All comics by Slice

Profile

 

by Slice
4-21-05
So, How's that whole having-a-nail-in-the-head thing workin' out for ya, man?
Meh, I've been better. I've been trying to get it out by pounding on it with this hammer, but no such luck.
I uh, just remembered, I gotta go, dentist appointment man. I...gotta go...I'm not thinking you're a lunatic or anything. Later man.
Jeez what a loser... He thinks he's so...ouch... my head... this loss of blood can't be good. At least I'm not hallucinating or anything.
So eh.. wanna know how many licks it takes? As in.. to get to the center. Of a Tootsie Pop. Get it? Cuz... I'm an owl...
That's it. I need a band-aid.

 

by Slice
5-22-05
Whoa. A pirate... Hi there!
ARRR! Where's me booty?!
Dude, that is SO wrong. I'm just hoping you meant money... and if you did, you should get with the times... do some "this is a stick-up" thing, something along those lines...
...
Uhm...ok.

 

by Slice
5-22-05
HEY! YOU! CIGARETTE! I HATE CIGARETTES! CIGARETTES KILLED MY FATHER!
...AND RAPED YOUR MOTHER!
That... was uncalled for.
Yeah, sorry.. It's the nicotine... makes me cranky...

 

by Slice
5-23-05
Yeh?
TREMBLE IN THE PRESENCE OF THIS RIDICULOUSLY SHARP KNIFE, FOOL!
Wha? Are you a door to door knife salesman?
Ok, so 4 bucks for the complete set, how about it??

 

by Slice
5-23-05
Mister? Mister, what are you doing???
Driving a nail through my skull to try and forget that I live on this horrendous planet run by a completely misled, capitalistic society.
So.... I'm guessing you're not gonna want those cookies anymore?
Beat it, ya frickin' twit!

 

by Slice
5-23-05
Ugh...Monogamy. The word itself just makes me want to puke. I mean, I understand that by living in a society, you have to adhere to certain rules, and whatnot...
..but by being monogamous, you kill your free spirit. It's like forcing yourself to only eat one type of food, or read one kind of book or something... people need to open their minds..
I swear, sometimes I wonder why I married you.

 

by Slice
5-23-05
So... Does this mean you're not gonna buy my cookies?

 

by Slice
5-23-05
Hi! I'm doing a school project on teens and I was wondering if I could get your opinion... So could you answer a few questions for me?
Yeah, sure...
Ok well..the general belief is that teens are easily distracted... quitters...slow to realize changes in what's happening around them... We both know none of this is true but that's what's being said.
Furthermore...

 

by Slice
5-23-05
Yep, so eh, I'm done making the toolshed in your backyard.. and I put this like, closet thing in there but it's just for effect, it doesn't open and you shouldn't try to open it...
O...k... and where's that annoying neighbour kid that was supposed to help you?
Uhm..yeah....about that...

 

by Slice
5-23-05
ARRR! Ok so what're we gonna do now? You're the master of mayhem, you tell me what the next step is!
Hmm... well let's see... I think we should wait till we see someone walk by and we kill them, and take their money...
No, that's too robber-ish. It's not piratey OR killer-like.
Well, that's what it says in the book!
Book, book, book! You should try to be more like me, follow your instincts!
What's that? I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the pure CRAP flowing from your mouth!

 

by Slice
5-23-05
So yeah... I got suspended cuz of tardiness... And I'm not allowed to go to school for 5 days...
Ahw Kim! I told you to get an alarm clock that actually works!!
Yeah... I mean, you'd think not going to school would rock! But I dunno... I feel guilty or something... I mean, I never do anything bad and now this! I'm an ANGEL, man!!
Wait, what about that time the doctor told you that you weren't allowed to eat chicken anymore and you went all Mike tyson on him?
That's different, that motherf#cker deserved it! NOBODY MESSES WITH MY CHICKENNNNNNNNNN!
Uhm...riiiight....

 

by Slice
5-23-05
Hey you wanna know why my teeth are so coloured?
Sure, enlighten me!
When i was a kid me and my sis went up the fridge and took the baby pills i think, we took the whole bottle and ate it and now we have too much vitamin c!
HOLY CRAP! Maybe your insane love for chicken has something to do with that! Did you notice any other side effects?
Hey you wanna know why my teeth are so coloured? When i was a kid me and my sis went up the fridge and took the baby pills i think, we took the whole bottle a....
RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT....

