All comics by newportlocal

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by newportlocal
6-15-04
I wonder if he will get me a drink....
I wonder if she would let me buy her a drink like I have....mine's great and I'm gettin buzzzzzed....
in a desperate attempt, he tries on his romancin' style.......
Hey, blondie....yer lookin' hawt! Want a buzzzzzzzer drink like me and later we could get naked or sumpin?
Sure........I like to open my thighs to strangerz, and my carpet matches the drapes........want to go to the "sushi bar?????!
Check me out......Im stuck back to back with myself in the last frame!!!!!!
And eyem sdill buzzzzzed....and now she izn't inderesded in getting some anymore. ...Maybe I could do both of them........

 

by newportlocal
6-15-04
hey, little whipper snapper......wanna come and ride horsies?
Can't you see, I'm ready to punch you below the belt!?
No, I can't seem to look but one way, and I'm the same in every frame.......sheeeesh!
......see......but my damn arm isn't long enough to hit your thigh.......
Now you've done it.....we're both saviors.....
Whos' your savior, who's your savior?!

 

by newportlocal
6-15-04
?
One chamburger, an order of flies, and a croak.......
?
did you get that, dickwad? You haven't moved, and the stupid fucking question mark is still hanging above you in that stupid gay box!
?
Nobody understands me.........

 

by newportlocal
6-15-04
this clone panel feature is cool!
what did you say?
this clone panel feature is cool!
what did you say?
this clone panel feature is cool!
what did you say?

 

by newportlocal
6-16-04
....another tense night at the Hickerson home.....
....and I can get three of them for only five dollars this month!
You're not going to actually order that stuff, are you?
the tension mounts.....
Of course I am! I have been waiting for this sale for months!
You know that stuff is just trash......made in China. It might be worth a dollar if you're lucky.....
Under pressure, he makes a decision to augment his collection of joke-type things
I don't care what you say.....I know a deal when I see one!
Great....just great! What are you going to do with three woopie cusions?

 

by newportlocal
6-16-04
It's the 4th of July.....I get to get "lit" tonight!
Yeah, well........you're going to look like me afterward, man.
Not me, I'm a special rocket......
You just keep thinking that, buddy. The end is near........
You'll see. I'm going to be the best darn rocket tonight, and I will return next year, too!
...yeah.....that's why your body says "TNT" on it........dumb rocket.......

 

by newportlocal
6-16-04
Hey! What's up,....."deer?!" Can I call you deer?
Sure, I am one, but you know what that means.......he he he......
I was wondering if you like wide hips and veluptious breasts....everyone wants the skinny bimbo type these days and it's getting hard to find a decent "partner" ....*wink, wink*
Sure.......I'm not like other guys, I'm a deer, dear........*slurp*
Cool....Let's go to those trees over there in the distance and knock one out!
Great! I haven't had a mudpie in ....say......a couple of weeks.......

 

by newportlocal
6-16-04
you should have paid the electric bill.....
I kinda like it in the dark......wanna........
you should have paid the electric, Bill!
...mmmmmm....that's soft......and what is this.....?
you sure do feel electric, Bill! mmmmmmmm
what? your thighs are plugging my ears........:-)

 

by newportlocal
6-16-04
wow....we don't have this beauty in China homeland.....
....yeah, we just have junk boat bay to look at......
and scum bay smell like rotten fish.....
and have trash in water floating around to not be enjoying....
but, Ling Ma, scum bay smell remind me of days as child working at Hong Kong cat house....
....you make Ling Ma cry and think of missing clients in back alley........sob....

 

by newportlocal
6-16-04
Wanna get married, father?
I don't know if I can, I'm a reverend....
...at least you wouldn't have to get the confession box so sticky when you are talking with children.....
.....but, I don't know.....I would miss the release.....
I could be there on my knees in front of you satisfying your needs..........and get my daily protein, too. What do you say, father, will you?
OK......thank GOD I found you, my church going slut. Let's try out that suggestion of yours.......

 

by newportlocal
6-16-04
I'M YOUR "FATHER", SO YOU HAD BETTER GET ON YOUR KNEES.........
I'll be damned if I will do any such thing, priesty-fuck!
...I said that with God's love, my child....
...well, if you put it that way, I'm getting on my knees righ now, father....
now that's better.....unzip me.....Oh, priase God, holy Jesus.....ahhhhhhh!
*SLURP, SLURP, SLURP, GULP!*

 

by newportlocal
6-16-04
You are a sinner, you whore, and you will be damned!
???????
A MOMENT OF CLARITY COMES TO PEGGY...
........
Don't get CROSS with me.....

 

by newportlocal
6-17-04
I'M THE LEFT SIDE....
...AND I'M THE RIGHT SIDE.....
WE'RE BAD ASS......
IN FACT, SO BAD ASS THAT.....
WE CAN SURVIVE WITHOUT BENCH ADS!
HELL, YES, NO ADS. YIPPEE!

