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Dramatis Personae
Andy Dougan film critic extraordinaire. Enjoys illegal pornography and biscuits.
Russell Crowe actor and poet. Husband to a trophy wife. Father to a trophy son.
Huw Edwards BBC news anchor. The Hunky Face of Teatime®.
George W. Bush President. Defended the whorehouses of Houston from the Viet Cong.
Christian Slater certifiable actor. The id to Crowe's ego.
Osama and Mullah Omar fugitives. Kandahar's answer to Bert and Ernie.


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by andydougan
At work
Hi, Susan? I'm phoning about our his problems with...uh...
I'll be honest. I was just calling to hear your voice. We've never met, but our brief, playful exchanges are all that keep me from downing a bottle of paracetamol.
I delay calling you so I can experience the frisson of anticipation all day. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep imagining the life we could live together.
I'm 56, married, and a thalidomide baby.
Could you at least friend me on Facebook so I can look at pictures of your clothed tits?
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