Zen and the Art of Movie Watching by kaufman 3-09-05

That was a very good movie. I must show my appreciation. What is the sound of one hand clapping? Ah, I am enlightened.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Kaufman, you fucking genius.

/me applauds with one hand

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

I believe this question was pre-answered here:

I have also been known to clap at the end of movies. At the end of Once Upon A Time In China my appreciation was shown by standing on my seat, screaming while kung-fu fighting my friends around me. If my choice of post-movie behavior is encroaching upon your need for silent credit reading then get bent. when you go out in public you may be forced into some form of interaction with other people. If that's a problem for you, as I said. Get bent.

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-=- You eat one lousy foot and they call you a cannibal. What a world. -=-

Hee hee. Yes, crowd reactions, including applause, keep me going to the cineplex. I like being part of that. Those who don't can get a home theatre system.

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What others say about boorite!

Crowd REACTION is different. I'll almost always have a quick conversation with the people I weave through on the way out of the movie about it, sometimes conversations that last far longer than that. Gasps and what not are natural, but clapping should be reserved for a fucking LIVE show that the actors can appreciate! Hell, at a movie screening where the director and/or actors or whatever are in the audience, that might be appropriate so they can take a bow.

Clapping? When you're in traffic for long periods of time and it finally clears up, do you clap? No? Well, that's probably more appropriate than in a fucking movie theater. Hooray for meaningless acts of enthusiasm.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

No different. After a lifetime of training that applause=approval of a performance, that reaction is more than likely going to take the form of clapping. I guess people could vocalize their feelings like "Bravo! What a fine motion picture that was! I heartily approve! What say the rest of you? Ya or nay!" But all of that can also be summed up with the aforementioned applause, the universal signal of audience approval.

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-=- You eat one lousy foot and they call you a cannibal. What a world. -=-

The universal sign of audience approval...

For whom to record? For whom does this approval register? If it is for the other members of the audience, is it that important for the rest of the audience to know how much YOU liked the movie? If it is for you, then is clapping really necessary? Is it for the movie producers, who you hope, by word of mouth from projectionist to manager to movie retailer etc., will hear of your applause?

Is it to be a part of some sort of group approval of the movie? Is it so the rest of the group who approves can think you are one of them? Is it so you can lead the others who approve to a mass showing of this approval, thereby somehow making you feel personally responsible for the success of the movie?

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

quote:

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The universal sign of audience approval...

For whom to record? For whom does this approval register? If it is for the other members of the audience, is it that important for the rest of the audience to know how much YOU liked the movie?

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Maybe if YOU shut the fuck up and enjoy the movie in YOUR own way and let US enjoy the movie in OUR own way, we can all enjoy the movie together. I don't know. I didn't invite anyone to the theater but myself, so why do I need criticism from complete strangers on how I feel about a film?

Because you very obviously told these complete strangers by clapping exactly how you feel about the film. If you are going to register to them how you feel about the film, be prepared to hear them register to you how they feel about your feelings.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

No, if I'm going to sit next to asshole with a degree in douchebaggery, I'll expect some commentary. However, if it looks like I'm seated with decent, non-shitheaded human being, I'll expect them to show some form of appreciation at the end of a film.

Consider this situation:

You're at the pub watching your favorite football team playing a fierce rival team. Your team is down by 4 points, it's 4th down and there's about a minute left in the game. Your team decides to punt rather that go for the first down. The guy next to you shouts at the TV "C'mon! what are you crazy!?! There's no time! Go for it!" You, because you understand that there is no way the coach can hear him and affect the game, punch him in the face for his illogical choice of actions.

At this point you are pummeled by your fellow fans for your completely inappropriate actions.

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-=- You eat one lousy foot and they call you a cannibal. What a world. -=-

The-tape.com

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possible savior probable SEX MACHINE

I can honestly say that if you started to clap in any cinema in Glasgow you would suddenly find yourself minus a pair of arms, although you would only need to sit down to perform a hand-stand.