 

by newportlocal
6-17-04
BOO.....!
I'm not gonna look......I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.........
I just want to scare your clothes off, Kim. I want to see your freckled chest.....and thos nice areolas you have....
I'm not gonna look, I'm not......
.....BOO!
I didn't know you like freckles.....hmmmm....want a Christmas present....

 

by newportlocal
6-17-04
Cool.......but I still look scary....do you mind? I love you, Maura............
I'm getting hot........I loves white men.....
...and I'm getting anxious......let's go into the bedroom, Maura....
OK, follow me, spookie......
Ohhh, Maura, you are so soft and taste sooooo goooood! Do you like it when I touch you *there*?
No, I don't mind......do you like my red pixels?

 

by newportlocal
6-17-04
Welcome to trash-in-the-box...what is it that we can get for you? The customer is king and the roaches swing!
Shit....I dunno. How about a roach fest sand on rye with butt cheese....and a skanky soda. In fact, make it a combo, with curly hair fries.
Did you say ROACH?
Yeah.....what are you gonna do about it.....?" And make it to go, I can't eat around you buggy-eyed types......
Now you 've done it.....you've angered the management, and that means spit or cum in your sammy....he he he.....
Am I dumb or what? I think I'm what.........sigh.....

 

by newportlocal
6-18-04
DUMBASS........
?????
RANDOM.......
????????
COMIC!
YOU BEEN TALKING TO BIPED?

 

by newportlocal
6-18-04
Look what I got in here! It's some of those huge glowing ants I found next to the overloaded reactor in sector 12A....
*calmly* You had better keep those under control. We wouldn't want this place to get quaranteened because of some stupid move by our resident dumbfuck with the bald head........meow....purrr......
Look what I got in here! It's some of those huge glowing ants I found next to the overloaded reactor in sector 12A....
ARGHHHHHHH! HISS........meow....purrr......
WHAT'S WITH ALL THE KITTY SOUNDS? You and that bitch with the pointed tits...and those kitty sounds, and those pointed tits, and those kitty sounds and those pointy....
MEOW! MEOW, MEW, ROWWWWW!

 

by newportlocal
6-18-04
I've been holding this in forever, and I need to tell you, Maura.....
What is it?
I'll just come out and say it.....ahem....I love you, Maura, more than anything! I want to be with you always and....
But what's in it for me?
....well.....I went to the jeweler today........
....is ther soemthing else you have to say, Jon? You have my undivided attention, Jon....

 

by newportlocal
6-18-04
....well......I have been thinking about my life and all that I have done. I think of my dreams, my hopes, my aspirations. There is still one thing that I truly want, one thing that will make me...
...
....very happy. My life has basically been empty and sad since I met you. I mean, well, I....what I am trying to say is that I have wanted.....I can't quite get out the words....
......
Jon gets down on one knee and starts to plead and beg....
....but, I love you, Maura, with all my heart. I have since I first layed eyes on your beauty. I want to begin a journey with you, a journey of love, where we can both.....
......

 

by newportlocal
6-18-04
touch me...
why?
I want you to feel my new vagina hair
you got vagina hair now?
yup. I've been feeling it all morning!
now it's my turn. When am I getting my vagina hair?

 

by newportlocal
6-21-04
Welcome to trash-i-the-box. Can I get you something to eat or do you just want to look at me?
I'll take a skanky soda and some of those curly hair fries...
Can I get you a sammy and we cound make it a combo, sweetie?!
Hey, trash fag....lemme slit yer throat and I can make it a "trash-man-in-the-box cross section o' throat sammy combo, and we could be good, no cum or spit, please......
dumb fuck or shit cake......that's a great thought to ponder.....
shit cake! shit cake.....! Please, not the dumb fuck thing......!

 

by newportlocal
6-21-04
Welcome to Roach-in-the-box. Can I have your order, please? Our spoecial today is bacon....he he....
This is trash-in-the-box, man! I'm going to site you for impersonating a roach - a - raunt. Just give me the usual, that's all I came for, man. And stop that fucking roach act. Where's your trash can?
OK, pig...I'm backin' off. What is your usual, you dick. Ha, I made a joke, you're a DICK! Are you a private DICK? or a puclic DICK?
OK hands on the conter and you are under arrest. You had to get smart, you bugg-eyed shit! I just wanted the usual cum, spit and hair burger.....
sorry for the mix up, sir. He's new here and doesn't have the usual disrespect for scum sucking pigs like you, dickwad fuckface! Give him a break....
Please, I'm a DICK, like he said. I like the roach fellow and the DICK jokes! I'm a dick, I'm a dick, I'm a dick.....

