As my 30th birthday breaths down my thin neck, there's certain things that I'm getting too old for. One of those is drunk people running and jumping on me in the hopes I'll catch them.
FIILLLIIINNGGG CCCLLLEEERGGGG, I'm gunna jumph un yewwwww....
Take heed, drunk people of the world, friend and foe alike, if you try to run and jump on me I'm not going to catch you. My back can't take it.
