Donkey song kids!

 

by ryutsuba
9-18-01
Nathan, meeting a stranger at the shop...
Uhh... hi.
Hey! I'm a gamer chick, I listen to geek rock, punk, and techno, and I have a Star Wars shrine in my room!
Heh... heh... cool. (oh god please let her realize we're perfect for each other)
Yup! And you're a cutie, aren't you? Aww... but I have to go, or my husband will be pissed!
*sigh* oh well, this is so typical, god this is the absolute story of my life
Hey buddy! Were you hitting on my wife?!

 

by ryutsuba
9-18-01
Rob's back in...
This is so horrible! How could they do this to me!
...what?
Read this... "Due to unforseen circumstances, your copy of the Japanese version of Xenosaga will not be sent. Your money will not be refunded. Have a nice day."
That's rather harsh, isn't it?
...no... everything is fine... I'll just go to my room... and me... and this knife... will have a tea party...
Maybe you should let me see that... errm...

 

by ryutsuba
9-18-01
Dray's basement...
Dray! I just came over to use your computer. Mine lags and all. Well, off you go!
Back away. The security measures kick in in 5...4...
3...2... hey!
Hey wouldja look at that. Kicked in late. Have to remember to set it to go off at 4 next time.

 

by ryutsuba
9-18-01
Tekken 4 discussions...
Isn't that cool! Violet's identity is revealed! He's Lee! YAY!
Oh yeah? Ohh. That's great... yep... great. *shakes head*
Hey. They revealed that the 4th time release character is Jun!
WHOA! REALLY?!
No.
You're goin to hell, you know that?

 

by ryutsuba
9-18-01
Dave's innocent young computer room...
Sage of Papua (BoD): stfu newb! haha i killed roadie!
God I'm glad Sage lives far, far away from us.
Sage of Papua (BoD): omg guys im coming to Bristol!
Oh shit... better think of something quick.
Later that day...
Well, I'm ex-IRA, former member of the Texas State Militia, and I have a pouch for storing live young.
Yes you'll do... you'll do nicely...

 

by ryutsuba
9-18-01
In Dave's house, of course...
Sometimes, when I'm sitting all alone like this, I like to ponder the possibility of an afterlife. It sucks to think that our mortality is the end of our existence...
Perhaps there are even nether spirits, spirits that live on after their mortal forms depart for the great beyond, assuming there is a great beyond.
Boooyaka!
Uncle Russ, go the fuck away. You're ruining my script.

 

by ryutsuba
9-18-01
The door to a very familiar house...
Holy shit! What are you doing here?! The last time you came over was years ago... wow... I missed you!
Wee! Looky!
GO AWAY POD PERSON!
Hehe... ohh it works every time.

 

by ryutsuba
9-18-01
Wizards of the Coast's legal department...
Ok, long story short, back before you controlled TSR, I had a cushie job as a logo decoration. I'm begging you to find it in your heart to give me a position at WotC!
What about your old job? Would you want it back?
Would I?! Of course! Hell, I'll do anything for another warm logo spot!
...anything?
You losers! Unban Tolarian Academy!
Daah... the DCI is not at liberty to uhh... uhh... consider your position at this... juncture... god these rocks hurt...

 

by ryutsuba
9-18-01
While congregated at Dray's...
Dave, you're not gonna believe this! They introduced level 6 maps on Zulu!
Ahh really?
Yeah! They're rare loot on level 5s! Wanna go looking for one later?
Gee... that sounds fun... but uhh... I gotta... macro... Tracking.
HA HA! Bite it spec-boy!
All I wanted was to tame myself a puppy... damn you Zulu. Damn you.

 

by ryutsuba
9-18-01
Yup kids, it's time for another trip to NUTTY DREAM WORLD!
AHH! It's me!
Err... why am I staring at me?
This is eerie! Quickly, cut to our normal dream sequence!
Yes, quickly! I feel a heart attack comi... URRP!
Ahhhhh yes. Very good.
Love me.

