All comics by sassy_emu

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by sassy_emu
2-18-03
One fateful evening at Lauren's house...
satan: give me your soul!
chris: r u satan?
Hm... yes. Chris seems to be confused...
satan: um... do u want me to be?
chris: i cant think im stoned. mabe ur a hallucenation...
Well...
satan: nn-- i mean.. yyeess.. yes. hallucenation. thats what i am. yes u have been hanging around your friend Lucy too much. so can i have your soul or what?
chris: that depends... on what terms?

 

by sassy_emu
2-18-03
One night at the gangs favorite hangout..
rissa: i'd like to be president someday...
ryan: girls can't be president! they would start blowing up small countries everytime they got pms!
rissa: no. girls dont blow stuff up generally. thats a guy thing.
ryan: well then what would u do miss president?
Rissa became president...
miss president! the chinese government has just decided to launch a weapon on our allies!
rissa: alright ya know... maaann... this gives me such a headache! ok... u know what? America isnt talking to China, that's it...

 

by sassy_emu
2-18-03
Tom and Jesse converse at Rissa's post-midterm party...
Tom: waaah! im a paper clip. rad.
Jesse: you hold paper together. ur the nemesis of post-its.
Oh dude... denied.
Tom: rad dude. hey do u think sheila thinks it would b a rad idea for us to go out?
Jesse: um... no.
Oh poor Tom. That's not rad.
Tom: i'll take her someplace rad...
Jesse: yea. still no.

 

by sassy_emu
2-18-03
Another bizzare adventure...
Lauren: wow i have a clone? when did this happen?
i'm not a clone! i'm a robot! genuflect!
Lauren: what should i call you? "mini-me" is too cliche. how about "laser"? hehe.
did u hear me? i said genuflect! i will take over the world if u dont.
Lauren: damn. now i have to kill u. this makes me so sad.
Nnnnooooo!!!

 

by sassy_emu
2-18-03
NOTE: Not in chronological order.
yeah man! tv rules! i love this show! HAHAHA!!
yeah! warm my bones! HAHAHA!!
yeah! i won! my focus group rules! HAHAHA!!

 

by sassy_emu
2-18-03
The game is over. Let's see who won...
YES! THEY WON! HAHAHA! Gimme five, lucifer!
Yeah, man!
i cannot believe it. i lost bet.
ha! i told u bob! i told u they would win! cough it up loser! haha!!
smoking is bad. prepare to die.

 

by sassy_emu
2-18-03
Lauren is having some problems...
Lauren: i fell in here yesterday. i figure it has to be my home now.
hmm...
Lauren: that is of course unless someone helps me get out...
like who?
to be continued...
Lauren: well u dont look too busy...
your point....?

 

by sassy_emu
2-18-03
Mr. Skin is introducing his new friend to Bob...
hey bob! meet the newest member of our gang! his name is sparky! HAHAHA!!
where is he?
Bob is not so thrilled about the new addition...
here i am! hi! im sparky! HAHAHA!!
..great... another poser... perfect.
to be continued...
gimme five dude! HAHAHA!!....dude c'mon!.... dude..?
how to kill...? knife? axe? fire?... think, bob, think...

 

by sassy_emu
2-18-03
Lauren is still in trouble...
pssst... hey squirrel... help me get out of this trash can. pleeease.
nntt... nntt...
Lauren is still in trouble...
c'mon quick. before that garbage truck comes. it's only a block away.
nntt... nntt...
Lauren is still in trouble...
i will kill that squirrel. i will kill it with my knife. it will be fun. you can watch.
sounds good.

 

by sassy_emu
2-18-03
Finally a friendly stranger offers some help...
kill that squirrel. kill that squirrel.
hey. could you get me out of this trash can first?

 

by sassy_emu
2-18-03
Finally a friendly stranger offers some help...
kill that squirrel. kill that squirrel.
hey. could you get me out of this trash can first?
Lauren is finally out of the trash can...
thanks for getting me out of there but it looks like you wont have to kill the squirrel after all. he's gone.
to be continued...
i will kill something. i will kill this one. yes. kill this one.
dude... why r u looking at me like that?

 

by sassy_emu
2-18-03
Uh-oh...
i will kill you! i will kill you!
chill out. we'll find the squirrel if u want to kill something.
Everything seems to be working out...
that's ok. i will just nail my arm to the sky. let me have those nails and that hammer...
whatever floats ur boat... but i want my hammer back...
END.

