All comics by stripmine

 

by stripmine
2-23-04
Should I do this?
No...no, we must forgive. Forgive AND forget!!!
C'MON, sparing that squirrel, AFTER ALL THOSE THINGS IT DID TO YOU!?! You've got some weird thing for squirrels!! So you're staying in the hole 'til you have sex with the guy in the mascot outfit.

 

by stripmine
2-23-04
Meanwhile...at CIA Headquarters...
What's up with smoking? If it's so bad for you, why does God allow it to exist at all?
Well, if our society can reach an enlightened state of ego loss where everone is free to translate themselves across bodies, cigarettes become just another symbol (with an associated rich history).
So employ smoking as you would use any other symbol--as a form of encoded communication to make contract bids to find other shapeshifters. When contract is reached, translate yourself appropriately.
YOU ARE BRILLIANT! I AM SO GLAD WE FOUND EACH OTHER AFTER ALL THIS TIME! I LOVE YOU, BE MINE!
Nice try, but I reject your "incarnated as a 2D graphic blonde" bid. Don't you have a BODY in the 3D world? I mean we could meet up and... Oh, shoot. No wonder this comic is so clever.

 

by stripmine
2-23-04
Okay okay, so it's like...it's like you've got a bunch of lines all next to each other so you can't see space in-between?
For the last time Chicken Boy, quit talking about the LINES already!!! You need to...OH...wait. I'm sorry. Yes, that's actually a decent way of putting it, I see where you're coming from.
Whoa!
Double whoa!
...meanwhile, at the Neverland Ranch.
How did we get from video game graphics to chickens that don't understand pixels? I don't think that's soda in your can, clownface.
Call what's in my can "Jesus Juice" if you want, names don't matter. But *focus*, kid: why thought bubbles in the 1st frame, and then talk bubbles in the 2nd? What else changed?

 

by stripmine
2-23-04
Coding Phase
1020 CERUL <...> LUREC 0201 (size: +inf bytes)
0304 JEWEL <...> LEWEJ 4030 (size: +inf bytes)
Execution Phase
!!! ACK 0304 SYNC 1020 !!!
!!! ACK 1020 SYNC 0304 !!!
Debugging Phase
Mathematical incompleteness, yes we should have foreseen that. No a-priori way to distinguish between "I AM" and "I WANT". Still, I'm not doing another dude, no matter how smart.
Not having my breasts would be offset by the fact that physically identical *stupid* versions of ourselves are now banished permanently to Hell, except that they're too dumb to realize that fact.

 

by stripmine
2-23-04
Whaet a brilliaent and beautiful little girl you aere! Lots of flesh, lots of color! I had flesh and color once, if you click on my userinfo you'll learn aell aebout it!
Thanks for the compliment. But you seem very...skeletal. What's with all the bones (are those METAL)? And what's this "Olde English" rap?!
Whaet a brilliaent and beautiful little girl you aere! Lots of flesh, lots of color! I had flesh and color once, if you click on my userinfo you'll learn aell aebout it!
Um, not sure that's a good idea...is that a BOMB in your lap? And you just said the same thing twice. You're probably an evil robot drone killing machine.
Kids: Is this really saefe? To find out, click on http://www.livejournal.com/users/seattlesque/info/ <-- [Place remote-detonation URL here, then delete the this text between brackets!]
Whaet a brilliaent and beautiful little girl you aere! Lots of flesh, lots of color! I had flesh and color once, if you click on my userinfo you'll learn aell aebout it!
OH...an Austin POWERS reference...the 3 times repeat thing and then I have to comply! Now I get it, it's SMAERT! I'll click the link now, and see what it looks like with "flesh" and "color"...

 

by stripmine
2-24-04
Meanwhile...at a secret CIA meeting in a fancy hotel...
But "Dr." Moore...a DNA-sensitive outfit that adapts a design to your genetic pattern?! I was only kidding, no such thing is "remotely" possible!!!
Great dense act, "Dr." "Dickens". Yes, I saw inside your mind, and stole your "schematics". It's a wonderful eye-opener, and we'll make a MINT. Let's do it already, take off your clothes.
...thirty seconds later, "Trevor" is "puzzling" the trial results...
Well, my clothes are back on after being in your "DNA conversion box" and I can't say they look much different. Not only that, I didn't get laid...and now my shirt smells like cologne.
Seeing you naked is enough of a sight-gag. Besides, I'm hungry and you only have $3 cash in your wallet. I haven't bothered to learn to sign your name yet, and probably never will.
...American Express Transparent And Blue with the Shiny Thing: "Wherever You Go, There You Are" (tm)
My jedi mind tricks are of no use against daemons who know that George Lucas is a young boy whose cancerously trite movies we're going to have to spend aeternity semantically remapping.
If only being an effective overlord didn't require being so LAZY. Hypnotizing you into wearing that plaid skirt with a beige top in the hotel lobby would have been *priceless*!!!

