niggarettes by mandingo 8-28-05

what up, my nigga nuttin, nuttin you hear about Steve? what happened? that nigga got his butt smoked they snuffed Steve??

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what if nigger meant kite

Justifiable Homicide

I wish my boyfriend was just like you.

by HCRoyall, 8-31-05

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

I have come to the conclusion that I'm better at comic titles than I am at the actual comic part...

Infellation

Sucky sucky fitteen dolla! Blame OPEC!

by wirthling, 8-31-05

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

i blame the cost of lipping

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what if nigger meant kite

This was probably more topical a few months ago and I probably posted it then too:

Manifesto by KajunFirefly 5-07-05

Jim, this stupid drinks machine has given me tea instead of coffee, again. It's put in extra sugar as if that's supposed to fix anything. Oh come on, Kajun, you can't blame the machine, it's just trying to do it's job, it's bound to make mistakes once in a while. Why not use the one upstairs? I shouldn't have to move! This one has a history of wasted money, undelivered promises and broken dreams. I want it out! Well, I don't know about "broken dreams", but we've just signed a new lease until 2009, nothing I can do now. ***Four more years! Four more years!***

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Dad was flammable

Some oldies, picked at random:

Safety Issues at the Robofactory by niteowl 4-03-05

Oh my God! Like gag me with a pitchfork, your arm is like totally gone! What happened? Accident. On. Assembly. Line. Dude, you're totally dripping oil all over the floor. Grody! Why. Are. You. Conversing. With. Me. In. That. Way. Like Oh my God, they totally implanted me with a Valley Girl voice box! It's gnarly! Gnarly. And. Totally. Tubular.

Worshipping the Strawberry by niteowl 12-28-04

Son, I called you out here because I think we need to talk. Ok, Dad. About this Barry Bonds and steroids thing...I know you look up to athletes as heroes or whatever, but steroids are bad news. I know, Dad. So do you promise not to do steroids, son? I promise, Dad. Smoking crack is much more fun anyways.

Pre-Emptive Strike Redux by niteowl 1-25-04

What's wrong baby? Are you mad at me? Yes I am. Why? You pissed me off. Uh, I didn't do anything to piss you off.... That's the point. You're the perfect boyfriend, and you never do ANYTHING wrong! I need drama! WHERE'S THE DRAMA? CHRIST, CAN'T WE JUST BE A NORMAL COUPLE?

One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer by niteowl 1-19-04

I hope there's nothing on TV you want to watch tonight honey, because I'm watching the premiere of American Idol. Alrighty, I'm going to the bar then. But you don't drink anymore! Well, it was only a matter of time before something would drive me to drink again. Remember when we lost the house, you lost your job, and your entire family died in that horrible plane crash? You didn't drink after all that happened! Things weren't that bad then. Later.

Happy Holidays by niteowl 12-13-03

At the convenience store... Hi. Can I help you? Yeah, a pack of Marlboro Mediums please. You really should quit smoking, it's bad for your health. Funny, I don't recall asking for an opinion on how to live my life. Well, Merry Christmas to you too, jerk! Are you going to sell me the smokes, or do I have to rob you to get them?

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

My New Orleans themed strips...

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Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

I gotta say, I love this strip.

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Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

THE END OF TIME by mandingo 9-06-05

WELCOME TO THE END OF EXISTENCE. THE END OF ALL HOPE. THE END OF TIME ITSELF SHUFFLEBOARD TONIGHT. MOVIE NIGHT, FRIDAYS

and i'd like to get this one 4 votes since people liked it:

CC 292: at the funeral by mandingo 8-15-05

i can't believe Kratz is dead. he was the finest man i've ever known. a poor German immigrant, he pulled himself up by the bootstraps, emassing millions from shoving people up his ass remember that time he shoved the president up his ass? the vice president said, 'keep him there. i'm president now!' jokingly of course. but Kratz plopped him back out, giving his signature handshake oh my! that young lady just shoved Kratz's dead body up her ass! look at that form! it's perfect! and there she goes, plopping him back into the coffin! perfect! young lady! you honor Kratz today! who are you?? i'm the heiress to Kratz!

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what if nigger meant kite

mandingo, you are a genius who will die before his time.

P.S. If you're still alive when you read this, I'm sorry about lacing your food with cyanide and rat feces.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

omg dying

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what if nigger meant kite

I don't even remember making this, I tried a redux but the test audiences hated it:

frosty knickers by KajunFirefly 6-21-04

Recently studies have shown that 80% of women cheat on their husbands with co-workers... ...scientists say most cannot help giving into their sexual desires. So when the fuck is your clam going to thaw out then?

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Dad was flammable

You Know You Suck When...