 

by sassy_emu
2-18-03
One day in global history class...
Mrs. "Vikki": Lauren, do you know the answer..?
Lauren: no... i was probably asleep when u were teaching this..
you should be more respectful in class...
why's that?
After class...
this letter mrs. vikki gave me needs to be signed or i cant graduate... damn it. hey... do you have good handwriting, Xander?
Xander: umm.... trust me...if i did i would help but i dont think... wait lets ask Tom... he may be a moron but he can forge like a pro

 

by sassy_emu
2-18-03
mwahaha. die now.
no.
why not?
i dont feel like it. maybe later.
feh.
oh. thats ok. i gotta go see soeone else now... bye.
yea bie.

 

by sassy_emu
2-18-03
would you like to pet my poopie?
in this strip posers burst into flames.
ahhhhhhh!!! im on fire!!! waaaah!
spontaneous combustion rocks.
all posers should die.

 

by sassy_emu
2-18-03
*squawk*
holy shit it's an emu! *clap*
*squawk*
i have no clue what to do with this...
to be continued...
*squawk*
should i throw it in the fire pit..or should i just kill it

 

by sassy_emu
2-18-03
*squawk*
whatever... i cant find the fire pit. ill just kill it.
come back u damn emu.
END.
*sniff* i really wanted to kill that emu.

 

by sassy_emu
2-18-03
Lauren: HEY. its BARRY. the ice princess. do a triple axle barry!
Danni: i dont think he can hear you.
maybe its just as well.
HEY! NICE MANPURSE! u english cigarette!
i have no idea whats going on...
the oil supply is being QUICKLY DEPLETED! i thought u were some sort of "ice princess"
dammit. he stole my flowers!! no he did not just steal my flowers!

 

by sassy_emu
2-18-03
One day in science class...
now this may be very hard for u to understand. i dont think any of you will ever understand it.
thats great news...
so lets just get it over with...
hm... what's about to happen here...?
pop quiz.
i'd kick you if i had feet.

 

by sassy_emu
2-19-03
Any given day...
Arielle: im confused....
Lauren: yes. but whats new...
im confuzzled...
again whats new...
i miss bob... i got dizzy... they took my blood...
feh.

 

by sassy_emu
2-19-03
One morning at camp...
the morning is cool.
the morning is awesome.
omg. we're psychic.
hahahahaha.
simultaneously.
big word.

 

by sassy_emu
2-19-03
Let's do some introductions...
I am Lauren.
I am Jesse.
I am Danielle K.
I am Rissa.
This was pointless... let's do it again sometime...
I am Arielle.
I am Xander.

 

by sassy_emu
2-19-03
I am Mattz.
I am Tom.
I am Ryan.
I am Erica.
mwahahaha.... they are gonna die...
I am Zsh.
I am "Kackie."

 

by sassy_emu
2-19-03
The oxygen supply is being QUICKLY DEPLETED due to Zsh's obliviousness
*cough cough* *cough cough*
...?
*cough cough* *cough cough*
...?
This just goes to show you that you can have too much of a good thing...
hahahahaha! (*hysterical laughter*)
hahahahaha! (*hysterical laughter*)

 

by sassy_emu
2-19-03
A random day...
I would just like to let you all know that i am resigning as queen of the world.
wait.... i changed my mind.
so we're all agreed that im queen of the world...

 

by sassy_emu
2-19-03
At Lauren's one day...
dammit my aunt is coming to say with me. i hate this.
is she hot? she can come stay with me if she' hot...
Not good...
shut up u loser. thats my aunt. granted she's a bitch but still that just wrong...
right. but what i want to know is if she's hot...
This really has to stop...
do u actually expect me to answer that...?
well... yeah...

 

by sassy_emu
2-19-03
One day at band practice...
Walker: maybe we should write a song about ducks...
Lauren: shut up walker, ur the drummer, u dont write songs...
oh my...
Danny: hey maybe we should do something patriotic...
Lauren: no. i hate patriotism. ever since heath ledger died in the movie the patriot ive hated patriotism... he isnt even american! he didnt have to die!
Ryan: woah chill out, Lauren. its just a movie...
Lauren: Curse you patriots!!! And u know what? i heard Mel Gibson fled to Canada to avoid being drafted! yea... thats a real sign of patriotism!! death!! death to patriotism!!

 

by sassy_emu
2-19-03
Lauren's computer keeps freezing...
its me against u now.
i wont let you win.
Wait. It' not supposed to talk. Stop that.
ur goin down scrap metal.
bring it on bitch.

 

by sassy_emu
2-19-03
one day at the mall...
Mike: i think rissa is soooo hot. i like to tell people we hooked up even though its not true.
*yawn* where's rissa? i want to ditch this jerk-off, man. i might just have to kill him. patience, lauren, patience.
Mike: hey there's rissa! hey rissa! over here!
shut up. she doesnt like u. your a loser.
later...
i hate mike. he never leaves me alone.
i dont think im gonna talk to anyone today...

