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Dramatis Personae
Andy Dougan film critic extraordinaire. Enjoys illegal pornography and biscuits.
Russell Crowe actor and poet. Husband to a trophy wife. Father to a trophy son.
Huw Edwards BBC news anchor. The Hunky Face of Teatime®.
George W. Bush President. Defended the *****houses of Houston from the Viet Cong.
Christian Slater certifiable actor. The id to Crowe's ego.
Osama and Mullah Omar fugitives. Kandahar's answer to Bert and Ernie.


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by andydougan
Tony Blair, Prime Minister, and David Blunkett, Home Secretary
Crime is on the increase. I guess we'll just have to impose Draconian laws and curtail the right to trial by jury.
No, no, no. We tried that last time and it didn't work. We should do the very opposite, in fact: legalise everything.
What, everything? Murder, ****, genocide, drawing benefit when you've actually got a job...?
The lot. Think about it: it'll be physically impossible to commit a crime, we'll be hailed as an example to the rest of the world and, as a bonus, the lefties can't accuse us of being totalitarian!
Hey, yeah! And if a member of the government comes up with a stupid idea, you can burn them at the stake!
Exactly! Oh...wait a minute, maybe I haven't thought this through...
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