CC278: UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH? by JESUSSANDWICH 3-16-05

Say what do you think of the Holocaust? It was terrible all the Jews and poles and gypsy's were killed. And now we have the jews using that as an excuse for being cheap and greedy for the next eon.

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possible savior probable SEX MACHINE

Well as sunday is the holy day I figure its best to leave judgement day till then.

CC278: An enlightened debate upon the Immaculate Conception by quodlibet 3-18-05

So, my child, you have a problem? If God slept with Mary to produce Jesus, then he's an adulterer and has no moral authority. And the sanctity of marriage becomes a travesty. That's a fair question, my son. Let me refer you to a higher authority. Okay, okay, I believe you. Please stop torturing me now. Great timing! You'll burn as a heretic tomorrow.

CC278: The rhetorical prowess of St. Aquinas by quodlibet 3-18-05

So, my child, you have a problem? Jesus was dead, and came back to life. Which no one else has done how worthy they are. Correct. What does this have to do with rabbits laying eggs? Shut up and put money in the plate.

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If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

Whelp, it's been awhile but here goes...

CC278: Don't Give The Religious Right An Inch by NastyPope 3-18-05

Howdy there pardners! This is Dubya wanting to speak to y'all about the blessings of having Jesus guiding and controlling yer life. Jesus Christ there he goes again. Why, I'm so full of faith I can't even wipe my own ass without consulting the good book. In fact God himself that told me to invade Iraq. Great, another asshole who thinks God speaks to him directly. Might as well worship Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. I think the church is so important in our lives that we should turn over the goverment to the truly faithful and trust in their righteous ways. Oh, right, I remember the last time the church held absolute power and it caused the FUCKING DARK AGES!!!

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At least im still funny .....looking. http://www.carrionfields.com

CC 278: Mine Eyes Hath Seen The Glory by umfumdisi 3-18-05

Just a little while longer...I swear. Christ, he's never gonna come again.

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

Don't Lose Your Head by Externalization 3-15-05

Did you hear that Korn lost their guitarist Head? Yeah, the nut went all into hyper Jesus mode. He'll only make music in the name of Christ now. Sickening, huh? Now he's going to be all over the media trying to infect the youth with that shit. Another idiot brainwashed into joining a looney freakhow and making an ass of himself in front of the whole world. Still, I guess it is better than being in a suckass band like Korn. But couldn't he have at least had enough self-respect to join a suicide clown cult or something?

Tossed Salad For the Soul by Externalization 3-16-05

I finally found Jesus, like you always recommend. That's wonderful! Have you formed a personal relationship with the Lord? Yes. I don't call him "Lord," though. I call him "Chef." Why is that? Because he tossed my salad like a pro.

Deity Eye for the Straight Guy by fuzzyman 3-20-05

Now, when you're getting ready for the date, be careful not to drip blood all over the bathroom. Chicks hate that. Don't offer her your flesh and blood. For some reason they don't find that appetizing. Stick with the Loaves and Fishes. Now, for after dinner, let me demonstrate a few moves I used on Mary Magdeline. Damn, wooden dildos look painful!

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

CC 278: I'm Going to Hell by Enderandrew 3-20-05

Father, I have a question about the Sunday School lesson. Ask and ye shall be answered, as God likes to say. Are you sure the Jews are God's people like the Bible says? Of course they are. God watches over them, even if they are filthy heathens who don't worship Jesus. Why do you ask? Well they did kill Jesus and all. In all his infinite grace, God forgave them (after the Holocaust that is!)

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"Nihilism makes me smile."

CC 278: Wehn a Man Loves His Maker by kaufman 3-21-05

I said my prares, so now now you say yours hoar cause you cnat escape my naleing. Oh, help! Help! Cry all yuo want. I'm gonna put my left hand on your right buttcheek and my right hand on yuor left behind and I'll ... So what happened? How did you ever escape that evil thing? He must have been a true believer, because then the rappture came.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

This is by far one of the best entries here.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Did Kaufman just make a successful pun about fuck?

I hope so, and now with apologies to Gary Larson:

CC 278: Lost in Translation by kaufman 3-21-05

What Cthulhu says to us: You should never harm people. It is a sin to kill. Take care of the defenseless and treat them well. What we hear: Phonkgh nnghurlh HARM PEOPLE. Phnurgh SIN rglnugh KILL. Ouuoughkx llnkhz grkaghnvx EAT THEM lxhnkt.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Judgement Day!

Some brilliant entries, it was hard to narrow it down to a shortlist, thanks to all who entered.

Worthy of Salvation (still time to save their souls);

Unknowneric’s Jesus Tells all
Possum’s Photoshoppery in Omnipresant Jesus Coagulation, great comic.
Flipynif1’s Jesus and Satan. Keep plugging away at the funny and the funny will come. This one was very good.
Quodibet’s Cardinal Sins
Umfum for Jesus Strikes out (which while was an old comic, was pretty damn funny) and Davy finds Jesus
MikeyG for I once was lost..
Kauman for his delicious punnery in two tickets to parodies and When a man loves his maker
Niteowl for Leave the Gun, Take the Cannolis
Quadlibet for Cardinal Sins and The rhetorical prowess of St. Aquinas
Sycess for Rah
Graykane for the jewish carpenter
Fuzzy for Deity Eye for the Straight Guy

The Damned (going straight to hell, not passing go, or collecting £200)

Umfum for Mine Eyes Hath seen the Glory
MikeyG for Playing God and Jehovas Witnesses
Neovid for Devilish
Choadwarrior for Guilt By Association
Unknown Eric for the delightful simplicity of Fish During Lent

Satan’s Bitch (and winner of this competition)
Well anyone of the Dammned could easily have won this, but for the simple fact that every comic he entered had its own charm that not even a swift baptism by the pope at christmas using an original piece of the true-cross would reverse his damnation. I hearby proclaim

MikeyG the winner

Most notably for these two gems

CC 278: Playing God by MikeyG 3-11-05

Oh faithful servant, you must fight Western Oppression with force. I hear and obey, Allah. Howdy, Hoss. Them thar Ay-rabs hate yer freedom. Blow 'em all to hell! Yeeeeeeee HAW, God! Thank ya Jesus! Man, I love this stuff.

and

Best Way to Get Rid of Jehovah's Witnesses by MikeyG 3-15-05

Hello in there! I'm a Jehovah's Witness and I wanted to leave you some pamphlets! Da boss sed don't leave no witnesses.

Pope Idol by TheGovernor 3-22-05

"Blessed art tho, for thine is the power and glory of the holy trinity..." Well done, but lets see what the judges thought of it... ... Mr Simon Cowell whats your opinion on his performance? Absolutely rubbish, call that a Catholic prayer? Ive seen atheists show more faith.

Sweet, I'm a member of The Damned! I call drums.

Not a ton of entries, but very high quality from all. Congrats to Mikey.

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

whoa, I won?

Give me a day to think something up.

Thanks, Gov!

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

quote:

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Sweet, I'm a member of The Damned! I call drums.

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quote:

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quote:

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Sweet, I'm a member of The Damned! I call drums.

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You sure you really want to be Rat Scabies?

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the priest and the confused man by daviddellarocco 7-09-05

forgive me father for i have sinned what is it my son well lately i've been having thoughts about men, i think i might be gay hahahaha faggot!!!!

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i have alot on my mind, and alot of gun in my hand