All comics by Choobychooby

Profile

 

by Choobychooby
3-12-03
Welcome to Boomshanka Lane, a small street on the edge of some unimportant town.
The street holds many secrets, some of which are entertaining enough to be made into a 3-panel strip, some not.
Sadly, no-one will tell me the interesting stories, so we'll just discuss the boring crap.

 

by Choobychooby
3-14-03
This is Good-News-Bob, he lives at number 14, every morning Bob receives some good news.
Hey, Bob, your ex-girlfriend's new pro-athlete boyfriend was gunned down by a gang of racist midgets last night, he died slowly in the gutter.
Good-News-Bob, everybody.

 

by Choobychooby
3-16-03
Kevin lives in flat 22a with his wife...
...who is having an affair with Darren from number 3...
...who lives with his long-time lover, Hank.

 

by Choobychooby
3-16-03
Hey, wife, I'm going for a game of squash with Hank, I'll be gone for a couple of hours.
Okay.
I'm not having an affair.
What?
I said, "enjoy your game".

 

by Choobychooby
3-16-03
Oh, hey Kevin, where are you going?
For a game of squash with Hank, hasn't he told you?
Oh, yeah, he mentioned something.
I'm not having sex with your wife.
What?

 

by Choobychooby
3-16-03
At the Gym:
Hank, do you think there's anything going on between our respective partners?
Darren and your wife? I doubt it, Darren's gayer than a boat full of ice skaters.
Still, I'm very suspicious, I'm just going to nip home and check something.
Okay, I'll just have a quick game with Bob.
Hey, Bob, I just heard that Asian family next door to you got deported.

 

by Choobychooby
3-16-03
Hmm, the front door is conveniently ajar, allowing me to wander in without making a sound.
Oh, Kevin's wife, oh yes, YES!
Sssh, did you hear that?
Hear what?
It sounded like someone walking through the front door without making a sound.

 

by Choobychooby
3-16-03
Okay, what's going on here?
I'm sorry Kevin, it's not that I don't love you, it's just that I love sex.
But why Darren?
Darren? Ha ha, he's gay!
Hello Kevin.
DAD?

 

by Choobychooby
3-16-03
So, Bob, my wife was having an affair with my dad, I'm heartbroken, having to sort out divorce papers just depresses me more.
Ha, nothing particularly good about THAT news, eh?
Your mom and your wife are available now?

 

by Choobychooby
3-16-03
I had the abortion.

 

by Choobychooby
3-16-03
That's pretty crazy about Kevin and his wife eh?
Yeah, that damn slut, I always knew there was something wrong with her.
Wh-what do you mean?
You could tell by the way she dressed she wasn't "happily married".
Oh, right, yeah, and what's with that high pitched squealing she makes at the point of climax?
What?

 

by Choobychooby
3-17-03
Hi, we've just moved in next door to you, I just thought I'd come and say hi.
"We"?
Yes, my fiancee and I.
Oh, right, yeah.
I'm sure you'll like her, she's a masseuse, like me.

 

by Choobychooby
3-18-03
Hey, darlin', ah don't suppose ye could spare me a couple of bucks?
It depends, are you going to spend it on beer and cigarettes?
Not at all.
A handjob from a hooker?
I wouldn't dream of it!
Then I'm sorry, you don't fit the stereotype that reinforces my belief that I am better than the scum on the street. The money stays in my pocket.

 

by Choobychooby
3-20-03
Hello homeless Dave, still begging on the streets, eh?
Yeah, say, I don't suppose you could spare a few bucks?
Sorry man, but the wife's taking me to the cleaners with this divorce thing.
Ah, yeah, I heard about it, who would've ever thought she was a lesbian?
A lesbian? What are you talking about? She was sleeping with another guy!
You can't prove anything!

 

by Choobychooby
3-26-03
The key witness has cancer, he'll be dead before the trial.

 

by Choobychooby
3-26-03
Man, this divorce is getting me down, I really thought my wife loved me.
At least she wasn't a fucking Muslim.

 

by Choobychooby
3-30-03
Hey man, let's go back to your house for some cheese toasties.
No, my toaster's busted, the toast only pops up at innapropriate times.
Eh?
The last time I tried to make toast, it popped up just as my girlfriend dumped me.
Okay, how about we fry up some bacon?
No, I bent the frying pan all out of shape clubbing my ex-girlfriend with it.

 

by Choobychooby
4-08-03
.:.:::.::.. :...:::.:.: :::.::. :.: ..:
..: :.: .:::.: :.:.:.::::...:
Awesome.
..:.:

 

by Choobychooby
4-15-03
I was thinking about applying to be on "Gladiators".
What do you win on that thing anyway? Money?
I don't mean as a contestant, I want to be an actual Gladiator.
I just know you have a really lame name thought up for yourself.
I was thinking "Orphan", then I can scream "WHO'S MY DADDY!!??" at my opponents.
Intimidating.

 

by Choobychooby
4-19-03
Hello, Mr Kidney, I'm depressed, the girl I've liked for months has just fallen for my best friend, they both really like each other despite both knowing my true feelings.
Love is a tricky thing Kevin, the best way to deal with it is remember that it's all your fault, you're too emotionally stunted, bad at conversation and full of self-loathing...
if you REALLY wanted this girl, you could have had her, but instead you pussied around thinking about it and failed to get her. Push all this hatred and resentment deep deep down inside you...
let is fester and every day reflect on how much of a loser you are. One day, it'll overwhelm you and you'll reap your hideous revenge on the world. _______________ Can I have my shears back?

 

by Choobychooby
4-21-03
Since my wife left me I've been desperately trying to recapture my youth, I just got my nipple pierced.
aww, you kids with your crazy piercings and tattoos, I just wonder what the next generation will be like.
Come on Mr Kidney, this is nothing new, I'm sure you were a bit of a rebel in your day.
I didn't need to put needles in myself to be a rebel.
Well, what did you guys do?
We wore kittens as masks.

 

by Choobychooby
4-27-03
Hey Carol, sorry it's been a while since I visited, things are fine here, I just bought myself a new car and I've planted an apple tree at the bottom of the garden.
I'm seeing this new woman, I hope that's alright, I feel it's time I moved on with my life, she's a nice girl, you'll really like her.
I'll bury her here beside you when I'm finished! see you next week?

 

by Choobychooby
5-06-03
On a date:
I hope you don't mind me asking, but how did Carol die?
No, it's okay, a piano fell on her from the top of our building.
Oh my, I'm sorry, that must have been awful.
Yeah, it was pretty heavy.
It must have taken you a while to get over it.
It took me longer to get it up the stairs.

 

by Choobychooby
5-06-03
still on a date:
So, what is it you do for a living?
Actually, I don't have a job, although sometimes a scientist pays for some blood samples from me.
He's hoping to find a cure.

 

by Choobychooby
5-06-03
Thank you, tonight was so lovely.
I'm glad you enjoyed yourself.
Yeah, maybe we can do this again some time?
I rarely need a second attempt.
Your husband's a dick.

 

by Choobychooby
5-22-03
So, what do you have planned for tonight then?
Tonight? I thought we were just staying in to watch television tonight?
But, it's our anniversary, aren't you going to take me out for a meal or something?
What do you mean our anniversary? That's not until November.
No it isn't, we started going out in May, we met at that roadshow, remember?
Oh yeah, but it was months before you gave me any ass.

 

by Choobychooby
5-26-03
...so it turns out one of the orphans had the same rare blood group as you, AND the rescue team managed to save the donor papers, we can prep you for surgery right now.

 

by Choobychooby
6-19-03
Well, yeah, that goes without saying.

 

by Choobychooby
6-19-03
Hey honey, I went to the doctors.
And what did he say?
I have an infection in my vulva, he said I shouldn't have sex until it clears up.
So, it'll be blowjobs every night then?

 

by Choobychooby
7-23-03
At the bank:
I'd like to empty my account, please.
I didn't know you had an account with us, Chris, what's the number?
Uh, 4.
Errr, I don't think you actually DO have an account with us Chris.
Okay then, I'd like to close everyone elses accounts, this is a stick up.
Okay, do you have their account numbers?

 

by Choobychooby
7-23-03
Okay, here's how this is going to work, you're going to put the money in the bag then we're going to take a little drive.
You want me to get all the money from the safe into that little bag?
There's a safe? Cool, yeah, I'll take the money in there too.
Urm, okay then.
Also, do you have a car? My license has expired.
Yeah, it's parked outside, come on. Oh, and remember to pick up your shotgun, you left it on the counter when you went to the toilet.

 

by Choobychooby
8-24-03
Kevin, your wife, uh, ex-wife, or, ex-wife-to-be....
The bitch? Yes, what about her?
She's been kidnapped, Psycho Chris robbed the bank and took her hostage.
I think maybe you want Bob.

 

by Choobychooby
8-24-03
Don't you think we should do something?
Sigh. I guess so, you call the police and I'll go try to find them, Psycho Chris isn't exactly the quickest cumshot I've ever seen.
Been watching a lot of porn since the split?
Not since you gave me that one with my wife in it.

 

by Choobychooby
8-24-03
I'd like to report a crime, it's Psycho Chris and Kevin's Wife...
Look, for the last time, sodomy is LEGAL in this state!
No no, this is a serious crime, he robbed the bank then kidnapped her, I saw the whole thing.
Oh, so there WAS a witness?
You're free to go.

