All comics by darthkorn

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by darthkorn
7-16-03
Meanwhile...
Holy shit, A Phone call! I'm not going to pick it up!
*RING*
You have reached the dowdy residence, Please leave a message...
I can't Do it I can't Do itI can't Do itI can't Do itI can't Do itI can't Do itI can't Do itI can't Do itI can't Do itI can't Do itI can't Do itI can't Do itI can't Do itI can't Do itI can't Do it
*Click*

 

by darthkorn
7-17-03
Hey man, I've got two tickets for the Symphony X concert man! Wanna come?
Oh Yes, Symphony X... Pantera Meets Kansas. Then they Bump into John Williams. Then they jump into their car and accidently crash in to Rush on the street. Then they throw them into the car....
And then they see Yes On the side walk, and pull over and start yelling "HEY! YOUR LYRICS SUCK!!". And then they buy some crack from Dream Theater. Then they sniff it, and find out it's Deep Purple.

 

by darthkorn
7-17-03
Jimmy, These reels of old zeppelin footage are pretty fucked up. We're going to have to bake em.
Bake Em?
Yeah....
....
...
...

 

by darthkorn
7-17-03
He must be getting Senile...
You mean Like... Like putting them in a oven... ?
But I bet you wouldn't get it either...
Yeah, Pretty much.
...
Oh yeah, Don't get the idea that you can't take your old tapes and put in the microwave and some how you've got a fixed tape...
Dude, That's Fucked Up....

 

by darthkorn
7-17-03
Hey Nick! Do you have your fag bag? Did you bring an Ass Orange?
You know what Brook? I decided to not bring my Fag Bag. I've decided to store my food in someting more Brook Proof. See that over there?
It'z cuz he'z white, Huh?
A SAFE?
Yeah, that's right. Try putting that on your head, BITCH!

 

by darthkorn
7-17-03
Okay, It's time to leave the Knebsworth Shows in for 10 Minutes...
I'm not so sure about this...
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
AW SHIT! IT'S EVERY WHERE MAN!!

 

by darthkorn
7-17-03
“Ethics is not a mystic fantasy-nor a social convention-nor a dispensable, subjective luxury. ... Ethics is an objective necessity of man’s survival-not by the grace of the supernatural nor of you
...neighbors nor of your whims, but by the grace of reality and the nature of life.”
OH MY GOD! UR R34DING 4YN R4ND 4G4IN! HOW DARE YOU, YOU MIN-

 

by darthkorn
7-17-03
Hello, *SCHHH* Billy. *Slurp* It's nice to see you again... *SCHHHHH* Hehehehehe...
Look, You sick bastard. You grab my ass and I squiel like Kenneth Star. How about you go take a SHIT and fall back in it.
Not now, I'm on the CAN!
God, Some Serious priest action going down in Church C134 In Delaware. I'd Recomend taking action this time, Sir.

 

by darthkorn
7-17-03
No, Don't!
Yeah, that's right, Walk off.... Wait, There's a zipper on your head? What The Hell?
*ZIP!*
TOBOR CORNHOLE!
OH, Son Of a-
I swear, Watching that helped better than the stool softner.
Oh, WOW. I Couldn't have predicted THAT.

 

by darthkorn
7-17-03
Nope, it sucks. There was the big hype and expectation, "Woah, new Metallica album in 6 years!", followed by, "Let's all jump on the bandwagon and show we're real music fans by buying an album from a
a group that's done so much for music...or something", finished with, "We waited six years for this underproduced, overdrawn CRAP???"
I dont blame people for not wanting to buy it. It's not anything amazing or even anything sub par.

 

by darthkorn
7-17-03
Crap, All I see left is....
"Rock And Roll", "Nobody's Fault But Mine", "Sick Again", "Achilles Last Stand", "In The Evening", "Kashmir", "Whole Latta Love".
Oh mah god, Where's "Ten Years gone"? THERE'S NO TEN YEARS GONE! They're going to kill us!