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Dad was flammable

Ridiculous. Nobody shouts or applauds at a TV or movie screen in order to be heard by the persons portrayed thereon. We do it to be part of a group reacting to a spectacle. You people spend too much time alone.

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What others say about boorite!

*Snerks*
Damnit...I should have seen that one coming! :)

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Women are fisher's of men because we all know.... The small ones you throw back. The medium ones you eat. The large ones you mount.

You Yankees can argue amongst yourselves which side of the argument is being the least sociable as you're a nation that prides itself on being loud, obnoxious and abbrasive.

What I'm saying is that in Britain we don't suffer that kind of enthusiatic optimism gladly and anyone who would clap at a screen or cheer without any sense or irony would be considered mentally ill...

or American.

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Dad was flammable

quote:

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What I'm saying is that in Britain we don't suffer that kind of enthusiatic optimism gladly and anyone who would clap at a screen or cheer without any sense or irony would be considered mentally ill...

or American.

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Unless, of course, that screeen has football (soccer) on it. Let me tell you, when there's a Chealsea game on at the pub those Brits do far more than clap and cheer at the screen. And since those games are on at 5am here, it's us neighbors that do the suffering.

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-=- You eat one lousy foot and they call you a cannibal. What a world. -=-

Football is a religion, like Jerry Springer is to you guys.

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Dad was flammable

quote:

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You Yankees can argue amongst yourselves which side of the argument is being the least sociable as you're a nation that prides itself on being loud, obnoxious and abbrasive.

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So it's not "abbrasive" [sic] to tear someone's arms off for applauding a movie.

quote:

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What I'm saying is that in Britain we don't suffer that kind of enthusiatic optimism gladly and anyone who would clap at a screen or cheer without any sense or irony would be considered mentally ill...

or American.

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Irony is dead. You're so fucking hip you don't realize how unhip hipness is. Sad. The British Empire is also dead. Washington calls the shots now. Thus the Brit flair for irony, i.e. reflexively avoiding genuine emotion: Who wants to sit in a pub pissing about how pathetic he and his country have become? So hang on to your moth-eaten imperial irony if it's all you have, but please don't ask us to think it makes you cool.

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What others say about boorite!

I never said it makes us cool, I just said that applauding a cinema screen is moronic. Do you applaud a painting in an art gallery if you like it?

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Dad was flammable

I still think people who are so overcome with emotion that they have to stand up and clap at a movie screen are retards.

Brits, Americans, makes no difference. My point is, what is the purpose of showing gratitude en masse for a movie after it's over? I mean, why not jerk off the guy next to you and have him finger the chick next to him and have her blow the old guy at the end? Why wouldn't an orgy be an appropriate way to show enjoyment of the movie?

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

I see now. You've confused movies and sports with high art. You may even be one of those persons who calls movies "films." The reason we don't stomp and yell at paintings is that they are objects of contemplation. Games and action movies are spectacles. They call for vulgarity.

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What others say about boorite!

I never brought sports into this, I'm guilty of shouting at the TV at referee decisions during LIVE games, although I wouldn't applaud anyone unless I was actually in the stadium.

The point here is that shouting, laughing, gasping etc are all subconscious reactions, they've happened before you know it. Clapping your hands together is something you think about doing, then do it and for what reason? To show everyone else in the cinema that you liked the movie? If it was that good they'll already know. It sounds to me like some kind of need for reassurance that what you just spent two hours watching was actually good. "I thought I liked that, but I'll just see what everyone else does first, they're clapping, it WAS a good film, hooray!".

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Dad was flammable

I wonder what it's like to be so self-conscious that you can't lose yourself in a movie for two hours without worrying about looking like a moron.

I think you've confused clapping with the clap.

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What others say about boorite!

I wonder what it's like to be so self-conscious that you can't lose yourself in a movie for two hours without worrying about looking like a moron.

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I wonder what it's like to be so devoid of self-control that you can't stop slapping your extremities together every time something excites you. Infants do that because they don't have the mental capacity to show their approval in any other way.

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Dad was flammable