 

by sassy_emu
2-19-03
One fateful evening...
Xander: omg lauren! hi! whats up? u look great today...!
Lauren: Xander, just get it over with and tell me what you did...
Ok. I killed your fish... im really sorry...
...what? i dont have a fish...
hmmmm....
yea well not anymore...
.......wtf?

 

by sassy_emu
2-19-03
Earlier that day...
hey! whaaaazzuuppp?!
omg! look out!
aaaaaaaaah!
Present setting...
...and thats how i electricuted your fish...
ok... i never had a fish in my whole life... what the hell r u talking about?

 

by sassy_emu
2-19-03
Arielle: hang up simultaneoulsy... maybe something magic will happen...
Rissa: i accidently killed Kim... thats ok right?
Xander: i hate it when the clock looks at me like it knows im trying to move its hand with my mind...
Jesse: my grandpa used to call me "cheesie" i hated him. good thing he died or wi would have killed him.
Ryan: my mom gave me a sweet spanking!
Lauren: im gonna kill you, u stupid nun. tell jesus hey.

 

by sassy_emu
2-19-03
Mattz: one day my prince wil come and kill your prince...
Danni: here's amy nuzzo with the news..... o.
Tom: when did you move to Cali? wait... omg im so confused right now... but hey, still rad.
Erica: one tme i stapled my pants to a lawn chair and i yelled "help!! aaaah! i stapled my pants to a lawn chair!" then i burned the lawn chair.
chris: my butt feels like i sat in a bucket of puke.
Lauren: im using all this stuff in one of my comics.

 

by sassy_emu
2-20-03
Bob is still figuring out how to get rid of Sparky...
so i hear your somewhat of a serial killer.. that's cool dude. one time i almost got murdered by a serial killer.but thas not how i died. i think i must have scared him cuz he ran away screaming...
omg... i have to kill this guy... i cant stand him..
God... this guy IS really annoying...
how i REALLY died was when my friend and i went to niagra falls. my "friend" pushed me off a bridge in mid-sentece. so nowi have come back s a ghost to haunt him...
i wonder if u can kill a ghost... maybe if i burn him... of melt him with water.. hmm...
30 seconds later...
ahhh! dude what r u doing? why did u set me on fire?!
why wont u die?!!! fine, u know what, im gonna bash your flaming head into the ground!! take that you psycho-ass, undead flamer!!

 

by sassy_emu
2-20-03
Yeah! We're finally rid of that annoying ghost!...
there... that takes care of that loser...
hey bob.. hey where's sparky? HAHAHA!!
don't look at me... i have no idea...
thats so weird... i could have sworn i left him here with you for the fve minutes i was gone... i mean its not like u could have killed him or anything...he's a ghost he can't die. HAHAHA!!
Oh well...
see? that's exactly what i told him HAHAHA!!
SON-OF-A-BITCH!!!!

 

by sassy_emu
2-20-03
happy birthday! i brougt you a little something from my 7-eleven. i am hoping you enjoy slushies...
yeah and i hope you also like apples and snakes!! i got u a whole gift basket f them...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR. SKIN!!!
This is such a great birthday u guys!! i love this party!! HAHAHA!!
i got u a lighter and rented you a space on a billboard!!! but um... you ave to promote cigarettes... or else you cant use it...
yeah and i got u a mink coat! u know so u can stay warm!!
o man.... that's what I got him... man dont tell me i killed that poor rich lady for nothing...

 

by sassy_emu
2-21-03
Hank and Earl discuss politics, terroism, and the situation in Iraq...
im tullin' ya, earl, them gosh dern terroroists is makin' a big stink in this here counrty fer no reason!
yep, yep, i know hank.
and dont gimme that moonshine about saddam hussie or whatnot scaring our little wussy prezydent with his big ol' bombs and such...
yep, yep, dussgrace....
hell, why dont someone juss shoot vermit? he aint worth nuthin tu us!! send me over there! ill pull my rifle on 'em!
yep, yep.... they dont know, them nancies, they aint smart like us... they dont have no book-learnin over in them third world countries...