 

by darthkorn
7-17-03
Willie The Pimp: Did you watch Inu Yasha the other day?
Demon Jack: Yes Demon Jack: I loved that episode
Willie The Pimp: Yeah, i was having a field day with that one. I started impersonating Naraku, Making my own "over dubs". I mean really, the whole guy is "Poison Gas".
Willie The Pimp: You bite on him, and "Whoops, Flatualence!" Willie The Pimp: PHRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTT. Willie The Pimp: Oh, If I could only download that episode... And ruin it...
Demon Jack: "Poison gas". Hehe.

 

by darthkorn
7-18-03
Hershey Highway Man: Any ways. Them bastards are going to start sueing file sharing people. There going to sue the big shits, the guys witha shit load of files. And you know what they expect?
They want 150,000 a FILE per person. I tell you, when they get to court (if ever), the judge is going to look into their face and tell them this is absurd. I want to see a judge sit there and whip out
"Here is a list of things I have to take care of today. A murder case, a HIt and run case, A Grand theft case, You. And the list goes on. Now tell me... What takes priority?"

 

by darthkorn
7-18-03
No matter what premises a child may form in his grade and highschool years, the educational system works to multiply his inner conflicts.
Oh man, I have no idea what he's talking about. Just... keep... Looking... Intelligent...
Can't.... h4ND|3.... n0... m0r3....
dljaldfhja;DLGHAS[DIFGHALPDIHAFODHAh;HOIHASDOHLASHljklsjldkitzcuzimwhitehuhfjdgkfjksgj;flkgjs
BOOOOOOOM!

 

by darthkorn
7-19-03
Hey, Did you KNOW that if you open the playstation before turning it off, that it's good fer it?
*REALLY*, Where did you hear of this?
Oh, from Forest's house...

 

by darthkorn
7-19-03
Hey, Did you KNOW that if you open the playstation before turning it off, that it's good fer it?
What's your source of this?
Oh, Kyle's hou-
What, He Lied to me!

 

by darthkorn
7-19-03
5 Years ago...
As Requested by Nick, We will make a mass army of Mikey Clones! A Army of Such powerful intellect will surely help us conquer the world!
y34h, hur aNd hur h3'z g0nn4 b3 s0 wh|t3. Hur hur hur.
Yeah, Sure... Whatever...
Oh yes, The Toilet is still broken.. So you're going to have to hold it for a long while... a long long while... We can't afford a plumber......

 

by darthkorn
7-21-03
0h m4N, | c4n7 h0|d |7 |n n0 m0r3. Hur.
....
|'|| j|_|57 73k3 4 p|55 |n h3r3. Hur, |'m 50 wH|73.

 

by darthkorn
7-21-03
Alright, It's time to begin! The DNA has been inserted carefully into my cloning device...
What? Unknown DNA detected? Damn, It must be Mac OS 4 screwing up on me. No matter.

 

by darthkorn
7-21-03
This is where clones come from... Big huge.. explosions... er something...
COMMENCE CLONING!!!
What the f-
OMG! I HAD SEX WHEN I WAS FIVE CUZ I'M WHITE! WOMEN LIKE EM WHITE! CUZ I'M WHITE! CUZ I'M WHITE!!! CUZ I'M WHITE!!! CUZ I'M WHITE!!! CUZ I'M WHITE!!! CUZ I'M WHITE!!!
CUZ I'M WHITE!!! CUZ I'M WHITE!!! CUZ I'M WHITE!!! OMG THIS BACKGROUND IS SO WHITE!!!
OMG WHERE'Z A FAG BAG! I NEED A FAG BAG TO PUT ON MY HEAD!!! SO I CAN ACT LIKE A BULL AND RAM NICK CUZ I'M WHITE!!!

