All comics by CussYouBad

Profile

 

by CussYouBad
11-19-04
Hello! I'm NEG! It's my birthday! I wonder what I'll get?
Hello NEG-san! I beautiful Asian girl, just for you!
Sigh...I wanted Neil Hannon...
We making babies now?

 

by CussYouBad
11-19-04
So, as I was saying to George, 'George, you just can't beat grilled pork...
Uh-huh...uh-huh...
...but George thought he knew best....blah blah blah blah blah
Man, I find this guy so boring, but how do I tell him without offending him?
SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU REPELLENT SKANK!

 

by CussYouBad
11-19-04
Excuse me, my good man, I am a scientist, and I have just discovered the CURE FOR CANCER! Which way to the UN, please?
Uh...just turn left at the crossroads, okay?
Wait a minute...this isn't the UN! It's just a big hole in the rooooooARRRGGGH!
Heh...I've still got it.

 

by CussYouBad
11-19-04
DES-TROY ALL HU-MANS!
HMMM...TOUGH CROWD...

 

by CussYouBad
11-20-04
111000111101101110111!!
AH...WAIT...I SCREWED UP...
I MEANT - 1110001111011011101001...AH, FORGET IT.

 

by CussYouBad
11-20-04
Listen, Robot...we're gonna have to let you go...
WHAT? WHY IS THIS, HU-MAN?
Well, the crowd find you a bit...creepy. And your jokes are just...lame!
....
AAAAIIIEEEEEE!
EVERYONE'S A CRITIC.

 

by CussYouBad
11-20-04
I SHALL NOW DO AN IMPRESSION FOR YOU HU-MANS.
"HELLO! I AM THE HU-MAN KNOWN AS MI-CHAEL CAINE".
NOW, SYLVESTER STALLONE..."I AM THE HU-MAN KNOWN AS SYL-VESTER STA-LLONE."
BOOOOO! You SUCK!

 

by CussYouBad
11-20-04
Hello! I'm a TV Executive! We love your stuff!
DOES NOT COMPUTE!
Yes...well, we want to give you your own sit-com!
ACCESS DENIED!
And all the female robot ho's you can take!
PERMISSION: GRANTED!

 

by CussYouBad
11-20-04
About your sit-com, robot! We're thinking of making a hilarious Odd Couple style show!
CONTINUE
Well, we've come up with this: 'Robot And Hen'! Whaddya think?
ERROR! ERROR!
I knew you'd love it! See ya tomorrow, bright and early!
MUST...DESTROY

 

by CussYouBad
11-20-04
Robot And Hen - Pilot Episode
Cluck! Cluck! Hello, Robot, it is I, your long-lost brother - Hen!
I love seeds, you love oil - we're like chalk and cheese! Cluck!
SQWAAAAARRRRRK!
DESTROY HEN!

 

by CussYouBad
11-20-04
Well, Robot, I'm afraid the Pilot didn't go down well with the Network...
EXPLAIN.
They loved the firey hen, but the next twenty minutes of you shouting 'Destroy All Hu-Mans' left them cold...
HMMM....
AAARRRRGGGH!
MAYBE THEY WERE RIGHT. THIS IS FUNNY..

 

by CussYouBad
11-20-04
I USED TO BE SOMEONE. NOW I'M A TRAMP. A ROBOT TRAMP.
YOU ARE THE ONLY FRIEND I HAVE LEFT, HU-MAN REGINALD.
Can I bum yer tin arsssh, yer ferrrkin sexy robot?
ACESS: DENIED

 

by CussYouBad
11-20-04
I USED TO BE SOMEONE. NOW I'M A TRAMP. A ROBOT TRAMP..
YOU ARE THE ONLY FRIEND I HAVE LEFT, HU-MAN REG.
Can I touch yer tin arsh, yer sexy robot bashtard?
ACCESS: DENIED.

 

by CussYouBad
11-20-04
HU-MAN REG, I DEMAND YOU CHEER ME UP!
I pished me pantsh...yer robot fucker..
NOT BAD.
ARRRGGGH!
BETTER.

 

by CussYouBad
11-20-04
I COMPUTE THAT I AM LONELY.
WHY DOES EVERYONE I GET CLOSE TO LEAVE ME?
Hey, aren't you that robot comedian? Man, I digged your stuff! You're the best!
SO LONELY...
WWWAAAAGGGHH!

 

by CussYouBad
11-20-04
So, what have we got, Officer?
Suicide...another Goddamn Robot set himself alight...
It never gets any easier, does it, Officer?
No sir.
So...anyone got dibs on the robot's circuit board, yet?
It's all yours, sir. I got me the diodes.

 

by CussYouBad
11-20-04
Hey, man...you hear that comedian, Robot, died?
No way! When I get home, I'm gonna watch my old Robot tapes!
So...later
DESTROY ALL HU-MANS!
Whoah... he was so far ahead of his time!
DESTROY! DESTROY!

 

by CussYouBad
11-20-04
My liege, I come to pledge my honour to your reign.
Very good, Sir Knight.
I shall fight with dignity and pride at your Highness' side.
Your loyalty is most welcome, good Sir Knight.
Little does he know that secretly, I think he's a wanker!

 

by CussYouBad
11-20-04
Good Sir Knight, you have returned from the war, I see.
Yes, my Liege.
You have fought well in my name. I shall see that you are suitably rewarded.
Thank you, my Liege.
Christ, this guy's a prick.

 

by CussYouBad
11-20-04
...so, good Sir Knight, I award you the Medal of Honour.
Well...do you have anything to say, Sir Knight? Any words of gratitude?
Don't mention his stupid fucking moustache...

