All comics by Einhander

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by Einhander
11-14-02
Ah, dude...what the fuck are you're holding?
This kitty followed me home from school. Nice kitty...pet the kitty...
What the...!
Ahhhh! The kitty set me on fire! Ow shit, that hurts! Ahhhh!
Sweet! I want one too!
Me want blood...

 

by Einhander
11-14-02
Here's something you don't see everyday...
Hey Frosty, my man! Wassup, dog?
Hey Santa, you mutha fucka, wassup?
I need yo ass to keep something on the down low from the misses.
Yo went to the fuckin' strip club again, huh dog?
Yeah, man. Even had sex in the champane room, too.
Man, you ain't right.

 

by Einhander
11-15-02
In tribute to Riotmoon. Enjoy!
I drive nails in my skull. For JESUS.
Damit, not this shit again...it's always do this for Jesus, do that for Jesus, and I'm not worthy...
I drive nails in my skull. For JESUS.
I know what to do to this shit for brains.
AAAHHHH!!!!
Dousche bag.

 

by Einhander
11-15-02
You know, the human race has a price on your head.
Really?
Remember when you chucked that acorn at that dude's car?
Yeah, and it broke the windshield, then the car ran over that little girl on 5th and Main?
That's the one.
Hell, that was better then what that other squirrel did in that one car insurance commercial.

 

by Einhander
11-15-02
Damnit, not you again...
Dude, I am SO wasted...
Ain't you got something better to do then act like a shitfaced dumbfuck?
Wait...what's going on? *ack*
Geezus...first a cat sets him on fire, and now beer turns people to weird shit? Man, I'm outta here.
WHO'S YOUR DADDY?

 

by Einhander
11-15-02
What bordom does to the brain...you've been warned.
Hey man, what are you in for?
Looking like a Tiki god knock-off. How about you?
I got desperate for some lovin', so I knocked up an oil can. It was tragic, really.
Holy shit, dude. That IS desperate.
Hope your kids don't look like Penzoil rejects.
YOU FUCKING TAKE THAT BACK, TURDBURGLER!

 

by Einhander
11-15-02
Another tribute to Riotmoon. Enjoy!
Y'know what I hate? When you're driving in the car picking your nose, then somebody rear ends you, and then your finger flies up your nose and pokes your brains out? I fucking hate that shit.
Can't sleep, clowns will eat me...
Y'know what I hate? When someone locks you in a wooden barrel with a bunch of migets covered in baby oil. Fuckin' hate that.
DAMNIT, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SEE YOUR SORRY ASS?! I'm gonna kill Einhander for this!
You know what I hate? When pitbulls nip at your ass, thinking it's two Christmas hams 'cause your ass is so big, it has it's own zip code. I REALLY hate that.
I'm a pink donkey. I got enough issues.

 

by Einhander
11-15-02
Hey there, foxy lady. Want some of this sexual chocolate?
Get away from me, you 'tard. You know I don't dig black dudes...or something...
Hey there, foxy lady. Want some of this sexual chocolate?
Oh shit, not Mr. Rhino Cock again. I thought I put a cap in his ass last weekend.
Hey there, foxy lady. Want some of this...
GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!

 

by Einhander
11-15-02
Hey there, foxy lady. Want some of this sexual chocolate?
Get away from me, you 'tard. You know I don't dig black dudes...or something...
Hey there, foxy lady. Want some of this sexual chocolate?
Oh shit, not Mr. Rhino Cock again. I thought I put a cap in his ass last weekend.
Hey there, foxy lady. Want some of this...
GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!

 

by Einhander
11-15-02
I messed up on the last one...it didn't send right. So here's another one to make it up to you guys.
Got any last words, punk?
Well...
CAPTAIN KIRK IS AN ASSHOLE!
. . .
My wife's a Trekkie, you know...
Sorry, officer. I couldn't help myself.