 

by darthkorn
7-21-03
Dear Journal: What I thought was going to a brilliant clone, Some how has Turn out to be a racist Clown-like Ambomination. I have discontinued the army production,
And decided to study this specimen, Instead of Killing it, Cooking it and eating it as I planned originally.
I've decided to Name it Brook, After my estranged Ex-Wife. Just to insult her farther. Cause I hate her, Very Much.

 

by darthkorn
7-21-03
I have a theory that possible some how My Assistant, "AzzBuzz" has some how mixed his DNA with Mikey's.
But I'm not even going to bother with him.
I swear, you can't get through to the bastard.

 

by darthkorn
7-22-03
After Days of Research, I have decided to observe him in Social Situations with his peers. So I've decided to send him to a piss ass School called "Oak Grove".
He seems to have made aquantence with some faggit named Tony. He's such a balant fag, That I worry what it could do to the psyche of my clone. But it seems they're getting along well.
But I worry about him some times, when he comes home muttering something about "Tony's Mom". I best keep an eye on that...

 

by darthkorn
7-23-03
Dear Journal: I witness something disturbing Today. According to the camera's I have implanted in his clothes, Tony tried to grab Brook's ass in the bathroom.
I MUST NOT LET BROOK EXPERIENCE SUCH THINGS FOR HIM SELF!!! I CERTAINLY DON'T WANT HIM TO PLAY AROUND WITH MY ASS EVERYDAY! THIS IS A BAD INFLUENCE!!
I MUST KILL TONY!!!

 

by darthkorn
7-23-03
HEYDADCANTONYCOMEOVERHUH?HUH?HUH?WHYCAN'THECOMEOVERHUH?CUZHEZWHITEHUH?
....
....
*drools* Excellent.... Yes, Bring the boy over.........

 

by darthkorn
7-23-03
HELLOTONYHOWAREYOUDOINGTODAY?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Uh, Hi Mr....
Hey, Wait... What the hell is your name anywayz?

 

by darthkorn
7-23-03
Hey, Wait! What's this zipper on your head?
No, WAIT!
*Zip*
Oh s-
RAAAAAAAAAAARRRRR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!!
No, Wait, I already did that one... Let's rewind here...

 

by darthkorn
7-23-03
*Rewind*
Look, man! I wasn't trying to grab his ass! There was a gummy bear on his pants!
Oh, That's the oldest one in the book!

 

by darthkorn
7-23-03
So, Are you still gonna try to kill me?
Yeah, Pretty much... I just don't know how yet...
...
...

 

by darthkorn
7-24-03
Now, Here's the picz of the dead Saddamn sons.
Woah, they do look dead now don't they?
Serves them right, bitch.

 

by darthkorn
7-24-03
*CLICK*
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOARRRGGGGGGGHSSSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!

 

by darthkorn
7-26-03
Yes, Sweet Justice! This is what you deserve!
But why? I didn't rape any body!
Wait.............. Oh....... Oh yes, You tried to grab Brook's ass...
Ye- ER. I mean no!
And I was going to kill you...

 

by darthkorn
7-31-03
Of this is, where clones come... Large very large. Explosions... it something...
BEGIN CLONES!!!
Which the f-
OMG! I HAD SEX, WHEN I WAS FIVE CUZ, which are I WHITE! MRS. LIKING EM WHITE! CUZ AM I WHITE! CUZ AM I!! WHITE! CUZ AM I!! WHITE! CUZ AM I!! WHITE! CUZ AM I!! WHITE! CUZ AM I!! WHITE! CUZ AM I!! WHITE
OMG THIS BACKGROUND IS!! SO WHITE!
OMG WHERE'Z a FAG BAG! I NEED a FAG BAG, MEAN HEAD AT TO SETTING!!! LIKE THAT I CAN LIKE a bulletin FUNCTIONING AND RAM cut CUZ am I!! WHITE!

