4/5/09

Wikipedia Random Article Comic: Painted Parakeet by lima 5-04-09

The 'Painted Parakeet' is a South American bird in the Psittacidae family, the 'true' parrots. El Pintó Perico es un pájaro sudamericano en la familia de Psittacidae, los loros "verdaderos". Like its Parrot cousin, the Parakeet has the capability to mimic speech. Como su primo del loro, el Perico tiene la capacidad para mímico discurso. Unlike its Parrot cousin, it lacks the capability to mimic in English. ¿Qué?

Notes

Struggled to come up with something in time (hence datestamp on comic) so I pulled up a random page from wikipedia, and later babelfish.

05/05/09

My Kind of Barbershop by lima 5-05-09

I'm sorry but if you want a haircut you'll have to pay in cash. I can't take "A bottle of wine, oral sex, mouthwash and some laxatives" as a replacement. I mean why on earth... It'll be fine! Drink the wine first and then decide. Thats what its for. And the mouthwash? For after the oral sex Do I even want to know what the laxatives are for? Probably not

Notes

I need a haircut but don't want to spend money, and so I thought of this. Will write it up as a formal proposition to my hairdresser friend later.

06/05/09

Flavor Flav wearing a Sundial by lima 5-06-09

Yeeeeeeeeaah boii! Hey yo Chuck! We gonna let 'em know roughly what time of day it is! Unless its cloudy!

Notes

The idea of Flavor Flav, wearing a sundial, shouting "We're gonna let you know roughly what time of day it is unless its cloudy" kept me giggling for about ten minutes. Doesn't really work as a comic but I don't care.

lima

Sure it does. 

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

07/05/09

Five. Fucking FIVE. by lima 5-07-09

The French word for 'now' has three syllables. Three! By the time you've finished saying maintenant its probably too late. Spanish is the same! A hora! Why can't they all have a proper language, like English. We don't fuck around when we need things done quick eh? They should sort it out. Immediately.

Began learning basic Spanish today. 'A hora' is a bit of a weird one, as it has a definite break in between the first and second words, meaning it takes even longer to say. I thought about how stupid that was for a total of six seconds before I remembered the plethora of words we have. 'Immediately' is one, 'momentarily' is another, and why do we say 'A.S.A.P.'? It takes almost as long to say the acronym as it does the actual words. Pronouncing it 'Ai-sap' isn't allowed.

8/5/09

Wikipedia Random Aritlce Comic: Ebenezer Ako-Adjei by lima 5-08-09

Dr. Ebenezer Ako-Adjei was a nationalist politician from Ghana, considered to be one of the most iconic men in the history of Ghana's quest to rid itself of British occupation. Typical. We give them democracy, christianity, law, schools, busses and tractors, and what do we get back? Abuse. Abuse and Didier fucking Drogba, Actually... that might be a good deal. I mean, have you seen the state of our schools? Some toddlers think Michael Essien's Ivorian.

Almost killed myself over this one. No ideas were forthcoming so went to Wikipedia random article again. There's about three (well, two and a bit) punchlines in the comic, neither of them very punchy. Didier Drogba and Michael Essien are both outstanding footballers and both from Africa. Essien is Ghanian and Drogba is Ivorian, which is the only information you need for the final punchline. 

9/5/09

Wikipedia Random Article Comic: Yue Peoples by lima 5-09-09

Yue refers to ancient semi-Sinicized or non-Sinicized peoples of southern China, originally those along the eastern coastline of present-day Zhejiang province. Very few surnames are shared among the Yue people. Most call themselves some variation of Gōuwú, Yūyuè, Yángyuè, Xī'ōu, Luòyuè, Kuīyuè or Mǐnyuè Apart from the Scottish, who call them 'Oi uè', 'Fuk uè' and 'See uè Jimmy!'

Another comic made out of the 'Random Article' option on Wikipedia. This one was a fairly easy one to make a fairly easy joke out of. 

