FTC #9: Why your wife doesn't give it up for that week by LoveRocket 11-18-03

God, are you there? Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day. But I have a very important question I need to ask of you. Alright, what is it? Since I use tampons instead of pads, does that mean I'm not a virgin anymore? Everything was created in my image right? *wink* A guy has gotta get some from time to time. You're as much of a virgin as the Pope is a jew

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If at first you fail, your doing something wrong

Ok, I fixed my background (silly option in Netscape 7.1 that I had set telling it to not allow backgrounds.)

FTC #9: How God cheers himself up. by DontKnow 11-18-03

God, are you there? Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day. But I have a very important question I need to ask of you. Alright, what is it? Can I have a sister? Sure! Your mom would be just the thing to cheer me up.

And another entry

FTC #9: Background by DontKnow 11-18-03

God, are you there? Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day. But I have a very important question I need to ask of you. Alright, what is it? But, it had better not be asking about the green sky. Why is the sky green?

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Contrary to popular belief, UNIX is user friendly. It just happens to be selective about who it makes friends with.

I hope there's no limit to how many entries you can have, because they can't ALL be gems, can they?

FTC #9: Por favor, el Papá, no llora. by MikeyG 11-19-03

God, are you there? Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day. But I have a very important question I need to ask of you. Alright, what is it? Why does Daddy drink? Because you cry. NEXT!

FTC #9: And people wonder why our kids are fucked up... by MikeyG 11-19-03

God, are you there? Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day. But I have a very important question I need to ask of you. Alright, what is it? Why did you take Grandma away from us? Because YOU didn't love her enough, m'kay?

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

COMICS!.....we got comics over here.

Holy Flame Wars by smamurai 11-19-03

God, are you there? Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day. But I have a very important question I need to ask of you. Alright, what is it? Taking into consideration both the hardware and the software availible for both systems, which is better, X-Box or PS2? I got two words for you little girl - Warcraft III on the PC

God's Going Ex-Directory by smamurai 11-19-03

God, are you there? Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day. But I have a very important question I need to ask of you. Alright, what is it? I prayed to you when I was 4 but I forgot to say "amen", do you care? Jesus that was you? It's like not hangin up a phone or sumthin. For 5 years people have been trying to pray to me, but all I get is the sound of you breathing or talkin shit with your friends.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

I like that last one, smamurai.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

The other 59 are an exercise for the interested reader by kaufman 11-19-03

God, are you there? Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day. But I have a very important question I need to ask of you. Alright, what is it? First of all, have you ever made a comic?... See for yourself: http://www.stripcreator.com/view.php?author=god

For Entertainment Purposes Only by kaufman 11-19-03

God, are you there? Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day. But I have a very important question I need to ask of you. Alright, what is it? The Patriots are giving 5 1/2 points this Sunday at Houston. Which side should I take? Forget the spread! You want a sure thing? Go with the Over!

In search of background knowledge by kaufman 11-19-03

God, are you there? Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day. But I have a very important question I need to ask of you. Alright, what is it? How hard are you going to smite those folks who don't know the difference between "grassy" and "field?" Kid, let's just say niteowl is my vessel.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Hehe... I can't talk. I made that mistake too.

Of course, I noticed it just before I submitted my entries, re-made all three of them, and used that handy dandy donor feature, "Delete Comics".

Then I kept saying to myself, "Glad I wasn't the only one..."

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This is not my empire.

FTC#9: A young Gene Simmons... 's sister! by UnknownEric 11-19-03

God, are you there? Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day. But I have a very important question I need to ask of you. Alright, what is it? Did you give rock and roll to us? I gave rock and roh-oll to EVERYONE!

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I has a flavor!

FTC#9: The Question That Cannot Be Answered by UnknownEric 11-19-03

God, are you there? Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day. But I have a very important question I need to ask of you. Alright, what is it? When you say you created everybody in your image, does that include Anna Nicole?

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I has a flavor!

Good question. I don't have to duplicate 3 whole comic scripts do I?

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

FTC 9: Fun with breaking the rules by SinatraFonzarelli2 11-19-03

God, are you there? Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day. But I have a very important question I need to ask of you. Alright, what is it? Meanwhile, somewhere else GO TO HELL YOU GOD FORSAKEN ZOMBIE! ...braiiins...!

