ZS 20: Brigham's Army by habnem 2-04-04

Anything interesting in the newspaper? Apparently the world's squirrel population has obtained sentience. Golly, that's weird. Even weirder is that apparently their psychological makeup makes them perfect members of the Mormon church. That might explain why I was bumrushed by a squirrel posse opening the front door. Yeah. They haven't learned to use bicycles yet.

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- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

ZS #21: Litters of Fun by israphael 2-04-04

You got to see what I just did! I accidently spilled cat DNA into a human cell line and created a hybrid! That's amazing! Meow. They do everything a normal cat does. Lick themselves clean. Chase furry mice. Sleep in the sun. Cough up furballs. Even weirder is that apparently their psychological makeup makes them perfect members of the Mormon church. So they wouldn't be opposed to... say... polygamous marriage?

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

ZS #22: Womens! by DragonXero 2-04-04

I just found a club for bisexual girls that doesn't have ANY guys in it! Really? They all like guys though, right? Of course, and they aren't too picky either. So they wouldn't be opposed to... say... polygamous marriage? Marriage? What are you, gay? Now, that's a funny story.. you see...

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

ZS 23: Upclose and Personal by israphael 2-07-04

OK! OK! Quit your pissing and moaning! I'll take a look at it. Finally! Some time later. Damn! That's the worst case of butt rash I've ever seen. It must itch like hell. How did you get it? Now, that's a funny story.. you see... Some more time later. I understand about the poison ivy, the nude nun, and thousand clowns... but explain about the nacroleptic llama again. First start smearing that stuff all over my ass.

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

ZS 24: Bigger Fish to Fry by habnem 2-13-04

I understand about the poison ivy, the nude nun, and thousand clowns... but explain about the narcoleptic llama again. I always thought a life in academia would be rewarding. "What a great chance to use my Masters degree in Film," I thought. Professor, are you with me? I shoulda figured I'd get stuck teaching "Tim Burton 101."

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- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

ZS 25: Professor Clappy by MikeyG 2-16-04

Prof, how does giving vague, indirect answers and the program suddenly faulting help us learn the program? Would you like to ACCESS THE HELP MENU or know HOW TO CLOSE THE PROGRAM? I just want to format my paragraph, dammit! Would you like to ADD PARAGRAPH TAGS TO THE DOCUMENT or do you want to FORMAT THE TAB STOPS? I always thought a life in academia would be rewarding. The program has faulted. Please contact MicroShaft customer assistance at 1-888-GYPPED-U

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

FINALLY I MADE ANOTHER ONE.

ahaha I almost forgot!

ZS 26 BABY: ALLLRIGHHHH, GIGGIDY GIGGIDY. by KaddarComps 4-24-04

Would you like to ACCESS THE HELP MENU or know HOW TO CLOSE THE PROGRAM? Uh... the... help menu. Would you like to DATE ME FIRST or TAKE ME TO YOUR PLACE or GO TO MY PARENTS HOUSE uh... take you to my place? We go to YOUR PLACE. There is a large lamp on the wall, you see the stairs and a kitchen with food left out on the table from your lunch. Exits are NORTH, SOUTH, EAST, and DENNIS I hate cybering with nerds.

> Get ye laid.

> You can't get ye laid.

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Poop.

ahahahahahahah

ZS 27: Help by KaddarComps 5-04-04

And where does your program crash? Uh... the... help menu. Load the help menu to read the section on how to prevent crashes. And that's when I realized I had the superpower to reach through phone lines and strangle people.

ZS 28: Keeping Kosher by Shadow_Artist 5-05-04

Phone call for you, Jesus. It's Judas - he says he wants to apologise. And that's when I realized I had the superpower to reach through phone lines and strangle people. Jesus! Come away from that pig! Sorry mother...

I hope I haven't made continuing the Zing too difficult.

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Carry the battle to them. Don't let them bring it to you. Put them on the defensive. And don't ever apologize for anything. - Harry S Truman, 33rd president of US (1884 - 1972)

ZS 29: Don't you hate it when that happens? by lukket 5-07-04

Welcome to "Suzie's Swingers Club". Step in and remove your clothes, please. I love this place. Nobody jokes about my weight in the black room. Yummy... you are well-equipped! Oh... Hng... you suck it so well Bryan? Is that you? Sorry mother...

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troelsea at gmail dot com

ZS 30: A day in the life of MikeyG by MikeyG 5-19-04

Dude, I hear you're gay. What? Where'd you get that idea from? I heard you meet some gay guy named Bryan here in the forest after dark for gay sex. What? I don't even know anyone named Bryan! Later... Psssst! Hey! Bryan? Is that you?

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

ZS 31: Tit For Tat by biped 5-19-04

Psssst! Hey! Huh? Wanna see some porn? I'll unscramble it for you. Sure! But what do I have to do in return? Stick the remote control up your ass.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

boy, that sig's still demonic...

ZS 32: Aggressive Advertising by habnem 5-19-04

Stick the remote control up your ass. Say what? We'll be right back with another episode of "Men Behaving Badly: The New Class." Oh. Geez. When did they stop saying "Stay tuned?"

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- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

ZS 33: I double dare you... by lukket 6-20-04

Describe what Marcellus Wallace looks like! What, I-? Say "what" again. SAY "WHAT" AGAIN. I dare you, I double dare you, motherfucker. Say "what" one more goddamn time. Say what? Oh, I'm sorry. Did I break your concentration? Hnng!

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troelsea at gmail dot com