... the only American less popular than you is Michael Jackson...

by HCRoyall, 9-07-05

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

I am Jack's skill with robotic machines. by Ekirh 9-06-05

PREPARE FOR COR. . . Don't you even start with that. As your creator I demand you put an end to it now. WHA! YOU CREATE ME!!!! Yep I admit it, I'm responsible . . . I made you for good. . . but you've used your powers for evil! Ummm, how can cornholing be used for good. Okay I lied, I created you to be an ass violating in joke. I just say I created you for good so I can actually sleep at night

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Smart-ass comments don't foil arrests. by jamesoak127 9-06-05

I'm arresting you under suspicion of the rape and murder of Theresa Green... Rape is such a harsh term for it... I prefer "surprise sex". ... Get in the fucking car.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Cowboy Power Rangers by HCRoyall 9-09-05

...so then I said "Those rotor turbines aren't going to generate gravitons by themselves!" Ha ha! And then we combined our Zords to defeat the Megalex and saved the Earth once again. What the fuck are you talking about?

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

This is my legacy

The Wiley Adventures of Dogonball and Master TheClown by RedfeatheR 9-09-05

Dogonball and TehClown aren't talking to one another... TehClown wants to knock Dogonball OFF his ball and Dogonball wants food... They will not talk to one another so it is a sad day. Sad for everyone who loves their normal playful banter... At this point TehClown soils himself. Dogonball won't figure out for another minute or so.... .....This seems to be the extent of TehClown's plan to knock Dogonball off his ball. Poor Dogonball

[i]And when all things are said and done,
We return to the simple pun.

-- W. Shakespeare[/i]

Blend Ambition by kaufman 9-09-05

Ok, Barbie. Time for you to go for a spin. WAAAAAAH! Mommy, Jimmy put my Barbie in the blender! I'll go have a talk with him. How many times have I told you, you can not under any circumstances act with malicious motivations? But Mom, I didn't harbor any evil thoughts whatsoever. Honestly, my intentions were puree.

Children at Pele by kaufman 9-09-05

Well, it's been nice meeting you. Do you have children? My Bobby hopes to join the Navy and Julie has her heart set on med school. We have three children. As for career aspirations, they all want to be Greek philosophers when they grow up. So, how was your day? Not too bad. I met our new next-door neighbor. Really? What's she like? Oh, you know. Typical Socr mom, I guess.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for your damnable puns!

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Butch and Rennaissance Fairs by HCRoyall 9-09-05

My sister's going to some Ren fair and she's dragging me along. You wanna come? Can't. I'm banned from Ren fairs across the country. Apparently it still counts as regicide even if they're playacting.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Bad News Gone Worse by HCRoyall 9-10-05

So what's it say? Blue stripe is positive and red is negative, right? Yeah. So what does it mean if it's a neon green pentagram and smoking slightly? It means the kid'll take after your side of the family.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Why are you so cold to me?

Why can't you see the world as it is instead of in a stark contrast of black and white?!

by HCRoyall, 9-12-05

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Deaf Sara VII by RedfeatheR 9-09-05

ohno I SAaaaAAID,... "But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks? It is the EAST, and Juliet is the SUN" uuhh WINE? WINE!? YOU DRUNKEN BITCH, JUST SAY THE LINE!!!

Live from New Orleans - Comic #200 by RedfeatheR 9-06-05

We take you now live to New Orleans for a up close and personal update from Stone... Stone? Thank you, Tom The scene is that of chaos and mayham. This city ripped to shreads... people raping, looting and killing... The only place these people can find solice is in Houston. The Texans have helped these people find and regain the pride they have been without for a long while. Live from New Orleans at the Super Bowl Houston - 3, New Orleans 28

Varg and Nergal, the original odd couple by RedfeatheR 9-08-05

I, Varg Vikernes, of church burning, murderous, black metal fame, am the most EVIL of all! No way! I Nergal, Sumerian god of plague, am the most EVIL of all!!! Hey boys. I'm Paris Hilton. Hey Paris. I'm jacking off under my pants. VARG!!! STOP BEING SELFISH AND FONDLE MY BLUE-VEINED JUNKET PUMPING DINGDINGS AS WELL!!!

This guy is an absolute newb

The man who had the chicks. by MCMark 9-11-05

The new guys cute. I know. He's so hot. I like him a lot. Who me. No me you have aids you stupid British moron.

What can I say? Saying someone has AIDS as an insult is hilarious to me

-- red

Anyone else have a dad with early 60s Popular Mechanics laying around? They had some great sexist/soft porn bits in them. Just lovely stuff.

Popular Mechanics by Spankling 9-12-05

Tammi Toolbelt says: Put some air in your tires, guys! It makes them big and puffy! Tee Hee!! That's right Tammi. It also helps your tire's tread grip the road. And it cuts down on ware and tear. Ouch! That's right Tammi. Just like a good lube, 'eh girl! Tee Hee! That's right! Tammi, leave that schmoo and bring your pneumatic hardware over to my place!

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet