All comics by slartyvsdesk

Profile

 

by slartyvsdesk
3-03-06
Who the heck are you?
I'm Slartucker. Nice to see you too, Aran. I'm here today to teach you about the facts of life. You see, when a man and a woman love each other very much, like Nikki and Nicothodes do...
You're not funny. Um, why am I a mailman? And why am I holding this letter up in the air like I'm some kind of retarded poser model?
I find it's best not to question these things.
This strip sucks. Why can't you just do stick figures?
Think of this as the Avernum 4 of comic strips.

 

by slartyvsdesk
3-03-06
I'm Tyranicus! Now that I'm here, this is bound to be a great comic strip!
Okay, this strip still sucks.

 

by slartyvsdesk
3-03-06
Thanks for helping me study, Nikki. I'm really worried about my test tomorrow. I keep getting all these made-up languages mixed up.
No problem, Nicothodes. You know I'll always be there for you.
Yesterday I meant to say something to my friend in our secret language, but I accidentally used the Nephilian genitive. He stomped off all angry, and I have no idea what I said to him!
Nico, your mind needs a break from all that exhausting studying. Hey, is it just me or is it really hot in here? Let's get comfortable.
Did I mention that I brought my knife collection?
Oh... will you look at the time! I'm late, I'm late for a very important duel with Arancaytar!

 

by slartyvsdesk
3-06-06
Who is it now?
Peace be to you. I am known as Alorael.
I thought you were a 54-or-56-year-old Korean transvestite businessman of indeterminate gender?
The important thing is that I'm here to moderate your comics. To make sure they are family-oriented and suitable for our diverse audience.
Hey, don't go over there! That's my next strip!
I can't believe these guys buy my act. Responsible moderator... *giggle*

 

by slartyvsdesk
3-12-06
Dikiyoba is pleased with this incarnation.
Where are we?
These are the ruins of the Spiderweb Forums. They were destroyed in the Great Noob War of 2006. I travelled here from the past in order to record the history of the war.
So basically you're like the Watcher, except you look like a retarded, flameless fyora instead of a retarded,
catatonic toddler.
Dikiyoba is pleased with this incarnation.
Dammit, Alorael, where are you?
I was counting
on some kind of smarmy intervention to make this panel funny!

 

by slartyvsdesk
3-16-06
Dikiyoba is surprised to see you here, Aran.
I travelled to the future, too. I wanted to see what would happen if we continued to flood the forums with spam. And lo! We are no better than newbies. We must change our ways, while we still can.
Dikiyoba is — GAHHH!!!
Dikiyoba is even more surprised to see you here. Who are you and what have you done with Arancaytar?
I AM ZE DEMON OF GOOD TASTE, OUI! I CONSUMED ZE SOUL OF FOOL CAYTAR!!! I RID ZE SPAM, AND ZE RACIAL SLURS, OUI, AND I RID ZE PENIS LENGTH!! FROM FORUM!!!1!!

 

by slartyvsdesk
3-16-06
You know, maybe we shouldn't make all of those chat logs accessible to everyone.
ZAT IS MON CUE! I BELIEVE I HAFT HEARD UNE IDEA ZAT WAS IN ZE GOOD TASTE!!!
I feel warm.
DON'T WORRY ;-) IT IS ZE WHOLESOME WARMTH OF WHOLESOMENESS, NOT ANYTHING YUCK LIKE PISSIN IN YOUS PANTS.
OHHH. ZE WARM WHOLESOMENESS OVERWHELMS ME LIKE SO MANY!!! THIS IS ZE BEST PART OF MON JOB. MOI IS GOING TO ZE HAPPY ONE, DISNEYLAND!!!@!

 

by slartyvsdesk
3-16-06
As the Demon of Good Taste continues to terrorize the comic strip, Delicious Vlish tries to organize resistance.
Something must be done. We cannot allow this reign of abject good taste to continue. We all need to work together in the battle against this abomination.
Dikiyoba agrees, but what can we do?
Let's tell him he's cute. That's really rude. Also, let's talk to him in made up languages! Talk about tasteless.
I'd love to help you guys. You have such, um, useful ideas. But what if the resistance itself is in good taste? I'm too young to die!
We do have one other option. It's tainted and evil, but it may be our only hope.
Say my name! Say it three times and then I'll be free... go on, Slarty, you know you want to!

 

by slartyvsdesk
3-16-06
Slarucker, I forbid you to call him back from whatever hellish plane he went off to. We moderators do not use spells of banishment without good reason.
I have no choice.
TerrorsMartyr! TerrorsMartyr! TerrorsMartyr!
Jesus. Always the showman.
You called, Longinus?

 

by slartyvsdesk
3-17-06
We need you to do something about the Demon of Good Taste. He's seducing the entire community, member by member.
A homosexual dog is talking to me. No wonder I didn't want to come back.
Look, will you help us or not?
Yes. And **** you, you ************* ****** who ***** the ******** off his ******* *******, **********!
That's strange. I didn't think this site had an autocensor.
It doesn't. That was pure profanity. It doesn't translate into your tongue. Now be a dear and carry me to this demon -- although I'm not gay, I seem to be immobile.