 

by Einhander
11-15-02
If I were talking like this, I'd wouldn't blame anybody if I were hit by a metor too.
Y'know, life sure does blow when you haven't had sex for weeks just because you're an extinct species.
I know what you mean. Choking the bishop sure loses its appeal after a while.
Like you should talk! All you ever do is sit in front of the computer all day, jerking off of naked pictures of Rosie O'Donnel.
Well at least my sister doesn't go down on bushy nympho chicks.
...dude, that was cold.
Hey, I call it when I see it, nutsack.

 

by Einhander
11-15-02
Lenny, I love you and all, but there's something that's been bugging me a lot lately.
What is it now, dear?
Lenny, your five inch penis doesn't get my panties wet or anything, and I don't know why you even bother to make it more then it actually is.
But it has a lot of gerth, right?
Well, I'll give you one thing...you sure know how to give it to me doggy style!
Just what are you getting at, dear?

 

by Einhander
11-15-02
We met Santa now with his reindeer "partna in crime", Rudolph.
Yo, Pimp Daddy! What the dilly homes?
Ah man, I was trippin' that I couldn't find yo ass. So what up?
I be hearin' from Prancer that yo ass was at the strip club, getting it on with the honeys.
Man, who the punk ass be telling that shit to yo homies?
That wacked cat, Frosty, G.
Man, I'll find that punk ass sucka and pop a cap in his ass.

 

by Einhander
11-15-02
All right, people, this is the last holiday one, I promise.
Damnit Frosty! What did I just tell yo punk ass yesterday?
Wha? About yo pimpin' ass at the strip club? Mutha fucka, you were askin' for it.
I ain't got no choice but to fuck yo ass up!
BRING IT ON, SUCKA!
20 minutes later, after Santa melts Frosty into nothingness with his Pimp Daddy super powers...
Now yo ass know better then to fuck with me. My word is law, sucka!
Man, I hate yo ass.

 

by Einhander
11-16-02
Pokemon Fanatics
I choose you, Pikachu!
PIKA PIKA!
Digimon Fanatics
At last! I found the power-up that'll upgrade my Pimpi-Mon to Mack Daddy Pimpi-mon!
I be using my Bitch Slap of Doom on yo white ass if yo don't shut yo mouth!
Yu-Gi-Oh! Fanatics
I summon Brass Monkey onto the field, along with the Annoying Syren Yell magic support card!
BRASS MONKEY! THAT FUNKY MONKEY!

 

by Einhander
11-16-02
Don't blame me for the corney joke...I was on a chocolate milk high when I did this. You have been warned.
So, baby, what did you like best?
I liked it when you gave me head.
I walked right into that one, haven't I?
Well, you're a floating head thingy. What'd you expect?

 

by Einhander
11-17-02
I know I told you guys a few stips ago that I wouldn't do another holiday strip, but I couldn't resist. VIVA LA RESISTANCE!
*dancing* Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock... *dancing*
Must... stop... annoying dancing Santa... from taking... over world...
*dancing* Have a holy golly Christmas... *dancing*
I gotta start finding a better way of killing myself.
*dancing* C'mon baby...let's do the twist... *dancing*
Oh, take a flying fuck on a rolling donut, communist bastard.

 

by Einhander
11-21-02
Let's face it. Reality TV blows. The show, "Survivor" blows even more. Let's watch, shall we?
Hey, Ralph. The immunity test was over two hours ago.
Does this mean I can get out of this costume now?
Later...
I'm sorry, Ralph, but the tribe has spoken. You must leave now.
Awww, and I haven't gotten it on with Sue Ann yet!
But still...
This is Mr. Socko for Access Holywood. So, Ralph, what are your comments about you being voted off the island?
Other then you have Mankind's hand up your ass?

 

by Einhander
11-21-02
Sadly, only Riotmoon will get this joke. I'm shameless, really.
OHHH! SOMEONE TRYIN' TO KILL ME!!!!
Go away, Arville.

 

by Einhander
11-21-02
Foreplay
Would you like a bath? Would you like a massage? Would you like to see my collection of obscene Itallian hand gestures?
Meet me at my place at 7, and bring a cattle prod.
That Night...
Yeah, baby...
I hope he doesn't notice that my nose is on fire, and that I have a wild badger living in my trousers...
Afterglow
I like to thank you...for clearing up my sinuses.
I'd say something witty about that, but that would be beating up a dead horse.