 

by sassy_emu
2-21-03
Hank is not too thrilled with pop culture music while Earl has a few exceptions...
good ol' banjo playin'. thas mu fisrt love. not some silly rappin or loud geetar playin'...
i like the banjo too. i also like that britney spears. she's quite a peach.
....WHAT THE HELL IS THIS NONSENSE EARL?! even senseble folk, unlike yerself, dont like that little dussgrace tu music. hell, earl, she cant even sing pretty.
sorry, hank. i didin mean tu getcha mad... im juss sayin' that britney spears is quite a peach...
DAMMIT EARL! WILL U SHUT YER WHOLE! JESUS, MARY, AND JOSEPH! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YER HEAD?!!!

 

by sassy_emu
2-21-03
One day as Dreamgrass was meditating in the field...
Olay! I am Fernando Roberto Alejandro Juan Jose Alberto... but u can juss call me Frajja! Hola!
hi um... Frajja. Im Dreamgrass.
Are you a, how you say, a hippie?
Yea. and what the hell r u?
I am a professional MATADOR!! OLAY!

 

by sassy_emu
2-21-03
Dreamgrass and Frajja discuss their hobbies...
I like your hat, Frajja.
Frajja thanks you kind hippie. What did u say your name was? Dreamflower?
Dreamgrass. So anyway, what's a matador?
Ah yes, si, si, matadors they fight the bull... it is quite... um captivating and magnificent!!
Seriously? Hippies fight bull too! Like the government and the foreign policies and pollution and the empowerment of major corporations...what kind of bull do u fight?
....que?

 

by sassy_emu
2-21-03
One day while Dreamgrass was meditating in the field...
Woah. who r u?
I'm a killer. Don't bother me.
Killing is wrong, man.
Watch it or I'll kill you.
OK. So what did u say your name was?
Jeff.

 

by sassy_emu
2-21-03
Dreamgrass and Jeff discuss their hobbies...
So why do like killing people man? where's the love?
I was abused as a child and now i am going on a killing rampage to release my built up rage...
Oh. That's cool. It sounds pretty groovy.
Indeed.
So we're pretty much done here, huh?
You could say that...

 

by sassy_emu
2-21-03
Honetsly I don't really know...
what the hell r u doing trying on that shirt?
why? does it make me look fat?
no. that fact that your fat makes you look fat. that shirt just makes you look gray.
o....
god will you take it off already? i hate that shirt!
um.... why? cuz its gray?

 

by sassy_emu
2-21-03
Hank and Earl are discussing the problematic economy...
I dont see why evurbudy is making such a big stink about the gosh dern economy. i mean we get by ok with our mobile homes and rifles...
yep, yep, we get by juss fine.
i mean if evurbudy juss lived in mobile homes and had rifles we wolnt have hse kindu prublums... aint i right earl?
yep, yep, right you are, hank.
so y aint evurbudy doin' this? i thought them were supposed tu be the smert ones... right? with all that fancy booklearnin you figure they would have some sense in their heads...
yep, yep..

 

by sassy_emu
2-21-03
Lauren has had quite enough...
Tom. I am just gonna come out and say it. i think your a moron.
why? o i get it. u dont like the word rad... oooo.
yes... thats exactly it.
rd rad rad rad rad rad rad rad rad rad rad rad rad rad rad...
get bent, dipshit.
rd rad rad rad rad rad rad rad rad rad rad rad rad rad rad...

 

by sassy_emu
2-21-03
now that i see a giant pencil floating in front of me.. i have decided that a shrink would be a senseble investment.
pause for dramatization:
on second thought unless it starts to talk i think ill be ok. maybe it will just go away.

 

by sassy_emu
2-21-03
Undetermined causes cause evil-causing robot:
arrrrrgh kill! kill all! must cause suffering!
*sniff* i built you for love and happiness. but you only know hate and pain.
do you have any fruit?
hmmm... i think so...
try looking in the mirror! i think you'll find one there!
that only hurt cuz it sucked so much...

 

by sassy_emu
2-21-03
Cleptos and Pirates dance in the fire...
Cue the bongos...
burning a giant lizard as they see the crack attics shake in the breeze...
Snapping fingers...

 

by sassy_emu
3-07-03
*sigh* im so bored!
you're bored?! please u dont know what boredom is...
who the hell r u little boy?
why... im glad u asked! i am BOREDOM BOY! i help people who are bored. and i have to say... ive seen much worse cases than yours. i bet u dont know just how bored a person can get.
try me.
what's that supposed to mean?

 

by sassy_emu
3-07-03
One day as Dreamgrass was meditating in the field...
holy hemp! an alien!
i am jj'orikv. i come in peace.
hello jj'orikv. im dreamgrass.
that's an odd name for an earthling...
well, see, i dont think its actually my real name. that would be a weird coincidence. see i forgot my real name a while back when i was stoned... i never was able to remeber it after that..
awww... what an emotional roller coaster that must have been!

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