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I LICKED HORSERADISH SAUCE OFF HITLER'S MUSTACHE! Also the Wolfman.

quote:

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In search of background knowledge by kaufman 11-19-03

God, are you there? Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day. But I have a very important question I need to ask of you. Alright, what is it? How hard are you going to smite those folks who don't know the difference between "grassy" and "field?" Kid, let's just say niteowl is my vessel.

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FTC #9: God always keeps his word. by tau926 11-19-03

God, are you there? Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day. But I have a very important question I need to ask of you. Alright, what is it? Do you really kill a kitten everytime someone masturbates? Why do you think I gave cats nine lives? They almost went extinct.

... by ObiJo 11-19-03

God, are you there? Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day. But I have a very important question I need to ask of you. Alright, what is it? Is reality dependent upon perception or is that just a self-centered view we purport to keep from accepting that reality is independent of species human? REALITY?? Yikes kid, hasn't anyone told you? This isn't reality - it's a holodeck scenario programmed in by ensign Michael Jackson.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

FTC: If mAAk were god by Ewwwww 11-19-03

God, are you there? Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day. But I have a very important question I need to ask of you. Alright, what is it? ...You go to hell! You go to hell and you die! Oh no I am dead :l

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"No obscene images." I guess I'll just have to settle for saying cocksucker a lot.

FTC: The Question that musn't be asked by mmyers 11-20-03

God, are you there? Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day. But I have a very important question I need to ask you. Alright, what is it? What do you clean a lint brush with? Allright God, think. There has got to be an answer to this.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

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Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

Alright guys and gals...you've got about an hour or so before the judging. So get those last strips in now!

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

I almost hope I never win another FTC again, because this took a long time to judge...mainly because the comics were oh so good. Anyways....here goes.

The Truth Award - This would really happen

Goes to: tau926

For the Comic: 191672

No Political Awards given, for there were no political comics.

Funniest Comic to Nerds

Goes to: TheGovernor

For the Comic: 191409

Most Sexual

Goes to: Inflatable_Man

For the Comic: 191226

Most Ironic - I found this ironic after seeing tau926's comic about kittens and masturbating.

Goes to: EvilZak

For the Comic: 191729

Best Pun - We should just rename this the Kaufman award.

Goes to: kaufman

For the Comic: 191193

Funniest Politically Correct

Goes to: Matchbook_Romance

For the Comic: 190972

Funniest Politically Incorrect

Goes to: Inflatable_Man

For the Comic: 191226

Most Obscure - I was scratching my head over this one.

Goes to: boinky33

For the Comic: 191106

The Tobor Award - For funniest Inside Joke

Goes to: boinky33

For the Comic: 191105

Best Title

Goes to: mmyers

For the Comic: 191414

Most Similar

Goes to: MikeyG - 191677

And boinky33 - 191106

Rule Breaker (The only one to break the rules.)

Goes to: SinatraFonzarelli2

For the Comic: 191902

Silver Award of Excellence

Goes to: UnknownEric

For the Comic: 191883

Psychic Award

Goes to: no one...not surprising since this FTC so many different questions that could've been asked.

My comic was: 192167

Bonus Award

Goes to: kaufman

Yeah I know there was no bonus question, but still...For making this comic regarding the grassy/field backgrounds: 191867

Creativity Award

Goes to: flickguy

For the Comic: 190999

Zinger Award (And the next host of FTC)

Goes to: ObiJo

For the Comic: 191576

2 contests I've hosted, and ObiJo has won them both...God getting a monster wedgie from Satan is so absurd, yet so funny.

Congrats Obi...#10 is all yours.

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

Good show niteowl! Thanks for the award and see you in FTC #10!

Thanks for a good contest, niteowl. I'll post a new one in the next couple hours.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

I must agree with niteowl's choice for Zinger. That one had me laughing so hard I thought I'd choke on my M&M's...

(And thanks for the award... I feel vindicated.)

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This is not my empire.

I am most sexy in my political incorrectness. Uh, I mean good contest. :)

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Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

Definately a worthy winner, I loved the wedgie strip.
I laughed, I cried, I laughed and I cried.

Although if I may say a cool title for it would have been 'God Should'a Checked His Ouija Board'

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

When I wrote it I didn't even think it was all that funny, which once again proves DexX's old-school multi-consonant rule which basically states, "You're the worst judge of your own stuff."

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.