 

by ryutsuba
9-18-01
AD&D in Dray's basement, with Nathan as DM...
So... between the trap... and the giant sandworm's attack... uhh... let's say you'll take 70d8 damage and call it even.
What! No, that'll kill me! This isn't fair! I put a lot of work into Zulen!
Oh, did you now?
Yeah asshole! He's my favorite character! This isn't fair! You're out to get me!
Well, there's not a badge on YOUR shirt that says DM, now is there? Back down whelp.
...no.

 

by ryutsuba
9-19-01
Dave's household...
I don't wanna hear it. You can hate me in silence.
Dave, it's no big deal. You're still my friend, and you're still a great guy.
Well... I figured... with the way you usually react, you know... you'd kill me...
Dave! What the hell! It was just a picture of me saved on your computer! I think it's cute!
...uhh... you didn't... see... the webpage... yet...?
Aww Jesus! You're a dead man!

 

by ryutsuba
9-19-01
Dave runs into the shop, panting.
Aww Christ... you gotta help me man!
Help you? What happened now...?
Well... uhh... it's Kaylan... she's pissed off about that webpage. Very pissed off.
Wha? Why? Wasn't that just her picture and a bunch of cute little animated GIFs and a bunch of your shitty poetry...?
Well... there was an accident with one of the GIFs... and long story short, her picture is now a link to www.teenbondage.com.
...you really are completely inept, aren't you?

 

by ryutsuba
9-19-01
On the street, on camera...
I thought I would take this issue to reflect on the crisis facing our great nation in these past days.
It's overdone jackass. You're just gonna come off looking like a sap. Can it while ya can. Art-fag.
What in the... you're that overly obnoxious donkey from "It'll Rot Your Brain". Get the hell out of this sentimental reflection you freak of nature!
*cough*JACKASS*cough*
...look, what's it gonna take to get rid of your filthy purple carcass?
Well for starters, you could kill yourself. Bwa ha! Ha! ...jackass.

 

by ryutsuba
9-19-01
A meeting in the WotC offices...
Look, if we're going to get out the 3E Planescape book on schedule, we're gonna have to take a few liberties.
Like?
Well, for starters, hit points and armor class have to go. They're bogging down an otherwise functional game...
...ok... continue...
We've also decided to eliminate the fantasy element. In its place, we plan to insert foil pages randomly into every book to placate the masses.
It's good to see someone around here's brushed up on corporate policy. Nice work Monty.

 

by ryutsuba
9-19-01
Dray's basement, one dull day...
I feel like there's something missing from my life Dray.
Yeah, Dave.
I feel like there's a part of me unfinished, like whatever divine being there may happen to be left a piece of me out.
Sure, Dave.
...but why am I telling you this anyway? Your life is just UO, Mountain Dew, and cookie dough!
Dave, Starcraft. You forget Starcraft.

 

by ryutsuba
9-19-01
Late one night...
Hrrm... bored... all alone... only one thing to do... HEHE! Oh this looks REALLY nice... Sluts Getting Spanked...
"And her eyes shimmered like dew droplets, in the sun... she's the one..."
WHAT THE HELL?! NO! Oh no... this is bad... where did these people get my site?!
Kaylan - 2000

 

by ryutsuba
9-19-01
The next day...
Ok, where do porn sites get their links from?
Mostly other porn sites... it's sort of an inside industry.
So no idea how one pathetic young man's worshipping fan site could end up as a link on a porn site?
No idea... unless maybe they saw "sexy schoolgirl sluts" in your meta-tags and decided they'd give you a hand.
So what you're saying is... that may be a not-so-good way to get hits?
Don't speak.

 

by ryutsuba
9-19-01
The WotC board meeting...
In an attempt to raise profits, we've had to lay off some employees and replace them with a cheaper alternative. Meet Steve the Goat!
...
Steve, say hello to your new co-workers.
*burp*
Are you crazy? He'll run the company into the ground!
The former VP of TSR assures me he's a capable young man, just a bit slow on the uptake. Oh, and he has a lisp.

 

by ryutsuba
9-19-01
It's time for... Nutty Dream World #3!
Why do birds... suddenly appear...
Every time... you are near...
Just like me... they long to be...
Close to you!
I have to make this stop, somehow... maybe I'll just stop going to sleep entirely... Rob?
...but they carry a tune oh so well...