 

by Choobychooby
11-03-03
You think this is a good place to hide out?
Uh, sure, no-one knows about this place.
What are all these notches on the walls?
I....I don't know.
Psycho Chris, I know you're down there, please let her go, you don't need to get done for kidnapping too...
Isn't that your husband?
Yeah, but he DEFINITELY shouldn't know about this place!

 

by Choobychooby
11-03-03
Look Chris, you may not care about anything in this world, but I loved that woman once, and I guess I always will, I couldn't bare to see any harm come to her, sure she's hurt me in the past but...
Could you at least stop having sex until I've finished?
Do you have any chalk, honey?

 

by Choobychooby
3-28-04
Right, Hank, just play it cool tonight, okay? You always manage to screw things up with the chicks.
What are you talking about? I'm always the one who has to walk them home and sit on their doorstep until they stop crying.
Exactly, you make me look bad, acting all "Mr Nice Guy" to them.
With lines like "I'm Humphrey Bogart's stunt crotch" you make YOURSELF look bad.
Also, you might want to tuck your penis back in.

 

by Choobychooby
3-28-04
That girl I took out last night was so boring, she just kept talking and talking all night, I almost didn't have sex with her at all.
Will you be seeing her again?
No, I don't really think anyone will.
Were you close to your sister?

 

by Choobychooby
3-28-04
Oh look, here comes Bad News Bill, this should be entertaining.
...so after I found out I decided to search for my REAL parents. I managed to find them and arranged to go out to dinner...
...we were all having a nice meal when all of a sudden a truck smashes into the front of the restaurant killing both sets of my parents.
I thought it was one of those new drive through things.

 

by Choobychooby
9-22-04
Okay, that's it, I'm throwing myself off this bridge. I have nothing to live for. No-one can change my mind.
Especially since I've been up here for 8 hours.
and my mom drove me here.

 

by Choobychooby
9-22-04
Yep, here I go.
What the...?
Are you my gaurdian angel?
I'm just here to steal your pants.

 

by Choobychooby
9-22-04
Okay, I'm joking, I AM your gaurdian angel...
I'm here to make sure you know what a difference you made to the world before you do something like kill yourself.
Oh my God, if I hadn't been born the world would have been destroyed?
Nah, I just accidentally set us down in a Glasgow housing estate.

 

by Choobychooby
9-22-04
Here's your wife, having never met you she walks the street with Homeless Dave...
Is that because she never found true love?
Looking for business?
Nah, she found true love several times over, she just didn't have the divorce settlement to feed her coke habit.
*sssssssniff* sssssslurp!

 

by Choobychooby
9-22-04
This is your therapist's basement, without the extra business you gave him he couldn't build the pool room he wanted.
This is the watercooler at work, without you to mock, no-one stands around the poor thing.
Note the graffitti about you is gone? Mr Jenkins' hardware store went bust without the spraypaint sales.

 

by Choobychooby
9-22-04
Without you Kevin Jnr never had any presents under his tree at Christmas.
Wait a minute, without me there wouldn't even BE a Kevin Jnr!
You never got those blood tests, did you?
daddy!

 

by Choobychooby
9-22-04
Okay, I'm confused, how is this supposed to stop me from killing myself?
Look how much everyone has benefitted from your awful existence, why must you be so selfish and cut it short now?
Those ungrateful bastards, that's it, I'm doing it!
*splash*
Every time a loser dies, an angel gets his wings!

 

by Choobychooby
2-20-05
What the hell happened to you last night?
I'm sorry, I got held up at work, but I'll make it up to you tonight I promise, here, I've got a surprise for you.
Like it?
You've painted Bette Midler on your ass?
Look, I can make her smile!

 

by Choobychooby
2-20-05
$180? I didn't realise that lobster was royalty.
I told you, just because the owner is gay it doesn't mean we're going to get a discount.
It was worth a try.
Yes, but writing "perhaps later I'll go down as smoothly as the sorbet" on the bill didn't help.
You could have at least tried to flirt with him a bit.
Like when you approached the buffet waggling your penis around?

 

by Choobychooby
2-20-05
Remember, my mom is coming round tomorrow, so don't get too drunk tonight.
How can I forget. What am I supposed to say to her? "Hello, I'm the guy that's bumming your son"?
Well, that or "Hi, I'm Hank".
She's not going to start asking questions about what we get up to or anything, is she?
I doubt it, she's not really comfortable with that whole "hooray, we're gay" attitude.
I'll go take down the sign.

 

by Choobychooby
2-20-05
So, Hank, how do you know my son?
He's the guy I have sex with.
I mean, how did you two meet?
I just woke up one morning and he was here.
Lovely, and what it is you do, exactly?
Well, first there's a coin toss, then one of us gets some handcream...

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