These comics are not only educational, but socially relevant as well.

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Kill Whitey.

10/5/09

...and you can take your kilo of peanut butter with you by lima 5-10-09

I like bread. I love wholemeal bread. Not only does it taste really nice but when you eat it you also know that its also good for you. But then, sometimes, it feels really good to have a change, so you get that really cheap white bread Its all maleable and sickly but it feels so good to eat. Its like a little guilty pleasure for a few days before you go back to wholemeal. It's a bit like women, really... ...hence the hooker I'm still kicking you out, Charles

Ate toast ten minutes ago and realised brown bread is awesome. Alternating between cheap white bread (the sort that you can stretch to twice its length without it breaking) and expensive wholemeal bread (with all the nuts and shit in it) is a great way to ensure everlasting happiness on the breakfast front. Doing the same thing with women gives you a similar feeling. Reminds me of a Bill Hicks line.

"To do this shit you need one very good woman. Or, a bunch of average ones"

11/05/09

Wikipedia Random Article Comic: Thought Process Map by lima 5-11-09

A Thought Process Map, commonly referred to as TPM, is commonly recognized as one of the first tools that should be employed for a process improvement project Essentially, a TPM presents thoughts, ideas and questions at the beginning of the project in a very structured, visual way which is relative to accomplishing a project goal. A TMP is an incorrect way of saying TPM. To correct this misake, you should employ a TPM The TPM would show how your TPM became a TMP and how you can turn it back into a TPM If after the TPM you realise you have neither TPM nor TMP, then buy some chocolate and whack a tampon down your pants 'cos you've got PMT

I'm actually quite proud of this 'Wikipedia Random Article Comic' series as I'm currently 4/4 on the 'clicks on random article button' to 'comics' ratio. I'm also fairly pleased with the above comic, apart from the fact that the majority of the english speaking world calls it 'PMS'.

Ah well.

12/5/09

Wikipedia Random Article Comic: National Parks of Greece by lima 5-12-09

Greece is characterized by an extremely fragmented, rugged landscape hosting a great diversity of ecosystems and an outstanding biodiversity. Almost 5% of its extensive coastline consists of ecologically sensitive wetlands. No wait... Hang on a second... This is an article about my pants

5/5 now. This one came to me within about five minutes. Kind of works.

As you can tell by the amount of Random Article comics that I'm making now, original ideas appear to be a little thin on the ground. Then again, the whole idea was to find humour in places I might not have seen if I wasn't doing this little exercise, so I suppose, technically, I'm still somewhere close to success. Ish.

14/5/09

Wikipedia Random Article Comic: History of Linguistics by lima 5-13-09

Linguistics as a study endeavors to describe and explain the human faculty of language. In ancient civilization, linguistic study was originally motivated by the correct description of classical liturgical language.. Wait... Shouldn't I start with 'A' is for 'Apple' or some shit?

Six out of six. 

14/5/09

Wikipedia Random Article Comic: Fritz Pümpin by lima 5-14-09

Fritz Pümpin (March 29, 1901 – July 5, 1972) was a Swiss painter and archaeologist. Not a Nazi-porn magazine. Thats $75,000 wasted.

Seven out of seven now. A remarkably easy and quick one to write, mainly because at its heart its a totally hackneyed joke.

these are excellent. i liked the socrates one, and the wiki ones are going well. this is the first time i've stumbled into the forum in .. over a year. this note is to say that, see, your "notes" help, adds something, but you can leave your notes as comments to your comics, and they'll be seen more widely. i was doing the comic a day thing back a few years ago but got out of the habit. easier fo rme because mine dont usually try to be funny.

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woof

15/5/09

Wikipedia Random Article Comic: Aleksandar Kristic by lima 5-15-09

Aleksandar Kristić (born 5 October, 1970 inValjevo) is a former pro-footballer. He played just once for his country, Yugoslavia, in 1992. Wait, didn't Yugoslavia dissolve into civil war in 1992? It must have been right after that game... Man he must feel guilty

Cheers very much for the feed-back Arbi, but I'm going to keep the notes here just because its quicker for me.