 

by Slice
5-24-05
Yo mama so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk!
It's not as fun when it's really true....

 

by Slice
5-24-05
Ladies and gentlemen, here's our first volunteer stand-up comedian of the night, Mr. Timmy!
What?! I was just looking for Petey the Pirate! Ok ok ok well since I'm up here, I know a great joke... lessee..
Ooh ooh I remember, but for this joke I'm gonna need a...uhm... volunteer...

 

by Slice
5-24-05
Uhm....Pete... are you SURE this is gonna work?
HUSH! This idea is GOLDEN! I swear, you'll thank me later!
Uhm.... but we've been waiting for hours.. I don't think anybody's home... besides... the book says tha-
HUSH! I looked up the address in the phone book and called.. they're home, cuz a woman picked up! She was so stupid! She tried to convince me that she wasn't there, and she made a beeping noise..HA!
Sometimes I wonder why I talk to you.

 

by Slice
5-24-05
So yeah, I was on my way to the club when all of a sudden this little girl comes up to me right? She's a girl scout, she says..
But she wasn't wearing a uniform! So then I was like, "If you're really a girl scout, prove it to me! Show me a badge, or something! or maybe y.."
5 minutes later...
....And that's how I got this restraining order..

 

by Slice
5-24-05
I think that this could possibly be the first idea that you've ever had that makes any sense whatsoever!
Ugh! Just shut up! Ok so we're going to go to that house there, knock on the door, and when they open I scream TRICK OR TREAT! And whoever opens the door, you chop their head off!
Uhm... ok... but... then what?
I uh... hadn't thought it through that far yet...

 

by Slice
5-24-05
That was my line.

 

by Slice
5-24-05
So I was on the net, right? And I find this blog, and the guy's like all "I love my girlfriend I'm gonna marry her and shower her with teddybears blabla".. I got so sick to my stomach...
I know what you mean!!! Some people just make you wanna throw up, take a knife and shove it down your own throat knowing that you're gonna fall into that large puddle of vomit as soon as you die!
AND THEY KNOW YOU'RE SINGLE!
Dude, where the hell did that puke thing come from?!
Sorry.. it's this overly-mushy-crap-weakness-thing i got going on...

 

by Slice
5-24-05
HEY! IT'S THE TOOTSIE POP OWL! I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN!! CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH PLEASE?!?!
Please calm down, child! I'm a bit too old and my ears are quite sensitive and....
Are...Are you... trying to tell me what to do?
...In other news, today the body of an oversized blue owl was found on the street. Authorities say it has been beaten to death and...

 

by Slice
5-25-05
I hate squirrels... They think they OWN the park..Sitting on benches.....crapping on people's stuff... Well I've had enough...I am SO gonna scare the crap out of'm!
Grrr.......
Well I guess I showed him...what the?? Wait... is that my chew toy?! Touché, Mr. Squirrel...Touché.

 

by Slice
5-25-05
So yeah... a lot of people (and by a lot of people I mean 3) have been asking about my real name... and where the hell I came from.. so here's the answer to the first question; Qitarah. That's it.
When my owners got me from the pound, they thought I looked Arabian. Apparently they also thought I was a girl. Qitarah is a female name and it a means "fragrant" in Arabic.
So, to thank them for all they've done, everyday I leave a "fragrant" surprise on their couch.

 

by Slice
5-25-05
Q needs to earn some extra money to get his own apartment, so he gets a part time job..
Alright class, for some reason I'm gonna be teaching you about the human body. Tsh.. I wish my owners could just stand there like that... as a result of me having ripped their skin off.. hm..someday..
Sir, mister Q sir, I think that maybe we would need someone else teaching us this, like, a human, or something ... Cuz like, no offense, but...you're a dog..
Hmm... Really...Well... I think you should...like..
..SHUT THE HELL UP! Or I could call your parents and tell them you've been taking drugs! Grr.. Do you kids have to get frickin' castrated to realise you can't always get what you want?!

