All comics by Heisanevilgenius

 

Hello. I am Japanese Telephone box.
STFU!
I am thinking
STFU!
I've got a sandwich in my pants and I'm not afraid to shower in my boxers.
HELP I'M BEING RAPED!

 

Please don't kill me
It is not my place
This is getting pretty sexy
I am a bird
Do you have herpes, Mr. Stranger?
Trick or treat, bitch.

 

I wonder who would be calling me at this hour?
RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG
Why, it's none other than Pedro, my new mexican immigrant, here to test my new Playstation.
Si.
We surrender to Planet Earth!
We are no match for your advanced Santa Technology.

 

Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen. Today we are here at a graveyard.
I am dead
It's a good thing we escaped from the graveyard. It was very scary, Mr. Disembodied Head
I DEVOURED MY OWN BODY
NO DUCKING SHIT CAPTAIN EINSTEIN!
I am in prison.

 

Did it occur to you?
Many times while I slept.
It's a perfect world we live in.
I am a lesbian.
I challenge you to a duel
I set the VCR to tape Oprah and I will watch it when I get home.

 

REMOVE YOUR SHOES, FOR THIS IS A FIRE!
I will burn my testicles
Hey, Jim! Let's burn our testicles!
1, 2, 3,
It is like we are twins.
FART

 

You are winning!
I ruined my own life.
Oh my goodness! Put your pants back on!
I have lost all faith in George Lucas
Wanna have sex?
This was not in the charter manual

 

If I ignore you, you will go away
And coming in at #4, it's "She Bangs" by Ricky Martin
I have nearly finished completed my journey
WoWoWoWoWoWo Wow I am the next president
MEANWHILE
I MADE A POOPIE
Good Job

 

Yo, what up, G? Y'all be workin' teh night train, biatch!
SNORTING COCAINE
Yeah. I done followed you t'da ocean, Nigga! Whatcho gonna do, bitch?
I do not fear the water
SUDDENLY
I HAVE SET YOU ON FIRE
O, Merciful heaves!

 

 

I have hammered a nail into my forehead like a dumbass
I AM ASIAN I AM ASIAN I AM ASIAN
o_O_O_O_O_O
ASIAND ASIAN ASIAND ASIAN ASIAND ASIAN ASIAN ASIAN ASIAN ASIAN ASIAN ASIAN ASIAN ASIAN ASIAN ASIAN ASIAN ASIAN ASIAN ASIAN ASIAN ASIAN ASIAN ASIAN ASIAN ASIAN ASIAN ASIAN ASIAN ASIAN ASIAN ASIAN ASIAN
HOLY CRAP! CHICKENS!

 

Hey, kids! Turn off the obscenity filter!
VICTORY FOR FUCKING AMERICA
Today's comic will teach you important information about...
TOO LATE
OH FUCKING NO! NO!! SHIT DAMNIT ASSHOLES MOTHERFUCKERS SHITWADS BITCHES IN MY COCKING VAGINA!

 

Never forget 9/11
What happened? I forget.
Oh yeah, so do I.
Probably wasn't important then.
PORNO!PORNO!PORNO!PORNO! PORNO!PORNO!PORNO!PORNO! PORNO!PORNO!PORNO!PORNO! PORNO!PORNO!PORNO!PORNO! PORNO!PORNO!PORNO!PORNO! PORNO!PORNO!PORNO!PORNO! PORNO!PORNO!PORNO!PORNO! PORNO!PORNO!PORNO!PORNO!
PORNO!
PORNO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Did you hear the joke about the evil twin?
The punchline is that the twin was good after all!
HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA
I have only heard that joke twice before! We are a bowl of industrial grade faeces.
WE ARE NOW SERVING ALL HERPES VICTIMS. PLEASE LINE UP IN YOUR STREET CLOTHES OR SPACE SUITS PLEASE.

 

Can I take your order, please?
Turn the obscenity filter off, kids.
i do not understand what you're saying
I WANT TO ORDER A ****ING BIG MAC WITH ****ING CURLY FRIES AND A TALL ORDER OF ****
I'M DROWNING!