This comic was a little bit difficult. I initially tried to make a funny out of how he managed to get picked for Yugoslavia aged just 22, but never made a subsequent appearance even after Yugoslavia dissolved and the likes of Croatia broke away, taking a lot of Yugoslavia's best players with them. 

Thats a bit hard to make into a snappy, three-panel comic though, so I went with the 'he started the Balkans wars because he was a shit footballer' angle.

16/5/09

Wikipedia Random Article Comic: Thanassis Giannakopoulos by lima 5-16-09

Thanassis Giannakopoulos is a Greek businessman. He also owns football club Panathinaikos People say he has the biggest chequebook in sport. It has to be seven yards long to fit his fucking name on.

Wahay! Hack joke. Better than my original idea which was to insinuate that Thanassis named the club after his favourite hobby: hitting skinny people in Nike clothing.

Panathinaikos.

See? Could have been worse.

A lot of these are damn good Lima. Especially just dredging something up from wiki and spinning it into comedic gold of varying (yet mostly higher end) carat purities.

You make me feel inspired, ashamed, intriuged and vaguely aroused all at the same time.

Damn foreigners.....

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Kill Whitey.

17/5/09

Wikipedia Random Article Comic: Jacksboro by lima 5-17-09

Jacksboro is the name of two places in the United States: Jacksboro Tennessee and Jacksboro Texas This disambiguation page lists distinct geographical locations with the same name. If a link led you here, you may wish to change it to point directly to the intended article I wish NASCAR fans would learn how to fucking internet

Cheers for the compliments AA. You could possibly also help me with this comic too. If you, or anyone else, can think of owt else that would be exclusively related to the middles of nowhere in Tennessee and Texas that works better than 'NASCAR fans' then let me know. I did try 'Klansmen', followed by the more general 'Rednecks'.

There's probably a hell of a lot of jokes you do about the fact that there's two towns with identical names in Texas and Tennessee that don't appear in the rest of the English speaking world, but this was the first that came into my head.

How about 'Bumfuck, Egypt. Population: Dipshits' because that's what inhabit podunk southern towns with names like that.

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Kill Whitey.

Whoops! Forgot to post this one yesterday.

18/5/09

WRAC: Saint Lucia National Rugby Union Team by lima 5-18-09

The Saint Lucia national rugby union team represents Saint Lucia in the sport of rugby union. Saint Lucia's first attempt to qualify for the Rugby World Cup ended in an 82-0 loss to Trinidad. The Trinidad and Tobago national rugby union team represents Trinidad and Tobago in the sport of rugby union. They lost in their World Cup qualifier 65-6 against Chile The Chile national rugby union team were knocked out of the same World Cup by Canada. Canada Saint Lucia's page should have an info box at the top. 'Carribean Spastics Association redirects here'

This one deviates slightly from the Random Article Comic formula, in that there's some clicks through a few internal links there too. Is there a word for when you surf internal links in Wikipedia? There should be. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, I turn 25 on the 21st of May (another year too old to be doing this shit...) and so there'll be no comics for the 20th and 21st. To make up for this, I've done five for the 19th. Five. Just fucking count them.

19/05/09

Wikipedia Random Article Comic: Biyomon by lima 5-19-09

Biyomon is a Digimon creature from the Japanese Digimon media franchise Biyomon's usual form is as a small, pink creature with a purple-tipped head, but when in danger can metamorphose into a much larger, ferocious beast with the capability to spit venom from her jaws. They should really start checking cartoonists' CVs for the word 'Hentai'

Wikipedia Random Article Comic: Torrey DeVitto by lima 5-19-09

Torrey DeVitto (born June 8, 1984) is an American actress and model. I'm gonna stop there. With that name and description she's obviously a porn star. A porn star thats named herself after Danny DeVito. So a stupid porn star. Most of them give themselves names like 'Jolie' or 'Carerre' to associate themselves with famous actresses and sex symbols. She's chosen to conjure the image of a fat, balding, itallian taxi driver. Hey wow, my first ever boner Wait, what the shit?

