Love it, love it, love it.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

I know this was an obvious one, I just hope I pulled it off.

Music Super(star)Market: Industrial Invertebrates by MikeyG 4-28-04

Hey, Frenchies! Want to hear about a new product? We've got a brand product from the dark recesses of French cuisine. I'm Trent Reznor, here with Danny Lohner to speak to your soul of the pain of not having this new product. All you French people and Francophiles harken to our message. We wearliy bring you this achievement from the bottoms of our black souls. Perfect for Escargot, taste the deep inner solace that is Nine Inch Snailsâ„¢. You and God Money can now feed, as well as go dancing on, the backs of the bruised.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Music Super(star)Market - Cream of the Crop by niteowl 4-28-04

Hi, I'm Eric Clapton for Hostess. Hostess cakes have that wonderful CREAM filling that everybody loves. Forget about the coffee, a package of Cup Cakes in the morning is just the thing to make you feel free. So crank those Disraeli Gears down to the store after you've picked up your Strange Brew and get some Twinkies, Ho-Ho's and Suzy-Q's today! Best part is, they all have a shelf life of 3 years. Cut. Great job, Eric. Thanks, mate. Anyone for Tennis?

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

She don't lie, she don't lie. Twinkies.

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Poop.

After reading that, I swlabred all over myself.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

mmyers, thanks for the praise. Check out my SC Battle Royal entries. They feature yor avatar.

I'll call you a genius now, genius.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

I hope that's a good thing, KK.

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

Music Super(star)Market - Candy is Dandy by MikeyG 5-04-04

Hey y'all. Yo me llamo Hennifer Lopez. I am coming to you from the sunny coast of Cancu...I mean the Bronx. See, My Love Don't Cost a Thing, but this will. I bring you the new Jennifer LoPezâ„¢ Dispenser. Every time a Pezâ„¢ pops out, so does a crappy song.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

In keeping with the candy theme, and inspired by umfum's Damn Yankees comic...

Music Super(Star) Market: Pixie Styx by niteowl 5-05-04

Hi, I'm Tommy Shaw. Do you remember the days of yesteryear, when life was carefree... ...sitting on the front porch steps on a hot summer day with baseball glove in hand, and cards in the spokes of your bike... ...remember the excitement of tearing open that paper straw and pouring that pure colored sugar goodness down your throat? Relive those days with the all-new Pixie Styxâ„¢! They'll rot your teeth just as fast as the original, and the new Pixie Styx are just as sugary as our 1979 hit, "Babe"! In fact...the new Pixie Styx are so sweet, you'll make those same faces that I did when I first heard that song!

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

I suppose it might help if I posted said comic:

Music Super(Star) Market: The Musical Fruit? by umfumdisi 5-04-04

I'm the "Motor City Madman" Ted Nugent. Back in the early 90s I formed a supergroup with Tommy Shaw and Jack Blades. We were the Damn Yankees. These days I'm a crazy sonovabitch with my own reality series and a Super New Product--DAMN YANKEE BEANS. Go get some today. NOW! NOW! NOW! Mommy, Mommy, I want some Damn Yankee Beans. Great, now I have to put a block on the Food Network.

and this one...

Music Super(Star) Market: Specials In The Meat Department by umfumdisi 5-04-04

Hi, I'm Johnny. What can I do for you today? First, I want you to produce two thick cuts of Burnett's T_Bones. Next, I think five pounds of Ground Chuck Berry will be good, Johnny. Finally, for my brother George, please add some fresh Chopped Liverace.

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

more free samples...

Music Super(Star)market: Too Cold by umfumdisi 5-11-04

Alright, stop! Pasteurize and glisten. Ice is back with a brand new invention. Vanilla, grabs ahold of my taste buds, it's even better than Idaho spuds! Vanilla Ice, Ice Cream--too cold, too cold. To the ice cream, I grab the scoop handle, add it to cake and put on a candle! Rush, into the room I spring, and make everyone join in as I sing... Happy, Happy Birthday, baby--too cold, too cold. Will I ever stop? Yo, probably so. After all it's already two thousand and fo'. 15 minutes, minutes, baby--too cold, too cold.

Music Super(Star)market: Watch It Wiggle? by umfumdisi 5-11-04

In my Brutal Youth, When I Was Cruel, I ate only Blood & Chocolate. Later, I was Mighty Like A Rose and felt like the King Of America. Alas, I proved to be merely This Year's Model. I didn't know what to do with All This Useless Beauty inside. Rather than remaining Almost Blue, I decided to Get Happy!! I sold my name so that I'd no longer have to Punch The Clock. Yes, I've sold out. Next time you see me, I'll be ELVIS COSJELL-O. And this week when you buy three boxes of me, you get a free package of Anne Sofie Von Otter Pops.

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

You forgot to make Vanilla Ice say "Word to your mother!"

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Poop.

That's because I'd forgotten that he'd ever said that.

"Rollin', in my 5-point-0." --Vanilla Ice (Robbie Van Winkle)

"Five-O said, "Freeze!" And I got numb." --Chuck D (Carlton Ridenhour)

"My pockets so empty I can feel my testicles
because I spent all my money on some plastic African necklaces."
--Disposable Heroes Of Hiphoprisy (Michael Franti and Rono Tse)

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

stop me before i strip again...