 

by Slice
5-25-05
Yeah uhm.. Listen, kid, I'm kinda in the middle of something here...
Where you trying to dispose of a victim's body? I'M TELLING! Unless you buy cookies from me!
Alright alright, how many should I buy?
ONE MILLION THREE THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED AND THIRTY THREE!
That... is an absurd amount.
And you, my friend, are an absurd person.

 

by Slice
5-25-05
Alright, I made this comic in order to tell everyone out there who hates my comics how I feel about your Slice-bashing.
If you think that my comics suck, that's fine with me. But what gets on my nerves is that some of you think it's a FACT. I happen to know a few people who like my comics. So, I can say that my...
..comics sucking is not a FACT, but an OPINION. So here's what I'm gonna do; I'm gonna keep making comics, and if you @$$holes who hate me, keep reading them, I'll take it as a compliment. Thanks.

 

by Slice
5-25-05
P.S., If you hate me, F#ck you.

 

by Slice
5-25-05
Hey there dad, what's up?
Well, I'm trying to find a place to put all the old photos and I thought maybe you could help.. Your mother is really going crazy trying to make more room in the house...
I know, mom told me...I'm already done, I scanned all the photos and put them on a CD using my computer..
REALLY?! What a great invention! Hmmm... wait, I'll be right back!
DAD! Where are you going???
I'm gonna go get my old boxes of junk from the garage so u can put them on a cd for me...

 

by Slice
5-25-05
...Wanna play duck duck goose?
SST! I'm enjoying the peace and quiet...

 

by Slice
5-26-05
Ok....so you're sure about this? You really want to chop off the president's head and become the new leader of the free world?
Yes! So let's think for a minute.. What are we gonna need for this plan?
A reasonable amount of firepower.
Money, the ability to speak to humans and hands might also help.

 

by Slice
5-26-05
Alright, so as soon as the president opens the door you just start shooting like crazy! Got it?
Yeah.... but look man... are you sure we should do this?? He's not such a bad president!
Wait... Are you being serious?

 

by Slice
5-26-05
Now, Billy, you mustn't say "I ain't goin'". It's like this..
.. I am not going, he is not going, she is not going, it is not going, we are not going, they are not going.
Wha?! Ain't NOBODY goin' then?!

 

by Slice
5-26-05
KNOCK KNOCK!
Who's there??
HATCH!
Hatch who????
Gesundheit!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

by Slice
5-26-05
WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM TO BRING YOU A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!
MY FELLOW AMERICANS. This might be a bit hard to swallow, but...I am the new president of the U.S.A. Now, you might not agree with anything I do, but hey... You don't have any say in the matter!
Hmm... a barking dog in front of the U.S. flag... Is this what qualifies as "special" nowadays?
FURTHERMORE...

 

by Slice
5-26-05
SILLY RABBIT! TRIX ARE FOR KIDS!

 

by Slice
5-26-05
Neo... choose... the blue fish... or the red fish...?
TWO FOR ONE SPECIAL, BIIIIIIII-OOOOOOOOOTCH!

 

by Slice
5-26-05
Hey Ullbay, why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud and cross the rod again?
I dunno, Pig, why?
Because he was a DIRTY DOUBLE CROSSER!
I need funnier friends.

 

by Slice
5-27-05
You're so bad at Tetris that on two-player mode a guy can beat you with a controller that has broken left and right buttons.
You're so bad at RPGs that when somebody asks you where you're stuck, you say, "The file select screen."
I miss the good old days.

 

by Slice
5-30-05
Ahem... How do I love thee... Let me count the ways...
TAXIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
Uhm...1...5...6..no wait that doesn't count...5...
O happy dagger! This is thy sheath; there rust, and let me die..
SIr? Who are you talking to? Sir? Ugh... Shakespeare is SO last century!

 

by Slice
5-30-05
MWAHAHA! TONY! IT IS I, YOUR MORTAL ENEMY... THE SHADOW!
Ahw man! Not him again...oh brother!
I WILL CHOP OFF YOUR LEFT HAND AND STUFF IT INTO YOUR NOSE WHILE PULLING YOUR EARLOBE VERY HARD!
Brother...How IS my brother doing? I haven't heard from that freak in ages! He gets a girl and suddenly he's a hotshot!
Uhm... Tony?
I wonder how I got here... This is a pretty wicked forest though...