 

by slartyvsdesk
3-18-06
To be, or not to be: that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the shells and secretions of outrageous characterization — or to take tentacles against a sea of questionable taste, and by opposing end it?
For who would bear the whips and wands of discipline, the shaper's wrong, the writer's contumely, the pangs of despisèd modship, the CoC's delay... when he himself might his quietus make —
With a bare vlishskin? Who would gastropods bear, to grunt and sweat under a weary life, but that the dread of something after death, the undiscover'd script from whose bourn no spidwebber returns,
Puzzles the will and makes us rather bear those bugs we have than fly to others that we know not of? Thus conscience does make cowards of us all... Snail, in thy orifices be all my sins remember'd.
I may not have the predilection for tastelessness that some of us do, but there's no way I'm gonna be demon food after this!

 

by slartyvsdesk
3-19-06
Slartucker carries TM across the Fields of Spam in search of the Demon of Good Taste.
Stop dangling those in my face! That's disgusting.
I can't help it. They're giant. So, Slarty-chan, why did you go after Ed like that?
I don't mind seeing rules get ignored or bent, but if they're going to be applied at all, it ought to be done consistently and fairly. That's why I kept defending Argh. Now I can stop, thank god.
Fool.
Oh, crap.
HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA

 

by slartyvsdesk
3-19-06
C'EST MOI, ZE DEMON OF GOOD TASTE!! I HEAR ZE T'INGS ABOUT TOI. THAT. YOU WILL NOT SUCCUMBE TO ME!!! BUT MOI SHALL FEAST ON ZE LIKE YOUR BUDDY I ATED!!!!
HAH! TOI DOES NOT EVEN HAVE A NOT-VERY-WITFUL COMEBACK, VS THE GOODY TASTY YOU ARE FEASTING THINE EYES ON EVEN NOW!!!! C'EST SUPER LAME!!!
SERIOUS, MAN!!! WHAT IS ZE PROBLEME???? TOI DOES NOT EVEN THINK THOUGHT BUBLE VS GOODY TASTY! :-( THIS IS TOO EASY. FLAME MOI, FLAMEZ MOI!!!$!!

 

by slartyvsdesk
3-19-06
Meanwhile...
Slartucker and Dikiyoba having a conversation? Oh please, like that's worth censoring. BORING. Let's see what else there is.
Ooh! He brought back TM! I've been waiting for a chance like this. Hmm.. he's with some poor new member on the Fields of Spam...
Augh, look at all that provoking! The other guy isn't even fighting back! Time to die, TM. This is gonna hurt you a lot more than it's gonna hurt me. *wild giggles*

 

by slartyvsdesk
3-19-06
NEENER NEENER NEENER!!!! TOI ARE A YUPPIE SUBURBANITE!!!!! I DID YOUR MUM!!! POSTMODERNISM REAMED YOU!!!!! ****** YOU *****, **** FLAME MOI ALREADY!!!.!!
What a pathetic demon. Hey, Alorael! You missed me with your giant abrasive dildo! Toodle-oo!
NOOOOOOOO!!!!! This is not OK. I swear by the fluffy turtles that I'll get you for this... if it's the last thing this weird character who's supposed to be me does!

 

by slartyvsdesk
3-19-06
W... where am I? Is this heaven? Wow, I didn't expect so many trees.
This is not heaven. You are in my sanctuary, Tyranicus. I was able to call your soul back once the demon was destroyed.
Uh, thanks. You must be Ephesos then, since you are always the stock healer. ...Oh, the demon's gone! Were you able to save Aran?
Yes, Aran is resting now. Unfortunately, I was not able to call Slartucker back.
Slarty burnt up, too?! Well, why couldn't you revive him?
The demon was not able to take his soul -- he was writing this strip, thus was responsible for much filth. It seems he really did spontaneously combust!

 

by slartyvsdesk
3-20-06
Hi there. Who are you?
It's me, Arancaytar!
*stifled cackling*
Shut up, or I'll squirt you with scalding grease. You should be glad the demon didn't consume your body. You might have been a hard-boiled egg.
I dunno, I think the bacon is a little more humiliating.
The worst part is that my arms are still stuck in the air like I'm a @#%$ poser model!

 

by slartyvsdesk
3-20-06
Either somebody slipped some skribbane in that last potion, or the world is ending. Who the heck are you?
I am Drakefyre the Great. Yargh! I am now searching.
Uh... right. What are you searching for?
I am searching for my boi Arancaytar. Reality may or may not be at stake.
Why don't you search for a new costume instead?
The first priority of the people must be to find my bacon boi poser model mod! Yargh!

 

by slartyvsdesk
3-21-06
I'm TerrorsMartyr! If you point out how people suck, this is bound to be a great comic strip!
Okay. TM's attacks on people are often incisive and sometimes even appropriate. He pretends they are part of a socratic and iconoclastic way of life.
In reality, they are just an elaborate set of defenses that let him avoid examining any of the problems in his life, and allow him to convince himself that he's happy.
Okay, this strip still sucks.

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