 

by darthkorn
8-05-03
OH MAN WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU MAN GOING AROUND TO KILL MY FRIENDS MAN THAT'S FUCKED UP BULLSHIT MAN!!
IT'S CUZ HE'S WHITE HUH?
WELL I AIN'T TAKING THIS SHIT NO MORE MAN RAPING AND KILLING AND RAPING AND KILLING AND WATCHING WILL AND GRACE YOU FUCKING HYPOCRITE!!!
I GOTTA DEAL WITH THE KKK BITCH THEY'RE GOING TO COME DOWN AND BEAT YOUR ASS!!!
YEAH THAT'S RIGHT I'M AFFLIATED WITH THE KLU KLUX KLAN! AND NOT ONLY THAT, I GOT DEALS WITH THE RIAA TOO, BITCH! SO THEY GONNA COME DOWN AND SUE YOUR ASS FOR ALL THAT ILLEGAL MP5'S OR WHATEVER THEY
CALL THEM DAMN SHITS. YEAH.

 

by darthkorn
8-05-03
You're not really associated with the KKK, Are You?
....
....
....Well No,
But I am in cohoots with the RIAA.
Y34H Y0UR AZZ IZ G0ING D0WN AND W3 G4NNA TO SUE EVRYBUDY HURHURHURHURHURHUR!

 

by darthkorn
8-07-03
Oh, I got something to say to you guys! Just Let me get on my soap box!
Listen, You obsessive fucks, There are 60 Million people that use Peer to Peer...
0MG, 7h|5 gUy iz 7rY|nG 70 r3450n w|7h m3.... (4n'7 574nD |7 n0 m0r3... LAWSUIT!!
Lawsuit Pergatory
What The F-

 

by darthkorn
8-07-03
OH MAN, SHIT. NOW THAT HE'S IN PERGATORY, WE CAN GO SEE THE SHIT THAT HE HAS ON HIS PC, AND SUE HIM FOR 150,000 PER SONG!! WOOO, ISN'T THIS LOGICAL.
Yeah, But considering the extremism of our tactics, We just might have to jack his car.
Hey wait a minute, All The crap he has on here is obscure crap that's out of print!!! Goddamn it, Maybe that's what people are using this crap for...

 

by darthkorn
8-09-03
Hey, Mikey! What's up mah nigga?
WHAT?
Yeah, I know who you hang out with. Those black gangsta guys, That have one white guy in their group so they don't look like they're racist...
But I don't hang-
Yeah, And they call ya a candy bar, Don't they?

 

by darthkorn
8-09-03
Where Am I? What is this place?
YOU ARE IN... LAWSUIT PERGATORY!! THE PLACE WHERE SUED PEOPLE ARE IMPRISONED BEFORE THIER COURT DATE SO THEY DON'T FLUNK OUT ON US.
SEE THIS YOUNG GIRL? SHE MAY LOOK INNOCENT, BUT SHE WAS DISTIRBUTING EVERY SPOCK'S BEARD ALBUM IN EXISTENCE!!! INCLUDING BOOTLEGS!!! WE GOT HER ASS ON ICE! WE GETTIN' SOME HEFTY SETTLEMENT FROM HER!
SEE THIS BIRD, IT MAY LOOK LIKE YOUR AVERAGE BIRD, BUT WE THINK IT MIGHT HAVE EVERY METALLICA ALBUM!! INCLUDING A REMIXED VERSION OF THE "...AND JUSTICE FOR ALL" ALBUM! NOW WE CAN'T HAVE THAT, CAN WE!

 

by darthkorn
8-09-03
What? How dare you! By what knowledge have you sued these people?
WELL, ACTUALLY, WE TAKE A HAT AND FILL THEM WITH CARDS AND SHAKE EM UP, AND THEN PICK A RANDOM ONE AND ACCUSE THEM OF THOSE CHARGES!!!
....WHAT? DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK!!
THE SYSTEM WORKS!!!!