 

by Einhander
11-21-02
Constestant #1:
My ding-a-ling... my ding-a-ling... would you like to play with my...
NEXT!
Contestant #2:
VITAMIN C!!!
NEXT!
Contestant #3:
I can't stop... I can't stop... I can't stop my leg!
A WINNER IS YOU!

 

by Einhander
11-21-02
An intense fight begins...
SAILOR MOON!
SAILOR URANUS!
...and just when things were starting to heat up...
PIKACHU!
HAMTARO!
...the two fighters end up pulling a Genma (the panda that talks with signs from "Ranma 1/2").

 

by Einhander
11-21-02
Einhander will now attempt to do a non-offensive comic strip.
Damn thong underwear wedgie!

 

by Einhander
11-21-02
Let's see what's on the boob tube tonight...
*click*
Tonight on Skinamax: Hotel Monkey Love, followed by Rotting Corspes Behaving Badly.
I'm there, dude.

 

by Einhander
11-21-02
Saturday, 6:15PM
Hello?
Hello, this is the Adam and Eve Co. calling for Mr. Deez Nuts...
Look, I told you guys to stop calling here, all right? I already send in the payment for the anal vibrator, so stop calling me!
*click*
Who was it, dear?
Uhh...it was the wrong number, honey bunny. I'll go back putting up the S&M love swing now.

 

by Einhander
11-21-02
Yeah, I'm gonna dress up as an alien, and when he comes by I'm gonna jump out of the bushes and make that poor bastard think he's being abducted.
Dude's gonna shit purple bricks when he sees this!
*hide* *evil laugh*

 

by Einhander
11-21-02
Later on that day...
Oh great, not this happy horse shit again...I thought he stopped doing this...
Greetings, Earthling.
Hi, Sean. I see that you've watched the X-Files Thanksgiving marathon, fucktard.
. . .
I hate your ass.

 

by Einhander
11-22-02
Because nobody asked for it, this is more for those who are just curious.
Salutations, ladies and gents. Einhander here.
For those of you that are beating your head into a bloody pulp against a brick wall trying to figure out just who this Einhander person is, I shall explain the important details.
First off, yes, I am a girl, and yes, I am brunette. You people thought I was actually a guy, didn't ya? Don't fret, I get that all the time. It's more due to the fact that I'm a tomboy...
...that and I like video games. A LOT.
As for the name: Einhander is a shooter for the PSX made by Squaresoft. It's very enlightening. I suggest you play it sometime. This game rocks.
Last thing: Riotmoon is my boyfriend, so I give him a lot of props. Hell, for a tight of an ass that he has, wouldn't you give your man props, too?

 

by Einhander
11-23-02
Near Misses From Speeding Vehicles
Damn ambulance driver almost turned me into road pizza!
Daily Dosage of Human Threats
Dang mab chipmunk better get off my property 'fer I beat you arse down with my walking stick!
Christ, granny, ain't no wonder you wear glasses. You wouldn't know the difference between your own asshole and a hole in the ground.
Slim Pickings For Possible Mates
Hey there, studmuffin. How's about you and me go for a ride in my Love Machine?
*sigh* No Spice Channel and spanking Mr. Stanley tonight...

 

by Einhander
11-23-02
More likely then not, they're in an drunken stupor.
Hi...there...(covering his nose) uggh...
Oh shit... *hic* I just *hic* hocked up a hairball... *hic*
...or singing karaoke...
The devil went down to Georgia...
...or singing karaoke WHILE in a drunken stupor.
Stop! In the name of love! *hic*
I'm so drunk right now... *hic*

 

by Einhander
11-23-02
Igloo.
Holla baloo.
Shindig.
Galoshes.
Macadamia.
...uh...I ran out.

 

by Einhander
11-23-02
Hey, Riotmoon, say something funny.
CHEESY WIENIE!
Dude, we already used that one.
Shit.

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