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Dramatis Personae
Andy Dougan film critic extraordinaire. Enjoys illegal pornography and biscuits.
Russell Crowe actor and poet. Husband to a trophy wife. Father to a trophy son.
Huw Edwards BBC news anchor. The Hunky Face of Teatime®.
George W. Bush President. Defended the *****houses of Houston from the Viet Cong.
Christian Slater certifiable actor. The id to Crowe's ego.
Osama and Mullah Omar fugitives. Kandahar's answer to Bert and Ernie.


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by andydougan
What ho, my good fellow! Wouldst thou be so noble as to direct me to the nearest hostelry wherein a man may sate his thirst with a flagon of ale and his weariness with a clean bed?
Gad! What manner of hellish travesty be this? I would perish ere I be tempted by its blasphemies and lusts! A blessing, then, that I am with a casket of trinitrotoluene equipped!
You wound me, sirrah! 'Tis no fault of mine that my lineaments offend thee!
Avaunt, denizen of the nether-realms! Mine ears are deaf to thy ruses!
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