 

by newportlocal
6-21-04
Welcome to trash-in-the-box. What can I get you, wheelboy? How about a gimp-wich, four eyes?
How dare you!!! I want a butt cheek sand with french flies, and a large bile, making it a combo, and make it quick, trash barrel boy!
I'm gonna get my manager, bi-circle-footed-shithead. Your food request is being processed.....
Shit. Poop. Gouda cheese butthole. Jigga watt. Bomber shcik eater. Just some shit I was thinking. And where is my fuckfood!
Can I help you? Oh, it's a blue plakard fuckface in my food joint, red head circular footed butthead!
Nice string of names! I've never had so much attention payed to me......fucking great feeling for a gimp!

 

by newportlocal
6-21-04
Welcome to trash in the box! May I have your order, you stalion, you!
I just wnat a thigh-ham pie and liverwurst gangreen on the sied, and oh, a horsepiss on the rokks!
We don't have horse piss, but we dooooo have donkey dick drip fizz. Is that gonna do it fer ya?
I hate fukkin donkey dick drip fizz! I want fukkin hoarse pizz!
I'm gonna get a new shipment of hoarse meet rite now, gelatin hoofer!
my feet are made of jello, my feet are made of jello....

 

by newportlocal
6-21-04
mmmmm...thanks for touching my new vagina hair
it's so soft, yet strong...it's STROFT!
so, when are you gonna get your vagina hair?
my mommy says that some girls develop differently, but that sexual activity might just play a part in it...
I know what to do, then......
when should I start endressing? I want my vagina hair......

 

by newportlocal
6-21-04
Hey, here's one of our commercials! How rad!
...and get a cowpie combo for just 99 cents! That's right, just 99 cents!
That takes all the fun out of the decision making process and makes for fatter wallets exiting our store....
....and you can leave with a fatter wallet!
you stupid fucking TV, what do you know?
not much, trash can junior! Your wallet will never be fat working for a shit-cooking, fat harvesting, cowpie cookin' joint like this. Read my lips, asshole.....the grill needs cleaning...

 

by newportlocal
6-21-04
Welcome to Trash in the Box. May I have your order, savior?
I'll have a JESUSSANDWICH on those Jewish passover crackers....
Shit. Shit, SHIT! ALL WE FUCKIN HAVE IS BIPED SAMMYS! Can you eat one of those? Jesus Christ, you bug me!
Don't say my name in vain, you satan lover in the trash in the box. Now, on your knees and pray, 50 hail JESUSSANDWICHES!
I'VE GOT A HAMMER AND A FEW EXTRA NAILS, BUDDY.......AND YOUR DICK IS STILL HANGIN'!
OK, OK, OK...I'll take a Biped sand with some Spilt_Milk! I'm sorry, I wuv yuuuuu!

 

by newportlocal
6-22-04
DO YOU HAVE THAT VAGINA HAIR YET?
Yes, I just started sprouting this morning! Wanna touch it?
No.....I am having enough fun touching my own. I'm still not used to it yet.
At least we both have it, but I hate being a late bloomer.
Next we get tits!
....I'm going home to massage my chest....

 

by newportlocal
6-22-04
Welcome to trash in the box. May I get you something, video boy??
No, I just cleared round one, and now I am controlling your grill with my joystick!
But I am here to give you what we call food....
I am just here to control your grill with my joystick, AND I AM GOING TO BURN THOS FURBURGERS!!!!
That's OK, we usually burn what we call food anyway. Go ahead, I don't have to work now!
Slacker! last week, I got a raw furburger. You lie, sukkin trash man, you lie!

 

by newportlocal
6-22-04
I'm the little squishy thing.
And I'm the horse who loves to sing!
We just sing and talk all day...
And with our friends, we like to play!
Our adventure begins....
Let us take you on a spree...
Dum ditty du ditty dum deee deee.....

 

by newportlocal
6-22-04
...first let's take a tour of the jail...
I got put here from a scam via mail...
My horsey friend, he got convicted...
and then met Bubba, now I'm aflicted...
...with the crabs, you itch down there..
And I gots insects in that hair!"

 

by newportlocal
6-22-04
...now were out here in the ghetto...
lokking for our friend Gipetto
He's the one who makes cool puppets...
...One of wood, not like the Muppets..
I heard he went to his crack dealer...
...lost an arm and lost a feeler!

 

by newportlocal
6-22-04
...where's my horse friend, where'd he go?
I turned into a pirate, so...
you got the uniform and the patch...
and a sword, and so I match..
just like the Hook, a famous pirate...
I'm so hot, you must admire it!

 

by newportlocal
6-22-04
good you're back, this is the end...
This comic series sorta tends....
...to suck! It does! I cannot win...
So I won't do this thing again....
Dum de dum de dum de dum...
Dum de dum de dum de dum...