 

by ryutsuba
3-31-02
This comic hasn't been updated in a while, but we assure you, things are on the ups from here on out!
In fact, we're going to be bigger, BADDER, and B-E-T-T-E-R than ever!
...unfortunately, we're going to be relying on the same tired, overdone jokes everyone else makes.
Hey guys! So anyway, I'm just "hangin around!" Get it? Get... kill me.

 

by ryutsuba
3-31-02
One sunny afternoon...
OH MY GOD! Did I tell you what happened?!
Err... no....
Kaylan finally confirmed all our suspicions that really she just has issues with dating people that mean... well... anything to her.
Ahh.. hehe... umm... ahehehe...
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LAUGHING AT!
*snicker* NOTHING!

 

by ryutsuba
3-31-02
EverQuest is such a great game... dragon raids, ph4t l3wt campin, old-school sword and sorcery gaming...
Alania says "a/s/l?"
All this in an environment conducive to massively multiplayer play and requiring intense teamwork...
Alania says "u wnna cyber?"
And do these people ever leave their houses?
...you're making fun of me, I know it.

 

by ryutsuba
3-31-02
What's my life mean, anyway? I seem so... useless...
Alania says "wassup seXXy wnna go?"
People tell me I'm funny, but a squirrel telling dirty jokes would be funnier.
Grimbear says "u sux n00b"
Meanwhile...
...so den I says "Quit cuppin my nuts biotch!"

 

by ryutsuba
3-31-02
We're tired of being the butt of everyone's jokes!
We'll not be slaves to the Man anymore!
We're striking back at the ruling caste! We're making our mark!
To war! Excelsior!
And yet... sometimes I enjoy the abuse...
Uhh... err... all... your base are... belong... to us?

 

by ryutsuba
4-01-02
Dave? Happy?
I don't understand this. Thanks to a string of recent events, I think my life is begining to... come together...
That's a good thing Dave! It's your time to shine!
Hey, what's that...?
Your mail. Oh! A letter from Kaylan... let's see here...
Well... stop looking all scared and tell me what it says...
You... umm... err... I... look at it this way. You've never had any lesbian friends BEFORE!

 

by ryutsuba
4-01-02
We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming for an important briefing...
It's come to "our", the royal "our", attention that some of you think this comic is unfunny.
Quoth one reader's letter "You're all a bunch of pretentious art-fags." Wait... wait a minute...
Narf!
Sorry for the interruption, we now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.
So then I bit him! Ha! Ha ha!
Hey... hey... it's me again... "just hangin around." Oh, fuck this, I'm not doin it anymore.

 

by ryutsuba
4-01-02
One random eve...
The X-Files has really gone to hell this season...
SCORE! Free TV!
What in the...
That seals it, I'm getting out of this town.

 

by ryutsuba
4-01-02
This is James. James is "depressed."
Woe. Woe is me. I am depressed. I think I will cut myself now.
This is a dog on a ball. Children, the mentally handicapped, and the elderly love his magical wonders.
*dog sound*
This is what happens when two complete strangers live together in one apartment.
Hopefully I just ruptured a vital nerve.
*dog sound*

 

by ryutsuba
7-12-02
One fine day...
People have been telling me I need to move on, let it be...
Oh... Dave... we've talked about this before. Your heart is yours alone to examine.
...you'd think Bub could have trapped Donkey Kong in a bubble and popped him or... something...
Wait... what...?
The GameFAQs 2002 summer contest. What'd you THINK I meant?
You are such a fucking tool.

 

by ryutsuba
7-12-02
In the usual spot...
You heard about this FFNWN thing?
Nope, can't say I have. What is it?
It's a full remake and conversion of the original Final Fantasy into a Neverwinter Nights module! Isn't that cool?
That'll be great... if they ever actually get around to doing it. Much like your conversion of our world, I'm guessing.
As soon as they get the fucking gremlins out of the toolset, I'll be well on my way!
...gremlins?

 

by ryutsuba
7-12-02
Curious specimens, aren't they?
...pie...

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