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11 Days To Go...

If you answered me with a maybe, shit or get off the pot now please.

For all those attending, the caterers are not caterers, they are my aunts Betty and Gina. This is important because the stupid reception hall would only let family bring in food, otherwise we'd have to deal with the hall's caterer. So help me make up some great stories about growing up with Auntie B and Aunt Gina -- it'll be fun.

Remember to trash the reception hall at will. However, smoking will not be permitted inside of the hall because we will have a severe asthmatic attending. Once she leaves, it's fair game.

For persons taking a plane to see me, I'm confirming that choobychooby is coming in at 3:47pm on Thursday. This could be your funny European time, though, could you please confirm this arrival is Central Standard Time? Jes_L, I have you in at 5:18pm on Friday. I also need to clarify which time zone this information is for. Call me collect on my mobile number if something happens or changes. And please please please fly safe.

As a fun twist to an already unconventional wedding, I will be giving out brad sucks advertisements as wedding favors. In other words, I'm cheap, deal with it.

Hope to see you there. (By the way, I've figured it out, I'll only have 15 seconds to talk to each person, unless you sign up for the dollar dance).

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Mediocrity at its most average.

I forgot, all other details, such as directions, etc. can be found here:

http://weddings.theknot.com/pwp/view/co_main.aspx?coupleid=3216892923086250

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Mediocrity at its most average.

CONGRADULATIONS!!!

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I dumb :D

I got fi dolla.

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

I got fi dolla.

I'm sorry, someone has already offered me twenny if I don't.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Generally, airline schedules are all done in local time, so their departures should have been listed as British time, but their arrivals as Central time. That said, a certain Dr. P. asked me to remind you that those would be Central Daylight Time.

Anyhoo, sorry I can't be there. Stupid typo!

[Click to view comic: 'Why I didn't attend']

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

I got fi dolla.

I'm sorry, someone has already offered me twenny if I don't.

An enterprising gal would see this as an opportunity to make twenny-fi dolla.

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

I'm hell of looking forward to this, as well as being hell of scared. Date? Where are you?

As far as I know I arrive about 5:18pm your time. Look for the guy who looks like my avatar, I'll be wearing my Northern Ireland soccer shirt specially. I might look a little disoriented from the flight, so no change from usual.

Chicka, I'll call you soon to sort out operational details and for a general chat.

Bring it on, St Louis.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

hah!

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what if nigger meant kite

Congratulations! When might me hear of Attitudechicketts?

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-=- You eat one lousy foot and they call you a cannibal. What a world. -=-

attitudechicklings?

Anywho, congrats. It reminds me of the hellish nightmare in store for me when I get home from this deployment and have to help my fiancee plan our wedding so she has an excuse to keep her mother from "helping".

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Congrats Chicka! Wish I was there!

Good luck with everything! <3 =D

I'm still waffling, Chicka. I have a midnight show that Friday and would have to leave almost instantly afterwards to make it with time to spare. Let me grumble with myself for another day and confer with the misses.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

attitudechicklings?

If you're talking kids, I've got one already. If you were around in July last year, nearly everyone was having babies. But I was the only stripper to actually BE pregnant. We're considering a girl, but there are a few issues (my brother lives in the would be girl's bedroom, we're not sure if we want to try for a girl or adopt, etc.) concerning that now.

The first 10 or so comics in this series deal with that very issue.

Also, I want to mention that thanks to theknot.com there will be a post wedding page. Hopefully I can get some pictures of chooby and Jes to put up there.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

I'm definitely touching down in St Louis at 15:47 local time. Either that or I'm getting some kind of flight that goes back in time.

I'm totally looking forward to this, especially as we've been given the go-ahead to trash the reception.

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"In a thousand years there will be no men and women just wankers and that's fine by me."

Here is the reason why you can expect me to turn up:

Kajun: as the only moderator attending chicka's wedding, do my powers transfer to the real world?
brad: hard to say
brad: but yes definitely
Kajun: awesome

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Dad was flammable

I'll be there but I don't know when yet.

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What others say about boorite!

Woo-hoo! Boorite's sleeping in the closet. Just so people can ask "What's that rumbling noise" and I can say "Oh, it's just boorite".

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Much good luck and good fortune in your future.

Secrets to Wedded Bliss:

Rule him with an iron fist. I, mean really... When he says "I do", you say "You're damn right you do, boy! Now on your knees!"

Everything will be smooth sailing from there. It'll make a nice photo for the wedding album as well.

Don't forget to go up to the biggest member of his family at the reception and beat the crap out of them. This will solidify your place as the A-prime pack leader. Getting a babysitter will no longer be an issue. The bonus to this is that they will start leaving offerings of food at your door.

Impress the in-laws by referring to the new hubby as "my bitch". His father should be referred to as "drunken old fart", his mother as "dried up old bag".

During your first dance, remember to lead. You are in charge after all. If you are a bit tired from the whole wedding thing stand on his feet. (Make him take his shoes off if they are part of the tux rental.)

Of course he can start practising for carrying you over the threshold by carrying you around the reception. Let's face it, you did your part, now it's his turn.

Have a great time. And remember what we say in Brooklyn:

"Why is that guy looking at you like that? You should kick his ass."

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Bringing you comics, once a year. Whether you want them or not.

I have only one bit of wedding advice for you - have fun.

I was so stressed about getting all my family into photos and keeping the bitch of a caterer under control and telling the DJ not to play any fucking doof-doof music that by the time I relaxed and started having fun, the reception was nearly over.

Delegate as much as you can to people you genuinely trust, then relax and have fun. In theory (touch wood) you will never have another one of these, so make sure you have memories of how great it was, not of how busy and stressed you were.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

quote:

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I'm definitely touching down in St Louis at 15:47 local time. Either that or I'm getting some kind of flight that goes back in time.

I'm totally looking forward to this, especially as we've been given the go-ahead to trash the reception.

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Boorite insists he'll get me there one way or another, but I'm not sure if he can fend off the mighty Wal-Mart, the same company who wouldn't let me take time off to see a dying grandmother, get surgery, and go to class.

But I'd love to be there.

HOW CAN YOU GET MARRIED AFTER ALL OUR NIGHTS! I CAN STILL SMELL THE ROPE BURNS!!! DOESN'T THAT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU!!!!

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

There are assisted living facilities that have staffs well-trained in dealing with those suffering from dementia. Though on your limited income you'd probably have to put her in a government funded one, which would do more harm than good given the way you've portrayed her...

Well, maybe if you keep sending her videos of the chillun's she'll tone down a little.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

he was trying to get me there for the group sex, but then i found out the group part was recently released inmates and the sex part was my anus

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what if nigger meant kite