 

by Slice
6-12-05
Hey, wanna trade that broom for my left arm?
I would, if I wasn't so disgusted by the offer, or your general being in my vicinity for that matter. Furthermore, I don't see how you could have any use for a broom with only one arm.
Is that a no?

 

by Slice
6-12-05
Sometimes, I wonder why I wasn't born as...say, a doorknob.
Yet, there are other times where I've found myself thinking; "Would I be happy as anything else, that is not a human?"
...Life is tough for people like me...being so smart and so observant...
WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?!

 

by Slice
6-12-05
Hi,I'm Al from Awareness of Weird Things that are Happening Around Town. I'd like to tell you a bit about some new evidence we've found that weird things are indeed happening. BTW,What's your opinion?
A.W.T.H.A.T. SUCKS!
Yes, this situation does suck!! So anyways, let me start off with this.. you see, what just happened, a few seconds ago, is visible if you look to my left at a certain angle.. THERE! See it??
Whoa! I do, I actually do! Any other observations?
Well, yeah, you've been standing in the same position for quite some time...And you've been kinda quiet.....Do you know more about these strange occurences?
Well, anyone with half a brain, as well as the one reading this, knows that this is a @#$%in' COMIC! So calm the #@$% down, Columbo! And stop pointing at my breasts!

 

by Slice
6-13-05
Elephantway, wanna hear a funny joke?
*Sigh* Sure, Pig, go ahead...
So I was walking down the street, right? Then all of a sudden, this girl starts walking next to me. So we're walking, and I see Ullbay on the other side of the road. He yells out to me; "HEY F%CKER!"
Ugh... I know where this is going...
...So I scream to him; "F*CK HER? I DON'T EVEN KNOW HER!
I need funnier friends.

 

by Slice
6-15-05
So let me get this straight... In an attempt to become completely free you tried becoming a substitute teacher, then got to the white house and became the president of the U.S. for 15 minutes?
Yep.
AND YOU CAN TALK, TOO?!

 

by Slice
6-15-05
Look, I know you don't like having an owner, or me, for that matter, but trust me. It's for the best. Just go fetch that stick. Please?
ALRIGHT! See? It's not so bad! Just cross the street...
Uhm... that's not the stick I tossed.
The big muscled guy and the pit bull crossing the street want to have a word with you.

 

by Slice
6-15-05
Sweet. I think this "Sweetygal_chick002374" digs me... lessee... "Let's meet at Tony's Bat on 34th street." I thought that was a gay bar? I'd better ask...
Ohhhh! It WAS a gay bar! "Meet me there at 8 pm, ask for Joey.. " Hmm... Well there ARE girls named Joey.. and I don't wanna offend her by asking..
Billy's gonna have an interesting night.

 

by Slice
6-15-05
Ok so uhm, we're outta burgers and fries but if you follow me to the back you can see the backup menu...
You don't really work here, do you?
Look, we can do this the easy way or the hard way.

 

by Slice
6-15-05
I hate love. I don't know who invented it or why, but it sucks.
Yeah! F#$k! I wish I could remove those d@mn hormones from my body or something! Love's a strange son of a gun isn't it?! A few microscopic signals sent to your brain can cause you to to get so dumb!
Yeah! That's why we need help... it's us against those freakin' hormones..
Indeed...but at least we have a secret weapon!
Indeed.

 

by Slice
6-15-05
Hey,you ever wonder where the hell all this information gets stored.. i mean, where is the internet anyways? Will it still exist after man? Are we all just blinded by the goverment? OR STONED?
R-iiiight...Are you SURE that's your THIRD beer?
Hey, I said this was my third beer and I never lie!
After the first two, I started drinking this one when I got challenged to drink 5 pitchers... so I left this beer at half, drank the 5 pitchers and came back for it...
Ladies and gentlemen, your hero and mine, Patch.

 

by Slice
6-15-05
This is my 50th comic. I tried to think of something funny, cool, or otherwise worthy of the 50th comic status. I drew a blank.
Ok that was lame. Anyways, I hope to keep making comics, annoying people, making (SOME) people laugh, yada yada... I guess what I'm trying to say is... Happy 50th comic to me!

Showing page 1.

Next »