 

by darthkorn
8-11-03
ALL RIGHT YOU PUNKS, COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP SO WE CAN SUE AND THUSLY RUIN YOUR VALUEABLE FUTURES.
WHY... WHY DON'T YA GO READ AN AYN RAND BOOK!!!
What is this "Ayn Rand" they're speaking of..?
A Russian 20th century author who had an honorable vision of capitalism.
.....Honor....able?

 

by darthkorn
8-11-03
Hello Kids, I'm some mindless suit from the Riaa. I'm here to talk to you kids about file sharing and Mp3's, which is a threat to what we believe in, Which is "The Divine Right Of Stagnation".
To pound Anti-Mp3 propaganda and the Philosophy of "The Divine Right of Stagnation" into your heads in a kid friendly and patronizing style, Here's Captain Mp3 of the Technology Task Force!
Hello, Kids!
Only YOU can stop File Sharing!

 

by darthkorn
8-11-03
...Now One may Claim that one has a right to privacy, and File sharing is their business. But Privacy, Is an old fashioned illusion fed to you by your parents.
Civilization is not to save men, From men, But To reduce you to a sacrificial animal, So incompetent, unproductive people like me and the riaa can eat you and talented artists alive.
Do you understand?
.......................

 

by darthkorn
8-11-03
...One WOULD argue that File sharing is free trade and is the capitalistic way. But with goverment regulation and lobbyists, Free trade is a thing of the past. Good Riddiance!
Politcal pull is the way to go! So if you want any thing done, you better get a friend in Washington, Bitch!
Heh heh... I can say bitch, Right?

 

by darthkorn
8-11-03
But Aren't your laws and ways of thinking "Old-Fashioned"?
WHAT, HOW DARE YOU USE LOGIC WITH ME!!!! WE ARE BEYOND LOGIC!!!!!!!!
WAIT TILL YOU GET INTO COLLEGE, THEY'LL SET YOU STRIAGHT!!! YOU AND YOUR... "LOGIC"!

 

by darthkorn
8-12-03
But weren't just talking about "The Divine Right of stagnation"? By your logic, wouldn't be apart of that philosophy to believe in "Privacy" and "Free trade"?
WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU ABOUT LOGIC? LOGIC IS BAD!!! THINKING IS BAD BECAUSE IT SEES THROUGH HOLES IN OUR ARGUEMENTS!! IT IS BAD TO DISAGREE!!
Wait, You're saying this ISN'T a progressive school? ...Traditional? Goddamn it, Where's John Dewey when you need him...

 

by darthkorn
8-17-03
...So We were going along fine with Henry doing all the sueing. But then he joined forces with that Brook guy and then, Came up that Super Hero Idea. Then it went downhill from there.
I mean, Shit. That Brook guy is so damn racist!
Yeah, So what if he is? What are you going to do, Join a Lynch Mob?

 

by darthkorn
8-17-03
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

 

by darthkorn
8-17-03
*BONK* ARE THESE MESSANGER ADS ANNOYING YOU?
Yes, They are.
And The deep irony here is...
THAT 99 PERCENT OF THEM ARE EITHER ADS TELLING THERE IS SOFTWARE TO STOP THE ADS OR SOME THING IN SPANISH.
WELL, GO TO ENDADS.COM SO YOU CAN PAY $25.95 TO DOWNLOAD A 600KB PROGRAM THAT STOPS A MINOR ANNOYENCE.

 

by darthkorn
8-17-03
HAHAHA, I will unleash a worm upon the world, And take down thousands of innocent computers AS REVENGE AGAINST BILL GATES AND MICROSOFT!!
Sure, It may not be the most easiest thing to create an OS. It takes hours of articulate thought and effort, And taking years of research on programming code in college beforehand.
But I'm going to punish and annoy everyone any ways, Cuz of minor imperfections and Cuz it's fashionable to trash Bill Gates.
Plus, I'm going to get so much attention on the news, Which is what this really boils down to... w00t w00t...

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