 

by newportlocal
6-22-04
Hi, Biped! You're looking gloomy today...what's up? Can I pet your nuts?
If I let you touch my nuts, you'll eat them!
Wow, that was fast.....you look much better now...
Well, thanks to that electrical outlet, I'm full of energy now!
So, do you wanna hang out today?
Gotta go, man, I need to save those precious nuts of mine........

 

by newportlocal
6-22-04
Butter....
Parkay!
Butter!
¿Porque?
Because...
......

 

by newportlocal
6-22-04
Welcome to Trash in the Box....can I have your order. please?
yes, sir. I would like some tits so I can have them before my sister....
...initiating breast massage.......come closer, beep, beep...
My mommy told me not to get touched by strange robots....
how am I going to get to touch the first pre-pubescent girl in my life?....
......Tits, please........

 

by newportlocal
6-22-04
Hey, man, what's a guy do for fun around here?
I've got some ideas....got any nudie mags tucked under that skanky mattress of yours?
I was actually lookin' at....
SHUT THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOW AND GIT YER EYES OFF MY ASS...!
Shit, what was he so mad about?
Ever heard of the term "redneck"?

 

by newportlocal
6-22-04
Hey, lover.....the group here only gave me three stars....
Maybe your comics aren't that good, newport...
But I'm witty, wise, and debonaire....
....Spare me, please.....
Well, it's back to the keyboard to earn more fans....or better ones.....
.... by the way, the IT man says the internet is down for the rest of the week.....

 

by newportlocal
6-22-04
hey, nigga!
'sup, baby sista...
got some dog crack, s'go and shizzmoke it
fuck yeah and word up, girlfriend!
gimme 5 and git doze matches out'ya pokket
don't got no matches, nigga....but I gots a blow torch I ripped off at our bruthas the Pep niggas......

 

by newportlocal
6-23-04
I have big eyes and a small penis.....
I've got green hair and a tat. I'm a slut, too!
I'm always thinking and stuck to the end of the frame....
I am scratching my head, cuz I have lice in my non existent hair...
My head is the biggest in the list....
I blow everyone.....

 

by newportlocal
6-24-04
I fell into a burning ring of fire....
...
It went down, down, down, and the flames went higher.....
......
...and it burns, burns, burns, the ring of fire..........
....the ring of fire.......

 

by newportlocal
6-24-04
...don't be so fast to call me dead, Mr. Sproket...
It's Sprocker! Here we go again with that paintintheass bitch.....off to la-la land......
I'v got some gerbils i got from the pet store that I want you to use in biology class today.
Cool....except that we are studying sex education in biology this week.
And the is precisely why I brought them for you, Mr. Sprocket
It's fucking SPROKER, Panitintheass! And I think you son will be the first to demonstrate the gerbil thing.....

 

by newportlocal
6-24-04
...I once got my fingernail stuck in a shredding machine and that really hurt.....
...well, I once got my hair stuck in one and lost half of my scalp.....
...but I got my arm stuck in a printing press and I had to get it sewn back on. I had over 75 stitches.....
...and I got my head stuck under a bulldozer and had to have the guts put back in and my skull rebuilt. My head is 36.563% metal....
Well, I had my insides ripped out from being caught in a tornado. Most of my guts are artificial and I can't have any more children....
...but, I was once a famous author in the 1800's, got lost in the north pole and was frozen for 97 years, and was discovered by Mobil Oil employees and thawed out and my dick doesn't work any more....

 

by newportlocal
6-25-04
Well, Larry, we're alone now......
I can't wait to suck those hooters of yours....
Oh yeah? I've got big black areolas for you and they are just waiting to get treated like a lolipop!
I need some thick chocolate right now! I'm getting myself hard playing pocket pool!
Who turned out the lights??? MMMMMMMM
I'm not touching you yet, I'm having too much fun touching myself still......

 

by newportlocal
6-25-04
Where's your space gear?! There's no oxygen in here!
I don't need oxygen, I'm black and white.......
but the atmosphere in here is chlorine gas.....
OOPS.......
.....now you've got some color.......

 

by newportlocal
6-25-04
Cool.....an arm!
I'll trade some flowers for it....
oh fuck, it fell out......

 

by newportlocal
6-25-04
Hi, I'm Butch, and I'm a victim....
Hi Butch...
Hi butch!
...anyone want to meet me after the meeting and work the 13th step?

 

by newportlocal
6-25-04
Hi, I'm Neal, and I'm a victim....
""Hi, Neal""
I am pink..........!
Do you have any idea what it's like being a pink guy donkey???! Why did my white donkey dad have to marry a red donkey girl? That's fucked up....they might as well have named me Sue.....
At least I have my Higher Power with me today.......
Let go, let God......

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