 

Hey, man, wanna buy some weed?
Only if you'll share some with me, friend.
A FEW MINUTES LATER
Minor criticisms aside, the movies were very successful in my eyes at least. I would strongly argue that it is Peter Jackson's dedication to verisimilitude that allowed Tolkein's work to truly shine.
Inversely, I would argue that his dedication doesn't nearly live up to that of Tolkein who indeed spent many years simply building upon the world of Middle Earth.
HEY KIDS! SMOKING POT MAKES YOU SMART!
It's ludicrous to believe that Hollywood executives would allow any director, let alone a relative unknown such as Jackson to spend more than a year only in research when they don't even know what...
Therein lies the problem. It was not Jackson himself, but the capitalist attitude of movie makers in general that makes way for such lousy renditions of literary masterpieces such as that of Tolkein.

 

I CAN SING THE BARF SONG!
Why, you look fresh as a daisy.
RRROOOGLGALHGHLGHAHGHGEHGHGHGEUYHERAUGHARHGGH
Wait, where are you going? Come back!
MEANWHILE IN SAN FRANCISCO
Spare some condoms for an unemployed chicken?
I have no will to live and now I must drink this poison. HAHA! JUST KIDDING! APRIL FOOLS, EVERYBODY!

 

"All you kids ever do is play video games"
"Oh dear the bird escaped again. Billy!"
"Mommy says I'm high strong."

 

You want me to hammer a nail into my own head? I'm not falling for that this time, Lucy.
But you will because it is your nature to believe that this time, I really will give you $10 for it, even though history has shown that I will not.
Some people are just gullible. You can do any number of things to try to disprove that, but in the end it will only mean you will once again hammer a nail into your own face like a blockhead.
GOOD GRIEF

 

I have a really big dog.
He's always getting into mischief. Man, oh, man.
Holy shit, that dog is huge.

 

Chancroid, Chlamydia infection, Donovanosis, Gonorrhea, Lymphogranuloma venereum, Non-gonococcal urethritis, Syphilis
Cytomegalovirus, Hepatitis, Herpes, Human Immunodeficiency Virus (or HIV), Human papillomavirus
KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS, ROMEO
Pubic lice, Scabies, Candidiasis, Amoebiasis, Giardiasis, Trichomoniasis

 

Don't look now, but there's a big stain on your spacesuit.
EXCLUSION EXCLUSION EXCLUSION
This could be the worst day of my life.
NOW I MUST POWER UP TO DEFEAT THE ULTIMATE EVIL
We meet again, Father Kortenzo

 

I am watching TV.
There's nothing good on, I'm sitting way too close, and the waves of radioactive energy emitted might cause me to melt.
Meanwhile, Matthew has cloned himself and is attempting to marry his clone.
Nice day, isn't it, #001371716?
. . . MUST . . . EAT . . . BABIES . . .

 

HURRY! WE MUST CARRY ON THE FIGHT AGAINST THE NORTH AND THEIR ARMY OF ROBOTS!
Victory for the confederacy
What_Is_Existence????? How do I come to be? Am I man, or machine? Is there a soul in this silicon body of mine, or am I merely a system of intangible impulses as programmed by a Union scientist.
The south is attacking!

 

Dad, who was Hitler?
I'm glad you asked me that, son. I fought in World War Two, you know. Pull a chair and sit down.
In 1941, Hitler enslaved Germany with his mind control helmet and forced them to take over the world. They developed awful weapons like the V1, which was like a big grenade that could blow up a city.
England was the first to try to stop Hitler, but they couldn't do it alone, so they formed an alliance with Scotland and Ireland and called it the United Kingdom.
I worked for the United Kingdom as a ninja at first, but ninjas became obsolete when they invented machine guns, so I was forced to steal one of the V1 grenades and smuggle it to Hiroshima.
Unfortunately, Hitler found me and intercepted the V1, blowing up Hiroshima and himself when he spiked it into the ground. And that, son, is why we have football.

 

First, I must urinate!
Arrrrgghh
OH NO! PIRATES!
Arrrrgghh
Arrrrgghh
Arrrrgghh

 

Sam awakes from a coma...
How long was I out for, doc?
400 years!
The world has become a strange and frightening place.
#002371(pi)N^374
1934 x (sqrt)N+cos

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