I didn't mind Christmas as much when I lived in the same town as my family (although I never enjoyed the "in-law shuffle"), but now, living 400 miles away, I kinda resent never being able to wake up Christmas morning in my own goddamn house with my own goddamn tree, in a bed with my wife and not on some crappy cot in a frigid guest room. Add to that that my wife's family has these bizarre traditions they HAVE to adhere to every Christmas morning, even though nobody but my wife and mother-in-law enjoys them, then add in an increasingly stupid gift exchange they do that involves "stealing" presents, wearing reindeer horns and other general stupidity, and you have a pretty miserable couple of days. Ho ho ho, motherfux.

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I has a flavor!

You should run away and stay with boorite and me. You can sleep in the guest house. It has its own kitchen and bathroom. Wearing reindeer thingies is outlawed here. You can even wander around nude without anyone seeing.

Though I wouldn't recommend it right now...

quote:

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So it's the JLo purse collection then?

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*Gets biped a 12inch dildo*

Toys, right?

Anyone who can get me orders cut for me to return home will receive their very own genuine arab slave-boy.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

*Gets biped a 12inch dildo*

Toys, right?

I was thinking something more like a Jibber Jabber.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

This year instead of Christ-mas I'm celebrating Kwanza...
Now....What the fuck is kwanza?

-Chaplin-

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"I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Espcially since I rule." -Randel,Clerks

We just finished with the putting up of the plastic Christmas tree and the lights outside. Presents now only need to be wrapped and it should be completed.

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

Boo, you still have time to bring back the Muffin Man Set. Hope you kept the reciept.

Sorry for the bad avice, man.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

I finished all, yes ALL, of my Christmas shopping this weekend. Once my insanely huge order comes in that I put in two weeks ago, I will simply have to wrap and somehow stuff them under the tree.

One piece of advice for those with kids: remember to turn the toys off before you wrap them. My son keeps poking at his Christmas gift and I'm already annoyed at the damned thing.

Also, it goes without saying that my front door is always open to strippers (just give me a call first so I can be sure you have a pillow and blanket if you're staying for the night). However, due to strict scheduling, I'll only be home Christmas day from 6am to noon. You're welcome to order a pizza, though. I left $40 on the counter.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

I think that list is dynamic. There's some stuff you mentioned that is missing, and stuff that's on there that you may have missed (oooh, massaging shower head - I wonder what THAT'S for)

Here's another piece of advice for shopping for your wife or live-in girlfriend - if you both can use it, it's not a gift for her. Don't get her that cuisinart food processor she's been talking about for a year and call it "her" gift. Call it a gift for the household if you like, but then get her something else as well.

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I am a delicate fucking flower. https://beacons.ai/jesskent

I wouldn't go that far ... some of my wife's favorite gifts have been household gifts (a real mixer!) or games she can't play alone. Sure, others are things only she wears (I don't look nearly as good in pearls ...) or reads, etc. but that seems not to make much of a difference here.

You obviously feel differently, which is fine. Just as long as everyone involved understands what each other expects from the gift-giving, no one will get hurt.

At least now, mandingo knows to get you a frying pan for your birthday, and you'll have so much fun smacking him with it ...

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Ooo, I'd love a Cuisinart. And a Kitchen-Aid. Last year, a friend got me a blender because she was sick of me complaining that I didn't have one but I couldn't justify the expense. One of the best gifts I ever got (along with the cordless drill, jigsaw, and air compressor [thanks Dad!]).

I don't mind if its a "for the both of us" gift. Like if boorite got both of us a Kitchen-Aid. That would rock. But that's not a hint. I swear.

I think between the two of us, we have pretty much everything we need. Except pants.

Excuse me, I think I have an OPC to enter ...

[Click to view comic: 'Surprise!']

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

My boss gave me a terrific Christmas present. I get to do absolutely nothing today and tomorrow and get paid for it.
.
.
.
.
I'm so bored.

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Mediocrity at its most average.