 

by CussYouBad
11-20-04
One Dark and Stormy Night...
...and Police warn that the elephant is deadly, and should NOT be approached...
Pah! What rubbish! Killer elephants - the very idea!
Now, who's this at the door?...
KNOCK! KNOCK!
Hell-oh! So there IS a killer elephant, after all!
Yes! What a turn up, eh? I'll be killing you now.

 

by CussYouBad
11-20-04
...and I said, "No, Alex, you can't finger my..."
Wait! Did you hear something in the kitchen?
I better just go check it out, in nothing more than my underwe-ARRRRGGGH!
What is it, Megan? What's happening?
Hello! I'm an elephant, and I just murdered your friend! Wacky, huh?
Say...that is pretty wacky!

 

by CussYouBad
11-20-04
Hey, you lookin' for a good time? Two hundred bucks'll get ya whatever you want, y'know?
OK...here's 200 bucks! Now, turn around!
Straight into the action, huh big boy?
OK...now turn back!
Wow, I never did it with an elephant before.
Shut up. I'll be killing you, now, if you don't mind!

 

by CussYouBad
11-20-04
I say, Officer, I'm being persued by a ruthless killer elephant, I don't suppose you could help me out, my good man?
Heh heh...sounds like you've been at the gin, your Lordship!
Bloomin' 'eck!
Officer, I shall offer you a hefty bribe to keep quiet about what you saw here tonight.
Bless my soul! A talkin' elephant!

 

by CussYouBad
11-20-04
Officer, I wish to turn myself in. I cannot live with all these murders on my conscience.
Murders that, due to the very nature of my species, I shall never forget.
Really? You wanna give yourself up, no fussing?
No, not really! Instead, I will kill you dead.
Stone the crows! A homicidal pachyderm!

 

by CussYouBad
11-20-04
Killer Elephant, I'm afraid your murderous malarky has come to an end!
Oh, really, Officer?
Yep...I have found out your one true weakness...'ang on, a mo...
This should be good for a laugh...
You're nicked, sunshine!
Shit - it's Inspector Squeaker of Scotland Yard! I give up!

 

by CussYouBad
11-20-04
Yes, yes, yes...I was quite the star, y'know?
munch munch munch
I appeared in lierally over thirty strip cartoons...
munch munch...Colin...I think this caviar's gone off!
That's not caviar, it's a bowl containing my poop!
Even better!....munch munch munch

 

by CussYouBad
11-20-04
Ladies and Gentleman, my next guess is a legend, an owl who entertained literally some people...COLIN THE OWL!
Hello, dear boy!
Colin! How does it feel to be back in the limelight?
I have shat my pants, Michael.
Ho-ho! You've still got it, Colin!

 

by CussYouBad
11-20-04
Ladies and Gentleman, my next guest is an entertainment legend, with literally tens of fans...COLIN THE OWL!
Good day, dear boy.
Colin, long time, no see...how does it feel to be back in the limelight?
I have shat my pants, Michael.
Ho-ho! You've still got it, Colin!

 

by CussYouBad
11-20-04
So, Colin, tell us about your latest project...
Yes, Michael...it's a harrowing biopic about Stalin, exploring the human side of this terrible dictator.
Wow! Sounds like quite a departure for you...tell me, what role do you play?
'Funny owl'.

 

by CussYouBad
11-20-04
Hello. Welcome to Kilo-Burgers!! How may I help you?
Garrr! Hand over yer bounty!
Wha-? Bounty? I...I don't underst-
Arrr...don't ye be playin' games with me, Missy...or you'll taste the end of my cutlass!
No...sorry...I'm just hearing words, now. You've lost me.
Oh...uh...one cheeseburger and a shake, please. Arr.

 

by CussYouBad
11-20-04
Haha! Look at you! All dressed up like a pirate! Boy, you're stupid!
Arrr! That's it! You're gonna walk the plank, for that!
What? This plank, here?
That be the one, boy! Off ye go, to yer watery grave! Arrr!
OK...I've done it! See ya later, you LOSER!
Arrr...that woulda been a lot better if we were actually at sea...arrr...

 

by CussYouBad
11-21-04
Arrr...take the wheel, I've got to go an' 'walk the plank', if ye know what I mean...
No. I'm afraid I do not.
Uhhh...ye know, 'hoist the main sail', 'climb the rigging'....'bury me treasure'...
Nope...still not with you...
I need a piss. Arrr.
Nope...you've lost me.

 

by CussYouBad
11-22-04
Now Colin, it's no secret that you went through some dark days after your comic strip ended...tell us about that.
Yes, Michael. Those were tough, tough times. I drank a lot, I took drugs...
...I was at my lowest ebb. I felt so very alone.
Fuck off, Colin.
Will do!

 

by CussYouBad
11-22-04
Hey...is that...is that YOU, Colin?
mr_twig?
Yes, it's me, Colin. Ever since our comedy partnership broke up in 2004, I've been living in a bin, drinking bottles of my own urine.
You poor boy! Why don't you come inside? I'll run you a nice, warm bath.
Fuck off, Colin.
Will do!

 

by CussYouBad
11-23-04
Cup of tea?
Where?

 

by CussYouBad
11-24-04
MY MOTHER IN LAW IS SO FAT...
...THAT THEY RAN OUT OF METAL MAKING HER!
You STILL suck!

 

by CussYouBad
11-25-04
Whew! It's been hard work, but Im up to 2,436 posts now!
I'm finally level with Henpecker!
Now, one more post and I will be KING of the BoB!
Must make it something profound...something really special to mark this momentus milestone...
'WANK'

 

by CussYouBad
1-17-05
I AM THE OPINION-BOT 3000. ASK ME FOR AN OPINION!
Great! It works! Uh...do you like my top?
PROCESSING. PLEASE WAIT.
NO.
Hmmm. I thought I had you set to 'fawning'.

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