 

by stripmine
2-24-04
01-30 @ 04:20 am, on the Interweb
JEFF! For the last time...! I DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR WIFE!!! SHE'S *YOUR* WIFE! Treat her right, for the love of God, she's a beautiful girl and deserves it.
Treating her right is WHY I'm HERE: she'll admit to wanting sex with everyone BUT you, when it's YOU she wants. Have a threesome with her and your wife, I've given up on egotism-make her happy!
This guy is a freaking loon. And he would go far with better taste in apparel. I can help with that, it's what I do dah-ling! Wait, what did that last sentence mean? What's my name again?
MOREOVER you just *publicly admitted* you think she's hot! Sort this out by March 1st, OR I'm going to poison her mind against you--turning your memory into something abominable.
03-01 @ 02:40 pm, at the Cerul Alain School for Sourcerers, Shapeshifters, and Random Props That Entertain -or- Enlighten
...so "Brian" knew the ideal "Brian" even though they never met! In some strange cosmic way, each of them refined each other's love story! Let's get champagne and celebrate with our men!
First they steal the algorithm for SkyNet. Then they invert it, and turn it into a chick flick. Oooh...I will shut them off as soon as I finish melting.

 

by stripmine
2-24-04
...in one of George Bush's Secret Washington D.C. Chemical "Weapons" Labs...
Brian, I am your father! And I can prove it! Here, we'll do a paternity test. We mix our blood together, and add this solution. If it turns bluish, I am your father.
Since your "solution" is marked clearly with the metaeducation logo, I know it's just blue food coloring.
And my name's not Brian. The CIA put that nametag on me so I could get past security to kick your ass if I have to.
Uh oh...my plan was mostly based on being bigger than Brian. If this isn't him, then who is it?
Let's just say that my real name is "Jock". And my father's name is Charles. Give me all your card numbers and no one gets hurt. Cerul says go on about your business making chemicals, tho.

 

by stripmine
2-24-04
If you are on a bridge and fall into a card playing tournament, but find that you actually don't have a 'playing card' fetish...what should you do?
Win the contract with an outrageous overbid.
Australia's like...W.T.F., mate?!?
C'mon, someone might take over your declarer position, because hey...free dummy!!!
Live from Seattle, it's 10:20 Tuesday Night!
I suppose you're going to suggest that when overdriving my car in the future, I should keep a JACK HANDY.
*I* write you comics, *I* make you vegetable soup and grilled cheese. *I'm* smaller than she is and you can throw me around all you want. Can you explain why you need HER?

 

by stripmine
2-24-04
...ever since I said 0304 you keep reacting with "safeword" to my every request, most recently for oral sex.
safeword
I've even made it clear that I don't care what you look like. At all. I just want oral sex. Cerul told me you were called Jewel and you were some kind of brilliant negotiator.
safeword
I'm sad to find you hear like this. Or maybe I just can't see you because I have a banana in my pants.
A little bird "told you", riiiight. We'll see about that. I've put this up on stripcreator so we can post-mortem discuss what happened, but since this turns me on not-at-all at all, I invoke 1020.

 

by stripmine
2-25-04
...so I say to h.e.r. that "If h.e. is so ##*SMART*#*, how come it's m.e. spending the day making photos and having lunch with his beautiful wife, while he's at work trying to earn 'm.o.n.e.y.'?!"
Whoa! That's "stellar"! [CLAP]
It brought tears to my heart. I truly loved h.e.r., and it was clear s.h.e. truly loved m.e., and that we both truly loved the vision that h.e. had lost.
I'm just a microphone, so what do I know. But wait-a-sec: she had you stripped down almost completely naked, you were turned on, and you didn't put on a nametag that said L.U.T.Z. 'cause of acronyms?
get.(SMART) = 110-010 = s.t.d.
I had a pen around the house somewhere, probably. But I couldn't go all the way. She has an s.t.d. that doesn't get cured until 2010.
You missed some primo tail, Mr. Aisto. It was cured in 0403. You missed out on like...geez, do the math. That's a lot of great sex you didn't get to have, and never will.

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