Wikipedia Random Article Comic: Helmholtz-Gemeinschaft by lima 5-19-09

Helmholtz-Gemeinschaft Deutscher Forschungszentren is the largest scientific research organisation in Germany It has to be large to fit its fucking name on. Its latest project causes de-ja vu in morons.

Wikipedia Random Article Comic: Zemtly by lima 5-19-09

Zemły [ˈzɛmwɨ] is a village in the administrative district of Gmina Mokobody, within Siedlce County, Masovian Voivodeship, in east-central Poland. Half of its population reside in small purpose-built appartment blocks, built by the Soviets in the late fifties to house local farmers. The other half are in a pub in Chelmsford.

Wikipedia Random Article Comic: Mutualista by lima 5-19-09

Mutualistas were community-based societies created by Mexican immigrants in the late 19th century United States. The movement encouraged neighbours to look after one another's houses for each other while they were out. Which I imagine meant the average Mexican was bringing freshly-stolen tequila back to a house robbed of shot-glasses.

Thats a roughly accurate (in that its inaccurate but contains shadows of truth) description of Biyomon.

Torrey DeVitto is not a porn star, nor is she related to Danny DeVitto. If both of those were true the world would explode. 

You haven''t seen the punchline to the third one before. If you have then, well, according to some Germans you're a moron.

There's lots of Poles in Britain. They can mainly be found drinking, digging up roads and holding up telephone wires. 

The insinuation in the final comic is that, while one guy is out stealing the other guy's Tequila, the other guy is stealing his shot glasses to use for his Tequila. You don't need to have 'got' that (its not written well enough for that bit to be obvious anyway) to get the joke. Its about Mexicans stealing. Thats always funny.

22/5/09

Swatting the Barflies XIV by lima 5-22-09

You've been to Drumcree? Lovely isn't it? Shame about all those Orangemen though. Hah! You see parish church? The bridge over the river bann? The Diamond? Aye, think so. Wasn't paying that much attention You weren't thinking "This place is beautiful?" Nah. I was too busy marching.

The Heineken Cup (Rugby Union tournament in Europe) final is being held down the road from my restaurant at Murrayfield stadium this weekend. Its between Leinster and Leicester, which are two completely unrelated places in two different countries. Leinster is in Ireland, and so we've had a few Irish people kicking about. Of course, this comic didn't actually happen, but I thought of it as I racked my brain for a comic idea.

The context of the comic is the troubles in Northern Ireland. Drumcree is a place with a large Catholic population yet is also on a main route taken by the Orange Order (proud group of racist triumphalist plods Protestants) on their marches, and thus the root of many conflicts in the country. 

23/5/09

Wikipedia Random Article Comic: Area code 325 by lima 5-23-09

North American area code 325 is a state of Texas telephone area code for numbers in the Abilene and San Angelo areas. Amongst the places it serves are settlements called 'Bangs', 'Buffalo Gap', 'Wall', 'Early' and 'Miles'... I didn't know they put phones in trailers now.

The punchline in this one is a bit of a cop-out, in that its average yet easy to write.

24/5/09

Wikipedia Random Article Comic: California State Route 144 by lima 5-24-09

State Route 144 runs... 144? That's gross.

Another randomly numbered service from the U.S., and another hackneyed joke.

25/5/09

Swatting the Barflies XV by lima 5-25-09

I could serve you a Tennents lager but, really, you shouldn't bother. Its crap. Its weak. It only makes you think its getting you drunk. Its like a placebo. ...right You're like a placebo You come here five times a week but you never fucking work The idea is to trick yourself. If you could do that while I go for my cig break that'd be great.

From a conversation at work today. My reply should have been:

"Your mum's like a placebo. I take her five times a week whether I need to or not"