quote:

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quote:

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2) avidly collects Lemonheads (the band) CDs and records

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I pretty much assumed that. Does that count?

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Ok, so it's your middle name that's "NooniePooBunny." What are your other names?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Only ten?

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Ask me about the Witness Protection Program.

1) My favourite food is perogies.
2) I've never learned to drive standard transmission cars.
3) I'm a good hugger + kisser.
4) I am naturally blond, but no one else in my family is.
5) My favourite movie is Empire Records
6) I have never been in a fist fight, but I've always wanted to be.
7) I prefer to get stoned than to get drunk. Hangovers are a bitch.
8) I laugh at inopportune times really loudly, completely not on purpose.
9) I watched the movie Gremlins when I was 5 years old and had the worst nightmare of my life. I have yet to see it again since.
10) Longest relationship I've ever been in lasted 2 weeks.

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Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist.

[list=1][*]Haven't been admitted to a hospital since I was smuggled in in my mother's womb, and never have, to my knowledge, broken a bone.
[*]Went on the radio in the nude.
[*]Am about the same on those occasions whrn I get drunk, only more so.
[*]My first car was eating a can of oil a day before finally dying on the Connecticut Turnpike.
[*]No close relatives have hair this color.
[*]Frustrated musician -- perfect ear, but unable to play anything.
[*]Of my first 2000 comics, 694 were truly original ideas.
[*]Just made up the above factoid, but it's probably ballpark.
[*]Have had a god of bad luck in a D&D campaign named after me. If you saw me in a casino, you'd probably know why.
[*]Apparently devoid of useful skills, and unlimited in useless knowledge.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

You forgot a few things, kaufman:

11.) A brilliantly intelligent, seemingly caring individual
12.) A sense of humor that can range from the lofty and absurd to the dirty and pointed.
13.) For all intensive purposes, a hell of a nice guy.

I'm sure there are a few people who don't get you or don't find you funny, but you really never impugn anyone and almost always offer constructive advice.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Those were things you didn't know about me.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Oh please, who hasn't?

I know. I was the worm in that last bottle of Mezcal you drank.

Did I mention I'm also your son/uncle/sister?

That one you've already told me. I knew SOME of them!

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

What the hell.

[list=1]
[*] I'm underemployed and my job sucks.
[*] I'm currently learning to play bagpipes and dance the tango.
[*] (Not at the same time; maybe later.)
[*] I was only once the last man a woman dated before becoming a lesbian. (She became one, not me.)
[*] I'm Jewish, and I think the attention given to Channukka (and kwanzaa and "solstice") at Christmastime is rediculous.
[*] I can play the Jew's harp better than you can.
[*] My parents keep the creamated remains of my dog in the cabinet where we used to keep her food because they're sure that's where she'd be happiest.
[*] I enjoy eating wierd food. I've eaten: pig snout (on its own, not just in a hot dog), ostrich, whale, dog, locusts, bee larvae, squid jerky, squid eyeballs, live squid, live lobster, live clams, horse, musk ox, chicken feet, sea cucumbers, crab brains, and stuff I'm sure I'll think of as soon as I hit "save."
[*] I've never slept with a white girl.
[*] I collect potential band names from snippets of conversations taken out of context, such as "The Fudgey Muffins" and "Assrape College"
[/list]

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"Old" is the old new.

1. I don't drink and never plan to
2. I collect Pez dispensers
3. Once I went two months without taking a shit
4. I HATE children so much
5. I change my pants once a week or longer
6. I really hate it when people quote from tv and movies
7. After I cut my toe nails, I like to chew on them for long periods of a time
8. I had to do things twice (like turn on a light or say things) as a child or I would feel very uncomfortable
9. I swung my cat by the tail a few times when I was young
10. I killed a mouse as a child and I'm still sad about it

ditto

ditto

ditto

quote:

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8. I enjoy eating weird food. I've eaten: pig snout (on its own, not just in a hot dog), ostrich, whale, dog, locusts, bee larvae, squid jerky, squid eyeballs, live squid, live lobster, live clams, horse, musk ox, chicken feet, sea cucumbers, crab brains, and stuff I'm sure I'll think of as soon as I hit "save."

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10 more. Just for the hell of it.

1. The song "Everything" by Lifehouse makes me cry.
2. I have a physical addiction to Werther's Chocolates.
3. Dr. Pepper is the best carbonated drink ever.
4. I'm still mad that Red Fusion was discontinued.
5. I wish I didn't have such large breasts.
6. When I was 17 and working at my first job, a coworker gave me speed because I was falling asleep from a late night shift. I didn't realize it until I was 24.
7. I'm completely, madly in love with Batman.
8. I collect Barbies.
9. I haven't had sex in 4 years.
10. I've been struck by lightning.

All you need is the J-man (me)

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possible savior probable SEX MACHINE

quote:

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9. My least favorite word is "vestibule."
10. Lesbians displease me.

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Mr. Ramone informed me that his lawyer will be contacting you shortly due to privacy issues.

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“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)

1) I have a tendency to try to parent everyone I meet.

2) I'm the most honest person you'll ever meet.

3) I should just go ahead and be a vegetarian, since I don't really care for meat.

4) My great-grandparents (whom I never did meet) died on the Titanic at ages 47 and 50 (I only recently discovered this fact.)

5) If we get into an argument, I'll be happy to meet you halfway. Or at least agree to disagree.

6) There is a lot more to me than meets the eye.

7) I never have enough money to meet my expenses.

8) It seems not meet, nor wholesome to my place (nor to Shakespeare's.)

9) Bunner, meet me in the whirlpool tonight! ;)

10) Meet me in St. Louis... I've never been to Missouri.

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“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)

I lead a pretty sheltered life. I don't think there's anything about me that everybody here doesn't already know or THINK that they know, even if they don't, so... Your assumptions about me, whether accurate or inaccurate, are probably a lot more interesting than the facts.

Why screw that up?

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

Well nobody here knows anything about me but I'll play along (honestly this time)

1) I've stopped breathing on two occasions after drinking too much, one of which resulted in my being hospitalised

2) I had four stays in hospital in less than 12 months (none of which were the above)

3) The last two women I was involved with are 19 years apart in age

4) I write a lot of stuff but never show anyone, instead I make up fake shit for people to read

5) I always wanted to make my own comics

6) Been trying to teach myself to play guitar for as long as I can remember but never stick at it and only know about 4 chords

7) I cannot put on weight no matter what I eat

8) Once smoked a packet of cigarettes to help my friend quit (I'm a non-smoker)

9) I don't drive because I'm shit-scared I'll kill someone

10) Don't really care for sex all that much but people always assume I'm some kind of sex fiend from the things I joke about

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"If you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in your family"

Oh yeah, little_kitty, trust me, fist fights aren't all they're cracked up to be. At least one of the people involved ends up hurt.

Now a bar room brawl! That's something I've always wanted in on!

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"If you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in your family"

I hate you.

1- "I'm Batman."
2- I am MC.
3- I am a genius.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

Where's the other seven?

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

4-i like how good my list is
5-i wish i could have list like umfum's
6-i eat all day
7-i want to do it with everyone
8-i am like the hulk but not green
9-i own every copy of hammer's "please hammer don't hurt em" ever made.
10-i'm never gonna update this list

man i hope someone gets that.

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Batman created by Bob Kane