Music Super(Star)market: Varied And Sundry by umfumdisi 5-11-04

Overheard in the Fresh Fish Villa: Hey, have you seen THELONIOUS around? No, not since last week's sale on MONKfish! In the Vegetarian aisle: Tired of tasty steaks, tangy chicken, and tempting pork dishes? Get some TO-FOO FIGHTERS brand Tofu today. It's Grohl-licious! Under a boat somewhere: Hungry Like The Wolf for the next Big Thing in candy? Then you must crunch my SIMON LEBON-BONs now.

Music Super(Star)market: Regulate! by umfumdisi 5-11-04

Laverne? Yes, Shirley? I hate to bring this up, but I've been constipated for seven days. Sounds like you need something gentle and relaxing to regulate your fecal cycle. Okay, do you have anything like that? Sure, you can borrow one of my new laxative suppositories. Just put one ENYA.

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

Music Super (star) Market: Steve Miller Genuine draft by mmyers 5-12-04

Hey man, I'm Steve Miller. Sure, I'm a joker, I'm a smoker, I'm a midnight toker, but sometimes I just want to get drunk. That's why I made Steve Miller Genuine draft. It's got that rich full flavor of my hits JetAirliner and Jungle Love. I also have Steve Miller Lite, for those folks who just want something smooth like Fly like an Eagle or The Joker. So throw some Steve Miller in the fridge and throw some Steve Miller on the jukebox, and Abracadabra, it's a Miller night. Buy SMGD, so I can take the money and run.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

Music Super(star) Market: CreedWeed by MikeyG 8-19-04

Hi, I'm Scott Stapp! Hi, I'm some other guy from Creed! When we're not busy sounding like a retarded Pearl Jam and sucking tankerloads of ass, we like to relax and smoke a bowlfull of CreedWeedâ„¢! But we're not Pearl Jam! ***(actual Pearl Jam lyrics) CreedWeedâ„¢ may not get you high, or taste good, or even look like the real thing, but that's okay man, cuz we love God!*** Yeah, God rules.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Music Super(star) market: Ashlee Simpson by mmyers 11-11-04

*presses play on VCR* "Hi, I'm Ashlee Simpson and this is a prerecorded message." "You know, there is nothing more important to me than saving my voice. It's my instrument. That's why I always use 'Ashlee Simpson's medicated throat lozenges'." "You can phone in a lot of things, but one thing you can't phone in is your voice. Ashlee Simpson's throat lozenges: Save your voice!"

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

I grok that, man by CHUBBY 10-24-04

An REE bu SLAAB fu mah LLAAH bu SHUH. Muni GAR si BRAAR flu MOOnah. This has been side one of the audiobook CHRONICLES by Bob Dylan. Please turn the cassette over to play side two. Ini la BLEE sa beh SNEE ga ba DOOba.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

Music Super (star) Market: The Fabulous Bacon Boys by CHUBBY 11-11-04

I'm Kevin Bacon. I'm Kevin Bacon's brother. We're the Bacon Brothers. Our musical career isn't going as well as we had hoped so we started speculating in porkbelly futures. Please try our new product, Kevin's Bacon. Now available in six degrees of heat.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

Music Super(star) Market - Starring Scott Stapp! by MikeyG 11-11-04

Hi, I'm totally Scott Stapp or something. Buy CreedSpeedâ„¢. It's actually real Speed. Yay God.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Three singles and a medley:

Music Super(star) Market: Welcome To The Market by umfumdisi 11-11-04

~\ "Welcome to the Market, we got food and games, we got everything you want, even if you don't know the names... Welcome to the Market, baby, you're gonna BUY!" /~ Dude, you don't look like him, but you sound just like Axl Rose! Axl Rose Hips are in Aisle 10--Health Food. Heh, I bet you guys really "Slash" your Health Food prices, huh? No, our Health Food is very expensive. We do have good prices on Puns 'N' Roses in the Floral Comedy Dept. Rock on.

Music Super(star) Market: Me Want Cookie? by umfumdisi 11-11-04

Hey, man, you want to try one of these new cookies? Sure, thanks. *Chew, Chew* What are they called? I'll give you a hint, the first part sort of sounds like the first name you think of when someone says, "Round, creme-filled, chocolate cookie." *Chew, Chew* The name sounds like Hydrox? No, dummy, they're called REO Speedwagon Wheels! What do you think? *Chew, Chew* Tastes like Kevin Cronin.

Music Super(star) Market: Stockboy, VIP by umfumdisi 11-11-04

Pardon me, sonny, do you work here? I'll say, "Yes." Do you have any Red Hot Chili Peppers? Yeah, but no one's bought any since, like, 1999. Hmmm. Maybe you could help me find some fresh Eels, then? Sure, acoustic or electric?

Music Super(star) Market: Three Rejected Products by umfumdisi 11-12-04

Okay, Bernie, help me finish my thought here. "Elton's John Cleaner: Brightens and Whitens your W.C. Cleans your bowl better than... my tongue? "Honey's Honey: Snatch up one of these little pink boxes of joy and let my sweet, syrupy juice flow all down your"--Jesus Christ, Mariah, who wrote this horrible ad copy!?! I did. Maybe we could separate the words instead of spelling it all together... I'm sorry, but I just don't think the Kool-Aid people are going to go for the idea of "Kool & The GanGrape Punch."

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

The last one was genius.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

Thanks. I think that one has become my new favorite comic of mine.

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

"Kool & the GanGrape Punch" is a brilliant, genius line. You son of a bitch!

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.